DIRTY TWEEZERS POKING 'ROUND INSIDE A FORMERLY HUMAN BRAIN

She still in a daze. Annie, I mean. Head wound startin' a heal. Maybe she be regular, cursin' self in like two days or so. Right now she dreamin' 'bout PRICE IS RIGHT. That her bestest show. Watch it when she sleepin'. You know, on little TV she got. Wanna play PLINKO, but seein' as they do not film that show at night, she gone have to make do wit' the home game. 

They got her stretched out on a ole wood table. Big table. Furrier used a use it for coat makin'. Don't see too many dead-critter coats no more, less it a dead cow coat, or like a dead bull, or maybe some kind a sheep. Sheep coat small funny. You could have it hundred years. It still gone smell funny.... like 'human' or somethin'. Maybe that how you smell to vampire?

Doctah bastid come in. He the pediatrician. Fix up little mafia dudes what ain't wanna go to juvvie hall. Doctah bastid smell funny too. Think he must a jus' had a chop-liver sang-witch.

He say - how I gawn do this? Ain't no germ free environment in here. Gangster boy say - What you mean, 'germ free environment?' She a vampire. She lick blood off a dead  wino, you dumb son-a-bitch. Now fix her up!

Doctah take out them big, ole tweezer. Then he put the gloves on. Tight ones. Rubber ones. Come in pink box. Look like Kleenex.  He say - Do me favor. Comb her hair back a little so I can she what you did......... Gangster boy Number Two brush it back a little...... Doctah say - Quit playin' wit' it. That enough!....... You see, Gangster boy Number Two use a be hairdresser, so he like it jus' so....... Doctah ask for scissors. They give him some. He snip off some a her scabby, stringy hair..... Then he go - Jesus Christ! What you tryin' do, make a bowlin' ball outta her head!?......... 'Cause I gotta tell you. Them three hole do look like bowlin' ball hole........ Gangster boys don't say nothin'. He gettin' paid. What they gotta talk for? So he stick his finger in first. Feel 'round a little. Pull finger out. Go in wit' tweezer. Badda bing, badda bam!  (Mister Never-You-Mind what they call 'multi-lingual')Four heartbeat later he got it. Mus' be like takin' seed outta pumpkin, or watermelon, or somethin'. Maybe like pin a tail on the fat ass, 'cause you can't see what you doin'....... 

Soon they got three squashed up bullet in a ole ash tray from Golden Nugget in 'Lantic City. Not new Golden Nugget, old Golden Nugget. Ash tray like twenty five year old. All crappy, like a ole ash tray in a car fixin' garage.

Doctah say - Gimme the Krazy Glue, 'cause now I gone glue in the new bone. You got donor bone, like I say, don't you?..... Gangster boy Number One go 'Yeah, it in the back.'......... Well, git it - say the Doctah. I not got all day....... So Gangster boy Number Two open up like a storage room wit' a tied-up, freaked out bald guy in it. Bald guy start twistin' hisself all up. He doan wanna sit still for nothin'. Got dirty rag in his malf. He wanna throw up, only ain't got time, 'cause one a them Gangster boy go 'pop-pop-pop' right in a his ches'. Almost shoot him in a head, 'cause it like a force a habit, but then he remember not to.

Doctah get bone out with dis little tool he got, like a special saw, or somethin'. Bald bastid real cooperative now, 'cause he all good an' dead..... Ten minute later she all fixed up. Krazy Glue scalp back in place an' everythin'. The one what used to play 'round wit' wimmen's hair make her look real nice. Wipe her face off. Fix her clothes. She look good 'nuf for dead box. They even break open a little vial a blood an' drip it in her malf. Don't ask me where they get it. Mafia got all kind a shit. Two heartbeat later she covered up wit' ole mink stole and they leave. 

It dark. It quiet. Door locked. She 'sleepin'. 

But that when the smoke what say it her mama start talkin'...

That when the sheep smell get real bad...

