Wednesday, March 23, 2011


Annie got a monkey. No, not a monkey, a chimpanzee  She was out by herself. You know how she is. Nothing bothers her. One of those bicycle cops they got in certain parts of Center City spotted her and started to close in. I suppose he wanted to know what a little skinny, bitch like her is doing out on the streets late at night. Probably thought he'd take her away from some low life mother and plant her in the depths of the foster care universe. Yeah, like that was going to do her any good. But she is one smart, little bastard. So she sublimates through the wall of this brownstone townhouse and gives him the slip. A nice place too. The owners must be rich. Not the kind of 'beer and pretzels' rich you see all over these days, but genuine rich. Some of the paintings were originals. And 'dead' originals too. The good stuff. It turned out that the humans, some sharp couple in their late fifties, were out for the evening. Wait a second. Let me look it up in the akoshic records.....Ah, there it is. A fivethousand dollar a couple fundraiser for some glitzy charity. Dinner, dancing, goody-bags. The whole shmear. But the place wasn't empty. Somebody was screaming and shrieking down in the basement, so our little blood-sucker skipped down to investigate. Like a habitat it was. All fitted out for a West African great ape with tree trunks, thriving foliage, a fake water fall, banks of 'grow lights' heavy, rubber toys and a fiftysix inch flat panel 3D television with old, black and white Tarzan movies running on what seemed to be a continuous loop. Annie sees this wonderful, living toy and knows she's gotta have it. So she sublimates through the thick bars and throws her boney arms arounnd the beast. Bad enough when she was just watching from beyond the other side. Even that made it berserk. But now the thing was completely deranged. Ever see the cheaper class of high school girls having a fist fight? Well, then you know what I mean. The monkey tries to rip her off. It wants to break her arms. It wants to rip her flesh. But it can't stop her. It can't do anything. True, there are times when she's weak. The power isn't steady among them. Even Papa's like that. But this night was special. This night was one of her strong ones. So she sinks her teeth  through the matted monkey hair and begins to slurp up all the pungent monkey blood. So much of it there was. But she drank it all, burped a few times, and then proceeded to give it back, just at that moment before her simian friend was about to start his knuckle walk into munka-munka heaven. And the worst part is the hairy monster knew just what to do. So after a little bit, there were two vampires in that cage. What, did you think it couldn't happen? Why not? They're almost a 'genetic' duplicate of us (yes, Zebulon was human once). And when Mister and Missus Kiss-Kiss-Pose -For-The-Camera, charity do-gooders came home, wifey poo had a big surprize waiting for her downstairs. She goes to give J. Fred Muggs a slice of 'take home' strawberry short cake, only she takes the place of dessert instead. And her three times drunk hubby goes upstairs, so he don't notice anythings amiss till morning. By then, Annie stands before Papa, hopping from foot to foot doing her best 'can I keep him? can I keep him?' dance.....All this, and Jonathon hasn't even showed up with Sarah yet.....Ahhh, the cala-lillies are in bloom....Springtime in Philadelphia....Drink it in...Revel in the pixilated magic.....

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