45TH BINGO BOY episode 12/15/12

BINGO BOY - post 45

They sat in the car for a long time. I mean a real long time. Then Little Chrissie said - Come on. Let's go home.  So they pulled out of the strip mall in Bell Mawr and went back. Bridge cost like... I don't know.....Five bucks? Lucky there was a few bills in the console, 'cause Ricky didn't have much on him. Marge is waitin' when they get there. She can tell something's wrong soon as they get out of the car. Ricky look's white. Real chalky. Real pale. And Little Chrissie got her jaw set, like she's thinkin' about something. Like she wants to punch somebody. First thing Marge says is - Where's Jimmy?.... But they don't say nothing. Just walk right by her and plop down.  Siren tears through the street. That happens all the time. Kids call it a 'ghetto ice cream truck.' Ricky says - Better learn to like that..... Marge goes - Why? What do you mean? Come on. What happened? Tell me?..... But she looks plenty nervous too. She knows. Not exactly. But she knows.

Little Chrissie goes - He ditched us. Went in the bank. Got the money. Ran out the back and ditched us....... Marge goes - I don't believe it. I don't believe it...... And she starts shakin'..... Ricky goes - You know what's gonna happen, don't you? That 'Too' from across the streets' gonna tell Marty she saw him...... Little Chrissie goes - That dumb, fat ass, God damn bitch....... Ricky says - And next time Marty goes to the box and sees it's empty (holds index-finger gun to his head) CHOO! You know he got Muscles and the other one now. He's got two a them. Maybe Marty wouldn't do it on his own. But Muscles would, 'cause he wants some a the money for himself. It might not be safe to stay around here....... Little Chrissie goes - So what do we do?....... Ricky looks down and mumbles - I don't know..... Marge starts to cry. Tears start running down her face..... The baby wakes up. They hear him yellin' from his crib. He goes - Out! Out! Out! Uppie! Uppie! Uppie!..... Ricky wants to go get him, but Little Chrissie says - No, I'll go....... Think she just wants to do something.

So that's how they spend the day. They sit. They think. They smoke. Still go out on the front step or in the ally to do that. Ain't lost all their humanity. There is a baby, you know. Mary, Too's mother calls just before WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? She don't like that show. Marge picks it up. Mary goes - What's a matter? What's gone on? Why won't you tell me?..... Marge mouths 'it's Mary' to the others. Little Chrissie says - Ask her where her dumb, bitch daughter is?...... Mary goes - Why don't you tell your tenth grade drop out to shut the hell up?! And tell her my dumb, bitch daughter ain't here..... Marge goes - Where'd she go?..... Mary says - What? You afraid she told Marty? Look, I don't control her. I don't know what she does. But that ain't where she went. Her asthma started actin' up. She had a go to the doctor..... Marge wants the others to hear, so she goes - Oh, she's at the doctor's?..........Ricky gives out with a stage whisper - Thank you, Jesus!..... Little Chrissie snorts. Baby likes that, so he claps and laughs..... Turns out 'Too' gonna be laid up a couple days. Got like a 'walkin' pneumonia.

Least that's a little break. 

Marge goes down the basement. She just sits on the folding chair, looking at the little 'studio apartment' jail cell she made. The kids  go upstairs to lie down. Baby's in his playpen throwin' Weebles at the TV screen. Think he's aimin' for Sharon Osbourne. He's gonna hit it one day. I'm tellin' you.

And Jimmy runs off to buy a real, big, fancy diamond ring......