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PaulWADE-PulpKult: I Am Venom

PaulWADE-PulpKult: I Am Venom: By PaulWADE-2012 A Short Story. If you are reading this, you could be in great danger. To explain this is, well, comp... RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE.....WE ARE NOT 'BORG'!! or whatever the current manipulators chose to call it.

THE VAMPIRES NOTICE AN ABSENCE.... ANNIE GETS SCARED

It was quiet in the townhouse. Tomas was home. The meeting with Blackie and Minnie went well. It's easy to get along with them. Real life isn't like TV or the movies. Vampires don't have turf wars like that. They are intelligent beings. When night-folk density reaches a certain point the colony splits. Half move on to conquer new territories. And half stay put. I am sure there might be a little resentment, like - Why I gotta go live in Cincinnati when girl who massage me live right here?!.... But life-eaters are street-smart and savvy. Imagine a town with an excess  of vampires. Vampires on the bus. Vampires buyin' bug spray in CVS. Vampires waitin' in line a see Santy Claus...... It'd be sickenin'. Nex' thing you know, they be teachin' kids in night school.

That why Tomas eyin' Leo an' Conrad right now. Baylah wanna send 'em to Wilmington or someplace. Ain't got no vampires in Delaware. Used a be one live out by race track, but he a compulsive gambler and when he join G.A. they say he gotta get outta there. Don't know where he went. Tomas got his name in a book. Maybe he know?

Sarah watchin RICK STEVES EUROPE on PBS. She say - If he got Europe, who got Asia? Leo know they lookin' at him, so he real quiet. Jus' sit there playin' wit' a hand-held, video poker machine. Think he boosted it form TOYS R US. Eighteen year old skinny bitch they got workin' there give him squinty look ev'ry time he got it. He say - Drop dead, skinny bitch..... But she doan say nothin'. She jus' look. Think like he a male crack whore, or somethin'. I gonna get him a t-shirt that say - I not a vampire. I jus' a male crack whore. That way folks not stare so much. Mos' vampire fit right in. But he do resemble at least like a part time one. Jus' got a crazy look about him. Tomas say - Go. Go. Go run the streets naked. Gone pick you up. Gone lock you up in Doctor Franklin dungeon you doan care...... Tell him all 'bout 'lectric shock an' the Great Armonica. But that Leo doan listen. That why Baylah wanna send him to Jersey. I mean Delaware.

Conrad say - 'Scuse me, but has any a you seen L'il Annie? Sarah say - She prob'ly in her space. She prob'ly makin' little cock roach diarama in glass bottle like she do...... Ain't got no cock roach in townhouse. All the food in Tupper Ware. That how Edith like it. But Sarah doan think 'bout that. She care 'bout Annie. But sometime she jus' tired. Tomas know it. He say - Let's go downstairs..... That where they got like a crypt sunk in a floor. All stone. Heavy stone lid jus' slide in a place. It got like a switch. Contractor charge plenty. 'Familiar' what work out Longwood Gardens send over rose petals. Send over lot a rose petals. They like a mattress. Get new ones twice a week.

Sarah get up. She wanna go wit' him, 'cause that where they play sex. But somethin' make her look in Annie space. Annie not there. She get scared. Tomas look. He scared too. They all wish Edith here, 'cause she know. She know lot a stuff. Only she not here. Edith back in a Pines wit' Mister Edith. Right now she out on a porch learnin' two ghosts how a play Yahtzee. Dat like craps for them what ain't got no balls.

Gangster boys got Annie. They got her all locked up. She in a big ole freezer what used a hold mink stoles on summer vacation. Only gangster boys got it all fixed up. Not so it nice. Jus' so she can't get out. Inside walls all sheathed in lead. Mister Never-You-Mind like that word. 'Sheathed' I mean. Sound like Creole French talkin'. Sound like folks back home. 

