Friday, May 27, 2011


OK, here's something you should know about. There was a 'phantom' explosion, a concusive force about an hour ago in #PHILLY. It happened at the intersection of KNIGHTS & FAIRDALE ROADS in the Northeast section of the city. Extensive investigations conducted by various governmental/civic agencies failed to turn up any cause (gas, combustive devices or substances, underground tremors, etc.). However many people fled from their homes, congregating in the streets. Vibrations were felt for miles around. You can Google coverage provided by local, network affiliates, such as ABC Action News (channel 6).

No one knows the cause. No one has a clue. But a certain, much chastened, contrite, little vampirina is cooling her jets in her sleeping cabinet because of it. I can hear her threatening to kick out the fine, mahogany panels right now. She already murdered about three innocent Barbie dolls (you know, those whorey looking vampire ones?) and chased  our much beloved, Jersey Pines, Pow-Wow Woman 'houseguest' into a no longer used (they're vampires, don't you know) Kenmore freezer down in the sub-basement. Thank God one of the 'elves' (pre-pubescent vampires on the cusp of physical maturity, with pointy ears due to continued cell growth after vampiric conversion) let her out.

In case you're not a regular follower or reader of this site, I'll tell you the vampirina's name. She's Annie, until recently known as Little Bastard Annie, because of her, shall we say, unpredictable behavior. Picture Lily Tomlin's Edith Anne character (google her) only with hot chili peppers stuffed up her butt and  rapidly manifesting, supernatural abilities.

This is all a tantrum. She wants to go to the shore. Her human playmate from nextdoor, a little witch in her own right, is down there. Look, she knows she can't go out in the sun, although plenty of people in this house would love to pop open the garage door on her and watch her 'splode into spontaneous, more-than-human combustion, right there on the dirty, oil-stained slab. It would be 'happy-happy-joy-joy dance' all over the place...with Cuban heels and castanets!!! But our vampires got morals and they don't do shit like that.

So, if you live in or near #PHILLY, be careful. I don't think she'll do it again, but you never know. Papa, our twentyeight thousand year old (in a thirty two or three year old human body) fearless leader (by default, since Jonathon and Sarah are away on Pilgrimage) threatened to send her hurtling into the corona of the sun. For some reason she really hates that.  If she has any sense, these 'stink bombs' as she calls them, will stop. Just keep your eyes open, 'cause her aim ain't so good. Okay?

And please don't think 'vampire lifestyles' are ANYTHING like what they show you in those Abercrombie & Fang fiascos, 'cause they're not. You wanna know the truth? Read VAMPIREWONDERLAND. Look, our regular readers know we didn't post this for them. But with the explosion (stink bomb) and all, we had to do something. The public deserved an explanation. Just remember our link  and drop by any time (we got over 268 posts). So feel free. don't be a stranger.

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