Tuesday, March 27, 2012

These are the days of EL RANCHO TEXACO ..... The Situation

Big Daddy told 'em lots a stuff. He shimmy-shamed his electronic particles all up and down the internet, kissin' up to other programs and squeezin' the shit out a them. He know how them Chinese goomers make them bee-bops. He know what them M.I.R. (Mars Is Red) bastids want a do. He know how much help The United States and Provinces of North America really gonna give. He even know the secret 'gredient in Coca-Cola. He also know they growin' a new edition a his grandson Alec. But he doan wanna talk 'bout that. Why jinx it? An' he 'specially liked talkin' a Little Davey. He liked that part best of all. 


So after...when Bart switch him off... he drift back to his carefully programmed simulation of Mars, circa 2075, right after the first big Change. Things was rough. Air still scratchy-like. Even so, chupicabras woke up real fast. Folks gettin' chomped up left and right. Sky-ponies still not hundred percent. Few look all right. Rest got crappy lookin' wings. Tuva-Tuva startin' a re-constitute. Like Lazarus stumblin' out from the tomb, that what they was like. Earth folk (new ones, I mean) used a give 'em soup. Didn't know they long lost cousins back then. Now they do know and it still doan make no difference.


But Johnny got a real nice spread. You seen it...The Polvarosa (that mean red dust in Spanish). Big house all brand new. Barn right spruce lookin'. Stables all first rate. Mostly all Arabians back in those days. He ain't married to Loretta yet. But she do come out with her mama for visits from time to time. She not from Barsoom. That always a wild kind a place. Her folks from Rodenberry. They more churchy-like. Still had the Cafe at The Crossroads. You know. Where the Walgreen was? An' a right nice General Merchandise Emporium. Think there used a be a little library and community social hall too........ (wait, lemme look) Yeah, they did. They must a, 'cause it still in the program. 


So Johnny settin' out on the big, ole, wide veranda, squintin' into the sun and sippin' on a ice cold glass a whiskey.  Got his best digitally programmed canine companion, Caleb (that mean dog in Hebrew).  Brand new, re-constituted Tuva-Tuva woman out in the kitchen tryin' a fry up some eggs. Gus and Isaac comin' over to play cards. Maybe sheriff gonna join 'em. who knows? 


Sometime that Arianna Huffington (she immortalized as a hologram, jus' like him) get jealous a all this phony shit. She glad when Loretta not here. And what he got ain't the REAL Loretta. The real Loretta never did have herself 'lectrified. No, she jus' die regular-like. She ain't in no universal web. She in Heaven and that another kind a place entirely.


Johnny gonna ask Gus to help him. Gus a hologram, 'lectrified, immortal, semi-dead guy too. They gonna shimmy-sham theyselves all over the web. They gonna learn even more stuff. 'Cause Bart gonna need it when he bust his family out a there. Gotta bust out, less he want that bunker be a tomb.


M.I.R. goomers fixin' somethin'.  They fixin' somethin' big. Ever hear tell a folks what went 'gook' from Ebola? Liquified liver runnin' out they eyes and nose.  Itchin' like a bed bug  campground. Shit hole worse than the Mighty Mississipp.  Well then, you know what the first stage gone be like....


Second stage gone be like spontaneous human combustion... only not near as nice.


Hells-a-poppin'...Yes siree.....


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