Thursday, January 30, 2014

OH GOD THESE VAMPIRES ARE HIGH MAINTENANCE (did I spell maintenance right?) .. 1/30/14

Doctor Franklin finally stabilized newly blind and deaf vampire oligarch, Grigori Usipov via a carefully balanced regimen of Midol, Coors Lite and Pez. Quasi-newly incarnated vampires apparently react differently to these things. But... whatever works. So they had him set up in a little studio apartment type space behind where they keep the juvenile Jersey Devil. He did regain a modicum of hearing, though he was still blind. Spent his time listening to @NightValeRadio (yeah, you can click on it and would be smart to do  so) podcasts. Thought it was real at first. Russians don't know. 

Tomas (aka Jonathon ben Macabi) went back to the town house, but promised to return as needed. Franklin still wants to try periodic tinctures of vampire blood. And Tomas does like the accommodations over there, but Chinese New Year is starting, and being Sephardic (Rite of Spain, Orthodox Judaism) he's sensitive to all cultural observances. Plus he wants to go down the shore for Baylah's boyfriend's SuperBowl party. They got like a big plush theater room down in the basement level, so it'll be dark enough....

Sarah said - You know how they really celebrate that day? They hold a mass slaughter. Not then, but leading up to it, so they can eat, you know. Six hundred and fifty million chickens are trussed up by their feet on a cold, stainless steel track and simultaneously  beheaded and eviscerated, while still alive, in some cases, 'cause you know chickens survive a while with their heads cut off...... Tomas said - How do you know? I endured the Middle Ages. You didn't. How do you know?..... You Tube - she answered. You Tube. I saw it on You Tube. Can you imagine, bushel baskets full a chicken heads and the beaks still going a mile a minute. The whole pile quivering. You gotta see it...... He said - I saw it with people during The Crusades, so shut up.... Then, after a few heartbeats added - Can you imagine if they had Twitter and Face Book during The Spanish Inquisition, during the Irish Potato Famine? You know that was a controlled genocide too, you know. And Slavery. And The Holocaust?.... Sarah said - They have it today and they still kill people. It's like gladiator shows for the masses. What, we've evolved so much? You should know that. Come on. You know it was still possible to call New York from Warsaw during World War Two? Not easy, but possible. They got through. They spoke to newspaper people, radio people, politicians, everybody. But you know what? Big deal. Who cared? 

That's why Tomas and Sarah liked going into Atlantic City and climbing down under the Boardwalk late at night. That's where the homeless people go. Are they there by the hundreds? No, they're not there by the hundreds. But every so often a few dozen will congregate. In summer it's ok. Hell, college kids do it when they run out a money. But this is winter... Arctic Vortex winter. And they just had about eight inches of snow down the shore. Ice on the Boardwalk. Ice on the sand. Yeah, it's rare and luckily it usually melts fast. But this winter is different and people are dying. So he drips a few drops of blood into the rot-gut. She does the same. Give out a few twenties. Maybe save a few lives. This is something they can do. And even if some a the homeless finger them as vampires, do you think they care? Them homeless see a lot a crap and let me tell you, vampires ain't no big thing.

Then, after, they climb up and go gambling. Not the squatters. They go looking for cheap wine and maybe dollar menu, fast food burgers, which are hard to find down there. But Tomas and Sarah go gambling. Blackjack... They like blackjack. Him they card. He looks eighteen years old. But he's got real good fake I.D,'s . Them 'familiars' do good work. 'Michael Lefkowitz,' that's who he is. And sometimes 'Jeffry Dorfman.' Likes to switch off. Takes a lot to maintain a vampire. They need all those 'familiars' (helpers). When you think about it, they are vulnerable. But they pay off a lot a people too, so that takes care of that.

After gambling they go shopping. Marc Jacobs, I think it is. Either Tomas, or Sarah buys Marc Jacobs. I don't remember if it's men's or women's stuff. I'm sorry. I don't know. Then they call for the car and go back to Baylah's boyfriend's house, four or five miles 'downbeach.' Nice life. And in his hey-day, Grigori Usipov had it even better... a whole lot better.

Now he lays in the dark (well, to him it's dark) listening to weird radio shows. He's got people with him round the clock. Technicians observe every move. Let me tell you, the 'magic' rests real strange on that guy. Now he's got flatulence, but a special kind a flatulence. Every time he toots a little bit a 'smoke' comes out... swirls around for a second or two before assuming the form of a small, nebulous imp, which runs off and apparently dissipates in the corners.

That's it from the #vampirewonderland. This is Billy, signing off.


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1 comment:

John L. Harmon said...

Brilliant and disturbing, Billy!

Though I must say that nebulous gas imps will make me nervous the next time my tummy is rumbling.