Urban Pie: Django Unchained tops list of best films of 2012

Urban Pie: Django Unchained tops list of best films of 2012: After suffering through the 170 minute snoozefest that was The Hobbit the 165 minute Django Unchained was just the antidote to Peter Jacks...Til I get new computers (hopefully by end of week) here's another guest post I know you'll find interesting. WE all like QUINTON TARANTINO and the new one DJANGO UNCHAINED looks almost perfect....Go see and PLEASE post COMMENTS (maybe YOUR 'best and worst lists' too?)...

A Place of Reflections: January 19 ~ @TheAviatorsClub Honors Departed Pets...

A Place of Reflections: January 19 ~ @TheAviatorsClub Honors Departed Pets...: The Aviators Club  on Twitter will fly two quarterly tribute (memorial) missions on January 19, 2013  to honor pets and anipals who have... Very hard for me to get enough time on line to post new blog material, since my computer was taken in a CHRISTMAS DAY burglary. Hopefully, I will be able to replace it in a week or so. PLEASE enjoy this heart warming post by the great KAYE FRANCIS @grammakaye on TWITTER. And as always, please GOOGLE Vampire Wonderland by Billy Kravitz or BINGO BOY by Billy Kravitz or EL RANCHO TEXACO by Billy Kravitz or THE LITTLE MATCH BOY by Billy Kravitz of MARIANNE IN BRITCHES by Billy Kravitz for countless portals to almost 1,000 episodes up now. THANK YOU for your support during this hard time. Here's hoping I'll be back to normal soon.

I WAS ROBBED!!!......AGAIN!!!... 12/27/12

Sorry about not blogging for two days. My computer was stolen in a burglary. Forced to use a public one at the library til I can replace it. PLEASE bear with me. Remember, there are more than 900 posts up now. If publishes in book form, it equals five three hundred and fifty page volumes. Should you like to wander about and explore arcs you may have missed, please GOOGLE Vampire Wonderland by Billy Kravitz...or THE LITTLE MATCH BOY by Billy Kravitz (reall good, especially this time of year) or EL RANCHO TEXACO by Billy Kravitz...(think of HOW THE WEST WAS WON on Mars), or BINGO BOY by Billy Kravitz. 

I will try to replace equipment as soon as possible. Desperately miss blogging and comunicating with much appreciated readers and bloggers. Hope everyone had a real nice Christmas. (my stuff was stolen while out visiting family on Christmas Day!) And hope those observing have a meaningful KWANZA too!

BUT~~~ here's a little preview of what's coming up in THE VAMPIRE REVELS....(we will complete BINGO BOY a.s.a.p. too)

Behold, King Rafe, the Lord of Revels, ritually sunk in a peat bog soon after assuming 'the vampiric burden.' He slept in the viscous, tea-like brew each day, cool and protected by the dark, soothing balm, til 'wakened by Shakespeare....A Midsummer's Night's Dream, to be exact. He heard it all the way up on Elsinore's shore. The semi-fluid bog acts like a sound lens, or microphone, collecting tid bits from around the globe.

The reference to OBERON tickled him, for he too bore that name, along with many others. So he sublimated through the ether, condensing in the midst of Restoration England...... in a charnal house to be exact. And the tea-stained wraith with the pale yellow mane dispatched many a plague victim, sparing them further torment.

You'll meet him soon, in the midst of 'THE REVELS'... A delightfully amusing 'Master of The Dance,' twirling and leaping to the throbbing pulse of his AFTER MIDNIGHT orchestra and the NIGHT-FOLK CHORALE.

Must leave now. Unwashed minions crave my blessed spot. I believe they're not zombies...... Well, culturally they are. Such is life....


Until next time...... a vagabond gnat, caught in the public web.


