TIDBITS FROM THE ENCHANTED FOREST---hootchies, chimps and everything

I don't even know where he is now. Doctor Franklin and the people at the Anti-Enchantment-Bureau got the killer momkey. They got Muggs. You know that. Yeah, they let him run loose sometimes, either up in the Adorondacks, or every once in a while down in the Jersey Pines. One guy says he's been seen in the Smokies. He's tagged. They got chips and sensors all over him. So now they got more recorded data on 'vampire' behavior (OK, so it's simian, vampire behavior) than humans have ever had in the last umpteen thousand years. And that chimp ain't the only one. Little, Miss Luna lights up on their computer screens too. And that dumb, selfish bitch IS a 'human,' or was anyway. So whatever goes on here at Chestnut Hill translates into a big, nasty vampire soap opera over in that complex they got under the navy yard. I told you about the miniturized video camera she's got right in one of her eye balls? You know about her unrestrained hootchie-ism. Well, so does fifty percentof  humanity. And when we narrow the label down to teenage humanity of the predominately male variety, the number spikes to eighty nine percent. Do they know she's a vampire? No, thank God. But they are a little bit indignant over the fact that all this quality entertainment comes through from the female's point of view, because they only see her body when she looks down at it. Video purists claim that tends to distort the image a little. Although those private moments when she's giving 'tickle candy' to herself are exceedingly popular. So far, the guys at the Bureau are real careful about leaking any of the vampire stuff. But Papa says it would not make a bit of difference even if they did. Come on, look how many self-limiting A-holes still refuse to even consider the possibility of life on other worlds. As if God took the time to dig out all these fish ponds and then somehow made up his mind to stock only one of  'em. See, Papa handles things differently when he goes out. He give 'em the 'stink eye.' He hypnotizes 'em and they don't know from nothin'. And the kids, them little ones, the elves and cherubs? Anybody sees them, they figure they're drunk or somethin', or like maybe somebody slipped a funny capsule down into their can a Diet Fanta. What little HAS shown up about them on the internet got quickly branded 'a hoax.' Just like they done with Rosewll..Man them dumb cattles don't even know they got ropes around they necks. What are you gonna do about it?.....

But Annie's been a little more nervous than usual. She got lots a people after her. Franklin and his boys wanna study her. And those people hiding behind the Vatican been makin' eyes at her too. What could be better than a newly formed, still relatively weak, whiny, little, stringy-haired girl vampire that they could control like a puppet? Can you imagine that? Shit, who the hell need Chuckie? At least this makes her behave a little better. That 304 year old, fat, bald hippie-lookin' dude and them Roman guys talkin' Latin into their super tiny cell phones are like the Boogie Man to her. And don't everybody know it. Oh, and Baylah? I didn't forget about her. She's gone back down to Atlantic City with her rich boyfriend. Not 'Lantic City actually. One of those little towns just to the south. Margate, I think it is. They got tickets for some big shows. I'll let you know who it is when I find out. And speakin' a 'name entertainment,' I gotta go relax. It's time for Zebulon to sit down and watch Liz Taylor on The Johnny Carson Show. And I don't wanna miss it..