Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: EDITH 'FORESEES' A VAMPIRIC VISITOR

I THINK ZEBULON'S BEEN SUBLIMATING THROUGH THE ETHERS OF MISTER NEVER-YOU-MIND a little too much... Disembodied spirits do that sometimes... Good post from two and a half months ago... Go see..  then just GOOGLE~~ VAMPIRE WONDERLAND by Billy Kravitz,  for many portals into this world... Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: EDITH 'FORESEES' A VAMPIRIC VISITOR: Annie was playin' with her BARBIE'S DREAM HOUSE. Looked like a crib for little, plastic whores, the way she had it all done up. She still w...

ANOTHER VAMPIRIC SOUL FROM ANOTHER PLACE

The Pines are in an uproar. Red Paint People, usually stoic, thirst for revenge. Matilda was special, groomed for spiritual duties and destined to become a Talk-To-God Woman. She stems from a line known to those on Lemuria and other long gone places too. Her Daddy-Man has a relic, the false teeth of the last Lemurian 'Strong Man' (ruler), given to his forebear straight off the glistening gums of the dying royal. Sometimes she played 'Cheshire Cat' with them, but only when her 'big folk' wern't around.

Now the vampires don't want to get involved in all this. Pine folks are more than capable on their own. The contractor's finished. The townhouse is ready. Conrad and Leo can go 'share-sies' now. Edith wants Mister Edith to shuffle off with 'em, but he can't make up his mind, so she ask Sarah for two or three blood vials, 'case he get hurt. You know  how generous Sarah is with them, little, glass, blood vials. Tomas left a few too, but he antsy. Wanna go back and pick up some new fall stuff from a l'il man-boutique runnin' 'round over on Walnut Street. Think they got some leather jackets he been lookin' at.

Edith say - They pushin' in on us. Plain-Folk (non-Pineys) wanna kill this place. Wanna put up all-you-can-eat joints and paint-your-toe-nail-parlors....... That make her sad. That make anybody sad, what got sense. Can't go 'round killin' magic, else alls you gonna have is bricks and paint.

But that big, jolly, round, ole governor they got bouncin'up an' down in Trenton, like Pineys. Maybe he like the trees more'n the people, but they doan care. Jus' so the 'plain' world stay away. Sky gotta be safe for Jersey Devil, you know. 'Sides, we already got the Snatch & Grab. How many store we need?

Red Paints fixin' up a killin' pond. They got two of 'em. One for the lady-folk and one for the gents. No reason. That jus' how they does it. Look like regular swimmin' hole... jus' like a plain, ole skinny dip place. Only killin' ponds is different. Folks cry long time 'fore goin' 'guhk' in one a them. Got somthin' special paddlin' 'round...somethin' mean...and dark... and hungry. Who knows, maybe more'n one. Tie a body up. That is after daintily peelin' off all the clothes. Never know what you might wanna save. Throw 'em in and wait for the party to start jumpin'. Know what they does? They  shove rubber hose in a malf a the victim an' duct tape it in place. Like a long, snaky snorkel what don't come out. Hose real long...maybe twenty feet...maybe thirty...maybe forty. Tied-up bastid lay down there in the mud... in the dark... jus' waitin'. You know, them what does it ain't hungry all the time...mostly, but not always.

Annie want a stay and see, but Sarah and Tomas doan wanna let her. Say she all twisted up inside as it is. So she ask if it OK for her to kill one a the actors in some big, ole, derelict, haunted prison thing they got goin' in Philadelphia. You know, like for Halloween and all. Tomas say he think about it, dependin' on how bad an actor them 'zombies' is. But you know he ain't gonna let her. 

Leo wanna get back to the city too. Sure it mean he gotta put some pants on. But he willin' a sacrifice comfort for vittles. That boy doan hold wit' no 'one nasty victim a month' deal. That boy like a vampire smorgasbord if you ask me. Baylah say he gone be trouble. Maybe Doctor Franklin gotta lock him up or somethin'?

Tomas do like The Pines, though. Say it feel right this time a year, 'cause it The Festival of Tabernacles an all. That the Biblical Thanksgivin', when old time Hebrews camp out in, uh, pergolas, I guess you call 'em. Only wit' lots a sweet smellin' pine boughs on the roof. Doan know where they find pine boughs in the desert. Think God give it to 'em. Maybe I ask somebody next time I get up heaven way....

An' that 'archer' still out there, 'cause next night Miss Mitzi Gaynor, she the next door neighbor dog, come home wit' a shaft in her rump. But that they were able to fix. She limp a little, but at least she live.

Vampires gonna give it 'nother night or so. Tomas get a breath in his piney air....Annie maybe see a big, ole killin' show. That way everybody happy.

Autumn in The Pines is jus' scrumptious...

Oh, and 'bout that other vampiric soul from 'nother place.... Well, he jus' ain't showed up yet... Vampire doan follow no time-table, you know...

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POOR LITTLE DEAD RED PAINT GIRL'S NAME IS MATILDA

That night they 'threw the bones.' It not really so hard a do. Y'all might think it sick'ning, but y'all think that 'bout lot a thing. Got a cave back in the woods. Maybe it an old mine. I do not really know. But it look like a cave. Red Paint folks use it for like a chapel. Talk-To-God Man live in it. He got a bed. It just two old mattresses, but that all right. Got two little bit banged up 'IGLOO' coolers for water. Everybody need water. 

Mommy - Woman and Daddy-Man tote her in. The little girl, I mean. Lay her down on a rough, stone slab. Got flowers on it and everything. Other folks shuffle in after. Mortals, vampires, couple Jersey Devils... they all here. Few other disembodied spirits drift in too. Talk-To-God Man light candles. He got a lot a candles. Most of 'em old red ones from a closed up steak house on the Black Horse Pike. He like red candles. Couldn't get no table cloths a go wit' 'em. Somebody's son-in-law got them.

Mommy-Woman start singin'. It more like a hum, actually. Red Paint folks rock a little bit from side to side. Everybody else jus' stand quiet and respectful. Jersey Devils put on pants. More like purple, nylon thongs, to be truthful. Still, you gotta give 'em something for makin' the gesture. Daddy-Man say somethin'. It in a real old way a talkin', so I cannot tell you what it is... not word for word. He jus' say bye-bye and that he love her and 'spects a see her in this world and the next.... Both a them cry a little. Mommy-woman hiccup some. Sniff back a bitsy snot. Talk-To-God Man look at 'em. He nod. They nod. He pick her up and put her in a little quartz trough..... like what horses would drink from in The Glass Menagerie, if the Flintstones made it. Then he pour a lot a water on her. Say some more old talk. Light charcoal 'round it, put on a big, rough, copper lid (more like a bashed up rectangle that just happen a fit) and plop back down. Guess he forgot, 'cause three heartbeat later he motion for everybody a set down and they do. Some a the human beans grunt a little (two fart), but they all manage to get down. After that we just wait. 

