Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Baylah, our Beyonce look alike, poker playing vampirina, invited me to go stay at her rich boyfriend's exceptionally fine beach house with the two of them. For a while, they were laying low, bunking at hotel suites and the like. But human beans are dumb. They refuse to see what they know they see. Could a stayed at the hotels, but they didn't.  So they're back at the big place in Margate. Lemme tell ya, I could get used to this. You can't die from designer sheets, natural slate, multi-head shower stalls and 3D flat screen TV's. Central airconditioning that actually works is good too. I  go out for pancakes every morning (if you can agree that under certain circumstances 1:30 pm is morning). And they let me pilfer a Benjamin or two from the Ming Dynasty money jar in the 'granite-with-a-vengence'  kitchen. Baylah, naturally, sleeps during the day in an opulent, little nest he had them build down the basement. You know the bottle 'I Dream of Jeannie' lived in? Well, it's like that.

The rich guy boyfriend has a white Bentley. It's all over town. Maybe you seen it?. Sometimes we scoot over to the marina back on Amherst Avenue and take the boat out. It's a classic, Penn Yan 58 foot sedan cruiser, in mint condition too, all decorated in teak, navy blue duck cloth, white piping, subtle touches of polished brass, accented with the occasional yellow throw pillow just to make things 'pop.'

They let you dock your boats at the big Bayfront casinos (Harrah's, The Golden Nugget, The Borgota), so that's how we roll. Baylah heads straight to the poker room. The rich boyfriend likes no limit blackjack. They usually toss me a few black chips, maybe fifteen hundred dollars worth. I cash 'em in and plant myself in front of a 'joler poker' video machine. I find the experience positively mesmerizing. You don't have to eat or urinate or nothing when them digital kings and queens start flippin' 'round.

Later on we meet for an early morning supper in one of the gourmet places where they force-feed the high rollers, almost as bad as they do them geese in France. Baylah likes looking at all the people, smelling all the smells and smiling at strangers. Sometimes she'll pick out a 'deserving' soul or two (evil doers) and have a bite herself when we're done.

But she still got a little of 'the call' in her. She still do her duty. I went with her once. You know those poor people who camp under the Boardwalk? She goes to them, dispensing  these little bottles of booze they used to pass out on the airlines. Only each one has a drop or two of her restorative blood swirled in. She helps a lot of folks. She cures sickness. Sometimes the miraculous blood even makes 'em think straight. You know, it's all part of that vampire 'preserve the worthy' thing. She knows what Jonathon and Sarah are trying to do. But her ways are a little different. No mass movements for her. 'Brighten the Corner where You Are' - that's what she thinks. The night I was there, she helped two queens (homeless transvestites....always dear to her heart)...and three Jacks (young, pathetic winos). That's a full house in my book....I'll let you know when she gets a royal flush.........This is wilkravitz saying 'good night everyone.' And 'May you never know pain. May you never know fear. May you hide from death now and for forever.' ..... (a vampire blessing)

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