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52ND BINGO BOY episode 12/24/12

BINGO BOY - post 52

The air was chill and clear. Marge sat back in the warm limousine and listened to the music. It was nice, but it was classical, so she didn't know the name... But it was nice. They passed out of the pine forests and approached the beginnings of 'the shore.' She saw cute, little towns with names like Absecon, Northfield and Linwood, boasting jewel-box streets lined with cottage-like houses and neatly trimmed evergreen hedges. Some homes, accented by tiny bee-lights, twinkled in the early dusk. Yuletide comes to the coast. 

The driver turned off onto a causeway cutting through the marshlands and crossing the bay. He stopped to pay the toll and slowed down as they entered the streets of the town. 'Welcome to The Downbeach' the sign said. Marge looked out through the slightly tinted glass, taking it all in. She'd been to the shore many times before, to Atlantic City, or to Wildwood, but this was her first time to the 'private' shore, to the small, neat towns between the tourists that most folks never see. 

" Where are we?" she asked the driver. "Margate,  ma'am,' he said. She mouthed the word to herself and gazed out at the stylish, well appointed houses set upon small, manicured (even in winter) gerdens. She saw cozy shopping districts with tastefully decorated windows and warm, inn-like restaurants, with glowing hearths and soft lighting. 

Then they came to a street lined with holly trees, fine homes and shiny cars. The driver proceeded down a bit, til she saw him. Jimmy was outside snipping imaginary imperfections from a perfectly trimmed hedge. They pulled to the curb and stopped. The temporary gardener ditched the shears, as he raced down to open her door. 

"Welcome home," he said. At first she was speechless. He helped her out. Her chin quivered. She said, "What?" Jimmy kissed her and whispered, "I bought it for us. For the kids too. What the hell. We got room." Then he took her hand, led her up the brick steps onto the blue-stone patio and opened the door. 

Now the inside is straight out of a magazine. Gleaming, pegged oak floors. Pale, sandy walls. Crown molding. A piano..... a baby grand piano. Carriage trade furnishings, a tree in the den, plus a kitchen  Julia Child would gladly die for... a second time. 

They sat by the hearth and talked, happy and 'young' once more. He poured some wine. They drank. The driver brought in her things and arranged them in the sumptuous master suite. A few minutes later she went upstairs to freshen up, for Jimmy had reservations at the best place in town, a colonial bastion dressed for the season and fronting the bay, known as Steve & Cookies. 

People looked as they walked in. Such a handsome couple. Doesn't he favor Burt Reynolds? Couldn't she pass for Goldie Hawn, or perhaps that Melinda Dillon?

Tomorrow, or the next day, the kids would come.  

Money changes everything..... and candlelight adds the magic.

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AN UPDATE ON THE VAMPIRE REVELS

Bingo Boy will return tomorrow night, but the life-eaters I blog for are giving me fits. They hate surrendering the spotlight to standard issue mortals. You know how vain enchanted folk can be. We first mentioned the yearly REVELS back before the BINGO BOY arc started. Tomas, Sarah and the others plan to attend a regional convocation of their kind. Festivities are held throughout the world. Some frequent Venice, others positively dote on Calcutta. Strong, silent, visceral types gather in the great, Canadian North. 

Tomas has been to many over the years. Yet since the others are primarily new, they have not. So he plans to introduce them to their first taste of vampire excess in more or less familiar surroundings. By that, I mean a culturally western city. So far it's London. He still has brethren there from The Restoration. Accommodations are being prepared at a close-in country house owned by an old, reclusive gentry family with ties to all the best bloodlines in Sussex and Kent. They eschew titles. Nothing so 'showy' as that. But everyone knows who they are. Indeed, intelligent people fear them.

Are they in the least bit 'vampirido'?...No, although one or two in each generation become quite adept  at 'remote molecular manipulation,' the modern term for magic. Annie can't wait. The little vampire hellion's seen all the Harry Potters ten times over. She's already demonstrated some kinetic capabilities and trills at the prospect of widening her repertoire.

Doctor Franklin wants to join them. Well, you know he travels in the best circles. Vampires are but one variety of his exotic friends. Have I told you of his sojourn with The Hindu Immortals?... Excuse me, but I've said too much. Forget I mentioned that. If you'd like to know more about the venerable scientist, just GOOGLE Vampire Wonderland by Billy Kravitz, Doctor Franklin.... It should all be there.

