Some cop walked through the lunchroom. Kids said he came through for every lunch period. Sometimes he whispered something to a guy in a blue suit... probably a detective. Mrs. Mattioli, was with them. She's the vice principal. Ca-Ca says they're lookin' for the killer, so we ate our chicken nuggets and tater tots and ran out to the schoolyard real fast.
I'm Timothy, in case you forgot. Esther's dead and we did it. I don't feel like we did it, but we did. And I can't eat ice cream no more, 'cause it makes me throw up. When I look in the mirror I get real stiff and I peed the bed two nights ago. Nobody found out. I washed the sheet and sprayed the mattress and the pad with a whole lot of Fabreze. The dog knows. He hates Fabreze. Don't mind pee, just Fabreze. Dad says - Why you so funny lately?.... I say - I'm not funny.... Mom says - Leave him alone..... Then I go in my room and lay on the bed.
Kids walk through the alley behind the old Kotex factory 'cause they know that's where it happened. We went through there too, with a kid named Hickey. That's his last name, but everybody calls him 'Hickey.' They say - Yo, when you were born, your mom got a Hickey. Then he punches them.
Lot a papers blow down that alley. Bums sleep under 'em. The day we went with Hickey, we seen one climb out from a whole mess a papers. Hickey threw a rock at him... not a 'rock,' more like the big pebbles that break off from crumbling cement. Guy goes - Drop dead you f#ckin' little bastid, you.... and makes like he's gonna chase us... We give him the finger and run away.... Go into a McDonalds. Three-way split a large order of fries. Bug the lady for them little 'courtesy' cups so we can get cold water. She gives us a look, but she gives us the cups.
Hickey eats most a the fries. Ca-Ca and I were thinkin.'...... How do we know there wasn't no bum sleepin' down that alley the day it happened?
Every time the phone rings I jump. Ca-Ca says she jumps too, but her mom don't climb out a that chair, so she gets it anyway... But she still jump.
I don't think bums got phones, but Cops do. Sometimes cops grab bums. If they grab a bum who knows something, he'll talk. I know. I watched The Diary of Anne Frank once. It was a robber who ratted them out. Cops grabbed him. What the hell did he care? My dad says - What you watchin' that crap for?... But I keep watchin,'cause its about a kid afraid she might get killed... and I wanna see what happens.
We're gonna run away. I know it. Ca-Ca says you can pay a whore to make out she's your mom. First we gotta find the right whore. No, first we gotta find the money.
We're havin' tuna fish and macaroni and cheese tonight. Thank God I can eat that.
I don't wanna talk no more.....Lemme sit quiet, OK?
<to be continued>
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My mom is a witch. Everybody in the family says so... some in a good way... some in a not so good way. But she knows things. She knew Crazy Jack, our neighbor killed Junior, our first dog, because he got Princess, Crazy Jack's little Maltese, all pregnant and everything. Junior wasn't Maltese. We never knew what country, or continent his people came from. Dogs don't talk and the people who breed 'em are liars, so how could you really know? But my mom said - What are you thinkin' about?..... She saw me dittin' on the sofa pretending to watch TV. I said - Nothin.' Why?..... She said - You are such a liar... I slumped down in the sofa and closed my eyes.
Ester was gonna get killed. If we didn't do it, somebody else'd do it. They'd push her onto the subway tracks, or throw a plugged-in hair straightening thing in her bathtub, or punch her in the heart or something. I saw a guy get punched in the heart outside a bar. He spit up pink foam and everything. Cops didn't lock up nobody, 'cause the guy who punched him was married to the daughter of a cop. But one day when she was walkin' home from food shoppin' they throw acid in her face. Now kids call her the Twilight Zone Lady. Cop's family wanna kill somebody from the guy-who-got-punched-in-the-heart's family, but they all moved to some country where they eat ponies... I forget where it is.
