Monday, April 14, 2014

Who's Stuffed Up In That Ceiling?... 4/14/14

We had a substitute, Mr. Loeb. But he was OK. Played e.s.p. games with the kids. Taught them how to do 'improvisational monologues.' That's were we go up to the board, you know, one of them big white boards where you write with erasable markers, and make up a name, an age and a job or hobby. Then we ARE that person. First we tell you about our lives. Not our real lives, the characters' lives. Then we take questions from the 'studio audience.' That means the kids in class. Mr. Loeb says we just gotta not say bad words or sex words... and that's it. 

Everybody likes that game, 'cause it's like the acting classes they give at the Little Theater. But the Little Theater makes you join first, plus pay for the lessons and it comes to over two hundred and thirty five dollars for like four months. Here we get it for free. But only when we got Mr. Loeb. He's like our school's regular substitute so we get him a lot. Miss Crispin has a stomach condition, 'cause Mrs Fox hates her. She's the principal. but I think they're gonna get rid of her, 'cause Pimple Face and Fat Ass saw her sitting on top of a table kissin' Mr. Bruno in the 'rug room.' That's where they keep the kids who scream and throw shit. Not real shit. They ain't monkeys. Just 'shit' shit. But she was kissin' him after school , 'cause the district won't let 'em do it when kids are there. They got rules about that. Fat Ass came back to steal a laptop. If anybody asked him, he was gonna say he forgot his inhaler. Asthma's like a big thing around here. You can get out of gym with it. 

Mr. Loeb lets us out first. Not before the bell, 'cause Mrs Fox ain't officially kicked out yet. Mr Bruno got transferred to some bad kids' school. I mean really bad kids, not like just around here. Soon as he let us go I run to this place in the yard to wait for Sybil and Opal. In case you don't know, it's me, Sophie, talking. This is Friday. Our mom's think we're sleeping at Opal's house. I don't know where Opal's mom thinks we're sleepin' at. She runs diet club meetings on top a the rug store. Won't be home til last one gets weighed, maybe nine thirty, eleven if they go out to eat after. We got cell phones. It'll be OK. 

Gary, the weird guy, is gonna let us stay after closing. At the mall, I mean. He's like a nightwatchman, but mostly he sits and reads comic books, or eats Hershey buds from the candy place. The other watchman, Joe, is more professional, but he don't come in no more, 'cause he died ten days ago and they ain't got a new one yet. Gary knows about the zombies. Says there's a place by like a garage, or a storage room where they smoke cigarettes and 'do' each other. But we can't go in there, 'cause they got an agreement. Gary lets them alone and they don't eat him. Once they gave him a watch from some big guy. Took it off before they started eatin'. That way it was clean and all. No blood, or meat gobbets. I like that word 'gobbets.' Found it on an old Trivial Pursuit card. But Gary says they can't eat him anyway, 'cause he's got a Bic lighter and a can of Aqua-Net. You can make a flame thrower out of that. He say it on Hoda and Kathy Lee, or some other show they got on late at night. 

Sybil and Opal and I are gonna go to the movies. They got like eight screens. My cousin's friend works there, so for us it's like an all-you-can-eat motion picture buffet. I don't even know what's playing. Who cares? They got good, mostly roach-free popcorn and I always win something from the claw machine. After, we're gone to The Happy Cricket. That's a Chinese place in the food court. You can get fried rice, broccoli and  this red syrupy chicken. They call it 'Emperor's Dinner. Opal says China must a had one retard emperor after another if they ate that crap. But I don't think they did. 

Gary told us where to hide. We're gonna slip under the beds in the furniture section of this department store. Not uncovered beds. They got 'em fixed up in little alcoves to look like rooms, so we'll be alright.

He's gonna come and get us. Says that stain on the food court ceiling dried up a little, but it's still there. People sit under it and nobody knows. They got this big metal scaffold thing with wheels for when they change the lights. I seen it back in the hallway, where the toilets are. Once they found a half eaten body back there. Couldn't tell if it was a man or woman, 'cause certain important parts were all chewed off. Mall kept it quiet, because Santa Claus was comin' to town. They had his big chair and like a candy-house cabin set up. But some a them elves looked pretty nervous, always lookin' around and everything. 

If we find something up there, like a body, or most of body, we're gonna put it on You Tube. Sybil says if it gets big enough and goes viral, they might put us on Ellen. I'd go for Jimmy Fallon myself, 'cause he's my favorite. But Ellen gives better prizes, so I'll take either one.

Come back tomorrow. I'll be here..... I hope.


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1 comment:

John L. Harmon said...

Not sure if Ellen goes for dead bodies, but everyone must have a dream!