The 'elferinos' and 'elferinas' aren't going. They love Philadelphia in winter and haunt the cobbled byways like the sweet, 'young' wraiths they are.

Of course you remember ours is a rather moral crowd? 'Cull the wicked. Preserve the worthy' and all that. They do not kill indiscriminately. They just don't. Yes, there have been occasional digressions, but those are rare and cause much guilt. 

So does shopping..... Oh, these 'people' in no way lack for money. Still, they do have certain principles. Tithing is real big with them and many a congregation along the Judeo-Christian-Islamic railroad owes its existence to their largess. Yet Tomas (our '18 year old' Andalucian, Sephardic hero) will have his leather bootkins, his trim, dark suits, plus an occasional assortment of tattoos. You know, tattoos don't last on vampire skin. They tend to shed them every few months, usually on the solstices and the equinoxes. 

Sarah hungers for niceties too. At first she was discrete, a fine soft cashmere here, a glittering bauble there. Though lately she's become more 'artistic.'  Various boutiques scattered around Center City (the original, old core of Philadelphia, analogous to Nueva York's Manhattan) arrange private, after midnight showings. She's still rather conservative, Ralph Lauren and all that. But the look suits her and she knows it. 

And you know what? They're taking me too. Some vampirinos and vampirinas do take their human familiars, but this will be my first time, as I've only been with them a little more than two years. Perhaps I'll learn a bit of magic too. Edith, our Jersey, Piney 'seer,' says I do show a bit of the 'far eye' (remote vision, telepathy), so we'll see.

Eng-a-land swing, like a pendulum do..... And soon it's gonna swing a little more.

THE REVELS!!... THE REVELS!!... I can't believe it.

Just wait. Be patient. Give us a couple weeks. We'll be back. You'll see. BINGO BOY returns tomorrow. But I thought you'd like to know...

And just in case you're interested, wanna see what the Chicago contingent is up to? They got a really cool 'frontman.'  Look for him here ALEXIOS .

As always, we only pretend this is fiction. But you already knew that. 

May THE SEASON OF MIRACLES shine bright for you and yours~~~~ Billy (me) ...the one who blogs all this...

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51ST BINGO BOY episode 12/22/12

BINGO BOY - post 51

Welcome. Welcome, Oh, best beloved. Witness the first day of the New Beginning. Yes, I heard many of you saying we were wrong. But we of the Fifteen Kingdoms are not wrong. Palenque was right. Chitzen Itza was right. Ush Mal was right too. I do not recall the names of the rest, for I have been dead so long. What do they call me? You could not say it. Your tongue is crippled for such words. So do not sing our songs. Just call me Bayba.

And I have never so much as breathed the air of your land, for they brought me here as a mummy, dragged out from my tomb beneath the Temple of Kul Kul Can. Would they do the like today? I think not. But this was long ago, before machines learned to fly. Now I rest in a case deep within the Meso-American wing of a great Philadelphian museum. School children, barely into their first katun, go 'ewww' when they see me. But, oh, how I smile at them.

My spirit flits about the city like a hummingbird. I go north. I go south. Toward the dawn. Toward the dusk. The tale of 'The Ricky and The Little Chrissie' is quite known to me. So permit me to narrate what happened today.... In our hearts, The First Day... The Dawn of All Things New.... How I miss the piquant casseroles of my homeland. But I digress. So let me go on.....

Thing - the - First~~~ The people from the magic talking box (TV) cornered the one known as Marty as he ate a sausage stuffed with giant deer fat on the street. I believe you call it a hot dog. They beckoned him into a wheeled vehicle (truck) and regaled him with visions on a little box. He saw the bingo hall. He saw the games. He saw looks pass between hard, low-born women, as they pretended to win a game they had not. A woman who worked for the magic box spoke. She said - We have hours and hours of tape. And it gets so very much worse. What have you to say? ..... But Marty was silent. His eyes bulged out, but he was silent. And he pushed her aside, as he escaped the dark confines, and tumbled onto the street. 'Muscles' was there to help him to his feet. They ran back inside, raced down the center aisle, disappearing into the room behind the mirror, where they locked and barred the door.