Do I feel bad about killin' Esther?... I don't know... A little. She cried like a little bird. I saw her mother through the window, though. She was walking to the Chinese store. It's not a Chinese 'food' store. I mean the people who run it are Chinese. And Esther's mother was goin' so slow. Her head was down. Another lady was with her. I don't know who she was. They came back with a little bag. Esther's mother held it. I felt funny... a little bit.
did you know I want to run away from here? I mean really run away to like where the cops have different cop suits and all. I want to grab some crap and get out of here.. My house is full a low-lifes. I don't care about them. I had a little baby cousin. They gave her Whooping Cough. She died. I liked that baby cousin. Maybe I gave her whooping cough. Who knows? But they're the low-lifes. Not me.
Soon I'll go see 'Shithead.' Shithead is Timothy's nickname. He's not really a shithead...just sometimes. Maybe he'll run away too? I could steal my mom's jewelry. Get about three hundred dollars. I can boost crap from stores. They don't look at nice little white girls and I can make myself look 'nice' if I want to. You can't do it in big stores though, like Walmart or places like that, 'cause they got electrical stuff. Some little stores on the avenue just got price tags and a fat lady on a stool who looks at everybody. Not the same fat lady. They each got their own one.
My mom wants a hoagie from the WaWa. I don't want to leave the house... not because of Esther and all. I just don't feel like. My stomach hurts. That's all. I don't even want to say 'Esther.' I don't want to talk about her.
Oh, God, I don't want to go outside...but she really wants that hoagie...
If I see a cop, I'll die...
<to be continued>
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Nobody goes to Ca-Ca's house. They never did. It smells from the cats. He mother likes cats. I don't know how many they have... three... four? They lock the door and that's it. Neighbors might say 'hi' when they see them on the block. Ca-Ca's father shovels his snow. The mother gives out good candy on Halloween... decent size Hershey bars... store size, not little snack-bar size. But nobody drinks coffee with her. The dads and stepdads and boyfriends don't talk much, except when somebody's got the hood open on their car. Then they all gather 'round like they know... like male chimps holding a war council. I know 'cause I like nature shows and watch 'em on TV. We don't have cable, but Channel 12 shows 'em.
I wish I knew what's going on over there now. Ca-Ca didn't go to school today. I didn't want to go. I prayed that it would stay night forever. When I woke up at a quarter til two and saw the little red numbers on my clock, I thought I still have maybe five and a half hours. When I woke up again at five o'clock, it was still dark and I felt a little bit safe. Not that I was asleep the whole time between 'wake-up.' But I'd pull the covers around my head like a hood. I'd pull them down low... just enough space for me to peek out into the dark and breathe. Once I had to go pee. I went in my money jar. I slid the coins out real quiet into a sneaker. Not the ones I wear to school, but one from an old pair of bo-bo's.
And I didn't think about Ester. I thought about me. They had grief people at school. Two of them got up and talked in the auditorium. We went in in groups... K to 2... 3 to 5 and 6 to 8. The older kids said by the time they went in, the ladies' voices sounded real scratchy and Mister Grossman had to run up and bring 'em bottled water. I'm a fifth grader. Ca-Ca is too. Nobody talked. But nobody listened. I just looked at my knees and walked around like a zombie or a robot all day. A grief lady came into our room too. She said bad things happen, but they hardly ever happen. And it's OK to be sad. Ester was our friend. Some girls giggled when she said that. Miss Domsky just looked and they shut up. On the way to art class after lunch, one of the big kids said the grief ladies were lookin' for kids who were acting weird, or crazy, so they could tell the cops about them. Miss Domsky gave out drawing paper so we could make name signs before the lady came in. She said it was so the lady could call us by name. But I think it's so the cops will know who to lock up and kill. I still wish I could die, but I don't want them to do it. And I don't want God to do it. I want it to just happen.
Ca-Ca's brother is dead too. Did you know that? Maybe somebody said something? Maybe I did? I don't know. Him and Ester are the only two dead kids I know. Heard about a couple others, but don't really know them.
It's five thirty. I'm home from school. Been home since twenty minutes after three. I walked real fast. Forgot my inhaler in my desk. Maybe that will kill me? I'm also back in bed. Heard my mom whisper to my sister to leave me alone. We don't eat til six thirty, 'cause my dad don't get home til six and he likes to relax and drink beer first. One more hour. I got one more hour. Wish I had a real bad asthma attack and died.