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44TH BINGO BOY episode 12/13/12

BINGO BOY - post 44

Bank guard still don't unlock the door yet. They never open on time. Nine o'clock for them don't come til nine fifteen. Car windows are all fogged up. See, actually they're parked a little ways over from the bank. Jimmy don't want no security camera takin' pictures a the licence. He wipes a little 'hole' in the misty, wet part, so they can see out. Ricky wipes doughnut powder off his mouth and says - How'd you find this place?..... Jimmy shakes his head. He can't believe this. He goes - Jesus Christ! You not know? I thought Jew supposed a be smart!......Little Chrissie goes - Hey, Jimmy, ain't you a Jew now?..... Jimmy goes - But I a smart one! I a smart one. Gimme your phone! Gimme your phone!...... At this point, Ricky don't want no friction, so he contorts his body (gettin' phones out a blue jeans pockets is tough) and hands it over. Right away, Jimmy starts snappin' it apart. Ricky goes - Hey! Hey!..... But Jimmy impatiently swats his hands outta the way. Then he shows him a little circuit thing inside. Shoves it right in his face. Goes - Here! Here! Here! Any dumb, dope with two dollar and a Radio Shack know what to do. You went to college!? I go college too! I go good college! I go big college....... Little Chrissie goes - What, prison-college?..... He grunts and was just about to say something, but then the guard opens the door....... Ricky goes - Oh, God! What do we do!? What do we do!?..... Jimmy goes - You not gone do nothin'. I go inside.Me, just me. I got paper. I got card. I got licence. Not genuine, but it 'real' all right. They not gone stop me. I Marty..... And he shows him. I guess in Odess' they learn you how to do everything.

So the two of 'em watch the Russian exit the car, hitch up his pants, straighten his jacket and march over.... Little Chrissie says - How much you think is in there?..... Ricky goes - I don't know. Saw them stuff a micro-wave with money on Ellen once. Held what, twenty five thousand?...... Little Chrissie says - Yeah, but you don't know what he got in there. Could be a real big one. Some boxes hold like a little end table. Like a box big enough for Ted William's whole head, you know?...... Ricky says - How you know all that?... She goes - Saw it in a James bond movie once..... He goes - Oh.

Now they DO figure it must be some big amount. A hundred thousand. Two hundred thousand. Gotta be. And they sit there, all nervous, not makin' a sound and lookin'. Few people go in. Few people come out. Shoe place next door open up. Five Guys Burger open up. Guess they got like a breakfas' sangwitch, or somethin'. Ricky start shakin' his leg. You know, that thing where the knee bounce up an' down when people get nervous?....... Little Chrissie go - Will you stop that? The whole car vibratin'!..... Then Ricky go - Look! Look! Look! He's comin'! He's comin'!...... But it not him, jus' an ole bastid what look like him. Then she go pee in the Dunkin Donut. Then he go pee in the Dunkin Donut. ...They sit some more. They curse. They sit. They hope. They pray..... But no Jimmy.

Ricky say - I'm gone in..... Little Chrissie go - Me too...... So they jump out the car and trot over. He go first. She go second. You know how them red-light, green-light door work?... Place real quiet. Folks wait in line. Folks gettin' money. He see the sign for the safe deposit boxes. Got a real angry faced girl, dressed like a cop, sittin' on a foldin' chair outside. Door open. You can see the whole thing. You can see all them boxes. Real bright. Lots a lights. Nice rugs. Guess they doan want no valuable glass shit crashin' down on the floor. Mus' be like a insurance thing, or somethin'.... But no Jimmy..... Little Chrissie look at angry-face girl. Angry-face girl look at her. She see this before. Family always fight over shit. It always a race. Rich bastid get there first. Poor bastid get there second. That how it go. Halloween cop girl say - Can I help you?...... Little Chrissie go - You see my Uncle Marty? We 'opposed a meet him here...... Almost cop girl go - That his name over there?..... An' she hold up a list, on a little clipboard...... Little Chrissie look. Ricky look. She say - Yeah, that him. Where he go?....... Look like the niece and nephew gone have a hearty-tack.... Almost cop girl point down little hall way. She say - He go down there..... So them two go down too..... That when they see the backdoor. 

Run out lookin' and lookin', like Jimmy playin' peek-a-boo, or somethin'. Like he gone jump out from a hedge and go - BOO!.... But thing is, he not playin' peek-a-boo. He not playin' any game at all.