But the thin, old man, known as Uncle Patsy, never missed a beat and the games, such as they were, went on, as he droned out the numbers to a mesmerized throng. 

That is how 'Thing - The - First' began....

Thing - The - Second, is less volatile. A woman on the cusp of her third and fourth katun (20 year period) rides in the back of a great, mechanical conveyance. I believe you call it a Lincoln Town Car Limousine. It has a silvery, metal skin. I do not know the provenance. And a well-stitched leather interior crafted from the hides of the same giant deer used to make the fatty, street-side sausages. She listens to music, escaping from discrete, little tambors (speakers) hidden throughout this special vehicle. She dreams of a rather trim old man, who awaits in a city by the sea. I believe you call it 'the Jersey Shore'?

They must talk and make decisions. Her heart beats, as the huge Lincoln thing rolls on. She gazes at the cold, evergreen woods racing passed the window. A strange, little, juvenile creature ( young Jersey Devil) gazes back. But she does not see him. Perhaps he is a northern variation of my homeland's chupacabra?

Thing - The - Third plays out quite near the smoky bingo hall. A stout, young woman, known as Big Chrissie, buys a meal at the counter of a pressed-giant-deer meat-pattie-vendor. The drowsy girl on the other side says - Hello. and how many pounds of food does the lady wanna eat today?.... But a manager runs over to correct her. He says - That ain't how it goes!.... The counter girl rolls her eyes. She goes - All right! I know! I forgot! Go to hell! Go to hell! (you know how much they love that phrase 'round here). Then she smiles at Big Chrissie (who appears to be in some sort of distress) and continues - How many pounds of food does the 'nice' lady wanna eat? And do you got any fuckin' coupons? You gotta tell me now, or else a lot a crappy shit is gonna happen, OK?....... Big Chrissie belches and responds. She goes - No coupons. And I think I'm gonna have the pound-a-food special....... Then, as the counter girl pushes ' Santa Claus Spicy French Fries'  on her (they get points), Big Chrissie's water breaks and gushes down all over the wood patterned, laminate floor. I think some splashed on a little boy eating a chicken skin nugget, but he don't care...... Without missing a beat, the counter girl yells - Baby water clean up on register one! Baby water clean up on register one!........ Somebody gives Big Chrissie a medicinal brew, known as a Diet Coke. 

And thus did Marty's third child begin it's trip into our world.

Now please allow me to drift back toward my sarcophagus. I yearn for my desiccated cadaver. But pay attention, oh best beloveds. The world is new now and things will begin to change.....

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50TH BINGO BOY episode 12/21/12

BINGO BOY - post 50

Too-Many-Cookies gotta run home. She take two slices of american cheese for her bagel and she lactose intolerant. That mean she get the milk-shits. Doan wanna stink up no neighbor toilet so she run back across the street to her house. Got all them Target catalogs she like in there anyway. You know she do plan to re-do the place.

Little Chrissie and Ricky run upstairs. Baby in his play pen. He watchin' Kelly Rippa an' that new guy playin' her 'husband' wit' them David Letterman teeth he got. Marge still talkin' a Jimmy. She smilin'. She twistin' the cord. This a old phone an' it still gotta cord. I doan like them, 'cause you could hang a baby wit' it. But Marge ain't got that much money an' it still work and all. Ricky jus' stand there lookin'. Little Chrissie sit on the bed. She wanna hear, but Marge keep pushin' her away. Old folks, or almost old folks look sickening talkin' lovey-dovey like that. Wanna kick 'em in the stomach an' make 'em shut up. Then Marge go - Mwah!.... like she kissin' him and all. Then she go - Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, ok. Bye. Mwah! Mwah!..... an' she hang up. Little Chrissie go - What the hell did that bastid want!?..... She mad, 'cause he run away and leave 'em in a parking lot. But he only do it to get back at 'em for almost killin' him. 'Sides, wanna see what in the next safe deposit box all by himself.