It get hot in there. Folks starts sweatin'. Smoke snake up through cracks in a roof, but that don't cool it off none. Pin Head Mel get cranky. His mama rock him some. Jersey Devils start sweatin'. Get real lathery, jus' like a horse. After a while they pulls off them thongs. Got to, else they want a die.

Don't smell no dead girl cookin. Guess he threw somethin' in the water. But she boilin' up real good. Meat gotta be off them bones by now, 'specially seein' how it jus' soft, little girl meat. 

Talk-To-God Man ass walk over and look in to see. Then he say - It done.... I took a peek. Look like boiled chicken what cook too long...... Then he say - Rise up! Rise up and fly! Taste the sweetness of the sky!......... Ain't no sky in there. But that what he say. Guess part a the service in English. 

He throw off the lid. Ladle in some water. Steam start risin' real good. Mommy-Woman say she see her. Say she see her little girl, Matilda, in the cloud. Folks start noddin' and buzzin'. Soon everybody see her. Pin Head Mel clap his hands. He happy. But his mama shush him up. 

Only thing is, she really in that cloud, 'cause I seed her too. Daddy-Man say - who done it? Who kill you?......... Matilda say - I sorry, Daddy. I not mean a go so far........ He tell her not to worry...... Girl say she jus' wanna get good at 'slow jumpin''. That their word for levitatin'. She say bad man, plain human man, come outta trees. He a archer man, huntin' muskrats and varmints. Mus' a lost his job, but still got a taste for meat. You know how it is? Seed her sashayin' 'round, wit' her bottom up off the ground. Got scared. Started prayin'. Guess his God mus' a told him a shoot her up, 'cause that what he do. Six heartbeat later she dead, but he keep on shootin'. After he yank out them arrows an' use 'em again, mostly for shootin' crows, but least he got somethin'. 

Edith say huntin' man what ain't Piney don't stay 'round here. Daddy-Man say - How you know he ain't Piney? Not all folk got the hoo-doo like we do........ Pin Head Mel laugh some more. He like poetry.

Annie say - Y'all want me to find him? I kill him up real good....... But Sarah tell her not a butt in. 

Somethin' gone happen. I can guarantee. Daddy-Man want it to happen..... They all do.

Me? What? You wanna know what Mister Never-You-Mind do?... Well, I tell you. I jus' shimmy-sham up through that mine roof and find her. Matilda, I mean. She not know where to go. She not know what a do. So I help her. Take her to a place legally part a heaven, but wit' some kind a telephone line to what y'all got 'round here..... That way she say 'hi' to her mama every now and then..... I figure it best that way.....

Bet y'all talk to folks in that part a heaven all the time..... only you all call it 'dreams'......

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A POSSE IN THE PINES AFTER AN OLD (scaled down) RITUAL

The Red Paint woman carefully laid her little girl on the bed. Others of her kind gathered 'round. The breed is entirely human, but tribal ties run deep, especially after twenty thousand years. What's felt by one is felt by all. Not the world over, but within a certain radius. The four females surrounded the neat, little, quilt-covered pallet. They reached out, held hands and quietly said a prayer. That's when the Saint Vitus' Dance set in. They began to tremble and tremble and tremble. Moe-Larry-Curly, the dog (they just called him 'Moe'), whimpered and crawled from the room. Twelve heartbeats later the dead, little girl began to move. Her body rose up, as if borne on invisible hands. Red paints excell at levitation. Once moved a house from New Gretna to May's Landing. Had to do it at night, but they got the job done. 

Daddy-man come in with some big, old scissors. Don't know what they used to cut with them in the old days. He used them to remove the muddy t-shirt. Snip, snip, snip and it was gone. Just fell back down on the bed. Then he silently inspected the holes. They were dry now, but you could tell. You could see where they came in. Some from the front and some from the back. A regular Saint Andrew, or Anthony, or whoever it was. You've seen the pictures. The one with all the arrows in him. Only these arrows got pulled out. 

Daddy-man smell the wounds. Once or twice he taste 'em. Then he kiss his little girl on her forehead.... mumble somethin' to hisself and nod. Red Paint ladies start cryin', as she float back down to the bed. 

Now in the old days when they were fixin' to do big things, there'd be a 'Throwin' A the Bones.' Think they had one back when we first started channeling this over two years ago. Shouldn't a done it then, but they did. Guess y'all can google it (Throwin' of the Bones) if you want to know. Used to have a hollowed out crystal bull. Big too. Think I once saw maybe eight or ten people stuffed inside. A relic it was. Don't know how old. Guess they made it here, back in prehistoric New Jersey days. God knows what they call the place then. Must a dug it out from a big hunk a quartz. A diamond as big as The Ritz. Got a lid, like a stopper. Fits in real tight right where a saddle would be. Folks inside knowed what was comin'. They drugged up... a little bit. Still, it gotta hurt some. The Talk-To-God Man make like a fire under the belly. First he put water inside, so they steam and boil the right way. Meat gotta fall off the bones, else it ain't no good.

But this gonna be a baby version, like them Readers' Digest condensed books everybody got collectin' dust. And these days, Talk-To-God Man say bakin' up a dead person almost good as  a livin'. So they gonna do it to the dead, baby girl. She gonna tell 'em. She gone tell 'em who done it.

After that come revenge. You doan wanna miss that part. 

Vampires feel somethin'. Get like a itch, or a tingle. You know, like what you get when that dandruff shampoo really workin'. But it too light yet, so they can't come out. Edith rockin' back and forth on her porch. She know. She feel. Not Red Paint, but she know. 

Pin Head Mel come over. He wanna know what happen. But she don't say nothin'. Just keep rockin'. So he go back in a Pines and walk away. 

Moe-Larry-Curly climb up though. He sad. He real sad. He 'dog' sad. Edith pet him on a head. Then she go get him a carrot. Moe-Larry-Curly like a good carrot. Not that he ain't sad no more. But now he busy too. And that gotta count for somethin'.

Sun goin' down. Dark-time comin'. And this time... it gone be real dark...

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LITTLE SURE SHOTS IN THE JERSEY PINE BARRENS

And the dawn came up like blueberry-lemon water ice. The vampires curled up in Edith's root cellar. They don't have no little flat screen TV's in there, like they do in the city, so Mister Edith ran over to the 'Snatch & Grab' (their general store) and bought them some cheap, tiny, music catching devices called 'battery powered radios.' Then he filled them up with these tiny rollers. Look like Babylonian cylinder seals. You know, what they used to print their names. Now, nobody prints their name. They all have pin numbers. 

