Saturday, February 16, 2013

LEFTOVER CATTLE-PEOPLE.. THE VAMPIRE REVELS 2/17/13

People got quiet. They wandered around the castle looking in all the old rooms. Some read ancient tomes in the library. 'King' Rafe has a big collection of ancient Vahmperigo (vampire dialect) works. Just in case you don't know, 'To Serve Man' is more or less a cook book. I think it goes back to Byzantine times. 

A few went skating on the pond. Some slaughtered left-over cattle-people. They had like a rodeo...like The Calgary Stampede. Couple Canadian life-eaters organized that. Annie went. Tomas and Sarah didn't want her to, but Larry was going and people said the dealers in Russia were only gonna sell 'em for dog food anyway... No, not dog food... cat food. I got confused. She dressed up like a cowgirl. Wonder if there ever was any real cowgirls? Baylah took her to this big store they had down the road. Like a TARGET or a CAREFOUR or something. They stay open til eleven o'clock, so it was OK. Baylah says let her learn what it's like. Let her see if she wants to wind up a 'noxious.' But Tomas is afraid that's exactly what she wants.  

Did it all out in the 'close.'  Let 'em run 'free.' Poor bastards. Imagine, they saw Tomas redeem some a them. But they didn't make the cut. Then they think they're gonna be cat food, only now it's bronco-time. Vampires were swoopin' down from the battlements yellin' Kai-Yai-Yippie-Yippie-Yay... But they don't know what cowboy supposed a be like, 'cause some a them got Davey Crockett hats on and that's all wrong. Gave 'em branding irons. Tongueless functionaries kept 'em hot. Each vampire get a different one. First they burnin' up cattle-people's butt cheeks. Then they look at all the ass welts and separate 'em so no vampire gets gypped. Each one gets to kill the ones they marked. Annie, bein' puny-like only got three, but two were real fat, so she was satisfied. A few God damned vultures went crazy. 'King' Rafe was laughing and laughing. then he go all catatonic again. 

Human guests get buffet too. Give 'em all the crap what's left over.... dried up rib eye. Gluey mac and cheese. Think it got some 'rubber' bacon in it too. Shrimp so old it taste like pee- pee. Nobody ask no questions though. They all busy trading 'links' and makin' like they love each other. Hollywood contingent snatchin' all the goody bags. Few a them get little vials a vampire blood, but just a few. You can tell who they are. Just look real close. Got mugs like Jack Nicholson when he the 'Joker,' only not made up so nice.

They still cleanin' up from the rodeo. Couple real ugly people still left, 'cause nobody want a bite 'em. Gonna donate 'em to a home for blind vampires. What they know?

Ain't had no vampire-suicide-sublimation yet. Wait'll they get drunk. It'll happen. 

Tomas, Sarah and most a the other real 'noble' ones in the scriptorium, playin' Yahtzee. They can hear some a the noise, but they pretend like they don't. He did call (Tomas, I mean) some made to order shoe guy in London. Wanna get some more trim, black, leather bootkins. You know how he is for shoes....

Edith and wilkravitz lookin' for souvenirs. She found this old, brown skull under a chair in some sitting room. Don't know who it belong to. Skull won't say. Other one, wilkravitz, gettin' phone numbers from people what say they big time promoters and agents. Got a diamond ring he saw layin' on the rug in the hallway. Baylah says it a cubic zirconium. But Tomas says he'll have one of his 'familiars' evaluate it when they get back home.

Look, #SNL over now, so why you not round up your friends and get 'em to read this? 

Mister Never-You-Mind wanna go say goodbye to some ghosts...

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just in case you want to help a little, please tweet this ~~> I nominate @wilkravitz for a SHORTY AWARD in #BLOGGER because of his (this is the part where you gotta make up something nice).... Thank you.

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