Saturday, April 20, 2013


I sit here looking at that damn cat and I think... how vividly pink the insides of her ears are. I wonder what blood actually tastes like. Not the little trickles we suck up from rare steak or cut fingers... I mean thick, red rivers of it. But I am not a common slob. Those elevators filled with human life fluid in THE SHINING looked like melted sherbet.... Like ruptured cartons of loganberry sauce meant for the dessert table at a cheap buffet. 

I want quality...smooth firm skin and protein fed goodness. Soon I'm, going to stick him... that Jonathon you all love so much. He will be crucified and pinned in place like beef on a three dimensional shish-kabab. Like Saint Sebastian, or one of those other dreamy eyed, Counter Reformation poster boys.... While my carefully constructed apparatus drains him dry.... Then he will have to bite me, for I'll be filled with it... his crimson elixir, I mean.... 

But should he try to take too much and send me too my death, the roof will retract and he will burn... Sunlight, you know... Oligarchs are witty. We have many tricks.

And my necromancers can see him. They can taste him... right through all that lead. Such talented 'manipulators' they are.... an Inuit shaman.... a Highland Druidess.... the facilitator from a Long Island Weight Watchers' Meeting who discovered her abilities while hunched over an Atlantic City video poker machine. Five royal flushes in a row, don't you know... Even 'The Donald' took note. But I grabbed her first.

Soon they'll roll me into the dining room and feed me savory tid bits.  Alexander Hamilton once dined here, you know. So did Totie Fields. My tastes are so diverse. 

I gaze in the mirror imagining what I'll see after the transformation.... tighter skin... clear eyes, perky, youthful testicles... Tonight I'll have my liposuction. Dangerous for a ninety four year old... but 'billionaire' ninety four is like fifty six to you.

I wonder if my hair will grow back?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha (cough... wheeze... guzzle some pomegranate juice) ha...

Tobias Maxwell has spoken!
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