Wednesday, December 14, 2011


The cherubs peeked out from behind a small, knuckle of rock. They watched Petunia take little tastes of the sad, helpless pin head boy. Actually, if you looked at him real fast, you might not even notice. I mean his face was goofy, but not that goofy and his cranium wouldn't take no blue ribbon at the four aitch or nothin', but it wasn't that far off the mark. Folks in the Pines just called him 'Pin Head,' 'cause his brains were a little slippery. That's all. Nothin' seemed to stick. But he was a good kid and he did not deserve any of this crap.

Now cherubs are a soft hearted lot. Comes from losin' their mamas so young. And they could not abide the 'bad touch' attentions of that sloppy, gluttonous, blood-whore, so they screwed up they little selves, commenced to screechin' some high-pitched baby wails and flew out at the Petunia bitch like hell-in-a-layette-set. You know how they does things with them little tongues? The tips are keen and diamond sharp. Has to be since they ain't got no teeth. Most times they just goes tickle-tickle on a neck or like the top part of a tittie, take a little sip and that's it. Sleepin' folks don't even know they was bit. Nobody dies, 'cause that ain't the way they do business. I think God wants 'em here to spread understanding, 'cause a little bit of each individual's pain and suffering gets passed onto the next one what gets bit. Still, they can be mighty defensive when some bastid gets they talcum up. And they were real set on hurtin' that vampire tramp real bad.

I want you to know this all went  down in like two heartbeats. Each cherub takes an eye. Zooms in wit' them little razor tongues wiggling like crazy jitterbugs and bores right in. She start screamin' and battin' 'em away. They fly off a few yards and come right back. Blood drippin' down her crumby face. She cursin'. She cryin'. Johnny, her vampirino 'fancy man' wakes hisself up from a drooly-mouthed stupor (you see, light from candles or like little Dora the Explorer battery powered lamps tends to hypnotize the man) lunges for his big. ole shotgun and prepares to pump off a round. Pin Head Mel don't do nothin'. He just lookin' and laughin' and clappin', 'cause he like a good show and this better than his most precious favorite, Jerry Springer. That dumb, little son-a-bitch near peed hisself.

But Johnny can't do nothin' with that ole gun. You know most vampires can't finesse no firearm worth shit. And I do not know why that's so, but it just is. So next thing, he gets real mad and starts swingin' it 'round like a baseball bat, or something. Now he aimin' for them cute, little vampire babies, but they fast, so BAM! Petunia takes a hit., right on the least ugliest side a her head. He tries again, only them flyin' babies go zippin' 'round like a couple regular kamikazes. It the Battle a Midway all over again. Pin Head laughin' and laughin'. Petunia wrigglin' down in the dirt, cryin' 'My eyes! My eyes! That's when them babies take off after the man, 'cause she gonna be blind for 'bout a million heartbeats 'fore her eyes grow back. And when they do, it gonna burn and itch like hell. So he get  up and go runnin' down some side tunnel like Curly (you know, from The  Three Stooges?) wit' a gorilla after him. Babies figure that mus be a fast way out. So they rouse the moron. You know, kick him in the face a few times, like to get his attention. First he look angry. No, more sad like he 'bout to cry. Then he smiles, 'cause they keep flyin' at him and bouncin' back like it a game a tag. Morons like games. You know how he is with Yahtzee?

Forty one heartbeats later, they got him outta that mine and led  him back home. Hardly tripped in the dark, or nothin', 'cept for that semi-rotten, ole mafia body. But you know you gonna find them in The Pines.They like the national flower or somethin'. They planted everywhere.

Folks is so happy to see him, they had a Yahtzee party went on for like six hours.

Ain't nobody even noticed when it begin to snow....

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