Wednesday, June 24, 2015

The Vampire, Jonathon, Tells About A Zombie Show... 6/25/15

Once, long ago, I witnessed a Tot Wocher (dead walker, or zombie) Fleisch Esseren (flesh eatting). Please forgive me, but my Vahmperghan (Central European, German influenced, Vampire dialect) ist nicht sehr gut. They had a woman. They like women. The skin is easier to bite through. The meat... the muscle tissue is more tender... and they whimper so piteously. What? Did you think they scream the whole time? Well, they do not. Oh, it's not that the pain and shock lessens. But after a while a pathetic, though actually quite heroic, ennui sets in. You've seen the slow, almost beatific gasps of antelope, as lionesses rip out their guts? Not out on the streets. I mean on television. That's how it is with 'Die Essen' (the meal)....

This was in the thirteenth or fourteenth century, in a place that was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire. A certain graf (count) threw a banquet. The high age of castles and all that. Huge tapestries lined the rough stone walls. Vast fireplaces... more like bonfire-places bracketed the ends. We were seated at two, heavy, long, oak tables. In the middle, was the cage... a roughly twelve by twelve by twelve foot wrought iron cube. The bars were really very thin... just strong enough to keep the girl in. She wore a loose, linen smock. Under that, she was bare. The Fleisch Esseren would shred it in heartbeats. It was all part of the show. I'm sure she was drugged, but not too much. 

The 'zombies' were lowered from an opening in the high, vaulted roof, each one hanging from the neck, via stout, hemp ropes. They have strong necks, you know... at least the ones in those parts did. There were three of them and they thrashed and snarled like beasts... But you'd expect that. Nobles and consorts put down their dainty steel knives to watch. I remember how colorful the rafters were... all painted in bright reds, greens and yellows. Besides the huge fireplaces, scattered torches provided additional light. Oh, it was all rather lurid and shadowy, but we could see. Musicians provided a sad dirge on lutes, pipes and timbrels. Let me tell you... This was a big production. 

One zombie lacked a nose, maybe a few fingers, but other than that they were intact. Oh, before I forget, they too were covered by loose, linen smocks. People angled their heads to peek up under the hems. Zombie 'privates' along with 'mummia' were (in powdered form) considered to be potent restoratives and certain members of the walking dead were not so intact. But they didn't seem to care. 

The girl in the cage naturally saw them coming. She stared. She prayed. She spat at the crowd. They just watched. Then, one of the zombies, obviously a fresh one with a lingering bit of humanity, focused on someone in the audience. He pointed and said something in a dead, raspy voice. Mortals crossed themselves. To be addressed by a zombie is a horrible thing. 

When they reached the floor of the cage the ropes were dropped and the three Fleisch Esseren removed the nooses. Then they got down on all fours and crawled toward the victim, who was curled up and crying in a corner. First they sniffed. Then they tasted... No bites... just tongue. One, the older, more battered male, thrust his head under her smock. The girl screamed. Then it was on. They bit and tore and ripped like vultures. Thin strips of flesh snapped out toward the crowd. Ladies cowered. Their men watched impassively, as the girl, now completely stripped, began to wail. Those in the seats began to chew their meat almost reflexively. Pork favors human flesh. You know that.

A baker's boy tripped with a tray of rolls. The graf glowered, then, on a whim, snapped his fingers and said - Toss that dirty, little, son of a bitch in too. They cheered with delight as he sailed over the bars. Eleven years old is old enough..... 

< to be continued >


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