Mister Never-You-Mind drifted off to hear some 'strummin' and pickin'..... That's how they play this lyre thing they call a banjo. He likes banjos. But don't worry, because you have me now. You have Zebulon, the thirteen year old Judean boy who got stoned to death for playin' 'herbal healer' with a pagan sorceress. Worse thing is we never got to the good part. Never did see what a little gherkin can do.

I have been undulating through this ongoing tale since 5771. That's a bit over two years ago to the calendar-challenged among you. Jonathon, also known as Tomas, is a favorite of mine. He does not know it, but a distant progenitor of his kept company with The Blue Jinn, known throughout The Dual Monarchy of Israel-Judea since the heady days of Solomon The Great. He taught me how to turn beetles into grapes and snakes into diadems ( the jinn, that is). Last I heard he slipped into a parallel universe. Hope they have honeyed dates there. He loves honeyed dates. Sweet meats and Circassian dancing girls...... two of his favorite things...... But enough of this digression. Please allow me to steer our dhow back to its original course. Permit this lowly, dog-of-Canaan (though I, myself, identify with the royal Salukis)to return to the Barrens, in the province of Later-Day-Jersey.... I mean NEW Jersey... and regale you, once more, with the local goings-on....

While the life-eaters were sleeping, other things transpired. A Red Paint mother went searching for her little daughter. The girl never showed up for lunch...and braised muskrat can be so enticing. She attempted to contact the missing child both verbally and via mind-talk. Red Paints are especially adept at mind-talk, often breaking into the assorted day-dreams of people as far away as King of Prussia (real s.e. Pennsylvania town) and Bivalve, New Jersey. Yet her talents proved fruitless. Nothing worked. She sat herself down on a dead, spongy log and cried. 

But half passed a Sidonian hour-glass she saw something. Off to the right, under a stand of rather thick, Boston ferns of the feral variety. She saw a head... a little, gray, pale head, sticking up out of the damp earth like a mushroom. It had long, dark brown hair and the tiny tattoo of a crescent moon 'tween the eyebrows....... It belonged to her little girl.... not just the tattoo, but the head. So the Red Paint mother sobbed, as she fell down on her knees to retrieve it.

Now damp earth is hard to dig, even with a spade. And this one had only hands. But after approximately eight hundred and fifty two tears she cleared away the dirt covering the torso. That's when she saw the holes, at least a dozen of them, entering the poor, skinny body from all angles. Such wounds are caused by arrows. The woman knew that. And when she was done, she picked up the body and slowly walked back home. 

Red Paints are usually moderate in all respects. They speak quietly, dance quietly and sing quietly..... But they also kill quietly. 

Edith saw the sad, sad woman three hundred and fifty heartbeats later and she ran down from her porch to help her.....

It was time for a 'throwin' of the bones'.....

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VAMPIRES GO BARE-BACK RIDING ON A JERSEY DEVIL

Tomas call this a magic night. Only he don't say 'magic.' He say 'blessed.' You know how that boy believe? He set there prayin' and prayin'. He say - I doan care how you talk to God. Y'all gotta pray tonight. So everybody sit outside. Mister Edith pull lot a old beach chairs outta the shed. Think he get 'em from a casino. You know he was a real gambler back in the day.

They set 'em up on the grass between the porch and the Pines. It not a big space. Maybe like twenty feet, or eleven cubits, as Tomas say. Then he go - Y'all gotta ask God to forgive all the crap you do...... Only he doan say it like that. So they all start singin' and chantin' an' recitin'. Red Paint folks do this hummin' thing. It purdy, but it make me want a go to sleep. You know, disembodied spirits do nod off every now and then. Once I fell asleep during the Hoover administration and din't wake up til Mutiny On The Bounty came out. You know, the one wit' Clark Gable and Charles Laughton. Think Franchot Tone in it too...... I wanna be in a movie, if they ever let real ghosts play fake ghosts, that is. Do a real mean sand dance too. My daddy used to say - Why you do like you  do? He want me be a cotton merchant like him. But I wanna be a bad boy. That why they burnt me up. It the ouchiest night I ever had..... Way ouchiest.

Edith sing Amazin' Grace. Tomas like that. He doan care how you sees God, just so's you see 'im. Annie sing The Inky-Dinky Spider'. You know how she is. Conrad keep repeatin' - God is good. God is good...... Leo come back from his ghost whores. Jus' come walkin' out them woods, au natural and everythin'. He say - Who die? What you doin'?....... Sarah wrap a towel from 'Lantic City 'round his hips. You know, some vampires got no manners at all. But I guess it still like a novelty to him. Tomas (only tonight he use his Bible name and make us call him Jonathon) say - We all die. Tonight we all die. That why people doan eat. We like corpses. And God bring us back alive 'cause He want to. 'Cause we deserve it. OK? You got that, you dumb bastid?...... Only he doan talk that way... I do...... Mister Edith ask can he have a Rolaid, but Tomas make like he doan hear him.

After while most of 'em is all prayed out. Tomas know it, so he say - OK, prayin' over. Go do somethin' else. But y'all better make sure it good an' holy. Leo read old National Geographics on the porch. Conrad write letters to soldiers over in them foreign countries. He wanna tell 'em they from a vampire. Annie say she wanna kick him in his ass. So he jus' say they from a regular kind a goof. Edith run inside to watch the late night re-run of Hoda and Kathy Lee. That Hoda take a lot a shit from the other one. Somebody ought a kick both sides a her ass. Middle part too.

Pin Head Mel come by. He wit' Horsey Skeezix. Horsey say (he a Jersey Devil boy) his daddy givin' free rides all up into the big night time sky. Annie say she wanna go. Now you know Tomas won't do it, so Sarah gotta go wit' her. And what she really want a do is read her book. She in a THE NIGHT CIRCUS. That girl do like her magic. I like the one Edith readin' SPLIT DECISION, 'bout killers and hootchie, vampire-cops and all. You know all ghost gotta  do is move through them pages and BAM! He know the book.

So Horsey Skeezix lead 'em back in a Pines, to where his daddy is. Daddy say hi. Sarah nod. Annie giggle. Daddy-Devils is big, real big. Look mostly like human bean, but with shiny, dark horse fur. Face little long too, but you see people like that in a butcher shop any day. Glossy hair on his head run all down his back, til it come to a tail, jus' like Seabiscuit. His feet like human bean feet most all the ways down. But the ball a his feet and the toes ain't there. He got hoof instead. Arms is people arms though, jus' wit' that shiny horse fur. The fanciest part the wings. Big, gray, leathery, bat wings... comin' up outta his shoulders and spreadin' wide, like that evil, giant, demon fella in Fantasia, only Mister Skeezix not evil. He got peanut allergy and everythin'. An' he talk real nice too. Sound like Fred Gwynne from The Munsters. He say - Who wanna go up first?...... Annie say she do, so Sarah let her. Not like she gonna go 'guhk' (drop dead) or anything. She a vampirina. You know that. So horse-guy scoop her up and go WHOOSH! 'Bout six or eight beats a them big wings and they high up over the trees. Ain't no roads 'round here, so folks goin' back from 'Lantic City never see 'em. Annie laugh just like a human child. Sarah like that. An' knowin' how she is, that like a miracle. Tomas mus' be very happy. 

