O. G. Tomes: Seumas Gallacher ... an interview by O. G. Tomes

O. G. Tomes: Seumas Gallacher ... an interview by O. G. Tomes: Welcome, Seumas Gallacher. Coffee or Tea? Neither...diet coke You are a multifaceted person by anyone's standards.  CEO, Harvard ...

Rainy Night Truths from the Pages of LA CIENCIA VAMPIRISMO

I am Edith and I am all alone. It's shaping up to be a cool, damp summer. The Pines are nice when it rains... nothing hard, just a gray, soft drizzle. I've left the vampires for a few nights, returning to my cabin in the evergreens. When it gets hot, I will go back. The vampires almost always have air conditioning. But for now, I will abide here among my own. 


Mister Edith, my current husband is gone off hunting. He has a special fondness for muskrat and they're in season now. I cook them up with a salt rub, pine nuts and honey-smoked-bacon. Even the vampires are tempted to lick the pan.


It's almost 1amEDT. I sit, a solitary figure upon a little porch. Was raining before. Dried up a bit now. TV on inside. It's just a little, twelve inch black and white with tin foil earrings. But it brings in all my talk shows. They my company. Them and all the ghosts. I say howdy to 'em as they pass through the woods. Some won't even give you the time a day, or night. But a few stop and stare. That is mostly all they do. They cease drifting, float over to the other side a my railing, hover just above the dirt and acknowledge me for a little bit. I say - God bless you. Tell 'em I'll pray for them and all, before they fade off. It's nice to know they're out there, 'cause the Pines can be very scary late at night. 


I got Tomas' book with me. I got La Ciencia Vampirismo...The Science of Vampirism. It is an old, vellum text. Some say the skin is human. But I don't know. And he never says.  Oh, you know how fussy he is about it, but he trusts me. I  got my own kinda Pow-Wow, Piney magic too, don't you know. So I ain't exactly helpless. Can scrail the future real good too. Other'n that I mostly just human.


But let me tell you something. You gotta think of magic, real magic, as a string. And that string got lots a knots. Vampires is one knot. Elves is another. Each one just a place where the magic swirls 'round and does something different. You heard bout the mer-folk and the cherubs and the Jersey Devil and all, so you know. 


'Cept there's some secrets you do not know. Noble vampires and Noxious vampires ain't all there is. You see, magic ain't got no fences. It just flows and bounces and creeps and splashes any which way it likes. Some human beans, or former human beans, do shimmy-sham theyselves into critters. I seen butterfly-vixens..... Some a them are so beautiful. But not when they uncurl that tongue (you know, like a butterfly sippin' straw) and shove it down your throat, suckin' up everything you got. And let me tell you, they big eaters too. 


Look, I know you want me to learn you bout werewolves, but I can't. I just cannot do that. You will have to trust me. Told too much already. But maybe it's not my fault. Book does that sometimes. Words start crowdin' your mouth and next thing you know you speechifying..... tellin' all kinds a stuff what shouldn't be said.


You can feel magic. It is like a little hum, or a fleeting sizzle. Guess it some sort a energy or somethin'. Like static 'lectricity, but not exactly. Dogs know when it's there. Cat's too. Some spiders dance on the web when it tickle they belly.


June twenty first the beginning a magic time. Midsummer's Night, they call it. 'Cept that only in Ireland, or them Celtic places. 'Round here it just when school let out. But that's the night when learnin'  truly begins.


So don't be no stranger. We here every night. You might as well be too. 


Now let me look through these pages some more and find something else I can learn you. Come back tomorrow, 'cause I gotta go inside and watch a rebroadcast a Kathy Lee and Hoda in a few minutes....


'Scotosh bedosh... Bedosh bopost... Bopost skeedosht'.....


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THE VAMPIRE KNOWN AS PAPA WAXES PHILOSOPHICAL

the scientists have it all wrong. the big bang did not create matter, it created space. before that instant movement and vibration was impossible. every bit of substance pressed up against it's neighbor with an inconceivable force. chemical reaction could not occur. heat (the child of friction) was yet to be born. and the vast, universal cotillion had yet to take the floor. all was still. all was dark. all was quiet..... like corpses in a cold, deep  irish bog.


and then it happened. god (or perhaps an agent of the lord) said - let there be space. and there was space. every infinite unique particle was alone, separated from its brethren for the first time and desperate to regain the security of oneness. 


then energy seeped out of the void, kissing every tiny thing and tickling till they 'laughed.' but they failed to find their old lattice-mates and instead rubbed up against new partners. marriages happened and 'children' were born.


and all the while the space between these material congregations grew and grew, like bubbles in a great wheel of cheese. til the cheese became as strings and the strings pulled 'part to form nodes. 


