Monday, September 5, 2011

PLEASURABLE INTERLUDES WITH A TWENTY EIGHT THOUSAND YEAR OLD VAMPIRE CHIEFTAN

This is Papa speaking to you. I am in the bowels of the Anti-Enchantment-Bureau, suspended in the electro-magnetic web created by the Great Armonica. Very relaxing. I find it very relaxing. Doctor Franklin cranks it up. I strip down and jump in. Oooh, it feels so good. The charge rushes through my body. Far superior to those 'anti-gravity' spinning devices they have at some health clubs. I do not know. Help me. Are they yet coveted by the masses? Do they still have them? The fickleness of contemporary human culture never fails to amaze me.  Ah...ah...wait...wait...Just a moment. Just a moment. Please, please. There, there. Oh, it 'tickles.' It feels so good. It feels so good. Please! Please! Yes! Yes! No! No! Yankee Doodle!! Yankee Doodle!!! Just like fuckin' birthday cake! Birthday cake! Birthday cake!!!! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!........oh...oh...oh....

The female technicians in attendance appear dumbstruck. Some of the other genders they have 'round here look dumb struck too. Doctor Franklin and his team have assembled quite an assortment. No one can tell what the Jersey Devil thingie they have here really is. And two of the scientists think the mermaid hag is really just an old, droopy breasted, merMAN. You know how touchy they are about their cloacas.

Some nights, when he truly cranks it up, I can see into parallel universes. A few of them are quite nice. People grow cotton candy hair you can eat and all that. Gives a very different meaning to getting a 'Brazilian.' Others terrify me. Solid stone. Just solid stone, filling the cosmos forever, with maybe a small crack eternities apart, harboring strange annd elusive microscopic cultures. Sometimes I can almost hear them sing.

We monitor events in Jerusalem. I am almost always in telepathic contact with my beloved vampire son. Jonathon means the world to me. I pray that he succeeds. I hope they can bring peace. In one universe, it has already happened. The two Kingdoms of Israel and Ishmael rule side by side, dominating the former Roman, Parthian realms in a kind of PAX SEMITICA. You should see the Space Arks they build. And the colonies on the parallel Mars are quite beautiful. Humus flavored ice cream is a bit much though, but what can you do.

Oh, yes! Before I forget...There is this  universe, I have only seen it once (Doctor Franklin maybe two or three times) where the moon drifts ever closer to the Earth. Monster tsunamis (can you say DEEP IMPACT?) regularly scour the coastal regions. And guess what's predicted for December 21, 2012? Come on. Do I really have to tell you?

Laila made her first independent kill. Not with Renate. Odd, she is my vampiric mother, but I rarely imagine her that way. And not with the elfin Roland. She was surprisingly good at it too. The victim hardly felt a thing. She looked so nice. The light from the cold blue flame suits her. What is that? You are not familiar with the cold blue flame? Well, you uninformed, lazy thing you....go and google VAMPIREWONDERLAND, spontaneous human combustion and learn something. I told you, we only pretend that this is fiction...

Now shhhh...Be quiet. He's doing it. Doctor Franklin is cranking it up again. Go! Go! Go!...Go away! Go away!...I have no time for you now....

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