When it Sarah's turn, she sit on his back and grab hold a his neck. Jersey Devil got real strong neck. Pin Head Mel yell - Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Everythin' look purdy up there. Stars, planets, couple them Virgin jets and all. Big black sky. Actually real,real,real,real deep midnight blue. But you know what I mean.

And that horsey guy keep her up a real , real, real long time.

Regular folk would never see. But Tomas could. He lay out on the grass watchin'. 

Do all this sound strange to you? Well it is. 'Cause remember...we only pretend it fiction...

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MER-FOLK ARE PICKY EATERS

You know the mer-folk are still out there. Every night they come close into shore...lookin' for stuff. Sometimes plastic bags. They tear 'em up and weave 'em into stuff. Sometimes beer cans. or soda cans... (good source a metal) to use for harpoon tips and tail piercings.

Once in a while they discover half drowned people. Two legged people. Crotch people. People like us. That's when they have 'sushi.' Four or five of 'em gather 'round and start eatin'. Nobody see. No human beans, that is. This all happen few miles out. Starlight twinklin' on them little, tiny, baby waves. Dolphin goin'- Ack, ack, ack. Phosphorescent sea bugs decoratin' everything. Like one a them art nu-vo posters I seen 'round New Orleans when I was a boy. (It me, Mister Never-you-Mind. as if you did not know.). Human bean start screamin'. by then it got the pants ripped off, underwears too. But them mermaids and mermen ain't no cannon balls. They doan eat no arm, or tittie or neck, or belly, 'cause that wouldn't be right, seein as they got those parts too. Mostly confines theyselfs to what grows from the hips down. Shark-fish chomp up them other parts. Ain't no big thing to them 'cause they ain't got no titties, jus' real big heads wit' lots a teef.

That how it is. Everybody think - Oh, ain't that mermaid nice. Doan she look jus' like a angel what ain't got no brassiere? But you never see 'em when company not around.

I got lots a stories like that. Mister Never-You-Mind been floatin' 'round a long time. Once I went to Europe in the nineteen forties. Saw that monkey-faced French gal, Coco Chanel rubbin' up 'gainst them Germans. Givin' 'em perfume and stockin's and all...... Oooo! Know what else I seed? I seed Nazi 'scientists' make bare, little, cryin' children lay down on them slabs they slide into them pizza-oven-lookin' crematorium things they got....... Jus' push them bones over to the side. There, you got plenty room...... Then they bang em shut and light it up..... Wanna see how the 'right kind a folks' dies in a fire. Got thick little windows in the side and everything. Know how hot them ovens get? Two thousand degrees..... Like lava..... and the fire come shootin' in from everywhere....... Gangster fellas burnt me up in a fire too. Dowsed me wit' gasoline and everything. I know how that feel.... Poor, little lonesome children. Some a them still got teddy bears..... That true and that did happen.

Doan know why all this come into my head right now. Still a nice night in the Pines and all. Maybe I pickin' it up from Tomas. They tried to burn him too, you know. That like a thousand years ago, but even though.... he still remember. 

Maybe I get some a them burnt up little children a visit him. Let him see they all right. Wit' the Holy Day comin' up he like that.

I feels them things, 'cause I very spiritual too.

Jersey Devil (a growed one) gonna take Sarah and Annie up for a ride. You know how they got them big wings and all? So please excuse me, 'cause I wanna go watch.

Pines get strange at night....They get real strange...

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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: KILLER MONKEY AND BATTLE OF THE VAMPIRE VIXENS

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS ONE WHEN IT FIRST 'AIRED' AND IT'S A GOOD ONE TOO. JUST LOOK AT THE NAME. TAKES PLACE WHEN THEY WERE ALL HOLED UP IN THE BASEMENTS OF THE PENN MUSEUM... 'Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: KILLER MONKEY AND BATTLE OF THE VAMPIRE VIXENS: So this is how it played out that night. Annie made a big scene over the monkey. I know. I know. I know. He's a chimp. He's a chimp. But I c...

MADAM SHANG PUTS PAPA DOWN ~~~ the novelty wears off

She looked at him. Madam Shang studied the handsome, twenty eight thousand year old vampirino. He seemed frozen, caught in mid gesture, like a gnat in amber. Demi-Goddesses can do that. Time means nothing. Distance is nonexistent. And she sighed, for she knew there were other beings to have fun with. 

Papa also wearied of the experience. What did reality mean to a creature like her, an accidental tourist passing through the lives and worlds of others? Did she ever care? Perhaps when she was human and even as a vampire, but obviously not now. And in Shang's case 'now' went back a very long time.

She was in 'spider phase' now, inhabiting the physicality of a huge, intricately articulated arachnid. Oddly beautiful in a way. This one was devoid of fur, flaunting a multicolored, jewel-like carapace. And Papa was Papa, caught in a web that spanned the stars. Sometimes she rubbed his belly. Two toed spider feet (or are the front ones 'hands'?) can be gentle...when they want to be. 

Tiny beings, some human, some not, screamed, as she lowered her monstrous cephalo-thorax (roughly analogous to a head) the better to inject them with clear, hot poison running down from her needle-like fangs.

Papa didn't like her crude burlesque of 'el mundo vampirismo,' but that life was so far behind her she barely remembered it. Goddesses will have their fun. 

She considered eating him. Oh, the experience would be real. For are we not all just complicated electrical sparks? Yet a mind above hers said - No....... Perhaps it was The Jade Emperor Himself, or some other heavenly functionary. So she demurred. Although he was carefully wrapped in a silk cocoon and tucked in a safe, dry place.

And there she left him.... lost among the stars, or the illusion of stars, as she re-constituted her 'human' form and swam off to toy with children. 

Unfortunately, Papa's delicate condition was far from unique. Over the eons others were like-wise disposed, hung in abeyance 'tween the spirit and the flesh. But this one had talents of his own and he roused them so he could escape....

Yet he brought the 'shroud' back with him. The silk of a demi-goddess holds power. And the vampires would one day find use for it...

So a strange gaseous cloud blew sun-ward from the stars, as Papa advanced back home.

The ghosts of The Pine Barrens felt it. And they danced and swirled through the branches 'neath the kiss of a full, ivory moon...