My name is Timothy, in case you forgot from yesterday. My nickname is Shithead.
Now just let me lay here and be quiet....
< tomorrow Ca-Ca says stuff >
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It was meatloaf night. I remember it was meatloaf night. I hate meatloaf. It tastes like warm clay and dirt. We sat in the kitchen. the little portable TV was on. It's a real old TV... No flatscreen. They hooked it up to some kind of a little electric box so it would work. I hate that TV. It's like a Russia TV. I bet they have TV's like that in Russia... in Russia and our kitchen.
I don't say anything. I just eat. I eat my corn and mashed potatoes. The mashed potatoes tasted like paste. I even stop picking at the meatloaf. It tastes like Ester's dead body. I hope she's in Heaven... I really do. My heart is pounding. My sister wants to go to Target. She wants my mom to take her to Target because they got a sale on blue jeans. My dad won't take her. He watches sports at night... any kind of sports. He sits in the livingroom where the big real TV is. He don't talk to nobody... just whoops and yells and curses at the TV.
THEN THE NEWS COMES ON.....
A lady who smiles and rolls her eyes all the time stops doing that. Her face gets real still and plain, like she's gonna say something sad or religious. I don't even move. I stare at the place on the wall where daddy threw the soup. My mom cleaned it off, but it was tomato and you can still see a little bit of the red. The TV lady says - A child's body was discovered down a desolate back driveway on 'Factory Road...'
It's not really named Factory Road, but everybody calls it that 'cause of all the factories that used to be there. I don't know where the factories went. I don't care. The TV lady says more stuff, but I don't hear her. I hear my dad say - Jesus Christ! Turn that up!... My mom reaches over and turns it up. My sister just sits there waiting to see if she's gonna get taken to Target or not. I turn to stone. I wish I was dead. ..... My mommy goes - Oh my God! Ester, she said Ester! I know that girl! Her mother's a checker at ShopRite. She goes to school with Timmy. (then she looks at me) Tim, was she at school today?... I just shrug. My mom looks sad. But I just shrug... My dad watches, but he keeps on eating.... The TV lady keeps talking. They show people holding candles down the cracked up back driveway or alley or whatever it is. Mom sucks her teeth the way ladies do when something is 'a shame.' People put teddy bears and I think a stuffed dog and rabbit where Ester was. I just sit there.
SOMEBODY POUNDS ON THE DOOR...
I tremble inside. My dad gets up to see who it is. He's in charge of who gets in and who gets out. My sister quietly sneaks upstairs. My mom stands behind dad. I hear Patsy. She lives across the street. She says - Yeh hear?... Mom nods. They cry a little. Patsy says - We're all gone over to Donna's.... Donna is Ester's mom. It's just the two of them.... she says - You want me to wait and walk over with yeh?.... Mom says - No, that's alright. Lemme clean up .... But Patsy looks like she wants to say something, so my mom yells for my sister to come down and clean up. She knows this is serious, so she does. Mom turns around and says - I'm gone over with Patsy, OK?.... Dad nods. Then he sits on the sofa, but he doesn't watch no sports on TV. He just sits. My sister washes up. She don't pay no attention to me. She never does. Tells me I'm a weird, little, autistic bastid. But I'm not autistic. I just got nothing to say to her. Maybe I am autistic? I don't know.
I'm still sittin' there, in the kitchen, I mean. I want to go out side and get run over by a car, or like a big pick-up truck. I can feel the tires squish my body and press out all the blood. I wish it would happen, but I can't move. The faded, red soup stain on the wall looks like Ester, from when she was all curled up. God, I don't want to get caught.
Ca-Ca must have heard about it too. I wish I knew what she did. I wish I knew what she said.
My dad yelled - What the hell are you doin' in there?..... I said - Nothing..... Five minutes later he falls asleep. I know, 'cause I hear him snoring.... fartin' too. I hold my ears, because it reminds me of Ester and all. Then I get up, sneak passed him and go upstairs. I'm real careful not to make any noise. I sneak around here a lot, so I can do that....