Annie not doin' too much. Still got three bullet in her head. They call some kind a doctah. He a pediatrician. He a mafia pediatrician. You know them folk got some bad kids. First Gangster boy say she a vampire gal. Doctah say - Then why you need me? She gone glue herself together. Dat what vampire do..... But gangster boy a little bit human. He say he not want a leave her wit' no maraca head, like when she run around and shit. 'Cause that mus' be some kind a torture. So doctah fixin' a go in a where them mink stole used a live. He got special tweezer, big ones, like what two year old Chinese baby use. Only they doan mess 'round in no brains wit' it. They jus' use it for like coconut shrimp and baby octopus.

Now Annie can think a little bit. She cold. It dark. She scared. Start callin' for her mama. Not no vampire. She callin' for her womb mama.

An' a special cloud, claimin' a be her womb mama, comin' through a wall right now...

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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: THE MOMENT OF REDEFINITION APPROACHES....... Birt...

AN EPISODE FROM THE STORY ARC WHERE MARIANNE (ONE OF OUR ELFERINA-VAMPIRINAS) REGALES PAYING MORTALS WITH TALES FROM HER EARLY DAYS, IN A HUSHED, POSH, SOCIETY HILL (real Center City, Philadelphia district) SALON.....  Please scroll up or down and read more... Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: THE MOMENT OF REDEFINITION APPROACHES....... Birt...: They came closer. Occasional chairs inches forward. Heavier pieces stayed where they were, but the occupants leaned in. A log popped in the ...

BACK ALLEY BATTLE WITH DENTAL EQUIPMENT .... VAMPIRE GET SURPRISED

So we back in that alley. This what it like. Philly row house got bitty backyard...more like place to park trash can than gas grill (but they got them too). Folks set 'em off wit' green, wood, privacy fences. You know...mess a boards nailed up... a flimsy wall. If you dumb 'nuf a walk down a alley ('specially at night) it like a cattle chute. 'Bout as wide as one too. Got cats back there. They screamin' and fornicatin'. It like Gore Vidal's CALIGULA, but for felines. Rat stay way. That good. 

Annie itchin' a fight. She like scrapin' meat off a people. She like rippin' scalp off. Calls it 'toupee-makin'.' Edith say she got box of 'em...all dried out ones.... keep it in her sleepin' place. Play wit' 'em durin' the day.

Mafia boys hate her, 'cause she kill too many a they best fightin' dogs. I told you... I doan know what 'mafia' they from. Ev'rybody got mafia these days. They like Mardi Gras crews where I come from, or Mummer Parade bands up here.... 'cept they doan wear too many feathers.

Little bastid, vampirina gal know she headin' for a confrontation. She smell it. 'Spects that 'gorilla' gone come up after her. 'Spects she gone spin 'round and sublimate herself right through that big, thick body. Vampire can do that, you know... Shred it all up.... Meat grind it real good. She come out the other side, re-solidify herself, spin 'round and watch. Body jus' stand there a little bit. It wanna say somethin', but it can't, 'cause it look like train go through it. You know them Road Runner cartoon? Well, that what it like. She enjoy part where it splash down on cement like chili and cats come runnin' a eat it up.

But that not what happen this time. Gangsta boy got a girl friend. Girl friend work in a teef doctor office. She help him. She help him make ghost pictures a teef. You know...x-ray? So she boost somethin' outta office. Got a apron. Got a big apron. Two a them, actually. Two big, heavy, thick, lead apron..... An' ev'rybody know vampire can't sublimate theyself through lead.... Ask Marianne. Ask that elferina-vampirina gal. She tell you. Almost get herself burnt up 'cause a it.

So one 'gorilla' come up behind...and 'nother 'gorilla' run 'round block to the other end. Come at her boaf way. She not see lead apron at first. Some vampire can smell it, but Annie still too new. She think she gone be able a handle two of 'em. And she could, provided they doan have that weapon.

Annie stand there grinnin' like a demon... grinnin' like that derby hat, eyelash kid in CLOCKWORK ORANGE. She think she gone do it. She 'spects it gone be fun. She all set. She turnin'. Gorilla doan say nothin', jus' press in real close. They quiet. No cursin'... No hollerin'. Folks always yells in alley fights, but this different. 

