VAMPIRES AND FREE LEMON WATER ICE ON THE BEACH AT TEL AVIV

This is what they decided to do, the vampires of Jerusalem, I mean. Jonathon was chosen to create a web site. It's not that he is so particularly computer savy, but it was his idea and seeing as vampires are inherently lazy...well, you can figure out the rest. So he got this kid they met at the hotel to help out. I don't know where he was from, maybe Minnesota or Canada or someplace like that. The kid had this smart phone and he played it like Stevie Wonder played the harmonica. So in about seven or eight minutes, they had this web site all about 'The Pax Semitica' and  it showed a map of the Holy Land divided into two nations...the Land of Israel and the Land of Ishmael.......Two 'Brother Kingdoms,' inhabited by Israelis and Ishmaelis.....Isaac and Ishmael reconciled at last.

Then they got a hold of that song the resurrected John Lennon was writing. They recorded him singing it, nothing fancy, just sitting at a table outside some Sbarro's in a mall in West Jerusalem. The kid from Minnesota or Canada helped them post it on You Tube. Right away, it got a lot a hits. And after some guy on the 'E' Network got a facial recognition expert to transpose images of the not-yet-dead John Lennon and the guy at the Sbarro's (a match), it got even more hits. A day later, some music promoters in Dubai talked Yusef Islam (the Artist Formerly Known As Cat Stevens...and a respected Muslim in his own right) to post his own lovey-dovey, touchy, feely response  on You Tube as well. They played them in tandem...like when Natalie Cole sang 'Unforgettable' with her deceased father, Nat King Cole. It went viral. Ellen Degeneres played it on her show. Some kid she had signed on her Eleven-Eleven recording label did a 'cover'.........Over four million downloads in six days. But Ellen being Ellen and partially saint-like in her own right, donated the profits to a series of ecumenical 'peace charities' in what was starting to be called 'The See of Abraham' .....Neil Diamond did a free, outdoor concert on the beach at Tel Aviv, everybody got free lemon water ice and they bounced a lazer beam off the moon. Bette Midler started talking in tongues and Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher levitated over the heads of sixteen would-be mystics at a spur-of-the-moment Malibu Kabbalah service.

Yoko Ono flew over to Jerusalem to reclaim her resurrected husband, but she didn't levitate. She used a plane.........................................