Sunday, February 12, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... Stinker and Family

First thing is the sign. More like an arch, really. It go over the road leadin' up to the house. Genuine wrought iron from when they take down that Eiffel Tower in France. Stinker did not buy the whole thing, jus' a little piece a it. But he paid 'nuf for it. Now it form a dull, black satchel handle, wit the  words 'Number One' scrawled out on top. That what he call the place. Was gonna call it 'God's Country.' But Misses Stinker's decoratin' taste don't jibe wit that monicker . She partial to a more flamboyant atmosphere. If you ever been to Graceland, back on Earth, it like that, only mite less tasteful. 

Now 'Number One' is not a workin' ranch. It too close  to the city for that. What we got here is a 'play land' for a fat assed son-a-bitch. Sure they do got a few a them fifty pound, miniature bovines. I don't know what breed 'zactly . Stinker got all a them flavors.  Some got a honey-onion-garlic stink. Some got a Mexicali ambiance. Few got Kansas City all over 'em.
From what I hear, they real good eatin' too. 

He sittin in the media room right now watchin a hologram a 'West Side Story.' Look at that flabby son-a-bitch, singin' all the songs  and screwin' up his face. Oh, he don't spit out the words so's you'd hear 'em. Jus' moves his malf aroun' like a ventriloquist's dummy what ain't got no hand up it's ass.

Tuva-Tuva gal crackin' off his toenails wit the same, little scissors she use to cut up kitchen crap. But he doan know that. Bet she wanna jab them scissors right in his stomach. Bet she wanna reach inside that robe and prune off that disgustin' little pecker. Bet she wanna do a lot a shit...... But she can't, 'cause this here  Stinker Jones we talkin' 'bout. 

He wanna look real good (for him) tomorrow when they go to that funeral. That why he gettin' the pedicure.  Doan wanna make nobody up-chuck they barbecue durin' the swimmin' part. 

Misses Stinker want him to get hisself a professional back-shave. But he doan wanna. Say he gonna wear a big, ole t-shirt anyways. Coulda had hisself all lazer-ized when they was on vacation, cruisin' them Jovian ice moons. But he jus' say 'no.' He a slob. 

Stinker do like goin'  to funerals, though. That how he make sure folks is truly dead, 'specially when he the one who want 'em that way. Funeral grub good too. Out here it mostly barbecue. That like a tradition. Mars-Mariachi band sound real nice too. I don't know which one they havin' , but you  know it gonna be a good one.

Is he takin' a chance struttin' out to this shindig? ...... Hell, yes. Folks been known to cetch a bad case a death at a Martian funeral. But it not like he gone by hisself. Stinker-boys'll be there. And what Bart gonna do anyway? He wanna see his kid in The Stone House real bad. Losin' Alec jus' an unavoidable piece a collateral damage. 

Shit, any good general know that.........


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