Then she feel it. It cold. It heavy. She little. She trapped. Gorilla in a back squeeze her 'gainst gorilla in a front.... squeeze her real tight. Wrap it all 'round her. She fightin'. She spittin'. She scratchin'. But it too late. God damn lead suck up ev'rythin'. Suck up her strength. Suck up her courage. 

Gorilla in a back pull out gun. It like a twenty two. Mafia boys likes twenty two's, 'cause bullet not so big. It doan 'splode the skull none... jus' richochet 'round it there scramblin' them brains up. Regular human bean be forever dead. Vampire come back. Vampire heal up..... eventually.

He jam muzzle ' under apron right where she got her head. Then go 'pop-pop-pop.' Load her up real good. Vampirina gal go limp. Them 'mafia' boy jus' wrap her up and tote her off. Ten heartbeat later 'bout 'leven cat come out a lick it all up. Guess night-folk blood taste good to them.

Street empty now. Nobody 'round... not out front.... not in a alley.

An' Annie done got herself 'ketched.'

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ANNIE ALMOST STARTS A WAR BETWEEN THE VAMPIRES AND SOME MAFIA PRINCES

The vapors are curious tonight. It gets that way 'round The Hunters Moon. That means October. It's a marvelous night for a moon dance and all that. Mist stay close to the ground. Sidewalk look dark and clammy. You can see the stars, but they peekin' through thin, night-gown clouds. And it hot, for tenth month a the year anyway. Little gnats bitin' ev'rything. Summer doan wanna die, I guess.... but who does?

Annie gonna sneak out. Edith not here. She still wit' her husband. Think right now they clog dancin', or somethin'. It like that in The Pines. Rotten Bastid what kill little Matilda still screamin'. He gone be doin' that a long time. Some folks gather 'round that shaft an' listen. Then, when it get too much, they stuff it up wit' part of a ole, ripped mattress. Got lots a ripped up mattresses in The Pines. 

Sarah know Annie fixin' a go street runnin'. She doan like it. She like when they go out together.... a little girl and her real nice step mother. But sometime even she need a rest. Tomas went to  go see Blackie and Minnie. Doan mix too much wit' them. Minnie most stay up by Arch Street. Used a do real mean pastie dance at The Trocadero. Tassels like propellers, that girl got. Doctor say she got be careful or she gone do somethin' a her Cooper ligament. That the one holds up a boobie. After she pick up 'the burden' (became a vampire) she still do it. Sometime fella in a audience say - Damn, why she still here? Ain't you got no different ass for us to see?....... So boss man start stickin' wigs on top a her head. But that doan work too good, 'cause dancin' still the same. She take it real good when boss man fire her. 'Stead a killin' him, she jus' suck all the blood outta his legs. Shrivel them up real good. You can do it wit' a real tight belt like them smack whores use and all. He in a wheel chair (Minnie buy it for him), but least he still breathin'. (dead now, but you know what I mean).

Blackie mostly run 'round pass Thirtieth Street. He like University City. He like college girl.... Always did. They think he cute, like James Dean or that guy what played Michael the Archangel, who was in Grease.... Guy was in Grease, not Michael the Archangel. Seen him once wit' Lana Turner. He doan know me, but we did lock eyes. You know Lana Turner dead and she STILL smoke? Damn. some people never learn. 

Tomas go see 'em ev'ry once in a while, jus' to make sure things is still all honky-dory. Sometime he give 'em thing, like diamond rings or Rolex watches. Once he give 'em title to a new Mercedes. Tomas real free wit' shit that way. 'Nother time I see him give two hundred thousand dollah to crazy, old lady. She so happy. Go dancin' 'round, slide right off a platform on a the track. Subway train fixin' a make chutney outta her, but two kid from Fishtown (neighborhood along northern ramparts of Center City) pull her out. Know what she do? Send all her daughter to toenail fixin' school. Then she buy a salon. Now she take Zumba lesson three day a week. Hey, it a free country.

