Saturday, October 5, 2013

A PERFECT PLANETARY NURSERY .... HOW THE ALIENS ARRANGED THINGS... 10/05/13

Some cultures are millions of years old. A few, possibly billions. What manner of existence might they manifest? Is fostering the development of lesser creatures a universal law? Let's look at our own circumstances. And we must do these things before analyzing the motives and techniques of those responsible for human lycanthropy. 

Consider the arrangement of our solar system. The grand, almost star-like world we call Jupiter runs interference for us, gathering most troublesome rocks and ice bergs into its own unfathomable depths.... a cosmic bug zapper protecting the delicate Earth-side skin. 

Other solar systems also have Jupiter-like worlds, but they tend to sink in toward the parent star. Our set-up is different and highly unusual.

And then there's the Moon.... a celestial 'after thought' created, if you will, as a cosmic gyroscope, a stabilizer regulating our orbit, our climate and the seasons. No other world has anything like it. Other moons (when seen with their planetary sponsors) pale in comparison. Saturn's children are mere dots. Jupiter's the same. Oh, they may be large in their own right. Some actually planet sized. Yet next to their host quite negligible.... In fact, contemporary scientists consider our set up to be more binary planet in nature. 

Thus so much about out galactic vicinity seems carefully engineered.... a wax smeared petri-dish floating in space.

Were mass extinctions 'failed' experiments, or perhaps scheduled recyclings of organic components? 

Why did each subsequent 'age' produce ever more complex organisms? Evolution... in it's purest form aims not for complexity but for convenience. What does nature care if we have Buicks or maracas?

Though a stardust Pygmalion might.... Did we just grow like Topsy, or are we something else?

What a piece of work is man......

And who was (is?) our Da Vinci?.... Are they always serious and earnest, or do they sometimes play games?

Romulus Lupine thinks about these things. So does the twenty eight thousand year old vampire known as 'Papa,' our younger life-eater, Jonathon and a host of other characters revealed here..... 'Vampire Wonderland' is so much more than that.... And as stated at the very beginning (lest you forget), we only pretend that it's fiction.

More about the wolfie-folk next time. Tonight we speak of deeper things.

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HUMANS CAN BE MONSTERS TOO... 10/05/13

Y'all ain't heard from me in a while, but it's me, Mister Never-You-Mind. Lot a you know I got myself burned up in a New Orleans warehouse very many years ago. Think it was New Orleans. But I was duct tapped to a chair at the time and quite delirious with pain, so certain inaccuracies are bound to creep in. 

I heard 'bout what Romulus Lupine do to that crooked judge. Yeah, big deal. Mauled by a 'dog.' Pitt Bulls do worse. That why I tell you this. Disembodied spirits get around. We drift into lotta spooky shit. Saw a lady put cat piss in her grandma's I.V. bag once. Nurse say - What you doin'???.... Lady say - Nuthin'..... Grandma go - Ack! Ack! Ack!.... Then she leave muddy turd all over the bed. 

Two New York bastids got 'nother game. Call real estate bitch. It can be a man bitch, or a lady bitch. That don't mean nothin'. Say - What kind 'partment you got? .... Then they go wit' him. Ride up in elevator. Clasp hands in front a they junk. Not nobody else's hands. Just they own. Do it at night. It better then. 

Bitch take 'em inside. Got like a key. Say - Marble floor, granite counter, silver metal fridge, silver metal stove, ass squirtin' toilet, all kinds a fancy stuff, yeah-yeah-yeah, rah-rah- rah. 

Two bastids go - What they got out there?... Bitch say - Oh, that the balcony.... But bastids already know that. That why they want a see the place..... Real estate bitch say - Here, lemme show you.... An' they go out. It night. Sky all starry an' all. Got like a helicopter all the way up. Who know? Maybe like Donald Trump, or Anderson Cooper in it.

One a the bastids go - What that?.... Bitch say - That a church. Here, lemme show you..... Bastids go - Okay.... Then when real estate person go up to the edge an' start identifyin' things, like where Barbara Walters once threw up on the street, or Eli Wiesel's dog bit half a Zsa Zsa Gabor's ass, they pick that bitch (man or lady. it don't make no difference) right up an' toss it over. 

Some a them try an' hang on. Gotta break a few fingers. Gouge a few eyes, but mos' only got a couple, so that don't take too long. They sing - Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Think about they kids. Then they fall down. Bastids like that part. Watch 'em go an' say - Wheeeee!

Take a second or two for them to go splat. Sometime, if they land funny, a arm break off, or like a leg look like it doin' a funny dance. Head get all coconutty. Sometime rib come right through the skin. Look like a marionette what got squashed an' crapped on by a elephant. But that jus' my artistic interpretation. 

