These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... MISS SISSIE

The big house was quiet at night. All the windows were shut real tight. Don't wanna waste no air conditioning. Everybody was sleepin', even the two 'kit-kat' maids (excuse me. that was uncalled for), I do know better. They are Tuva-Tuva , native Martians. Look, just peek back at yesterday's post. It explains the whole thing. Scroll down. You'll see it. 


But Miss Sissie was different. She did not require much sleep. Her nervous system couldn't accommodate it. So after Hobart (you know, the Old Man) bounced hisself down on the bed and grunted hisself off to sleep, she crept out and went prowlin'.


Now a house is a different place at night, 'sepcially one on Mars. Ain't got no Moon shinin' down out here. No fancy, little ghostly beams dancin' in through the glass lightin' up the hardwood floors and all. Dark is dark. And she could not switch on any lights. But she did not care. You see, them what's got the money buys 'night eyes'. Dedicated, caring docs fix 'em up real good ('ceptin' for the ones who go blind). Puts a special nano-'lectronic film in they eyeballs, right 'long side a the retina. Reflects what little illumination we got. Gooses it up a few notches and presto-shimy-sham. Folks sees better than Old Yeller. Them Tuva-Tuva goomers got the stuff naturally.What? I can say 'goomers' can't I. So it is somewhat easier for the skinny old dowager wannabe to pussyfoot  her way 'round the palace. Kinda takes the place a the Moon we ain't got. And every night got a full one.


Sometimes she just pads through every room, touchin' all the 'tchotchkies' (that an old Earth expression) and rememberin' stuff. Runs her boney fingers along the tops a the dining room chairs recalling long ago gatherings and birthdays. Other nights she goes down into the cellar, picks her way over all the old shit and arranges herself in a worn out wing chair. That's where she cries. The 'fookies' don't bother her. She ain't afraid a no mice. And that's what they basically are....... basically.


Miss Sissie got her secrets. That why she don't sleep so much. Oh, one a the Tuva-Tuvas knew 'bout it. Not one a the two sleepin' out by the kitchen. Not them bald headed things in the maid's room. I am talkin' 'bout a different one, an earlier one. Chupicabras know who I mean. Hell they fed off her  for two nights...... and she did not die till the second one.


Don't be a stranger 'round here. Come on back. You'll figure it all out.


Shhh...hear her? She singin' somethin' down in the cellar right now......


()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()


please click on the SHARE button. thank you kindly. leave a comment too. we likes comments.

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Biology

Soon we are gonna introduce some representatives of original Martian fauna. They lived there back when the planet was a hot, wet moister place, before nature powdered it up with a lot a Gold Bond. 


But they did not die out. They just dried up. Apparently the ocher orb went through a lot a those stages in the past. Them what lived there learned how to go with the flow, or lack of it, kind a like water bears on Earth.


What are water bears?...... Why don't you know that? What'd you do, cut too much tenth grade biology? Bet you know what a Chi-weenie is. But I am non-judgemental, so I will tell you.


Picture teeny-tiny little critters. actually very cute. shaped like huggable, pale green gummy bears. Only they got six legs and flatworms for cousins. We still got 'em, in ponds and bogs and deep inside Kim Kardashian's  more than adequate butt crack. It's true. Scientists have recently confirmed that fact.


But these almost microscopic animated boogers got a special talent. When the water goes 'way they just dry up. And they can stay dried up long as they want to. Ten years...Fifty years..... Half a million years.... It don't make no difference....They just close their eyes and hum to themselves (and that's all they do). N.A.S.A. geeks speculate that similar creatures could make it all the way to Earth (or Mars, or the food court at the mall) hibernating deep down inside some dark sheltered crack runnin' 'round a big old meteor or somethin'. 


Appears that a similar biological accommodation developed on Mars (like we said earlier) and it percolated all the way up to their version of us. Hoomin beans, I mean. They got Martian, not-quite-the-same-as-hoomin-beans who was dried up in deep caves till us genuine hoomin beans showed up and turned on the garden hose. 


We did not know they was there. But now we do. Look like bald-headed, russet skinned hoomins. Only big difference is they eyes. Irises go up and down like cats. Some bigoted bastids 'round here (and by that, I only mean about 95% of the populace) call 'em 'kit-kats' or 'pussies.' 


You gonna meet 'em soon. We just thought you'd like to know. Oh, and anyone want a semi-domesticated, Martian chupicabra for a pet? I can't keep it, 'cause it killed  the neighbors and peed up all the rugs.....