Look, look, look.... Annie walkin' pass them Do-Wop sons a bitches. She hate them and they hate her. Oh, they know she little bastid, vampirina. They ain't scared a that, 'cause they mafia. I do not know if it is the real mafia or the artificial mafia. But it look pretty genuine to me. Don't sell smack no more. Just kill folks over money. Things is more respectable that way. They singin'. They sing ev'ry night. It October, but it still little bit hot. Air conditioners goin'. Them what ain't got air conditioner makin' do wit' fans. Seen 'em kill a guy wit' fan once. It a old time 'G.E.' wit' a stiff, wire cage. Mafia guy (or artificial mafia guy) break off the cage, leavin' what look like a 'lectric outboard motor. It not slice through them bones, but rest a him go shootin' off like flyin' salami. 

Annie kill their dog last mumph. It a big, ole, rock hard Pit.... or it was. She jump the fence and pull a leg off. That make dog very angry. You know how pit-bull get?  It wanna go for her throat, but she doan wanna let it. She jump on the back and start kickin' her heels up in it balls. Then, when dog start a cry and all, she lean over and bite it in a neck. Not the throat... the neck, where them bones be. Say she like that crunchy noise. South Philly row house got little yard, like a jail cell, what ain't got no sky. No, 'roof,' I mean. And when she done it all red, just like sloppy paint job. 

Them mafia princes fixin' a do somethin' a her. Oh, they do know how strong she is, but they gorilla too. 'Sides one a them got a evil eye. 

Conrad, her forty year old (but less'n one as a vampire)son, doan wanna get involved. He home. He watchin' ole Jack Benny reruns on Antenna TV. An' Sarah readin' a book. Think it called SHE BECOMES YOU by Odessa Tomes, real, southern evil, cut 'em up stuff. Got it off a smashwords. That on a computer.

See? Mister Never-You-Mind know.

Annie gone down dark alley..... Two gorilla guy gone follow.

Know how it get real quiet right 'fore somethin' gone happen?

Shhh... that how it is now...

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THE VAMPIRES RETURN TO THE CITY AND THE ALTERED TOWNHOUSE...TOMAS FEEDS

They came back from the Pine Barrens. Tomas called a 'familiar' who has a limo service that ferries first-level-high-rollers from Philadelphia to Atlantic City. Had him send over two, regular, black, Lincoln Town Cars so they could ride in comfort. I do not know who sat where and who went in what car, but they got back. Had to make a stop at some Target store that was still open 'cause Annie threw a royal fit for some Honey Boo-Boo shit and wilkravitz had a run in to find it for her. Lunch kit, I think it was. Like that little bastid gonna go to school. Prob'ly eat all the kids in second grade 'fore the tatter tots is done. Say she gonna keep ice cream and frozen yogurt in it. I told you how she eats them... rice puddin' too. Likes the taste and the texture, even if she gotta throw it all up right after.  Ever see them disgustin' sons a bitches what gargle the wine and then spit it out? Well, what she do somethin' like that, only little bit more sick'nin'.... to me, anyway. 

Conrad and Leo ran upstairs. Wanna see how it all came out. Conrad did have to give up a walk-in closet. But 'Mike'...he the contractor, give him a whole lot a built in shelves for all his crappy books and little shitty stuff. He say he a collector. I say he jus' a asshole. Mike (the contractor) is like a 'familiar'... not 'xactly, but close enough to know they vampire. He say Dracula prob'ly turnin' in his grave, he know he got grandkids like this. Tomas jus' give him a look. He hate when human beans make Dracula jokes. Dracula like a cliche to them. Like a head waiter, but wit' a little pervert in him. 