Marge still smilin' and all. She say - He want me to meet him...... Little Chrissie go - Where?..... Marge go - Down the shore. Say he gone send a car for me. I say, 'OK. I be ready tomorrow. Say he wanna talk wit' me. You all invited, but not the first day. Say he not mean a run away from both a you. It jus' happen. He go, 'You know how it is?' I go, 'Uh huh.'... You know, I think he really love me.

So they help her get ready. Little Chrissie wax her up real good, her mustache, her legs and all. Ricky drive 'em to a mall what got a Target AND a Kohl's, 'cause she wanna look real nice. This gone be like a honeymoon, maybe. Buy new underwear, couple twelve ninety nine brassieres. Doan get no dresses, 'cause shore get cold in winter. It nice. People go. Air feel good, but it cold. An' she doan even know what shore he talkin' 'bout. Jersey got a lot a towns. So it gone be like a surprise. Baby hungry. Lucky they by a Chinese buffet. Not that baby gone eat all that stuff. But you do get you money worth.

An' all the while this gone on, TV truck pullin' up to the bingo hall. It doan look like no TV truck. This one plain. It like a secret TV truck made for sneakin up on folks. They gone put Marty on the news. They gone ask him how come he cheat so much? They gone grab Diane an' the other one. I think that what they named. You know. The shills. Place gone be all lit up. Marty gone shove his hand up at that camera. He gone say - Please leave. I have nothing to say...... Muscles gone get fresh wit' TV gal. He gone push her. But she talk real fas'. She talk real tough. She gone shut him up right away. 'Sides, she got her own 'Muscles.' It gone be like Mardi Gras. I doan wanna miss it. But that not happen yet. An' back at the shoppin' center, they still buyin' Marge her 'maybe' trousseau. Little Chrissie get her a nice tube a lipstick too.

Everybody happy Jimmy call. He the one wit' the money. An' now it look like he DO wanna share. Little Chrissie say they gotta buy some clothes for when they go down too. But she wanna go to H&M. Ricky jus' say - Uh huh....'cause he still thinkin' 'bout the money.

It funny how things go. Marge actin' all young an' all. You doan even see that tooth she got missin'. 'Sides, it not up front, so who care.

Baby see a not so little plastic piano he wanna bang on. He like that. It shape like a dinosaur what got piano in its ribs. Cost like thirty dollar, but they so happy they buy that too.

It like a four-day-early Christmas present. Then they fall in a car an' go home.

Marge start singin' a song. She go - Fairy tale can come true. It can happen to you. If you young at heart.

But Little Chrissie turn on the radio. It got 'That What Christmas Mean To Me, My Love.'.... You know, the dum da dum da dump dump da dump song? 

Everybody like that better....

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49TH BINGO BOY episode 12/20/12

BINGO BOY - post 49

Back at Marge's place they all eatin' breakfast. She don't make no pancakes, 'cause she don't feel like it. So they havin' spongy supermarket bagels wit' cream cheese and American cheese on top a that. Ricky break it up into real little pieces for the baby, 'cause he don't want no Cherrios when everybody else got spongy cinnamon-raisin bagels. You know how babies get.