like fireworks on a hot summer night. the sulfurous material was always there, packed into the vessel and waiting for the spark.


a vast celestial explosion... that's what we are. myriads of jewel-like sparks streaking out into oblivion, as the JADE EMPEROR smiles, claps and cheers.


could that be reality?


well, how could it not?


please indulge a 28,000 year old personage. papa has been many places and he has seen many things. lo, the storied pavilions of old cathay hide secrets. I see them when I slumber...dragon hunts among the clouds, where mountains touch the sky. automatons of blood and glass who smile as they kill. ah, the thrill of five hundred lifetimes.... a library of wonders. and my soul contains them all.


that is why I pull back. let others savor drama, for I have already done so and the plays grow old and stale.


so I dance through my charades. I tickle maidens in the dark and sometimes drain them dry....... do I cry after?.......occasionally.


but have you seen my Annie? I am so, so proud of her. a tadpole meant for greatness. not like Tomas, or the rest. this daughter of the darkness is the one I love the best...


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LITTLE ANNIE AND HER NEW VAMPIRE PLAYMATE GET DISGUSTED

They did kill that bitchy, ticket booth woman after she got off work. Had to wait around til after the late show. She had to stay and help 'clock out' the clean up crew. But they got her in some parking garage. Lot a folks dies in parking garages. Must be like a basic, fundamental law of the universe, or something. I bet some a the people in the Bible must a got whacked in parking garages, only they just don't like to say. I mean they keep a lot a secrets from us, don't you know.


Annie walk up to her as she gettin' in her Nissan Altima. I like Nissan Altimas. They give you a lot a bang for the buck. Hell, even a disembodied spirit know a good deal when he see it. Fat bitch turn 'round and say - What you doin' here, you cheap, piece a trash you? Doan your daddy know no better?......... Annie doan say nuthin'. She jus' haul off and kick her, right in the middle of her too-tight-pants camel toe. Ticket lady start hollerin' and yellin' and all. Guatemala kid workin' down in the exit booth see the whole thing. He got a little, black and white, old fashioned, baby television, or something. Only he so high he think he watchin' like COPS or Super Nanny or Jerry Springer. You know a lot a people get kicked in they camel toe on that show. It like a tradition.


Then, after ticket lady get beat up real good, Annie yell for her new buddy, Conrad, a come over. He wanna. He eager, only he doan know too much yet. So Annie punch that dinner-woman right in a face to calm her down a little. You know, you punch somebody hard enough, it gonna do that. Annie say - Here. Take her. Eat her. Slurp her up. Come on. I wanna go watch television......... So he do. He kneel down and he do. Took 'bout five whole minutes, 'cause she got all that extra blood in her. Big people are like that. Then he keep burpin'. Annie say - You disgustin'!....... He say - I'm sorry....... But that doan stop him burpin' none. You know, some vampire just reacts that way.


They wait 'round for the 'leftovers' a that first dinner to burn up. Some a you already know how vampire leftover do like that. It go 'WHOOSH!' an' a cold, blue flame make it all disappear. Conrad, he 'mazed by the whole thing. He jus' stand there, til Annie bite 'im real hard on a finger (you know how she do wit' toes and all?). She say- Come on. We gotta get outta here....... 'Cause like he can't sublimate, or do no vampire magic yet. So they jump in a that Altima and screech the hell outta there. Guatemala kid wave bye-bye . But Annie jus' give him the finger.


Later, they sell that car to some off duty cop for like five hundred dollar. He know where to fence it, so it all right. 


Did that fat, bitch, ticket lady deserve to die?..... Hell, no. But I tellin' you how it really is and not how them blood suckers make like it is.


Oh, they mean well. And they do help sick people from time to time, 'specially Sarah. But they also do lot a crazy shit too.


Now Annie and that Conrad, monk guy in a hotel up on JFK Boulevard. He drinkin' little thirty two dollar bottles a whiskey from a miniature ice box and she layin' on a bed watchin' TRUE BLOOD, bitchin' 'bout how them phony, bastid, red neck vampire make her wanna puke. He say (Conrad, I mean) - You sure you ought a be lookin' at that hootchie crap? ....... But she tell him to go to hell and zoom in for a close-up...


Oooh, them vampire children can be bad....


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A LITTLE GIRL VAMPIRE AND A MONK VAMPIRE MAKE A NIGHT OF IT

Annie and her new protege, Conrad, walked around on the Avenue of The Arts looking at people. They saw well dressed posturing couples 'making entrances' into venues up and down the street. 


