Friday, October 4, 2013


We read all about vampires and werewolves and zombies and Kardashian wimmen and all, but there's lots of other monsters out there too. And the beauty part is nobody thinks they're real. The same off-Earth entities responsible for the wolfie-folk we been hawkin' here for the last few weeks made lots of other 'pot holders' too. The Sumerians kept records. Look at all them little cylinder seals they had. Get a hold of one. Roll it around in clay. You'll see. Lobster Guy is my favorite. Imagine walkin' 'round with your skin replaced by a keratin-like exoskeleton stuck onto your very flesh.... Sort of like flaying all the skin off Iron Man and Krazy-Gluing him into his suit forever. That's gotta hurt. Horse headed bastards.... They had 'em all. One ancient tampon found in a tomb was eighteen inches long. What's up with that?..... (Oh, talking 'bout weird , the guy behind me at The Acme food market tonight was clicking like a Katydid. I do not know what part of his body produced the noise, but it was very loud and threatening. I know people with store-bought heart valves go tick-tock-tick-tock, but this wasn't that. Heart valve's make noise like the alligator in Peter Pan. But this was like a wind-up monkey with cymbals. Looked like Chris Lloyd from TAXI and the intent wasn't intentional. Seemed oblivious to the noise too, like he had tinnitus and was sharing it with everybody. Bought two things... gummy bears and salted butter. Guess they gonna get sauteed. Checkout kid give him a slow 'huh-lo,' like he knows what's going on. Skinny, old lady buyin' fake fingernails and string cheese <maybe she need them daggers to pull it apart?> start laughin' like she bein' tickled. Then we all just sighed, put our heads down and let the moment pass. Supermarkets get weird after ten PM. Oh, yeah, hummus. I bought hummus...and shaving cream, but not necessarily for mixing together. Said hello to the big woman in the too skimpy wife-beater and miss-matched, oddly placed tattoos staring at the lobster tank <think she got a thing goin' with one of 'em> and left.

You know they originally offered the part of Lincoln to Liam Neeson, but he said 'no,' ... Michelle Pfeiffer said 'no,' too. Some people got no sense of adventure.

'Scuse my night-time ramblin' but them aliens did it 'cause I was about to tell you too much..... Sometimes they shove hot peppers up recalcitrant orifices of certain people while we sleep.

Now you know..... 
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