/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\


please click on the SHARE button. please click on the SHARE button. please click on the SHARE button. Doo-daa, doo-daa...

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Foundation

All the folks in the big house are sleeping now, so this is a good time to learn you all how it started. You know your Pilgrim stories? Well, it warn't like that. No, siree. Not one little bit. Maybe we gotta look back to them what founded New York, or New Orleans. Them folks came for the money. They came for the resources...for the good stuff. In the early days it was furs. Then they pimped out cotton and corn. Mars was no different. Earth had Cristobal Colon, nobody says 'Colombus' no more. OK, OK, OK, I know his real name was Christofero Colombo, but 'Colombo' ain't nuttin' but a yogurt. You got that? And Cristobal Colon worked for the government. He sailed for that pervert, people-roaster Queen Isabel and her frou-frou husband, whats-his-name. You know, the one dressed like the Burger King? Guys came after him worked for the government too. But then came the free booters and the pirates and the ladies and the families. Before you know'd it they got general stores and hurdy-gurdy men. Mars growed up that way too.


Let me set it out for you. In the year 2028 the first humans came over. A bigger moon expedition, that's what that was like, 'cept they flew a lot faster...a lot farther too. First man to set foot on the place wern't no man. He was a WOMAN and her name was Sally Ginsburg. It warn't supposed to be her. They had some Buck Rogers guy all picked out for the honor, but he got a case a the shits eighteen hours before touchdown. So he stuck up in the space Winnebago, wit his ass plastered down on a vacuum toilet readin' old issues a Consumer Digest or somethin', while Miz Sally sashayin' 'round somewhere north a the Valle Marinarus. You seen the holograms. Got 'em in every school book from here to Eternity. Excuse me, but if I am right, ain't that some place out by Jupiter? Oh, who cares? The hell wit it. I ain't worried 'bout that. I wanna tell ya about the family.


In 2051, Johnny came over. He was an energy technician. Like a prospector. Worked for some bastid company outta Texas. They was lookin' for somethin' cheap and plentiful to burn. Not just in  space ships, but to power all the outposts too. Couldn't go nuclear. Not out here. Not on 'the new world'. And he did find something. A gummy crap it was. Smelled like fried farts and cauliflower. But it was here and they used it and that was it. Nuclear woulda been better. Could a gone fusion. They did on Earth. They did on the Moon. Ain't too many three eyed babies back there. But...they didn't. Important thing was he, Johnny, I mean,  had a deal,  an understanding, if you will, with the big guys...two percent a everything. And they did sell a lot a 'molasses'.  Yeah, molasses. That's what they called it.


Know how they got all the air up here? Bombed the place. Dropped huge cylinders filled with... well, I don't know what it was filled with. But they slammed down thousands of 'em. Guess it was filled with whatever crap plants like. 'Cause then they rained down whole bunch a seeds and spores. Dropped a lot a tanks filled with water two. Maybe brought in a small comet or somethin' like that. I heared they blew coal dust all over the polar caps to melt 'em. You know. The dark color holds the heat and all?


Well, a generation later, Loretta comes out. She a botanist, or somethin'. But she also a school teacher. That's Johnny's wife, I'm talkin' 'bout. He twenty years older than her, only he don't look it. Mars got weaker gravity. Don't pull down jowls so fast. Folks stays tall longer too. None a that God damned shrinkin' like they do back on Earth. It's the spine. It's all in the spine. Stays stretched out. Good for the posture. We got good backbones up on Mars. Tall, lanky folk. Like basketball players, if you know what I mean. Yeah, there was some trouble with muscle fibers and calcium and shit. But they got that fixed up quick enough.


So Johnny married Loretta and they had Hobart, 'cept everyone called him Bart. He the Old Man you met last night. Had a brother, or somethin'. I don't know too much 'bout him. They don't say too much. And I don't ask. Bart married Sissie. They had Zeb and Alec. Zeb is Davey's pa. And now you know the whole thing. ............Yeah, right.........The hell you do.


Look, we can't stay out here like this. Got a sick chupicabra nosin' 'round. Usually I can smell 'em. But I'm all stuffed up. So we  gotta  go in. And no, I will not be sayin' nothin' to nobody 'bout what you're doin'. They don't have to know 'bout no God damned book. Thank you kindly for the money. I know where to reach  you. Let me get back to the stables. (I do love them sky-ponies). And take that new black top back into town. Won't find no chupicabras out that way.....Heh, heh, heh, but that don't mean they won't find  you. 