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NEW VAMPIRE 'LEO' GOES RUNNING WILD IN THE PINES

Nobody home. All cleared out, 'cause contractors workin' on switchin' 'round Conrad's room. Went to the Jersey Pine Barrens... thickest, densest woodland habitat on the east coast. And it all right in the middle a Philadelphia, Atlantic city and New York. Who'd a thunk it? 

Got alligator snappin' turtles what chomp down baby ducks like cocktail weenies. Don't ask me what they does to more genuine sausages. Gotta be mighty brave go skinny dippin' in them waters. But folks does it anyways, 'cause them little forest swimmin' holes look so nice...all cool and shady.... not too many dead raccoon. Bobcats take care a that. Like thirty two pound Tasmanian Devil what got feline-ized and lost in New Jersey. 

Lot a crap get lost in the Pines. Human crap too. It the Whack Capital a the east coast. Mister Never-You-Mind knowed all 'bout it back when he live in New Orleans. Mister Never-You-Mind is me... jus' in case you new to all this.

Edith and Mister Edith, her huzzbannd, got a cabin. It rustic, but not too rustic. Toilets flush (they got two) and everything. Like what Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren would have, if say the communiss' took over. Porch is nice...all screened in. Edith like to sit out there late at night when she home. Ghosts is out bummin' 'round then and some a them float by to see how she doin'.

Vampires gotta rough it here. Sleep down in the root cellar. It basically a regular cellar, these days. But back in the day they used to throw roots down there. Think 'roots' meant taters... carrots too, maybe.

Mister Edith mostly sit out in the shed. He make stuff.... liquor mostly. Learned it from his grand-daddy. Grand-Daddy know 'Nucky' Johnson first hand. Johnson the real name. Had a change it for that GTO television program, 'cause the real Nucky still got wrinkled up children and even though they senile, doan like people bad-mouthin' they daddy. Nucky don't care. He still go 'ghosty-ghost' 'round The Ritz. That a big condominium wiff a fancy pool on The Boardwalk these days. Ninth floor the most ghosty part. That where Nucky lived. Some old farts say he still sit in on a hand a pinochle now and then. Card room where they used to deal out the whores. So I guess he still partial to the place. 'Lantic City got lots a stories. Screw Reno. 'Lantic City biggest little city in the world. Everybody got a 'Lantic City story. Gimme a few night. I get some for you.

Larry... I mean 'Leo' like the Pines. He go runnin' through the trees, scarin' the Jersey Devils and all. Horsey Skeezix near shit hisself. He a young Jersey Devil...jus' a boy. Then Leo come back and ask what he gotta do 'bout West Nile Virus. Should he smear on any crap or something. Edith laugh so hard she spit chewed up tater chips right in his face..... Say - Ain't no West Nile bastids queer for you. You dead, or somethin' like dead. You un-bite-able. Doan worry. Your ass is safe 'round here...... He say - It is? You sure?...... She say 'yeah' few more times. That make Leo happy. He start dancin' 'round and swingin' from them trees. Pull off all his clothes and go runnin' off whoopin' in a the dark. Think he prick hisself on a few thorns or somethin', but I doan know. 

Rest a the night-folk off parlayin' wit' them Red Paint goomers. They that old tribe. Not Injuns...older'n Injuns. You know. Men-folk all look like Captain Jean-Luc Piccard a the starship Enterprise and lady-folk look like champion skier, Peekaboo Street. Can't 'splain why that so, but it is. Red Paints ain't magic actually, but close to it. Read a mind jus' like the back of a Wheaties box. Mighty fine animal talkers too. Don't go - Oo-oo, ah-ah, ee-ee, but they make theyselves understood just the same. 

Leo settin' on a log talkin' a two dead flapper gals. They playin' wit' him. He laughin'. Sometime he stop laughin'. 'Cause you know, some kind a ticklin' ain't ticklish.

Gotta stop now. Feel like doin' some Pine ghostin' myself. Sound like them crickets be callin' my name....

Aw-ray-vwa, as folks say back home...Until next time, America......and Canada and Mexico plus all them other places where folks wear funny hats...

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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB --- choice two for the new ...

BEHOLD A NEW REALITY... A FUTURE YET TO COME.....Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB --- Sample the essence of this new exotic tale ~~~  ...: Please do not expect this one to be conversant in the preferred, classical manner. I stem from a remote corner by the Dragon's Spine Mountai...

THE NAME OF MISTER ROSE

The meal went off without a hitch. They followed the gentleman down the street, careful lest they appear to be common muggers. Tomas is a virtuoso. He plays the tune so well. It happened near one of the large, equestrian statues by City Hall, the huge, Second Empire, wedding cake occupying a central position between the two rivers,(Delaware and Schuylkill, in case you don't know). The central courtyard, accessed via four massive arches, was closed. Locked in by grates as stout as any castle's. And the illuminated, buttery face of the clock in the tower read three. Tomas always preferred dining late, so it's only natural his students adopt a similar pattern. On the third strike of the great chimes he stopped, the gentleman, I mean. The vampires stopped too, melting into the shadows with a natural, instinctive grace. 

Tomas whispered - He killed her here. Slit her throat with piano wire. Fast worker, he is. A master. An artist of the garrote. And she was but the last. Been meaning to 'cull' him for months. Had the dreams and everything. But you know how it is. Work piles up. So I give him to you. There should be no guilt. Some vampires feel guilt during 'first flesh.' But he's such a loathsome beast, I know you won't be burdened by that.

What should I do? - mumbled Larry..... Just like we said. Glide up behind him. Right hand to the forehead. Left crossed the chest. Pull back with the right... a little to the side too. Expose the neck and enjoy. At least I hope you enjoy it. Sometimes 'first flesh' goes by like a blur. 

Larry gulped and nodded, fidgeted with his pants  (They really were 'tight in the pee-pee) and did it. The man flinched, just for an instant, but vampires are quite strong, even new ones and approximately seventy or eighty heartbeats later he was done. The refreshed, young novice just stood there, drawing the nourishment deep into his tissues, as the empty murderer lay at his feet. Two rats ran over, but Tomas shewed them away. Then he whispered - Take the wallet. Take the jewelry. Quick! Quick! Do it! Do it!..... Larry fumbled a bit, but managed to perform the task. Soon after, various points on the body ignited into 'cold' blue flames. Small fingers of fire licked their way across the carcass til it was consumed, leaving only a thick, viscous, greasy residue. The rats were welcome to that. Larry laughed, til Tomas shushed him. Then they stepped out from behind the statue, or rather the sizable, stone platform supporting it, and continued down the street. 