That one takes 'Beano' - said Annie. I can smell it. Prob'ly don't wanna fart durin' the show. And the wife is wearin' a diaper. But not because she shits herself. No, all she does is pees........ How do you know all that? - said Conrad........ I told you. I can smell it - she said. you can too. You're just not used to it yet........ Then, she discreetly gestured with her chin, as she rattled off - Ate a garlic rib steak. Drank a lot a whiskey. Curry. Curry. That one's got a period. This one got a cancer. Fast food. Fast food. Really likes her wine........... Former monk, Conrad, was amazed....... I really am getting hungry - he said. Who do you think  I should 'do'?........... I dunno. Wait a little. It's more fun later, when there ain't so many people. We can scare 'em better then. Take me to the movies first. Papa hardly ever does and they don't like selling no night time ticket to  no little girl. Ain't there no toy store around here? I want a cap gun. NO, a bee-bee gun! I want a real gun, but they won't let me. Edith says (mimicking) It ain't nice. Jonathon, or Tomas, or whoever the hell he is says it's a sin. He's always prayin'. Hates when I curse too. They all do, 'specially when I say the king of the words............. What's 'the king of the words'? - said Conrad........... You know. 'F' this. 'F' that. 'F'in' son of a bitch. You know, the 'F' word - said Annie.......... So, why don't you say it? - said Conrad......... 'Cause you used to be a monk. And that's like a nun what ain't no lady. And I don't wanna make you cry, or throw up - explained the strange, little girl.......... Conrad said he wouldn't throw up (seeing as his stomach was so empty), but she didn't believe him. Even little juvenile vampirinas are intrigued by throw-up.


Four hundred heartbeats later they saw a place showing SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN. The former monk bought two tickets (one adult, one child) and they went in. But the fat, ugly bitch in the ticket both gave 'em a dirty look...... That ain't no movie for a little girl, you know. - she said........  Annie quietly told her to drop dead and go to hell, as they entered the lobby, but the 'fuck-face, sloppy bastid' (Annie's words) heard the whole thing.


You wanna kill her? - said Annie....... I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Why, do you think I should? - whispered the novice.......... 


Yeah, - said Annie. I think maybe you should. 


Then they went all the way down to the third row (away from everyone else) and settled in to watch the movie.....


Annie liked the whole thing. But her 'friend' couldn't wait for it to be over...


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"OGz Write Away": How far would you go?O. G. Tomes wants to k...

"OGz Write Away":




How far would you go?

O. G. Tomes wants to k...: How far would you go? O. G. Tomes  wants to know? The difference between taking the easy way and the road less traveled is in...

a continuation--- AND THE VAMPIRE STEPPED OUT OF THE SHADOWS

The monk-not-quite- a monk felt the breath against his throat. He laid down upon the bare, gray mattress and stared up into the darkness. The night creature said - Will you always stand by me?....... He whispered - Yes.......... The night creature said - Will you take your rest where I take mine?......... He nodded....... Then it asked for presents..... not now.....just from time to time. He promised. Then the night creature kissed him, a small, chaste kiss upon his cheek. The voice said - Do you love me?...... The monk-not-quite-a-monk whispered - I don't know.... Then it giggled. Odd to think about vampires giggling, but of course they giggle. They can do anything. Four heartbeats later, it stopped. For a few moments, all was silent. Then it whispered - You will. 


Strong, thin hands grabbed his head, contorting it, the better to expose the artery. He fought at first. Instinct is instinct. But the tiny voice went - shhh, shhh...... And he stopped. Two heartbeats later, he felt the first bite. A tiny nip. A small, sharp cut. A personal intimacy unlike any other. And then the blood began to flow. Soon there were other bites, quick, little nibbles spread over his body..... the inside of a forearm....... along the bicep.... the calf..... the cheeks..... and other equally sensitive places. 


Now death usually comes to those so drained, but the thing-in-the-night returned the favor, slicing into its own vampire flesh and offering up a rare elixir unlike any other. The monk-not-quite-a-monk drank, at first tentatively, but then with gusto, till his mysterious benefactor whispered - Stop!...... And he did.


They lay there, motionless and quiet for perhaps twenty three heartbeats. And then the dogs began to howl. They knew. They sensed the transformation and even from their prison in the abandoned office far below, they tasted this new and different thing.


The vampire said - Come. It is not over yet...... She helped him to his feet, took him by the hand and led him up through the emptiness to the cool, black expanse of the tar coated roof, where a huge, full, rabbit moon (as the Chinese say) smiled down.


And then the 'peeling' started. She wanted him to lie down. But he preferred to stand, as the last bits of mortality fell away.


When it was over she dried him with a crumpled sheet (brought solely for that purpose) and dressed him in new clothes.


Five minutes later it was time to feed.


And Annie helped him chose his first true meal...


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