And with that, Whitey tipped his hat, turned around and disappeared into the black Martian night. 


Damn...What am I getting into?.......


~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~


press that SHARE button down. thank you kindly. and favor us with a comment. we do so like to get mail. 

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Recollections

Little David (though everyone called him 'Davey', or 'Prince') squinted up at the two sky-ponies tracin' lazy circles above the Cinnabar Hills. One of 'em was his. Oh, he ain't never rode it yet, but he will. Old Man bred it special for him. Bloodline goes back  all the way to Oberon and Titania, the progenitors of the breed. 


This was his favorite time. The sun hung low in the sky. Air felt cooler. Dust devils died down and the 'big blues' just commencin' to chirp. ............. Pop, - he says, how'd it get this way? Miz Footwasher say bunch a dudes from Earth did it. But I don't get it. She can be a red hot bitch sometimes. And I think she tell lies.


His 'Pop' chuckled. Man did that kid have a chili pepper tongue.   Why you makin' ruido like that? - laughed the Old Man. Who teach you them  words?.......... Aw, you know that, Pop-pop. Come on. Stop it. You did. - said the little boy............. And the Old Man playfully cuffed his grandson's chin, as they lounged back on the great veranda watching the orange glow turn to black.


You want me to learn you la verdad? - said the grandfather? Well, OK then. I'll tell you. But why you not cover up first with that old, native alfombra over there. It getting a little to fresca for my ole bones. Don't you feel it?


But even though the young one shook his head, the Old Man still grabbed two thick, rug-like afghans for them to burrow under. And then he commenced to speechifyin'.......


Lets see now. The way they told it to me, this here place was once just a big wad a red dust, 'polvarosa.'................. And that's the name of our spread, right, Pop-pop? - piped the boy......... Right, - said the Old Man............. Ain't it the biggest? - said the boy................Well, in Mars Montana it is. Don't know much 'bout them other states............It's the biggest. I know, - yawned the sleepy red head.............. Could be you're right, - said the Pop-pop...................... So, how'd they get it like this? You know, not just a big wad and all, - said the boy.................... What do you think they did? - said the Old Man..................... Build all the houses and bowlin' alleys? - said the cute, little guy.............. The Old Man laughed. No, before, - he said.............. Woke up all the 'kit-kats'?- asked the boy................... Hey,  you know your pa don't like  you talkin' that way. What you supposed to say? - said the Pop-pop..................... First-Folk, first-folk. I know. They the first folk, - said the kid. Excuse me. I din't mean nuttin'. you ain't gonna tell him, are ya? - he looked so sad..............No, I ain't gonna tell him. But don't say that word again. You don't want a start any more fights, do ya?..............The kid shook his head. 


Two seconds later the door opened. Big Mama came out. She said - What  you doin' out here so late? Get him inside, Old Man. What kind a dope are you?............ But the Old Man just 'made eyes' at the kid, as they climbed out a the big, cushioned, wicker settee and followed the granny-woman inside. Then she closed the door and locked it for the night. 


Them sky-ponies sailed down to the stables, folded their wings and settled right in. Polvarosa had a whole herd a them. But these two were the best. The spread was the best. The house was the best too. Big and wide, like George Washington's Mount Vernon, only blowed up and countrified. Just right for The Texacos of Mars. You see, these folks itchin' for the Stone House. They fixin' for a president or two. And who the hell 'round here do you think is gonna stop 'em?


Why don't ya ride back this way tomorrow? I'll learn ya. I'll tell ya how it all  got started. You think the Old West was sumpin'? You think the Out Back had it all? Wait'll you hear how much piss been sprayed on this red wad. 


Now, go on.Better go back to wherever it is y'all sleep. Chupicabra gone be sniffin' 'round soon. And I hear tell he hongry.


/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\==/\


kindly click on that SHARE button for us? much obliged. 

A YOUNG VAMPIRINO LEARNS WHY part II..a return to the night before Christmas Eve

Look back, oh best beloveds, for Jonathon sits with the scholars. He occupies a chair in the library of The Great Rashi. Do you remember it? Perhaps a trip back to our December twenty third post would be beneficial? Wander through that night and then come back, so that we may proceed.......