Little Chrissie start a cry.... Ricky do too, but he wipe it away real fas'.

Almost cop girl look out a window. She laughin' an' laughin'. She like when this shit happen....

Poor little baby. That who I feel sorry for. I hate bein' the ghost narrator what gotta tell this part. But tonight my 'up' so what I gonna do?.....

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43RD BINGO BOY episode 12/12/12 CONCERT FOR HURRICANE SANDY DAY

BINGO BOY - post 43

Mary heard his voice. She heard him in the background. She heard him say - Who's that?..... What's even worse, she heard Marge try an' shush him. Marge goes - Jesus Christ, what do you want, Mary? It ain't even six-a-clock! Are you crazy?!........ Mary goes - No, come on. Shut up. I'm your friend. Tell me. What the hell are you doin' with Jimmy there?..... Mary rolls her eyes to the others. She don't know what to do, but she's a trooper, so she goes on. She says - Jimmy ain't here. He's in Yugoslavia...... Little Chrissie adds - Not Yugoslavia. In Russia. I mean in Ukraine. Ain't no Jimmy here...... Mary goes - Look, tell her to shut up. I know what's goin' on. 'Too' saw 'im when she took the dog out. We know. We don't know why. But we know. An' why you up so early?........ Marge goes - Baby couldn't sleep. He's teethin. You know how they get....... Just then, the little guy starts laughin' and gurglin' and clappin'. Even does a few 'ahm, ahm, ahm's'..... Mary goes - Don't sound like no teethin' pains to me........ Marge goes - Chrissie rubbed his gums. She put stuff on it.........Mary goes - What, crack cocaine!?..... But they don't answer, so she says - Somethin's gone on. And it's got somethin' to do with that Jew- guy, don't it?....... Jimmy motions for her to hang up. Chrissie does the same.... Marge goes - Ooh, I'll talk to you later. I gotta go pee, God damn it. Lemme alone... And she slams down the receiver. Little Chrissie goes - How much you wanna bet she's gonna be right over there as  soon as it opens?........ Jimmy goes - I gotta get outta here. I gotta get to the bank.... Ricky says - How you got an account? You don't have any records?....... I got a key - says Jimmy. Better than records.......

Fifteen minutes later they're off. Ricky pulls his car around to the house, right up on the sidewalk. Maybe three inches between the passenger side door and the white, marble front steps. Little Chrissie dives in the back. And Jimmy, dressed in a new Kohl's ensemble, rides shotgun. They tear onto I-95. It's still early, so traffic's not too bad, race down to the Ben Franklin Bridge (like the Golden Gate, but baby blue...don't ask) and escape over into New Jersey. That's where the bank is. That's where the safe deposit box is. But it's not a bank. Not a 'bank' bank. It's a credit union. Marty hides money there. You know he only pays taxes on what they show in the 'tax man' books. This is the other stuff. The real stuff. Only thing is, Jimmy got a key too. Marty don't know it...... But here's how he did it. Saw a shiny, new key layin' on the desk. In the backroom, I mean. Marty was playin' with it. But then he had a take a piss. You know how it comes on all of a sudden? That's when Jimmy walked in. He don't know what is was. But he sees a key, so he takes it. You know he's a 'con.' They do shit like that. Five seconds later he makes for the door. Ten minutes later, he got a copy. You can still do that on 'the Avenue.' They still got a few old fashioned hardware stores. And some a the newsstands got key machines too.

Then he strolls back in. Marty's gone crazy. You know he lost somethin'. He's lookin' everywhere. He's tearin' out drawers, lookin' on the floor, dumpin' out the wastebasket.... Jimmy says - What's a matter? What'd you lose?....... Marty goes - Nothin'. Nothin'. A key! A key! A key!..... What kind a key? - goes Jimmy.... And Marty didn't mean to say it, but he blurts it out. He goes - A box. A box! A box key!........ Jimmy makes like he's lookin'. And that bastid's a good actor. Gets down on the floor. Crawls around. Moans and groans. You know he's got arthritis? Hurts his knee. That part was an accident. You should a heard him cursin'. Marty goes - What's a matter? You find it?..... And by this time, Jimmy's had enough, so he palms the original in his pocket, struggles to his feet and shoves it right into Marty's face. Almost took an eye out too.... Here's your key! Here's your fuckin' key, you God damn bastid! - he goes.... Marty grabs it and sits down. You can see how relieved he is..... Only thing, now Jimmy knows 'that box' is THEE BOX.  

