Thursday, September 8, 2011


I was caught. They saw me, or one of them did. A servant. I never liked him and he never liked me. the Philistine bastard. Was he a slave? Who cares. He owed a debt. And besides, we were not like the pagans. Most slaves were freed after seven years. Even if they had no place to go and chose  to stay with their master, they could not remain beyond the Year of Jubilee.

He lived in the little room next to mine. Sort of like an in-house bookkeeper he was. Did a little bit of everything. And I could smell him lighting those tiny, little inscence fires to that statue of his. Nobody else knew about it, but I did. Oh, he was such a favorite. He was so indispensible. Kept perfect records and everything. They fed him the same food we got. He wore all the best cloth from Damascus. Even took part in The Passover with us.

They loved that son-of-a-bitch. Boy did they love him...especially my girl cousin. She lived with us. Her parents were dead. I think a sea serpent devoured them en route to Cyprus, or something like that.  Man, you had to really look out for those sea serpents in my day. Today...not so much. Look, I'm not a dope. I know it must have been a rogue wave, or a storm. But what the hell difference does it make? And wouldn't the Weather Channel be more interesting if that big, bald guy said - We have a huge iron-scaled , fiery sea beast  with five score giant bat wings churning up the waters o'er the remnants of Atlantis........instead of telling you to watch out for little miss  Hurricane Big-Tits? What a poetically barren age you live in. Even the vampires dress like fools.

So my cousin started kissing up to those statues with him. Then she graduated to kissing up other stuff too. I saw. I knew. I was gonna tell. Why? Why do you think, numb nuts!? I liked her! They used to go out in this little courtyard we had out back. It was where the olive trees grew. But none of us went out there after dark. The gnats would eat you up alive. Apparently, not just the gnats.

I threatened them. Said I would 'tell.' But they bought me off. What did it take, a handful of shekels? That's where I got the money to go wandering around the city. And that's how I got in trouble. That Philistine creep didn't run back and tell my father the first time. He waited. He was shrewd. They both were, my cousin too. So they tailed me and they watched. Then one night.....I think it was just before  the Pentecost, they went to him. He had guests, other learned men from Punt. Were they Israelites? Not exactly, but sort of. Our Faith had somewhat of a following down there ever since that Solomon and Sheba fiasco. Look, you heard about Menelik? You heard about the Dissappearance? The Blessed Ark of The Covenant, I mean. Well, my father was meeting with some of those almost Israelites from down in Axum. They revered him, a hereditary priest, a noble. Kind a like some transported cut purse from Australia having high tea with the queen. And my progenitor loved to play that part.

So they barged in, the Philistine and my kinswoman. They told about my 'unclean' acts. They told about the Assyrian vampires. They told about the blood. And you know how Orthodox Jews feel about the ingestion of blood. So they threw their sugared dates and almonds to the floor and raced out into the night to find me.

Ever see someone get stoned? And no, I do not mean how the Ishmaelites or Medes do it. It is not what you see on the internet today. I mean how they really did it. I mean how it was done in Jerusalem. Well, come back tommorrow and I'll tell you. Might say I had a front  row seat.......


speaking of spirits, oh best beloveds.......get a load of this SCHMOOZINGWITHALIENS tidbit

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