Jonnathon saw the lizard. He saw it run up the raw, stone wall and he knew. This was not his world. He was not on Earth. The details were wrong. Six legged Earth lizards do  not exist. And another 'disciple' seated at the table laughed. But then Rashi held up his hand and all were silent. 


Our Andalucian vampirino said - Why have these things happened? Why are we all changed? Explain it to me. For what purpose? I have asked others, but they hold back. They keep things secret. Why is this 'world' different from all other 'worlds'?.......Why?


Rashi looked at him, smoothed his linen tunic and spoke. He said - Because it was time. For every thing there is a season. And a time for every purpose under Heaven. Do you know those words?...........Jonathon nodded and the venerated philosopher of The Faith continued............. Humanity's cradle has been transformed. Other islands have been prepared for you, one in particular. Before, you inhabited only Eretz, only the Earth. But now you may build houses on another. Ma-adim, Mars, has been made ready for you too. Could it be that along some other 'river,' by the side of other waters, and I speak of parallel universes (you know that) mankind might have worked these wonders on their own? Of course. But that world is not this world. You see, Jonathon, we experiment and learn things just like you. Why do you think we gave you the Moon? And I know you've had this conversation with others of our kind before. But the plans were not complete then. Even acts of creation take time. The Moon was a stepping stone, a carefully positioned footstool, lovingly placed in the path of a toddler to give him rest...and confidence. Ma-adim is the next step. Then the water-worlds of Tzadek (Jupiter). I believe you have some knowledge of them? The manta ray people? The first 'aliens' you're set to encounter.


Jonathon whispered - What are  you? Are you God? Are you, all of you, I mean, a manifestation of The Divine?


Rashi said - No, not divine. Not in that sense. We use a term... Not the shepherd, but the sheepdog.....


Jonathon froze.


I believe you're familiar with the term? - said the sage. 


Jonathon nodded.


Your people, the life-eaters, the vampires, I mean, they use it too. I know that. And the old ones, the very old ones, are somewhat like us. You've seen things. You know. True, there is a difference of degree. But the seeds of what will be are clearly there. All life evolves. And that does not cancel out The Creator. Mankind may have sprung from lower creatures. But once the change was made, the CHANGE was MADE. And a new being set foot upon the world. You flow from them. And your kind faces many changes too...... But if all this is too fast for  you, I'm prepared  to give  you a choice. 


What?- whispered the Earth-born vampirino.


I will put you back into the position  you occupied before the rivers split. I will return you to a different parallel universe, similar to your own in every way, save one.... We, never arrived. Not in this manner anyway.


Will all those I love be there too?- asked Jonathon.


Yes - said the Rashi simulation.


Will I be human? Will I be back in Al-andaluz? - said the 'young' vampire.


No. - said the teacher. I cannot alter your form. But you will be with those you love. 


With Sarah and the others, you mean? Back in Philadelphia?


I can put you there.


Then do it. - said Jonathon.


The Rashi-thing just nodded. 


And a great pulse eminated out from every point in this 'reality'. The stone walls of the manor house became as static and disappeared. Then the deep, swirling clouds of Saturn dissolved, as a great wind enveloped our vampirino and carried him off through space. He passed through the realm of Tzadek (Jupiter). He sublimated through the asteroid belt. He saw the great briny, shield of water spinning perpendicular to the nearby surface of Ma-adim (Mars).  But then the time streams parted and he was back on Earth, sitting in the garden, staring at the moon. And he gasped at the finality of it all.


Somewhere in another place, a Great, Briny shield intercepted a dry, red world, bringing water to grateful colonists. But not here. Somewhere in another place lived Lailah and the Chevalier Jean-Michel. And somewhere he and Sarah had seen great things. Yet he chose to come back and that path was not his. 


A few heartbeats later, Sarah, his consort, quietly stepped out onto the cold, wintry back patio. She put her hand on his shoulder and said - Come. It'll be dawn soon. Let's go to bed. 


So he got up, put his arm around her and together they walked back into the large, stone house in Chestnut Hill. He picked up Annie's games and put them in the ottoman. Then he covered Edith (their human friend and 'housekeeper' who often fell asleep in front of the television) with an afghan. The 'elves' were in their place. The 'cherubs' in theirs. Other vampires known to him slept peacefully in other snug spots too.


But a moment later he stopped. He kissed Sarah, opened the door and together they went down to their own place in the dark.