And three hours later they're waitin' in the cold parking lot  of a little strip mall in Bell Mawr, New Jersey, for the blubbery guard to unlock the door...

Lucky there's a Dunkin Donut's 'cross the way, 'cause that helped kill the time.

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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Elverina - Vampirina, MARIANNE wishes to Make ...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Elverina - Vampirina, MARIANNE wishes to Make ...: Things happened very quickly. She sublimated through the exterior wall and into the well decorated salon with a SNAP. Some say it's related ...Allow me to present what is arguably one of the best 'story arcs' in our over 500,000 word saga. Please read this beginning...and then scroll down to taste the rest, as THE ELFERINA-VAMPIRINA known as MARIANNE regales a posh salon of well-healed socialites, who donated ten thousand dollars each for the privilege,with tales from her nativity....

42ND BINGO BOY episode 12/12/12

BINGO BOY - post 42

Nobody in the narrow, little row house near the el tracks slept much that night, except the baby. Jimmy bunked in with Marge, but even they didn't get busy wid it. Talkin', whisperin'. There was a lot of that. Ricky and Little Chrissie too. Four hours later they were downstairs already. Marge made pancakes. She makes good ones. Cuts 'em up into little tiny pieces. The baby loves it.

Little Chrissie says - Should we go into work today? What? What do you think we should do?..... Ricky just picked. He picked at the food. He was thinkin'. Actually, depressed is what he was. Sure he was naive, but he thought Marty would really do it. He could afford it. He had the money. Jimmy knew better. He said - Why he gonna give  you so much when he can get a greasy bastid on the street for ten thousand bucks? An' if it a crack-bastid, for like a hundred bucks?...... Little Chrissie goes - What? You knew this?..... Jimmy just shrugs. Not really shrugs. More like the way he moves his head. But you know what I mean...... Then she goes - Shit, I really thought I was gettin' out a here. Ricky, how much we got?....... He says - From what he gave us and the envelopes and all, I don't know. Forty thousand maybe? I could sell my house. Used a go for one fifty, but it needs work. And with all the crime they got 'round there now, seventy thousand is good...... Little Chrissie goes - Yo, Gram, how much for this place?..... Marge goes - Jesus Christ, don't you ever read the papers? Nothing. You get nothing. Forty nine thousand dollars, maybe. Thirty nine thousand....... Ricky mumbles - And a hundred and fifty thousand ain't gonna buy much of a house. Plus, what are we gonna do to make money once we get there?......... Baby goes - Ahm, ahm,ahm, ahm, ahm... That means he wants a eat. Ricky feeds him...... 

Jimmy takes a mouthful of coffee. If you wanna know the truth, he slurps it. That's how he is. But he analyzes things and he says -  Lucky you didn't kill me..... Ricky nods..... Jimmy says - Somebody, Big Chrissie, or her grandfather starts askin' questions 'bout why I not back yet. How long I 'spossed a stay in Odess'? They keep it up. They keep askin'. Marty gets nervous (points toward Ricky) and then he finger you. He say  you hate him. He say you kill him. Not sure. He don't know for sure. But he think.... And cops take you to jail....

Little Chrissie says - They already were askin' questions like that...... Jimmy goes - But now it OK, 'cause I not dead. And you (points to both this time) are not gonna go to jail....

Only thing is, the phone rings five seconds later. Who the hell calls this early? Sun ain't even up yet. They look at each other. Marge wipes her hands on a dish towel and answers. It's Mary. And she can hear 'Too' mumblin' something in the background.