Them bastids still out there. Sometime they move 'round. Toss people in Philly. Drop some in Boston, maybe Baltimore. Like when that David Letterman used a bus' watermelons, 'cept these watermelons is people. 

'Magine what it like when feet leave the ground. Not the real ground. Like that balcony thing, I mean. Mus' be a very surprisin' situation.

But I wouldn't know, 'cause I got all burned up.

Don't take no vampire, or werewolf to do that shit. 

Human bean do pretty good all by theyself...
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Friday, October 4, 2013

THEY SAY THESE THINGS ARE TRUE...... MONSTER MAKERS... 10/04/13

We read all about vampires and werewolves and zombies and Kardashian wimmen and all, but there's lots of other monsters out there too. And the beauty part is nobody thinks they're real. The same off-Earth entities responsible for the wolfie-folk we been hawkin' here for the last few weeks made lots of other 'pot holders' too. The Sumerians kept records. Look at all them little cylinder seals they had. Get a hold of one. Roll it around in clay. You'll see. Lobster Guy is my favorite. Imagine walkin' 'round with your skin replaced by a keratin-like exoskeleton stuck onto your very flesh.... Sort of like flaying all the skin off Iron Man and Krazy-Gluing him into his suit forever. That's gotta hurt. Horse headed bastards.... They had 'em all. One ancient tampon found in a tomb was eighteen inches long. What's up with that?..... (Oh, talking 'bout weird , the guy behind me at The Acme food market tonight was clicking like a Katydid. I do not know what part of his body produced the noise, but it was very loud and threatening. I know people with store-bought heart valves go tick-tock-tick-tock, but this wasn't that. Heart valve's make noise like the alligator in Peter Pan. But this was like a wind-up monkey with cymbals. Looked like Chris Lloyd from TAXI and the intent wasn't intentional. Seemed oblivious to the noise too, like he had tinnitus and was sharing it with everybody. Bought two things... gummy bears and salted butter. Guess they gonna get sauteed. Checkout kid give him a slow 'huh-lo,' like he knows what's going on. Skinny, old lady buyin' fake fingernails and string cheese <maybe she need them daggers to pull it apart?> start laughin' like she bein' tickled. Then we all just sighed, put our heads down and let the moment pass. Supermarkets get weird after ten PM. Oh, yeah, hummus. I bought hummus...and shaving cream, but not necessarily for mixing together. Said hello to the big woman in the too skimpy wife-beater and miss-matched, oddly placed tattoos staring at the lobster tank <think she got a thing goin' with one of 'em> and left.

You know they originally offered the part of Lincoln to Liam Neeson, but he said 'no,' ... Michelle Pfeiffer said 'no,' too. Some people got no sense of adventure.

'Scuse my night-time ramblin' but them aliens did it 'cause I was about to tell you too much..... Sometimes they shove hot peppers up recalcitrant orifices of certain people while we sleep.

Now you know..... 
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Thursday, October 3, 2013

WEREWOLF KILLS THE CROOKED JUDGE... 10/03/13

Now judges tend to live in manicured neighborhoods. They got hedges and pavered driveways and 'water features.' All kinds a stuff. Ain't hardly alone too. Got lady people, like wives and housekeepers. Some got girlfriends or boyfriends depending on what kind a hoo-haa they have, or what kind a hoo-haa they like a play with. So it is exceptionally hard to catch 'em alone.... even for werewolves. 

You see, Romulus Lupine hated big scenes. Can't grab no victim outside the Piggly Wiggly, or snatch him up from a card game at that Veterans a Foreign Wars place where they go to drink beer an' play cards. Folks might notice if you did that. An' down here they all got guns. An', yes, wolf-folk what get they asses all shot up will die. The head drops. The eyes close and they go 'guhk' jus' like anyone else. But what's special 'bout 'em is the way they heal. It never stops. Them wolfies what look dead just vegetatin'.  Ax wounds go 'way. Bullet hole close up. Chopped off head might be a little complicated, but if they hold it on right ain't no big thing..... So you bes' burn 'em up real good, if you want 'em 'dead' dead.

Our crooked judge got a nice back yard. Got like a garden in it... rose bushes... white, wrought iron tables an' all. Judge set out there late at night countin' stars and drinkin' 'Jack.' Claim he once see a meteor smash in a the Moon, but no one else see it, so who knows?

Romulus Lupine know 'bout the garden. He set there waiting. Make like he read a comic book an' all. Werewolf do like a good laugh. He come prepared, too. Got plastic bag wit'  underwear, clothes an' all, for later when he done werewolfin'.  Can't run through these streets all stripped down. Folks'd see. An' then he gotta kill some other guy an' a nosy neighbor...maybe a kid or two. It be a real bloodbath. Pair a jeans an' t-shirt from the Walmart stop all that. 