Little Chrissie say they gone go get jobs at the I.R.A.. Be clerks for the tax season. Marge say - You don't know what I.R.A. gone do when you tell 'em you work for a crooked bingo hall.....  So maybe they go do stock work instead. You know Home Depot get ready for spring right after New Year. Whole lot a 'flats' need pushin' 'round. This just gone be til they go to Jersey. Jus' til they fix up the houses enough to get rid of 'em. Too-Many-Cookies tell Marge she told Marty 'bout seein' Jimmy. But she doan know if he really believed her. He always look shifty like that. Marge tells her to go to hell. ... 'Go to hell' the most popular phrase they got on this street. Everybody say - Go to hell... It like the national anthem or somethin'. You know, I wanna go back and be a disembodied, spirit narrator where I come from. I wanna go to Louisiana. But every time I ask, they tell me to go to hell too. Look, what can I do? Not like we got a union or somethin'..... But 'Too' don't care. She just take a bagel and sit down. Little Chrissie doan like her. She put the cream cheese away before 'Too' can get it. Make her eat margarine. Who the hell cares? Ricky drinkin' soda. He doan say nothin.' He thinkin' 'bout New Year parties his folks used a make. Cousins come over. Eat peanuts, cashew nuts, cold cuts, potato salad, rye bread. And these the good cold cuts. These Jewish cold cuts. Ain't got no little olives sliced up in 'em. I doan think they even say 'cold cuts.' Think they say 'delicatessen.' Drink Screwdrivers, Seagram's 7, high balls, stuff like that. But not a lot, 'cause they mostly Jews and all.... Only now things is all different. Jew drunk like everybody else. Got that Grey Goose Vodka, if you know what I mean. But I do like the danish pastry an' sticky buns they have after..... Ricky miss them days. Used a set upstairs poppin' balloons wit' his cousins. Come downstairs. Say hello to everybody. Do a little dance. You know how kids always dance around for company. Used a let the kids eat all they want. But then 'after' grown-ups play cards. Put on real raunchy comedy album too. Old ones. Real old ones from nineteen fifties. Belle Barth, Redd Fox. They say 'screw.' They say 'tittie.' Kids can't hear that, so they go back upstairs an' watch scary movie on TV...... Ricky wanna get away from here. He wanna get away real bad. Not from Little Chrissie, the baby and all, jus' from here. Baby burp. He burp real cute. Everybody laugh. Baby laugh too......

Then the phone ring. Little Chrissie get it. She go - Hello?... Hello?...... First nobody say nothin'. She ready to hang up. Ricky whisper - Who is it?.... She jus' shrug.....But then she hear him. Hear him go - Chrissie, that you? (he sound nervous. he sound real nervous)..... She go - Y-yeah?...... Marge go - Who is it?.....But Little Chrissie doan wanna say 'cause Too-Many-Cookies is sittin' there and all. So she jus' give her grandma a look. Marge know..... It Jimmy...... Littlle Chrissie go - Gram, it's for you. you wanna go take it upstairs?....... Marge go - Sure. Tell 'em to hold on..... And she squeeze out the kitchen and run up. Ricky know. He seed their faces. But he wanna put on a show for 'Too,' so he go - Who was it?..... Little Chrissie go - Nobody. Jus' her cousin from Fairless Hills.... (that a neat, little suburb up in Bucks County.) Then she hear Marge get on, so she hang up.....

'Too' doan know if she believe that 'cousin' story. But that jus' how she is

Marge heart poundin' real fast. She wanna hear what he gotta say. First she hear last part a Nicki Minaj record playin' in the background. Then she hear Taylor Swift. That how long it take him to talk.

An' she wanna hear what all he gotta say....

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48TH BINGO BOY episode 12/19/12

BINGO BOY - post 48

At first Jimmy stayed in a motel, a nice one. You know how they are. The big ones, I mean. Really like hotels, but you can park right there, so they call them motels. Or they call them nothing, but you know what they are. This one was on Route 73, the main drag exiting Philadelphia, cutting through the suburbs and off to the shore. 'Cept they call it something else when you get near the water. Merges with the Black Horse Pike, I think. Nice stretch. Neat, little 'truck' farms, produce stands, closed for the season custard places, decent roadhouse restaurants and all that. But Jimmy wasn't holed up in that part. He was only maybe ten miles out of Philly. This is the BIG suburbs, like you see close in to New York and Philadelphia. Glossy malls. More glossy malls. High priced theme chain restaurants with waterfalls and mass produced delectables and stuccoed walls and huge, squishy booths. Serious jewelry stores built like thick walled Mayan temples, or Los Angeles movie houses. 