Larry said - What should we do.... about my name and all?....... Tomas said - I thought you wanted to keep your own......... No - said Larry. Not now. Not 'after.' I didn't realize. I didn't understand....... And now you do?- asked his teacher........ Larry nodded - I do. I do. Larry Rose just doesn't seem right. Besides, my family wouldn't like it...... Have any ideas? - said Tomas...... Leo. I like Leo. It's strong and kind of Italian. I'm Italian, you know. So 'Leo.' It's gonna be 'Leo.' Yeah, 'Leo.' - said Larry........ Then 'Leo' it is - whispered Tomas. 

They stopped into an all night bodega to buy hoagies, silently waiting while the kid wrapped them up. Then they gave them out to two or three homeless souls they met along the way.

A little while later, Tomas and Leo went home. Sarah waited to hear all about it. Edith served hot cider (the hard variety) and then they went to sleep. 

Tomorrow night they'd head for the Pines...

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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: ELFIN BEGINNINGS AND A VAMPIRE'S PRAYERS

HERE'S A GOOD SAMPLE FROM A YEAR AGO, WHEN THEY GOT CAUGHT IN THAT PARALLEL UNIVERSE WITH THAT PARALLEL JERUSALEM AND ALL... Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: ELFIN BEGINNINGS AND A VAMPIRE'S PRAYERS: They hovered over her ancestral home, a rough, little stucco and brick villa adjacent to the ancient cathedral. She was able to fly on her o...

IT TAKES A LITTLE WORK TO SET UP A NEW VAMPIRE

They all sat around the big granite island in the kitchen. All five of them, Tomas, Sarah, Conrad, Annie and Baylah. The new one, Larry stayed in the living room. Not the family room. That would be too close. This was a little, formal space at the front of the house. Didn't even have a TV, just some 'good' coffee table books and a small, silver music box that played 'Come On, Baby. Let's Do The Twist.

He knew they were talking about him. Vampires can hear everything. But they pretended and he pretended. Right now, he feigned interest in a big, colorful tome about Mexico before the Spaniards. Edith brought him a hot toddy.He liked that. 

Back in the kitchen, Baylah said - Sarah, what made you do this? You think we need him?.... Tomas just studied his reflection in the sunburst mirror over the buffet. You know how vain that vampirino is. He mumbled a few words in Spanish, but I couldn't tell you what they were. Annie giggled. She always giggles. Edith said - Stop kickin' the side a the cabinet. (the island rested on these cabinets.) You're gonna get it all scuffed up...... But that only made her kick harder, til Sarah said - Please, no, don't....... Annie sort a liked Sarah, a little bit, so she stopped, laid her head down on her folded arms and listened.

Sarah said - I know him. We talked. He was sick. He was gonna die. He's like twenty four years old, for God's sake. He's younger that I was. And then I went to that Selichot service with him (nodded toward Tomas) the other night. I felt I HAD to d o it. Okay? I had to. 

It's all right - whispered Conrad. He can share with me. I have two closets. There's plenty of room...... Tomas just smiled. Edith said - Yeah, no shit? Where else we gonna keep him? Tell him, Tomas. Tell him. Tell him....

Tomas cleared his throat and said - The contractors will be here in a day or so. We'll bunk in the Pines. Edith wants to visit her people anyway, so that's what we're going to do. The big closet will be his cabinet. He'll sleep in there. Is that all right with you, Conrad?

Yeah. Sure. Of course it is  - the second newest, addicted to pleated Dockers vampire said. But they all knew he was thinking about his comics. Bought a whole, ready-made collection from a guy on Pine Street. Had every Jug- Head and Archie from nineteen fifty eight to nineteen seventy four and in mint condition too. Go know what a guy's gonna do when he comes into real vampire money.

Annie said - It's gonna be just like Step Brothers. I know it. 'Cept Step Brothers can't hiss like cats and move shit with their brains.

No it will not. - said Sarah. It won't. It won't. I'm sure of it........ She raised her voice a bit, directing her words to the stranger in the living room..... Larry, dear, did you have any siblings? Ever share your room, or anything like that?

No. I was an only child. Shared with my pop-pop for a while - he said....... For how long? - asked Sarah....... Til he died. Til he suffocated. I mean til he just stopped breathing. You know how old farts get......

Annie picked her head up and smirked. Yeah, they just go 'guhk'- she said. Hey, Larry, you 'guhk' him?

Stop it. Stop it - said Baylah. Just keep  your mouth shut....... Tomas sighed deeply. He knew better. Edith said - Conrad, I'll make some room in the closet by the wet bar. In the den, I mean. Is that all right?......... Conrad lowered his head and went - Uh huh.

Okay, on to the next thing. And what about his name? - said Baylah. Look, Conrad is bad enough, but we're not gonna have a 'Larry.' We are vampires, for God's sake, not a bunch of Amway salesmen. No 'Larry.' I'm telling you. No 'Larry.'

He  likes 'Gary,' or 'Barry.' - Edith said. I know. He told me...... But the others didn't seem too impressed....... Sarah said - I'll handle this.... She got up and went into the classically Philadelphia, cherry wood retreat..... Listen, sweetie, what do you want us to call you? You know, like for a nick-name, like for a vampire name?......... He swallowed, eyed her innocently and said - 'Larry.' What's wrong with 'Larry'?

The way things transpired that night, they didn't push it. Soon he'd have to feed. Tomas would take him. And you know what a big deal that's gonna be?

So for the time being, Philadelphia's first family of night-folk had 'Larry.' Edith bought him a whole new drawer full of underwear. He likes Hanes. Tomas got him some outfits, sharp stuff, like he wears. Larry wanted Wranglers, but the fastidious Andalician pretended not to hear. Though even he almost lost it when the elderly salesman asked Larry if the new pants were a 'little too tight in the pee-pee.'

Remember a few weeks ago, when we told you vampire life really ain't so different from what you got?

Well, wake up and smell the coffee. 'Cause I'm sure you feel like ripping somebody's throat out every once in a while too...

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ONCE AGAIN, THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS POSSIBILITY

They retreated into a cellar and there the deed was done. The blood went out. The blood came back. And after a time the young man died. But that is such a limiting term. His soul went on. His lungs and every other part of his body survived, yet in a preserved state, free from change and corruption. It was the entropy, leading to death, that died. He existed in a perfect, blemish-free incarnation..... an angel on Earth, but with fangs. 


Fourteen hundred heartbeats later he shed his skin. It came off in long, hot, soapy strips. Then she bathed him with cool water drawn from a sink in a nearby washroom and dried him with rough paper towels. He looked in the mirror and smiled, admiring the really rather small, sharp, feral teeth. They gave him such a rakish look. He stepped back and posed. So admirably thin. Illness can do that. But the sores were gone, thank God. And his musculature now had a brand new, finely drawn aspect, like an old illustration in a nineteenth century book. 

Someone approached, a custodian waxing the halls. He felt it all over his body. Each tiny nerve quivered with a frequency known only to night-folk. Sharks have a sense like this. But I don't know if that means anything. 