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Perhaps some night we'll visit that other 'stream.' Perhaps then we'll walk on Ma-adim and Tzadek. Jonathon will be there, Sarah too. But that night is not this night. And so it is done.


A new tale starts tomorrow - either EL RANCHO TEXACO or EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB. Please join us. And before  you turn out the light wherever  you are, click on the SHARE button, so others may know too. Thank you and 'MAY YOU NEVER KNOW PAIN. MAY YOU ALWAYS KNOW LOVE. MAY YOU HIDE FROM DEATH NOW AND FOR FOREVER, OR UNTIL THAT TIME WHEN ALL FEAR SLIPS AWAY....an ancient life-eater (vampire) prayer.

A YOUNG VAMPIRINO LEARNS WHY part II..a return to the night before Christmas Eve

Look back, oh best beloveds, for Jonathon sits with the scholars. He occupies a chair in the library of The Great Rashi. Do you remember it? Perhaps a trip back to our December twenty third post would be beneficial? Wander through that night and then come back, so that we may proceed.......


Jonnathon saw the lizard. He saw it run up the raw, stone wall and he knew. This was not his world. He was not on Earth. The details were wrong. Six legged Earth lizards do  not exist. And another 'disciple' seated at the table laughed. But then Rashi held up his hand and all were silent. 


Our Andalucian vampirino said - Why have these things happened? Why are we all changed? Explain it to me. For what purpose? I have asked others, but they hold back. They keep things secret. Why is this 'world' different from all other 'worlds'?.......Why?


Rashi looked at him, smoothed his linen tunic and spoke. He said - Because it was time. For every thing there is a season. And a time for every purpose under Heaven. Do you know those words?...........Jonathon nodded and the venerated philosopher of The Faith continued............. Humanity's cradle has been transformed. 

EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB --- choice two for the new story 'arc'

Please do not expect this one to be conversant in the preferred, classical manner. I stem from a remote corner by the Dragon's Spine Mountains in the western part of Meiguo, a land mass once known by the name 'Am-ree-ka. This one has lived in the Yinghuo city of Cinnabar for twelve years. I was sent out to this place, the planet known to your people as Mars, in the fifth year of the second San Shijie Emperor, to study the land and help develop its fecundity.


It was a great honor for one stemming from non-Han peoples and this one's parents were pleased to see me go. I traveled out deep within the belly of a sleek Sky Dragon. The ship held twelve hundred souls and made the transit in two moons. Was I sad upon my departure? In some ways. Kanji (Earth) was my home and this one's bones were suited to the gravity there. But the thought of setting shoes on another world tempted me. So I went.


Many people came to see us depart. Pioneers were given special silver badges. And forever after, the designation 'Pioneer' would be added to my name. My parents, siblings and relations have been out to see me many  times, usually at the season of the Lunar New Year, but they still reside in Meiguo, most in the vicinity of Mile-High-City. Do you know it? According to historians, it once bore the archaic name of Dehn-ver. And odd, it seems, to observe the Lunar New Year here on a world without a substantial moon. But the chronographers on Kanji keep us to the straight path in order that we do not forget. 


Have I ever been in the presence of the Second San Shijie Emperor? Twice. The first time, soon after my arrival, when he came out to bless the First Waters flowing through the New River. The second time occurred  during a trip back to Kanji. Although this one was not seated in the First Banquet Pavilion and only in the Third, I saw him as he progressed through the hall, acknowledging our presence, on his way to take his place at  the First Table.


But I also saw other things...and therein lies the sin. Please do not ask me to tell you now. Let us first begin to know and understand each other. Perhaps then I will bring you in. 


Life is complicated in The San Shijie (three worlds) Empire. And I pine  for the calming influence of Chanjuan (the Moon), for no such silver beauty decorates the Yinghuo skies. 


Ah, behold! Look, there lies the gates of Cinnabar. You'll like the city. It is quite cosmopolitan and in some ways the sister of Old Hong Kong. I know these beasts are uncomfortable. Two-humped camels are a most loathsome breed. Yet they thrive so on this world. See how their great camel toes dig into the rough, dry sand. What is it? What have I said? Why do  you laugh at me like that?..... Forgive this one. It is apparent I have much to learn about your world......


//=//=//=//=//=//=//=//=//=//=//=\\=\\=\\=\\=\\=\\=\\=\\=\\=\\=\\


please engage the SHARE button. invite others to our discourse. thank you many times for honoring us with your presence.