Wasn't hard gettin' there either. You see, he didn't know there was another safe deposit box til he found the slip in the first one. Marty probably don't know about the note either. Must a dropped it in there months ago. Maybe it fell out of a pocket, or envelope and he just kept loadin' money on top of it. And that was it. You know he 'knocked down' on Jimmy. You know he skimmed. Well, this was fate. This was pay back. Now he's makin' it right. 

At first Jimmy was gonna run right out to the car and tell the kids all about it. But then he starts thinkin'. You know ex-cons are always thinkin'. Russia and Ukrainian ones even more. What's in the box? Is it money? How much money? Was Ricky really gonna kill him. Sure, they had that conversation a few weeks ago, but 'treasure maps' erase shit like that. That stuff gets erased real fast. Thought about the baby. Felt bad about the baby. But he couldn't help it. So he sneaks out the rear entrance, crosses over to a Motel 6. Not one a the fancy, big hotels. This was just a Motel 6. Goes in the office, slips the desk guy a twenty and asks him to call for a cab. Could a used his cell phone, but he don't want no records. 

Ninety minutes later he got a room. Nice place. Steakhouse off the lobby. Indoor pool. Coffee shop. Wi-fi lounge. The works. But then he's thinkin'. He's layin' 'on the bed and he's thinkin'. Shades are drawn. TV's off. He can hear the hum of the little fridge in the mini bar, but that's about it. Maid pushes cart down the hall. He can hear that. But she's talkin' Spanish, so he don't know what she's sayin'. Only now he got like a big, fat butt pack fill a money. Bought it when he got to The Cherry Hill Mall, 'cause he don't like totin' all that cash around in a big plastic bag from the bank. Came with a whole mess a cheap bank swag, pocket mirror, calender/notebook, calculator and I don't know what else. Girl behind the counter give it to him when he say he gotta go empty out the box. She think he Marty. That what his I.D.'s say. You know, them Russian, Ukrainians can copy anything. Skin look too old a be Marty. But he pretty fit, so that make up for a lot.

Wanna know how much he got? OK, now I'll tell you. First bank give him three hundred thousand dollar. Second bank give him nine hundred and ten thousand dollar. So that one million, two hundred and ten thousand dollar. You do the math..... No, wait. I just did the math...... He real happy. Not smilin' happy, jus' fas' heatbeat happy. See another bank in the mall, so he go in, get another box and stash most of it there. But keep like two hundred thousand for lunch, clean underwear and emergencies. Got it in one a them butt packs. It big. It like a fat ass butt pack. An' he got that butt pack under a jacket, a leather jacket. Think a black, leather jacket like a religious thing with his people.

Then he go in a hot dog place. Get two wit' the works. Sweet potato fries and everything. Set hisself down in the back. It a nice place. Look like a Five Guys Burgers. We been there before. But this not burgers. This hot dogs. This different. He eatin'. He thinkin'. Maybe he gone let them bastids sweat for a few day. Kep' him in a cage and all. Fed him good. Bought him a nice, all modern, luxury style commode. You could use it for fishin', or tail-gatin'. Nobody'd know. But it still jus' a shit bucket. 

That when he see the baby. Nice chunky, little fella. Mama shovelin' in a mashed up sweet potato. He go 'ahm-ahm-ahm' jus' like the one back 'home.' You know he do think a Marge house as home. Mama smile. He smile. Baby laugh. He laugh.... Mama say - Look, he like you!..... Jimmy say - You sure got one baby-deluxe over there. What his name?...... Mama say - Jesus... Only she go - Hay-Zoose... But he know that mean 'Jesus.' An' although Jimmy tryin' to be all Jew and everything, it still put him in mind a God..... So he finish up, bus his table real nice, slip the Mama twenty to go but a toy for the baby (she doan want it, but he say 'please.' so she take it) and go out to the stores. 