Sarah whispered. She said - It's time to leave. So they soundlessly ran up some polished concrete steps, pushed open a metal door and went back to the dark, little niche with the others. 

Bum Number 2 sat up and said - Larry, you're all naked?..... Bum Number 3 just stared. ....... Larry (the new vampirino) smiled sheepishly. He didn't know what to tell them. They were his friends, after all. Vampire verbal skills are not a given. They take time. So Sarah stepped in. She pulled a few garments out of her shoulder bag (a t-shirt, briefs, jeans, even flip-flops) and said - Here, get dressed....... And he did...... The others said nothing. I supposed they sensed the magic.  When he was done they leaned back against the cool, stone wall. 

Bum Number 3 cleared his throat and said - Hey, lady, anybody ever tell you, you look just like Susan Sarandon? From when she was young, I mean........ I get that all the time - said Sarah....... You gonna do any magic to us? - said the first bum......... What do you mean? - said Sarah............ Come on - he said. I know you did something. Look at him. He ain't sick. I can tell. I know magic. I know what magic is. My mother used to read head bumps at the carnival, OK?..... Sarah raised her eyebrows. Such a true connoisseur....... What would you like me to do? - she asked....... Nothing - he said. Just make me a porn star. Just a porn star. And give him back his false teeth. He lost 'em and they was almost brand new. Guy at the mortuary gets 'em for him. OK?.......... Sarah smiled and said - Here, drink this...... Then she passed each a small glass vial filled with her own rare elixir. Bums, not being too fastidious where drink is concerned, quickly downed the enchanted blood. Then they giggled. Bum Number 2 looked down his pants and said - Wow! So what? Now I'm a porn star?....... If you want to be - Sarah said....... Bum Number 3 ran his tongue along his smooth, bald gums and added - My teef gonna grow back?....... Uh, huh - she said. But you'll have to be patient. That may take a week or two...... Bum Number 3 nodded. I guess he understood.

Then, as things played out. She gave them money, five hundred dollars each.  They thanked her, gathered up their kit and scampered off to find safer digs, whispering good-byes to Larry as they did.

Forty nine heartbeats later, Sarah turned to Larry and said - Shall we?..... So they got up, walked out of the niche and proceeded through the city...... He quietly asked - Did he get his wish? So what? Now he's gonna a porn star now?........ I don't know - she said. I gave him health. What he does is up  to him. Look, it's not what we get, but what we do with it. The purpose of life is possibility. Lesson number one from La Ciencia Vampirismo. Remember that. OK? 

Larry, the new-born vampire nodded. Then they waited for the light, crossed the street and went home...

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AN INVITATION TO THE DARK TIME PROMENADE

She made no noise. Vampires can do that. It has nothing to do with any type of magic. It's just a physical ability. Dogs may or may not pick up a scent. Certain preternaturally tuned in mortals occasionally detect a little something. But to most of the great, wide world, she was invisible. Sarah liked that. Nighttime walks were special. She saw places few souls see, hidden pockets of depravity and wonder. The older districts of Philadelphia harbor human sized rabbit warrens, tucked away among the cobbles. 'Shadow Lands,' she called them. Tiny, little domiciles sheltering every form of eccentricity. A self-described 'witch' tosses handfuls of white feathers (freed from an old pillow) out into the breeze from the second story window of her narrow, red brick house. She sees Sarah. She nods and smiles. Sarah nods in return, but keeps going . A fat, wheezing, old man carefully paints his front door by candlelight. He wears boxers and a tube top. On his head rests a Burger King crown. When she passes, he says - The green looks nice. Don't you think?..... He also gets a smile. Then she's gone. 

The great Benjamin Franklin Parkway is almost empty. Few people funnel into Center City at this hour and the natives are mostly asleep, or engaged in other private activities. She crosses the wide, straight thoroughfare, built to mirror the grand avenues of Paris. If you saw the Jay-Z, Made In America concert on Labor Day, then you've seen it. Rocky Balboa surveys it after his heroic ascent. 

Her quarry resides on the other side, tucked into a gray stone niche bordering one of the many curiosity palaces  fronting this urbane processional. The Museum Mile.... that's the name.

She hums a little song, a habit picked up from Tomas. She hums Teddy Bears' Picnic..... When you go out in the woods tonight, you're in for a big surprize......

A sleek, brown rat scurries 'cross her path. But someone's obviously been feeding it. You can tell by the coat, plus the tiny, light wool sweater it wears like a shrug. Sarah giggles. The things people do. 

Then she hears the whistling. The young man, her quarry, does it. Knock, Knock, Knocking On Heaven's Door. Sarah's always liked that song. 

Three heartbeats later he steps out of the shadows...... I knew it was you. I felt it - he says. But she sees the sores and his weak, tired eyes. She offers a vial. He shakes his head and says - You know what I want. You know...... 

They've had this talk before. He drank tiny, little vials of her blood. But for some reason that magic no longer works and she doesn't want to lose him.

Do it - he whispers.... Do it. Do it.

So she takes his hand and they walk back into the shadows. Another bum snorts, farts and says - Hey, who's your girlfriend?...... But the young man barks - Shut up!... And he does.....

An artist, he is..... A poet.... A bard. His songs deserve to live..... And after this fleeting bit of magic they will..... But so will he...

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May He Who made the universe, make us forever one...... the Vampires' Creed
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SOMETIMES DEAD VAMPIRES BECOME MESSENGERS

There is no day and there is no night. The sun always shines. Sometimes the light falls upon us and sometimes it does not. We call the 'yes' time day and the 'no' time night. Sometimes we face the radiance and sometimes we face the darkness. Fire and shadow. Hot and cold. Life and death. 

I am of death, an expired life-eater. My name and my place are immaterial to the tale. But I may yet include them, for they add to the poetry inscribed here. 

'This  One' haunted the docks of a great city. Whether Mumbai or Rome, I do not know. I taste morsels of Caesarea Maritima, but that might be an illusion. 

But the voices of others, life-eaters I mean, are not illusions. I hear them in the ether. Some babble away in the tongues of mad men, terrified and buried by the burden they bear. Others make almost no sound, slicing through humanity like razors. They sleep. They wake. They walk. They kill. I know you have heard it said that the magic settles differently on each and every one of us. But that's not important, for I do not judge. 

Now I hear Jonathon, known also as Tomas. I hear Sarah and other souls too. The 'All Philadelphia Vampire Choir,' I call them. My companions laugh. But two of them are off to be reborn. So let them joke. They'll learn. They'll see. Life is not easy, nor sometimes death, as well.

And a certain friend, a dear fellow sojourner, went back two dozen years ago. 'Years'... that's another thing we don't really have. It's just a thin circle inscribed in the 'sky.' 