Even though it's only like seven thirty, it's real dark already, 'cause it's November. I get under the covers and turn out the little ship's wheel lamp. If I have to pee, I'll do it in my money jar, 'cause I can pour the coins into a shoe. My door's locked. I'm safe.
I hope it stays night forever....
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In fourth grade Miss Lummis gave out compasses. Not the kind that tell you where Santy Clause lives, but the kind you draw patterns with. We cut triangles in half, drew venn diagrams and big, bubble butts. Miss Lummis never said to do the bubble butts. We did that ourselves. Some kids drew tittie pictures too, but kids always draw tittie pictures, even when they got no special equipment.
Max Freeman said you can blind somebody with a compass, 'cause one part's basically just a long, thick needle. And crazy bastids use 'em to blind people all the time. That's how eye doctors get all their customers. They put this new jelly back inside the eye and sew it up. The scar makes everybody look like they're swimmin' or something, but everybody likes swimmin' so who cares.
Me and Ca-Ca want to kill a kid. We wanna use a compass. They don't sell 'em in stores no more, 'cause violent kids in 'bad' schools jab kids with 'em. It's true. Teacher claps her hands and goes - Stop it! Stop it! They ain't no God damned stabbing sticks!!... But violent bad kids know better. Now they sell baby stuff. Now they sell some plastic, stencil shit which is almost impossible to kill somebody with, unless you are a ninja, or like a chimpanzee or something. But I got my uncles old cigar box... his school cigar box... and it's got TWO drawing compasses in it... the metal, jabbing, killing kind, although I don't think the dollar store ever advertised them that way.
You know, Ca-Ca doesn't even know her real name. People tell her it's Catherine, but she tells 'em to go to hell. I'm Timothy. My name is Timothy. That, I know, 'cause they named me after some saint. Saints are dead people who stay in the same room as God all the time. He must play games with them to keep 'em from actin' up and gettin' bored.
Ester's gonna die 'cause she farts in class. She can't help it 'cause she's lactose intolerant, but she loves milk, so that creates a big problem. Her mother took her to a doctor. He said - So what? She farts. It's natural..... Her mother told him to go to hell... Everybody tells everybody to go to hell around my way. But I don't think you can 'go' to hell. I think they have to send you, like they do to a mental hospital, or something.
I gave Ca-Ca a compass. First I showed her how to use it. We killed her three feet tall Barbie doll a few times. She was half bald headed anyway. But Ca-Ca said she remembered from when Miss Lummis gave out compasses in the fourth grade.
So we walked home with Ester and cut behind the old Kotex factory. All's back there is broke cement, weeds and shitty stuff. Once we saw a drunk guy, but he was lying down and crying. Ca-Ca gave him a few Chicklets. She shook 'em down on him from the box. He said - Lee' me alone. Lee' me alone... We ran away.
It was six days after Halloween when we did it. Half dark by three thirty, 'specially on a cold, cloudy day. The Rite-Aid store already had Christmas decorations up. That, I remember. I bought chocolate covered cherries for my mom-mom in there. She had diabetes, but she don't have it no more, 'cause she's dead.
Ester wanted to fart, but she didn't 'cause we were there. I could tell by the look on her face. I said - Hey, Ester, I saw a special guy in a silvery suit who held a microphone up to his ass and farted Give My Regards To Broadway in the circus... no, not the circus... at a carnival. Maybe you could get a job like that? Like bein' a magician, 'cept you don't need no rabbits...... She hugged her books and said - Very funny. Very funny.... Ca-Ca said - That's not funny. You wanna know what's funny?.... Ester said - What?..... Ca-Ca said - This is..... And she jabbed that compass-needle right in her throat. Went in like three or four inches. Ester just stands there. Ca-Ca pulls it out. Ester falls. Ca-Ca looks at the blood drippin' off the point like nail polish. Then she kicks her a few times. Ester curls up and lays on her side. She's cryin'. I can see she's cryin'. But she grunts. That's the only noise she makes. Figure Ca-Ca ripped her voice box or something. Then she jabs her again. Ca-Ca, I mean. Once it went in her eye. Once in her ear. I jabbed her a few times too, 'cause Ca-Ca was lookin' at me and all. But I just jabbed her on her arms and legs, 'cause I figure a kid can live with that. Only thing is she didn't live. Ca-Ca said - No more farts from her.... And we ran away.