Actual killin' part all civilized too. Judge might not never see it. Wolf slide outta the shadows, go 'round back, grab him by the neck... bite down... bite down real hard. Break like a neck bone or two, make 'em snap, so he nice an' paralyzed. It better that way, else they jump around too much. Can't scream. Can't move. Make it easy to strip off all that tasty flesh. Oh, judge gone see that part. His eyes be real wide. Mouth movin' like a fish an' all. Pink, foamy shit comin' out. Sometime werewolf lick it up. Sometime he don't. 'Pends how he feel.... After he leave, werewolf, I mean, Winston run out. He the judges little Yorkie. Make like he wanna lick his cheek. But he really want a take a bite, 'cause that dog always hungry. 

Trucker see it all, wedged in where he is behind the garage. First he wanna throw up. But then he take a 'LifeSaver,' peppermint, like Romulus tell him. Take four 'LifeSavers.' 

That way he enjoy the show...
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Book of When Sarah Was Still Mortal. Tomas/Jon...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Book of When Sarah Was Still Mortal. Tomas/Jon...: Here is a look at how things were two years ago. Sarah is still a mortal... a 'death eater', since mortals eat dead things...This is the post the disembodied spirit who sometimes narrates for us wants you to see. It really did pop up of its own volition...

SHHHHH

psst... there are certain themes running throughout our more than 1,200 episodes. ..... do YOU know what they are?..... please COMMENT your thoughts..... signed ~~~ one of the disembodied spirit narrators 8^)















Wednesday, October 2, 2013

WEREWOLVES EAT THEIR PREY ALIVE ... 10/02/13

Romulus Lupine is essentially a solitary individual. True, he does maintain a pack, but much prefers a singular existence. He haunts the woods on cool, autumn nights. Now you all up in Philadelphia, or Chicago, or Toronto, or Boston might not think them nights so cool, though down hereby The gulf, they are. 

From time to time folks report seeing 'the man.' He don't come near them. They don't go near him. Well, he does come near some, but they ain't the ones who live to report it. Them what does recollect the encounter describe a well-shaped, rather feral specimen, completely unclothed, sitting out in the moonlight gazing up at the stars. To the wolf part of his brain they ain't but hypnotic silvery, lights in the sky. The human part knows them for what they are, unbelievably huge, swirling cauldrons of hellish fire. In fact, it would be fair to say that star stuff is to plain old flame as plain old flame is to ice. Imagine what it's like to know that, while at the same time craving hot, steaming human entrails. Yet it's not really fair to say they kill people all the time. They kill them incidentally. Deer and bears do just fine. Take an owl every once in a while too. But wolves and by extension wolfie-folk have a salty, blood-tooth for human flesh. Been that way since forever. Neolithic canines waited just beyond the firelight, out in the darkness. Life was cheap then. Folks died all the time. Twenty years old was middle aged. Thirty years old was dead time, or pretty near dead time. And young-uns died like dime store turtles. 

Wolves knew what they did with 'em too. Used to sniff 'em out and dig 'em up. Tear off whole chunks. Snap it off like squid meat. You know how people flesh get when it age? Well, maybe you don't. But them what know say it acquire a certain, savory gaminess... akin to wild boar, or somethin' like that. Better when it hot and fresh... Steam comin' up an' all. You know, fresh killed people meat (98.6 degrees F) just as hot as restaurant steak what lie on plate for a minute..... Steak tar-tar with hair and eyes and gristle an' toenails. 

Romulus like 'wiggle food.' He like ripping into a fat belly while the mouth goin' - No! No! No!... 'Sept after a few heartbeats them 'no.. no.. no's' get weaker and weaker. 'Breathin' food.'.... That another name them werewolves call it.

I know 'cause I the disembodied spirit a one that got et. Crunched me up like soft shell crab. After while I numb wit' shock... But 'after while' can be pretty long time.

Romulus fixin' a catch hisself a crooked judge, jus' like he tol' that trucker he will. If you miss it, only gotta scroll back two or three nights. It there. Trucker gone watch... If he smart trucker, he run 'way while all that chompin' goin' on, 'cause sometime werewolf want more. An' if trucker close by an' naturally handy, guess who gone be that? 

You know trucker sit a lot, drivin' them long hauls an' all. Eat scrambled eggs an' pie at all them truck stops. Ass real fat an' tender....

Jus' the way a werewolf like it.

An' I do know what I talkin' 'bout...

'Cause I use a be a fat-ass too.

Look how bright that moon is. This gone be a real good show...
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