Friday, April 22, 2016

The Vampire Jonathon and The EXODUS.. The Animals - We've Gotta Get Out Of This Place (1965) slideshow ♫♥50 YE...

He sits in his room. He's in Passover Mode. This holiday really floors him. All the 'that which was old is new... Go forth and sin no more' stuff. He feels it. But you have to remember, he once spent the season with the great RASHI who was just a hair's breath shy of prophesy.  Only he's not listening to Mendelsohn's THE ELIJAH ORATORIO, his usual Passover fare. Tonight it's a song from Eric Burden and The Animals. Things from popular culture take on new meanings with him. Vampires are always creating and recreating themselves and everything around them. It's just how they are. Unlimited time does that.

Thoughts race through his mind. Jonathon ben Macabi makes plans. Tonight will be special. Tonight he will be a vessel, filled with the Spirit of The Lord. Tonight he will set people free, sending them on their own Exodus. Lives will change. Souls will change. Miracles will happen. Prince died today and Jonathon has been a disciple since the beginning. Where did you think his spiffy persona comes from? ... the trim, black leather bootkins... the snug (also black) jeans... the white shirts, wavy black hair and the tailored, leather jackets when it's cold?

Let's go crazy....

He rises, cracks the kinks out of his neck, turns off the music and leaves. Witchy-woman-housekeeper Edith jumps back (she always eavesdrops) and says - W-where you goin'?.... Out - he says and skips down the stairs.

The townhouse is quiet. Sarah is already out working with the arcane creatures at The Anti-Enchantment Bureau. It's birthing season for the Jersey Devils. Sometimes they go waa waa waa like tiny humans. Sometimes they nicker like little ponies. They're so cute. The newborn is a russet. He's a little honey. Everybody wants to hug him, but the mommy gets nervous. Adult Jersey Devils are basically human shaped, except for the horsey legs and hooves... only the hind horsey legs and hooves. Their bodies are covered in smooth, short, glossy coats, save for the necks and heads. Facial features are essentially people-style, but with slight equine tweaks... longer bone structure, large, velvety, pointy ears. The manes resemble really flattering mullets, or wider Mohawks that run all the way down to the small of the back before petering out. The tails are long and silky. Fine, kidskin-like bat wings growing out from just inside the shoulder blades stay small till puberty, at which time they quickly lengthen and expand to flight-capable size. The specimens at the bureau are not prisoners. They sign on for one to three month terms so that science can study them. After that, they return to the Jersey Pine Barrens and soar far above the trees, just skimming the moon.

We took time with our description because Jonathon wasn't doing anything really pertinent to our story. You know how he dresses? He picked up a small, velvet, drawstring sack filled with extremely high quality, brilliant cut diamonds, each weighing approximately four or five carats and worth roughly sixty five thousand dollars wholesale. Even though he's a vampire, these are not 'blood' diamonds, so don't even think it. He gets them from a very reputable dealer in Philadelphia's jewelry district in return for tiny vials of his blood (not enough to create a life-eater) that the jeweler uses to shave a few years off his wife. He slips it to her. She thinks she just has good genes. What a stupid dope.

So now he's out on the street. It's about 1:30AM. Clubs are still open. Bars are still open. People are still out and about. But he finds a rather isolated, cloudy acrylic, bus stop shelter and sits down. It can be like that. One block is all yeah, yeah, yeah and the other is like 'thar be ghosts here.' His shelter partner is a frazzled, tired thirty-ish year old, ancient people-pissed-up-diaper-changer at a nearby nursing home for about twelve dollars an hour plus all the shortbread cookies and bananas she can eat. They use them as snacks for the prisoners.... Jonathon knows all about the place. He's already 'culled' one of the owners. The other one's away celebrating and 'spring' skiing in the Canadian Rockies. He'll kill him later, if Edith's spell to get a grizzly to do it doesn't work. She says if she did it wrong, a few crazed otters might still finish the job, but who knows?

The diaper-changing woman glances over. He pretends to be reading a flier about some after hours place somebody gave him. She eyes him. Is she scared? Look, even if she is, what can she do? Her bus runs this way and she's so tired.

Then he takes out the velvet sack (she watches)... He opens it, takes out two stones and puts it back. He holds them in the palm of his left hand, leans toward her and in a low voice says --- One hundred and thirty thousand dollars for the two of them..... She goes - Oh, yeah. That's wonderful. And you're gonna let me have them for what, like a hundred dollars?..... The vampire goes --- No, I'm going to let you have them for free..... Then he moves his hand so the feeble light from a nearby streetlamp makes them sparkle.... The woman asks - They real?... He nods..... And you're gonna let me have them for free, just like that?... He nods some more.... Why? - she asks.... You know The Blues Brothers? --- he says..... She goes - Yeahhh? They dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants. Does that have something to do with this?.... The vampire says (a bit impatiently)  -- No, it does not. I'm on a mission from God. OK?.... She sighs and rolls her eyes. This is taking longer than he thought and Jonathon has a lot of diamonds to give away so he goes -- How about if I carefully put them down on this bench, along with a piece of paper containing the address of a diamond dealer who will buy them back at the stipulated price? Then I'll get up and walk away. It's up to you. Look, I'm getting up. I'm going...... You don't have to go -- she says..... Yes, I do --- goes the vampire. I need a cold iced tea. Now, goodbye, goodbye. Do what you want. I hope it changes your life..... And he leaves.... But he watches from the shadows.

Four minutes later, after her bus comes and she's gone, he glides back.

The stones weren't there....

He gave out four pairs of diamonds that night, worth five hundred and twenty thousand dollars.... Thankfully the other three deserving individuals were more receptive.

Afterwards, he bought himself two nice pairs of slim fit, designer jeans (black naturally) in an all-night-discount-designer-wear store and some coloring books for Little Bastid Annie (you'll learn about her next time). Not in the same store. He got them in the CVS.

Then he went home, watched Steve Harvey and joined Sarah in their specially fitted out bedroom-sleeping chamber.

He asked her about the Jersey Devils, but she was already snoring... not disgusting snoring... quiet, lady-vampire snoring, so he turned over and went to sleep.

Sure, vampires have dramatic, sensual, TV soap worthy nights sometimes...

But not every night. Look, what do you want?

This is real life....

<more next time>


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Then he went home


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