Two hours after dinner they found the body...
< to be continued >
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Straight out of London come tales of unimaginable crimes and the preternaturally tinged detectives who solve them.
Well over one million people get lost in this world on a regular basis via the popular HYBRID SERIES...
Meet operatives accidentally, or maybe even purposely 'enhanced' by the blood of night fiends.... But only enhanced, for they retain their fundamental humanity.
And now they hook up with covert operatives controlled by The Pentagon. MI5 comes stateside and mates with the CIA.
They're after big fish now (not that they haven't been before)...maybe real big fish... SHARKS... TERRORISTS... modern day brutal pirates out to mutilate society and destroy our world.
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Ca-Ca's mother sat in a big, old, ripped, vinyl reclining chair.... I think King Tut used it for a throne. The brown, burlap seat must of had like thirty five thousand farts in it... dog piss too, probably Ca-Ca's mother's piss too. She watch the same free TV shows every day.... Rachel Ray, The View, the local news, Meredith Viera. Steve Harvey and Ellen... No wait, she didn't watch The View. She watched The Price Is Right. She wants to spin the wheel. She wants to win a brand new, fully equipped Ford Focus. But she never will, 'cause they won't let her wheel that putrid reclining chair up on stage.
Ca-Ca buys her corned beef sandwiches from Arby's... good ones... big ones with extra meat. She used to buy her ham sandwiches. But then she learned one of the reasons pork's not kosher is because it looks and tastes exactly like human flesh. Although I don't know where you're supposed to go for Barbecued Honey Lady Ass. I asked the delicatessen guy at ShopRite once. He told me to drop dead and go to hell. Then he sold me a half pound of American cheese. I keyed his car in the parking lot. Saw him go in to work once. That's how I know.
My name is Shit Head. But that's just a nickname. My real name is Timothy. Once me and Lester Watson lit a little hibachi out back of his house. It was the black, wrought iron kind they give you for sitting through a ninety minute 'buy this God damned, fucking time-share, you cheap, ugly bastid' speech. Lester's mother thought she was gonna get a mink jacket. But when she asked the guy, he lungered right in her face. I think she tasted a little bit of it. The boss came over and gave her two hibachis to make up for it and a midget salami for each one, to like slice up and barbecue. We used the second one. Lester had an aquarium with little newts or salamanders or whatever it is they called themselves, in it. Half a them were dead in the stinkin' green water anyway. But half were still living. Those are the ones we killed. Poked 'em right in through the heavy grate. Used chopsticks, 'cause it was a hibachi and all. They held on with their wet, little arms, but eventually we got 'em in. Coals were real hot too, all white and powdery. They curled up and bounced... the salamanders, I mean. Smelled like shrimp. Skin split. Steam came out. They looked crispy, but we didn't eat 'em, 'cause Lester said they were related to frogs and once at the all you can eat imitation Chinese buffet he ate a frog's leg and threw up on Mrs. Tuffinetti. She died two days later. He was positive the vomit did it. But I think it was because she got hit by a bus. Eleven days later Lester got hit by a bus too... not 'hit' actually... run over... His head went POP. First there was a sharp CRACK, then a pop. Pigeons swarmed in to eat his brains.
That's when I got real friendly with Ca-Ca. He was her brother. We were like ten years old. I was closer to nine. She was closer to eleven and she missed her brother real bad. Said we had to kill that bus driver and kids could do it, 'cause who's watchin' kids? So we sat on a bench at the place where the bus turns around at the end of the route and we waited. Two ladies even smiled at us. We smiled back, 'cause like you gotta be friendly.
Friendly people got all kinds a weapons. Hell, kids got weapons right in their book bags...
Come back tomorrow and I'll tell you. Shit, your kids prob'ly got 'em too...
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