Thursday, June 9, 2011

EDITH ON THE HORN

This is Edith. I have the controls of the magic communication book. Well, that's what it seems like to me. wilkravitz calls it an out-of-date dell inspiron 6000. I call her Sweetie-Pie. And Sweetie-Pie wants me to tell you things. No, no, no....I want to tell you things. She just says she'll help me. If  you're new to our part of the firmament, I am a 'seer' woman, a 'pow-wow' woman from deep in the New Jersey Pinelands. I've been living with the vampires for nine moons. I know the Mole People. I know the Red Paint People. I know a lot of people. The vampires value my talents. They use me to calibrate their own 'visions.' If we match, then odds are the visions are true. Sometimes I get a big flood of Akoshic mumblings about you, or your sister in law or somebody's asshole of a boss, or that bib-busted girl down the street. Please allow me to enlighten you.

This is for a Barbra in Chicago. Your dog knows who stole your car. He was out in the yard when it happened and he got a good look at both of them. Right now, it's in a chop-shop somewhere in Gary, Indiana. But the insurance company will make a somewhat liberal payment. Splurge. Get the Chrysler 300. Also. ask 'you-know-who' to start writing down all her best recipies. That will simplify things a lot in the near future. Keep an eye on Gloria. She's not very trustworthy, but you already know that. Tranfer to a different school. There's a click in this one. They play games and make trouble. The boss is no good too. Seek greener pastures.

Now I have something to say to a Larry, or .....No, not Larry...a Barry...in Florida...somewhere near Orlando. I think you're a limo driver. Join that band. The creative environment will be good for you. Put a little 'rock' into the country mix. Lose twenty pounds. Don't get that tattoo. Relationship will change. Contact Beverly. She feels bad about something (not your fault). Do your best to comfort her. And get your teeth fixed. Watch your driving. Get the brakes checked, your blood pressure too. Don't go skydiving...ever. And yes, buy that condo. Search it from top to bottom. The old couple hid something valuable.

First initial 'J' in New York City. Ditch that someone from the apartment downstairs. Listen to your friends. They know something. You 've been drinking heavily lately. Not an alcoholic (yet), but swimming in that direction. You'll join a social discussion group at a museum, or similar venue. Don't be afraid to talk. I think it's a film and theatre club. Be open to new people. You'll meet one from another nation. Prepare to live abroad, maybe in Amsterdam, London or Dublin. You currently like a human who has a cute, little Jack Russell terrier. If you're totally against relocating, this dog person may be the one. Not a problem free individual, but you can handle it.

Your mother wants you to know that she has rings hidden in a little china cup, or small painted vase placed way in the back of a top shelf in a bedroom closet. Other items are also stored away in the laundry room. Search the double-door, white metal locker near the door to the garage. It holds important documents....No....the rings are NOT on a top shelf. They are on the floor, under some old clothes. Collectible old records are there too. Is this Michigan? I think I'm seeing Michigan

You'll have to excuse me. That's all I know right now. My stomach hurts. Must go get a piece a cake....

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