Mary goes - Look, I saw your lights on... and I just wanna ask you somethin'...

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41ST BINGO BOY episode 12/11/12

BINGO BOY - post 41

The baby was about to take his first steps. Marge could tell. She remembered when her Chrissie was little. She knows. Jimmy hears her clappin' and laughin'. He starts screamin' - What you doin', old lady? What you doin'?.....She runs to the cellar door in the kitchen and yells down. She says - The baby's gonna walk! He's tryin'! He's tryin'!......... Then she races back to the front room. But Jimmy hollers. He goes - I wanna see! I wanna see!...... Marge don't know what to do. She's lookin' for her cell phone. She wants a take pictures. And Jimmy starts cryin'. It's like he's gone crazy down there. She scoops up the baby, plops him in his playpen, runs down the stairs and goes - Jimmy, are you OK? What's a matter?....... He rubs his eyes and says - I wanna see...... And he looks so pathetic, she lets him out. She gets the key, frees his foot and lets him out. You can only keep somebody locked up so long, you know? Especially if he's your secret honey bunch. So the two of 'em go upstairs, get the baby and teach him to walk. 

Yeah, it's late. He should a been sleepin' upstairs in his crib. But Marge wanted a hear what Marty said. And sometimes the baby won't go to sleep unless she's in the room. So she covered him up real good and let him doze off in the playpen. It is sort a like a port-a-crib, you know. But he opens his eyes during Jay Leno, kicks off the blankets and pulls himself up. Then he starts boppin' up and down, up and down. So that's how it happened. And now his one-time-dominatrix, great grandmother plus the Ukrainian prisoner from the basement are teachin' him to walk. He stands. He falls on his padded, little tushie. He sways from side  to side. The two old (or older) folks are down on the floor encouraging him. Gonna be a cripped up race for the Advil bottle when this is done, I'll tell ya..... Jimmy goes - Da, manchik! Da manchik!....... Marge beams - Come on, big boy! Come on big boy! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!....... 

But then it happens. One a the window shades SNAPS and flies all the way up to the top. Last thing you wanna do in a neighborhood like this is leave a room so open to the street that late at night. So Jimmy, without thinkin', jumps up to pull it down..... And Too-Many-Cookies (already suspicious from all the packages and the commode and all) sees. It's crazy how shit happens. She was takin' Julius Caesar, her little chihuahua for his last turd drop. Walkin' him back and forth in front a the Gypsy's house. She don't like the Gypsies. But now she's runnin' in to call her mama.....

Five minutes later Little Chrissie and Ricky walk in. They don't even notice Jimmy's upstairs now. Marge says - Well?.... Jimmy looks... Baby goes - Da-da, Da-da.... as he opens and closes his little hands real fast in that gimme-gimme move...... Ricky picks him up.... Little Chrissie gives the old folks a thumbs down... Marge exhales.... Jimmy goes - That friggin' bastid........ You know he don't curse around babies, don't ya?......So they all sit there, bathed in the light from the television (think Jimmy Fallon was on) and the little red, porcelain lamp by the sofa.

Too-Many-Cookies is still on the phone talkin' to Mary. That's her mother. And she don't even notice when Julius Caesar takes a big dump all over the brand new living room rug...

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40TH BINGO BOY episode 12/10/12

BINGO BOY - post 40

Somethin' happened at the bingo joint. Marty put somethin' in the pay envelopes. All the kids is lined up in the back room right by the desk. Muscles stands there. The other one, the second 'Muscles' walks back and forth out front. Don't know what he'd do if a whole crew rushed the place. Did that to a bingo hall up by Trenton. Big haul too. Got fifteen thousand dollars from the safe, thirty one hundred dollars from the women (some was men, but you know what I mean) plus a whole lot a little engagement rings. Cops come. People screamin'. One lady show 'em where her head bleedin'. But she got that fallin' in the toilet after. Folks on the 'Avenue' know Marty give whole lot a money to the cops. Like for the widows and orphans and all. Plus he spread 'round lot a 'Jimmy stories.' Nobody wanna mess with a crazy Russian, even if he is a Ukrainian.

