Friday, March 18, 2011

THIS IS NOT A POST-----this is wilkravitz

It's daytime, human lunchtime. No vampires are around. I'm not sure where they are, but no one is channeling anything through me right now. I think they're all over at that Anti-Enchantment-Bureau compound. I don't know. But Annie is still here. And she wakes up a lot during the day. It doesn't matter to her. We're in a museum. Few of the galleries have exterior windows. If she's careful and avoids certain places (mostly near the entrance) what does she have to worry about? But the facility is 'open for business' during the day, so she does have to spruce up a bit, tone down her act and pass as human. That she can do. It's not hard to pass as a brat these days. In fact, that's what they notice first. They say - Look at that shitty little bitch. And nobody wants to get too close to her anyway.....I think she's playing with the hercules beetles. The live ones, I mean. They have a group of them in a lab upstairs. I don't know what you'd call them. They're so big. What are they, a herd? Zeke's not here. He's night shift. I stay away from most of the day people. Why complicate things? So I'm alone now and I got the keyboard all to myself. No major drama streaming in from the undead. And Little Bastard Annie is busy tormenting some other life form. So let me tap out a few things about myself. First, I'm 6'2" tall (true.. that's not 'internet height' that's.real height). And I weigh about 205 pounds. My hair is buzzed almost to the bone cause some of it ran away from home and it looks better and more stylish this way.  They say short hair looks thicker. When I get it shaved to the bone it's gonna look real thick.I'll post a pic when I learn how.
What can I say. Not a fast learner. I guess I look OK, kinda like a studious, though fit grad student. But a really, really slow grad student. Cause I'm cruisin' 'round passed fifty. I must like writin' them term papers a whole lot. Still, I do look young for my age, like they got this big vat of aloe vera gel at the mall and for twenty bucks a pop they'll lift you up on a winch and plop you down in it. The naked part bothers me a little, but I don't care. I been goin' to this mall since I was a kid, so they know me... So far, I'm holding my own. I like the Jersey Shore (the real one, not the live-action cartoon) all kinds of dogs, just so they don't slip no tongue in my mouth. Some a them get funny that way. I like the idea of cooking, but hate actually doing it because you have to clean up all that crap after and telekenysis almost never works. So neighborhood diner/restaurant fare comprises the major part of my diet. I do try to avoid trans-fatty-acids, but they taste so God damn good! You know what I mean? I always load up at the salad bar (yes, I know what gloopy junk to stay away from.). And if there's like one or two dead bugs in the ice cubes, I don't care. But I do have my limits, 'specially if they big bugs.  I like casual, GAP style clothes (they still around?), but can work a suit when I have to. And that includes the slim 'Mad Men' type. Used to enjoy video poker at Atlantic City, but one day I just discovered that I didn't have the patience for it any more. True, it happened just like that. I wasn't even thinking about it. It just happened...That's when I started blogging... Speaking of the shore, I burn easily too, so I have to be careful. My chin beard is white, yellow and orange...Why, you got a problem with that? And lately I'm a little jumpy where tsunamis are concerned. They play a recurring part in my dreams. I think they mean you're gonna pee the bed or something. That's what a fortune cookie said.. We got some Chinese buffets 'round my way too. But morning bike rides on picturebook boardwalks or through magazine-like residential streets tend to banish tsunami phobia a little, replacing it with a vague, though growing castration complex. I got a get a more comfy seat. And since most of the Jaws movies were over about thirty years ago, shark phobia is startin' to receed a little too. But, you know most attacks take place in three feet of water? That IS true. Oh, yeah, I remember. I was gonna tell you about.... Oh, shit! Annie's comin' back. Next time. Next time. I'll tell you next time. Look at her. She's squeezin' a live rat and carrying a big jar of Ragu (extra chunky) spaghetti sauce. And who the hell do you think is gonna have to clean up that crap!?. Lemme go find a roll a toilet paper...........

I know some a you saw this before. But  this time I made it truer......and if Jimmy Fallon can stick in re-runs all the time, so can I.....

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Now don't be a bunch a lazy slobs. press that SHARE button and it's not like it would kill you to leave us a COMMENT or two. you want people to see YOUR links, don't you? Look,I gotta stop and go to sleep now, 'cause they're gonna dunk me in the aloe vera tank tomorrow....

1 comment:

StupidGirl said...

yay!!! it's you! More about you please - I think you need to post about you at least once a month!