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Tomas call this a magic night. Only he don't say 'magic.' He say 'blessed.' You know how that boy believe? He set there prayin' and prayin'. He say - I doan care how you talk to God. Y'all gotta pray tonight. So everybody sit outside. Mister Edith pull lot a old beach chairs outta the shed. Think he get 'em from a casino. You know he was a real gambler back in the day.
They set 'em up on the grass between the porch and the Pines. It not a big space. Maybe like twenty feet, or eleven cubits, as Tomas say. Then he go - Y'all gotta ask God to forgive all the crap you do...... Only he doan say it like that. So they all start singin' and chantin' an' recitin'. Red Paint folks do this hummin' thing. It purdy, but it make me want a go to sleep. You know, disembodied spirits do nod off every now and then. Once I fell asleep during the Hoover administration and din't wake up til Mutiny On The Bounty came out. You know, the one wit' Clark Gable and Charles Laughton. Think Franchot Tone in it too...... I wanna be in a movie, if they ever let real ghosts play fake ghosts, that is. Do a real mean sand dance too. My daddy used to say - Why you do like you do? He want me be a cotton merchant like him. But I wanna be a bad boy. That why they burnt me up. It the ouchiest night I ever had..... Way ouchiest.
Edith sing Amazin' Grace. Tomas like that. He doan care how you sees God, just so's you see 'im. Annie sing The Inky-Dinky Spider'. You know how she is. Conrad keep repeatin' - God is good. God is good...... Leo come back from his ghost whores. Jus' come walkin' out them woods, au natural and everythin'. He say - Who die? What you doin'?....... Sarah wrap a towel from 'Lantic City 'round his hips. You know, some vampires got no manners at all. But I guess it still like a novelty to him. Tomas (only tonight he use his Bible name and make us call him Jonathon) say - We all die. Tonight we all die. That why people doan eat. We like corpses. And God bring us back alive 'cause He want to. 'Cause we deserve it. OK? You got that, you dumb bastid?...... Only he doan talk that way... I do...... Mister Edith ask can he have a Rolaid, but Tomas make like he doan hear him.
After while most of 'em is all prayed out. Tomas know it, so he say - OK, prayin' over. Go do somethin' else. But y'all better make sure it good an' holy. Leo read old National Geographics on the porch. Conrad write letters to soldiers over in them foreign countries. He wanna tell 'em they from a vampire. Annie say she wanna kick him in his ass. So he jus' say they from a regular kind a goof. Edith run inside to watch the late night re-run of Hoda and Kathy Lee. That Hoda take a lot a shit from the other one. Somebody ought a kick both sides a her ass. Middle part too.
Pin Head Mel come by. He wit' Horsey Skeezix. Horsey say (he a Jersey Devil boy) his daddy givin' free rides all up into the big night time sky. Annie say she wanna go. Now you know Tomas won't do it, so Sarah gotta go wit' her. And what she really want a do is read her book. She in a THE NIGHT CIRCUS. That girl do like her magic. I like the one Edith readin' SPLIT DECISION, 'bout killers and hootchie, vampire-cops and all. You know all ghost gotta do is move through them pages and BAM! He know the book.
So Horsey Skeezix lead 'em back in a Pines, to where his daddy is. Daddy say hi. Sarah nod. Annie giggle. Daddy-Devils is big, real big. Look mostly like human bean, but with shiny, dark horse fur. Face little long too, but you see people like that in a butcher shop any day. Glossy hair on his head run all down his back, til it come to a tail, jus' like Seabiscuit. His feet like human bean feet most all the ways down. But the ball a his feet and the toes ain't there. He got hoof instead. Arms is people arms though, jus' wit' that shiny horse fur. The fanciest part the wings. Big, gray, leathery, bat wings... comin' up outta his shoulders and spreadin' wide, like that evil, giant, demon fella in Fantasia, only Mister Skeezix not evil. He got peanut allergy and everythin'. An' he talk real nice too. Sound like Fred Gwynne from The Munsters. He say - Who wanna go up first?...... Annie say she do, so Sarah let her. Not like she gonna go 'guhk' (drop dead) or anything. She a vampirina. You know that. So horse-guy scoop her up and go WHOOSH! 'Bout six or eight beats a them big wings and they high up over the trees. Ain't no roads 'round here, so folks goin' back from 'Lantic City never see 'em. Annie laugh just like a human child. Sarah like that. An' knowin' how she is, that like a miracle. Tomas mus' be very happy.
When it Sarah's turn, she sit on his back and grab hold a his neck. Jersey Devil got real strong neck. Pin Head Mel yell - Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Everythin' look purdy up there. Stars, planets, couple them Virgin jets and all. Big black sky. Actually real,real,real,real deep midnight blue. But you know what I mean.
And that horsey guy keep her up a real , real, real long time.
Regular folk would never see. But Tomas could. He lay out on the grass watchin'.
Do all this sound strange to you? Well it is. 'Cause remember...we only pretend it fiction...
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