But when they walk outside after, Little Chrissie say to Ricky - You get one too?..... He go - Yeah.... She say - It's the same place as last time..... Ricky say - Uh huh.... She say - We goin'?..... He just shrug...... Seven minutes later, when they walk in the house, they find Marge in the cage wit' Jimmy. An' they not mushin' up or nothin', just paintin' the walls. He like a pale beige color. Can say 'sand,' but it beige to me. Still got his leg all chained though.... Marge say - You like it? Now the floor looks dumb, though. Think they got some area rugs at Kmart..... Little Chrissie say - Not now, 'gram.' We gotta talk..... Jimmy know when somethin' up, 'cause he a hood and he jus' know.... Looks to Ricky for an explanation. Ricky goes - Marty wants a talk. Wants a meet us after work at that place he likes. Should we go?.... Jimmy say - Go. Hear what he got a say. Then we see. You missed a spot.... But he didn't say that last part to them. That was for Marge.

So they fix themselves up a little bit and ten minutes later they on their way. Are they nervous? Hell, yeah, they nervous. First they park the car. Then they walk inside. You know folks is still eatin' dinner at eleven o'clock. I can't figure that shit out, but people do it. Guess it a Saturday night thing. That when they get paid. Bingo kids, I mean. Ricky say somethin' to the take-you-to-your-seat bastid. And take-you-to-your-seat bastid take 'em to Marty. He in the back at a real quiet table. Got Muscles wit' him too. They eatin' shrimp cocktail. Guess they hungry..... Marty go - Good, sit down. You want some wine?.... He start pourin' from this bottle he got. Little Chrissie watch it go in a her glass... Ricky say - Why he here? (he mean Muscles)... But Muscles just sit there. He ain't nervous, or nothin'..... Marty go - He my helper. You know that. What you care?... Little Chrissie goes - So, Marty, what are you gonna tell us?...... But waiter come over an' Marty go - Later. Eat first. Then we talk.... An' lemme tell you, that one real quiet dinner. Food good, though. Petite, New York strip steak, polenta (that like a new mash potato), some kind a salad. It got a egg in it, but it smell good. Muscles wanna get cake, but Marty give him a look... 

Then Ricky goes - I jus' want it to be over. I want it to be done. I want it to be forgotten..... Little Chrissie goes - We just can't live like this anymore....... Ricky go - Everybody know how many cow you slaughter in there. An' each one give you forty dollar for the privilege. You got a lot a money. We talk 'bout this before. You know... Muscles chuckles... Marty say - Sure, I know...... Ricky say - All right. Good. We want the three hundred thousand dollars. (but he flinches. then he goes) And you know what? We'll split it with you..... Little Chrissie looks, but she doan say nothin'....... An' Ricky say - One time. That's it. One time  and we outta here....... Marty look at Muscles. Muscles look at Marty. They shake they heads. They nod........ An' Marty say - Lemme ask you. You want this money for doin' what?...... Little Chrissie whisper - Be careful. They could be recordin' the whole thing..... But Marty jus' shake his head... An' Ricky go - For helpin' to disolve the partnership you had with Jimmy..... Muscles snorts... Marty go - Jimmy? Jimmy? Who the hell is Jimmy?........ Ricky jus' look.... But Little Chrissie go - Big Chrissie know. She know. Why you not ask her?....... Marty say - That old fart was nothin' to me. I never had a partner. He just hung around for that cheap whore. That's all. Muscles, I ever had a partner?...... Muscles go - Nah....... Ricky look like he gone do somethin'. But Marty go - Please doan get stupid on me, 'cause he (means Muscles) ain't the only 'help' I got 'round here...... Ricky see two beefy guy in tight suit at nex' table, so he doan do nothin'. He jus' sit there...

Then Marty order the cake.......

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