Sunday, January 29, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Cimmaron

Now do not think all the Tuva-Tuva are tamed. Sure, you see 'em workin' in stores and playin' nanny to snot nosed little bastids. But that's just some a them. The rest are 'out there,' far beyond where the Earth folks dare to go. Every once in a while they send army dudes into to the badlands on 'clean-ups'. And I mean dudes a both sexes. They fire off a few rounds, rattle some dried up bones, lasso a Tuva bandit or two. Once in a while they accidentally on purpose kill somebody..... You know what I mean when I say 'somebody.' I mean one a them orange hinky-dinks. ....Hinky-dinks is a big word out here. It's like what-cha-m'call it, or yadda-yadda used to be back in your benighted time. Everybody say it. You see a dust devil, it a hinky-dink. Cowboy start actin' crazy, he got the hinky-dinks.  Ugly babies is hinky-dink babies. Yah get gas  and start shootin' bunnies, yah go - 'scuse me, I got a bad case a the hinky-dinks. Some a the dumber ma's even tap it out on absence notes for they lazy, little fat asses...... Please excuse my little catfish. He got the hinky-dinks. ........ Me? I hardly ever say it. I prefer 'turdarific' myself. I believe it conveys a certain sense of dis-stink-shun.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. I was tellin' you 'bout them Tuva folk...the wild ones. 

They got caves, real deep ones, back from the days when Mars had its own water, before we brung them comets. Nobody go all the way down. Nobody want to. Look, you don't know about all the critters we got out here yet. What, you know 'bout them big, blue crickets? Hell, they ain't nothin'. You can eat  them. Cook up real pretty, just like hard-shell crabs. I gotta take you to a cricket shack. Show you what I'm talkin' 'bout. And then  you heared about the 'chupis'? All right, but we got chupi guns for them. We got zap fences. Them, we can beat. Sure they take out a few wide-eyes, screamin' settlers. Bunch a dopes. Should a never stepped off Earth in the first place.

And you know what gets me? The blood. The DNA. why is it all them varmints runnin' round  over here got relly-tives back on Earth? Somebody been playin' in the pet shop. Somebody been messin'  wit the herd. Egg-head types say it happened prob'ly back before the last ice-age. But we ain't never found no 'arks' yet. 'Less they out in the badlands. 

Ever once in a while Whitey take out a sky-pony. He like to glide low over the border lands. Not exactly bad...yet. Just a little bit mischievous. Sometime he see things. Sometime he don't. Once he circled for maybe half an hour, watchin' a bunch a chupicabras   gnawin' on what was left of a half dead human. Couldn't tell if it was 'boy' or 'girl'. They already chewed up all the good parts.  He a bit too far out that time.  Don't do that too often. His best trick is lettin the horse dump a heavy load a hot crap all over city folk. You know the type. Got guards. Got chupi guns. Got protein bars. Got face wipes. All duded out in that catalog ' gear they order up from Earth. Shit that makes 'em mad. But them sky-ponies fast. They go WHUMP-WHUMP-WHUMP wit them big wings they got and BAM, they out a there. 

Only this time, he did see something. Horse was up high, so maybe they did not notice. But he saw. He saw the whole thing. Two big  guys drag a tied-up dope outta  a 'tank.' (armored 'Hummer-like vehicle). Guy screamin' and pleadin'. But it don't do him no good. They just drag him over to a long, twistin' crack and start rollin' him in. He tense his body, tryin' to bridge the gap. They pick up a few rocks and drop 'em on his belly. He groans. He screams. He cries. He shrieks.  But he goes down. Took a little work. But they get rid of him. Then they get back in the tank, slam the door and drive away. Mars is real good at hidin' stuff. And them Tuva-Tuvas is real good at findin' 'em.

Whitey saw it all. And one a them goomers look like somebody he seen before. Who knows? Maybe it was just the way he limp.


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