Tomas gotta feed. He say it a lady-dinner this time. And funny thing is she ain't so bad. Yell at her mama ev'ry once in a while. Don't seperate recycle shit from regular crap all a time. Stuff like that. But he had a dream. He had a vision. Happen like that sometimes. Guess it jus' mean her time is up.  Who know? Maybe she pray for it. Retired from a library. That what he say. Cat dead. Mama dead. Plants dead. Now she wanna be dead. He jus' gone help her. Won't hurt her none. An' maybe he gone tickle her a little too. She like that part. 

He fix himself up real nice. Got them trim, fancy, leather bootkins. I hate that word, but it a thing wit' him. Put on nice pants. They jeans, but new ones and real black.... brand new...ain't been washed. Slip into a creamy, white, cotton dress shirt. Mister Never-You-Mind got shirts like that, back before they barbecued me up. Fix his long hair so it hang down all wavy-like. Then he talk Spanish to the mirror. How folks think vampire got no reflection I never know, 'cause they love their reflection. I bet he wanna kiss it. Prob'ly do every once in a while.

Sarah say - Where you goin'? ...... He say - I tol' you. I gonna go kill an ol' white lady........ He white too. But give her a full description so she can keep it straight in her mind. Vampires is real fastidious that way. He claim his journal books got name a ev'ry human bean he done drunk up. I can't read it, 'cause it in all kind a crazy languages. Do know a little French and Spanish from New Orleans, though. But jus' a little. Aramaic and Hebrew part look like whole lot a varicose veins to me.

Now he walk down a street whistlin'. Got hisself a new song. Still like 'Teddy Bears' Picnic,' but new one his 'for now' favorite. It from nineteen twenties and thirties.... 'Have You Ever Seen A Dream Walking? Well I Did'..... That how it go..... Guess he think he the dream. 

Doorman let him go right through. You know how it go. He give him the vampire 'fish-eye.' You ought a see Annie do it when she want milkshake from fat girl at McDonalds. Then he ride up, walk down a hall. It real quiet. Got thick rugs and everythin'. Little dog pee on it, it get suck right in. But they mus' clean it up a whole lot, 'cause it doan smell none. And this like yappy-dog heaven in here. 

Tomas sublimate through the door. She watchin' television... some ol' movie. I think it Jezebel or something. Bette Davis like a thing wit' this one. Got on a baff robe, wit' like a night gown. But no brassiere. I can see that. 

He kneel down behind the chair. She doan even do nothin' and she know he right there. Then he lean forward and French kiss her neck. Go down 'long her shoulder too. Robe loose. He jus' push it away..... She moan. She go - What your name?..... He whisper - me llamo Tomas..... But he say it real Spanish-like. He go TOE-MASS. She like that. Then he reach down in front an' untie the belt. She gasp like ol' lady do.... Go 'wheee!'...like little mouse. He step round in front... stick his arms under robe and lift her up.... She jus' lean 'gainst him and do nothin'. Then he carry her in a bathroom..... pull night gown up over her head. This part actually not too 'romantic,' 'cause she gotta sit all naked on a toilet while he run the water. Gonna give her a baff. Gonna give her a nice, long, real warm baff. Wash her all over. Wash her real good. Tomas like a good baff. Used to take 'em wit' Sylvia and Aura. They mole-people-gals. You can Google 'Vampire Wonderland ... Sylvia and Aura by Billy Kravitz... (that how computer got it) if you wanna know. He gone wash her kitty-cat parts extra special. He gone take off his shirt... maybe all the rest. Who know? This a big thing for her. This her Happy Death Day party. 

After tickle part all done, he gone kiss her all up her neck again. She go - Oh. She go- Ah. Then he break the skin. He real gentle, so it no big thing. 'Bout three hundred fifty heartbeat later she all gone. Blue fire come up. Cremate her real good. Nothin' else burn, though. Jus' her. That vampire magic. you know. He run the water... clean up all the ashes. She got spray under the sink. So that part gone be easy. Then he close the door and go downstairs. Doorman go 'Nighty-night,' when he leave. Tomas walk out, go back home, set in the kitchen and have a little vodka.

Such is life.... in PHILADELPHIA AFTER DARK.

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