This incarnation has not been easy. Is he homeless? No, the place where he is, is his home. But the gray stone wall of a great museum gives little comfort. Though a small niche built into thick walls hides him. He shelters there with his mates, sharing crusts and stories all through the hungry night. 

And now Sarah approaches. She walks down The Parkway. A night bird hears and chirps... Or was that a rodent? 

My friend hears her too. Perhaps 'senses' would be a better word. They've spoken in the past. He sits up and listens. But the pain comes back, though hopefully not for long...

While over head, a certain point in the vast, dark sky is readied to accommodate a brand new, yellow star....

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Angry Management: Dealing With Aggressive Managers: Annoying Spammy Referral Links

Angry Management: Dealing With Aggressive Managers: Annoying Spammy Referral Links: I don't often go off topic with this blog but feel the need to name and shame a new form of spam that seems to be on the rise: referral link...AND IF YOU SEE TRAFFIC FROM blog-zug.com or something like that out of Germany, it is a NEW REFERRER SPAMMER. NEVER click onto links on your stats page. AND PASS ALONG ANY AND ALL REFERRER SPAM INFORMATION YOU HAVE. plus, some legitimate sites from respectable companies HAVE BEEN infected by REFERRER SPAMMERS and now sometimes operate in that manner............ OK, I'm done...WHEW! Wish the big blog providers would put in some kind of a simple blocking mechanism so WE COULD ERASE THEM.......Now, if you like, PLEASE scroll down, poke around and take a look at what I write about. And if you know SIMPLE ways to handle photos and post them on sites like Twitter, Facebook and HERE, kindly leave a COMMENT and tell me in DUMMY language. I suffer from DIGITAL PICTURE BLINDNESS and HUNGER for a cure.....THANK YOU...........but I do see pretty colors...Ooooo! Look!...... 

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PEEK INTO THE FIRST NIGHTS OF OUR TALE..as it wa...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PEEK INTO THE FIRST NIGHTS OF OUR TALE..as it wa...: Revisit the nights when Sarah was still mortal and her strange, little, hidden bookshop, known as PHILADELPHIA AFTER DARK, catered to 'the ...

A MESSAGE THROUGH THE ETHER FROM THE VAMPIRE KNOWN AS PAPA

The townhouse looked nice during the day. Edith 'Swiffered' the hardwood floors. She vacuumed the fine, wool area rugs, polished the furniture, played with the knick-knacks (good stuff. mostly antiques and collectibles) and Lysol-wiped the kitchen. I don't know who was gonna get sick. Vampires don't carry any germs. OK, from time to time one of her friends from the Pines came to stay for a night or two. Even Mister Edith poked his head in every so often. Pin Head Mel, the mini-skulled kid who played with Horsey Skeezix, liked the city. She took him for ice-cream, rode him around on the subway, got him new shoes. Tomas said he'd pay for a doctor. You know, to try and do something for the kid's brain and all. But Edith told him not to. Mel was happy and everyone in the Pines loved him. So what were they gonna accomplish? Hell, Horsey Skeezix (the Jersey Devil kid) thought he was a genius. Them Jersey Devil kids are real feral when they're young.  Annie played with 'em too sometimes, but once she tried to take a bite out a Pin Head's ass, so Edith told her to stay the hell away. 

Lately she has a thing for human urine. Annie, I mean. She's fascinated by it. Wants to know if it's the same as chicken soup. Loves goin' into ladies' rooms and findin' some. You know, not everybody flushes. Scoops it out into a twist-top, plastic, sippy cup she got from the dollar store. Matron says - What is wrong with you, you stringy haired, little bitch?..... But Annie just tells her to go to hell and runs out. Experiments with it back home. Kills goldfish in it...sea-monkeys in it... roses in it. Once she cut up a whole flank steak (you know Edith and her human guests gotta eat) into little cubes and simmered 'em in it. Thank God she didn't ruin the good, Rachel Ray set. Then she fed it to the night-pigeons sleepin' in the branches at Washington Square Park. But they wouldn't eat it. Well, one of 'em did, but it already had a crazy eye anyway.

Conrad went to the movies. Guy he knows, sort a like a familiar, but not really, gets him into The Ritz Five up by the old Second Bank of The United States. Beautiful building. Round. Federalist, I think. He wants a be a critic. Get his name in The City Paper and all that. Tomas doesn't think that's such a good idea, but Baylah takes up for him. Vampire gotta have other outlet than blood, you know. 'Sides, ain't like he gone on Oprah or nothin'.

Sarah givin' out little vials of her blood to poor, sick folks. Perfume sample girl from Macy's give 'em to her. She got about a whole gross of 'em, I think. Fills 'em down the cellar (where the polio, ghost boy lives). Edith don't want no mess. Polio ghost boy say - What you doin'?..... But Sarah say - Mind you business....... 'cause she gotta concentrate. Then she shut 'em up real tight, stick 'em in her pocketbook and go on her rounds..... Ding-dong! Avon calling! ..... 'Cept what she got gonna make 'em feel a whole lot better. Sick, poor folks know she somethin' special. Don't never let on what it is. I don't think they want to. They just grateful for the help.

Then, 'fore she come home, always stop in some hotel lobby coffee shop for  vodka on the rocks. Bars is closed by then. But you can booze it up real good in hotel coffee shop. She a big tipper too. Keeps a little ledger with all the names a people she help..... what she give and when they get it. Don't know what she gonna do with it, but she do it just the same. Vampires can be very obsessive. Look how Tomas get wit' them black, leather bootkins. What kind a word is 'bootkins'? That how you know he from back in the day. 

Edith say Papa tellin her stuff. Say a thousand legger run out from behind the sofa. Say it go - psst! psst! (which must be difficult, seein' as how no thousand legger got a human tongue) She say- What you want?...... Thousand legger smile (also difficult)  and go - Woo! Woo! Woo! I can see you, but you can't see me......... Edith go - What are you, crazy? I lookin' right at you........ Thousand legger say - No, you ain't. Alls you see is a bug, but you don't see me...... Then she recognize the voice. Little bit tinny, considerin' the size and all, but it Papa. She know. It Papa. He tell her he riddin' 'round what look like heaven, but only the cheap part, wit' the Chinese lady. She say - Yeah? What it like?....... But 'fore he can answer, bug go 'guhk' and curl up dead. Guess them 'sterminator fellas sprayed too much bug juice last week. Sarah don't like no creepy-crawlies in wit' her while she sleepin'. This is the city, after all.

And I Mister Never-You-Mind, your obedient, ole, New Orleans, dead guy (kind a look like Leon Redbone while I 'live) signin' off.

Edith do try talkin' to a spider she see later out back. But it don't tell her nothin'...

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