Half hour later he got a ring. It big. It round. It diamond. It got baby diamonds all 'round the mama diamond. An' it for Marge. Next day he get the car. Not like a Cadillac or a Buick. This a Bentley. Sure it a few years old. But still cost like a hundred thousand dollar. Had a give the guy his social security number. Used Marty's number for that. But not like he ever gone know 'bout it. Bentley's what you drive when you can tell folks to go to hell an' they can't do nothin' 'bout it. It blue, real dark blue and shiny. Wit' brown leather inside and everything. I once floated through Beyonce (you know I am a disembodied spirit, jus' like all them other professional narrators) and she got a real good leather pocketbook smell the same way.

Now he down the shore. That 'bout ninety minutes away. Less if you speed. But Jimmy don't do that. Cops like a stop a Bentley. He know it. Place mostly cleaned up after the big storm. Least this part is. Everything all cozy and twinkled up for The Holidays. He lookin' for a house. He lookin' for a nice house. 'Cause you know.... he got money a his own too.....

Real estate lady like a cousin or somethin'. She doan wanna leave him alone for nothin'....

He like this place. It like Mayberry, if Mayberry had fancy houses an' a beach... plus a few good hoagie/submarine stores too...

Imagine, them what still in Philly think he never comin' back....

But Marty due for money trouble and jail trouble  an' everythin'. Skinny school teacher an' his TV station girl cousin got a whole big thing comin'. They been settin' in that bingo hall for days. They been lookin'. They been watchin'. Not the teacher, jus' the TV folks. 

An' soon it gone be showtime.....

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47TH BINGO BOY episode 12/17/12

Bingo Boy - post 47

The next day they went over to Ricky's house. Brought a whole mess a big plastic bags. The kind you use for leaves and grass and all. Gonna bag up all the shit and toss it, use some a the 'Marty' money they already had to fix it up and sell it. Could be they'd get maybe one fifteen, one twenty. Little Chrissie wanted a go to Jersey. She likes the shore. Says it's a good place for kids to grow up. Figures her grand-mom's house might add another sixty nine, if they dressed it up a little. Best case, they'd have like a little over two hundred thousand. Ricky said - Can't buy no shore house for two hundred. And what are we gonna do for money once we get there. What, am I gonna push a rolling chair? You gonna be a cocktail waitress?..... But they clean out the house anyway, 'cause sometimes there ain't no sense to what you want, but you want it just the same...

Too-Many-Cookies did go to the bingo. She told Marty what she saw. He sort a believed her. Figured Marge had some guy in there. Not that he can really say. But he's seen her around. He got an idea what she was. Look, not like he got high expectations for people 'round here. But he calls Muscles over. Whispers to him. Says - What do you think the odds are that Jimmy-bastid's still alive? ...... Muscles blinks. He don't know what to say. What, he's gonna analyse something?... But Marty keeps pressin'. Big Chrissie runs over. She goes - What are you talkin' about Jimmy? What, he come back already?...... She really showin' now. Sweatin' too. Even though it winter, she damp-like. And the place all fill a smoke. And her baby breathin' it in through her belly button. I think that where the baby-air come from. But I ain't no scientist. So don't hold me to it....... John, the other bingo-boy have lunch wit' Big Chrissie. It really supper. But they call it lunch, 'cause it come like in the middle a their shift. She eatin' chicken nuggets an' a salad. Dressing all trans-fatted-up, but she don't know that. It not beef. It not potatoes. She eatin' healthy. John grab shit off the dollar menu, 'cause he never got no money. She say - I think Jimmy back..... He go - Yeah? That ought a make you happy. Then you get the money right from him, wit'out that Marty stickin' his shit in. Why he gotta know anyway? He ain't part a this?...... She give him a look. She go - What you mean?.... He say - Come on. We know who the daddy is. We know who poke you up and all...... She keep lookin'. And he whisper - Jimmy. .... Then he go - Girl, what'chu got, a grand-pop fixation, or somethin'?....... But she just tell him to drop dead. Then they have the ice cream....

Now, nobody know where Jimmy is. But that don't mean he ain't someplace. Right now he in Jersey. Everybody like Jersey. You know it the richest state in the whole country? Got horse farms. Got shore towns (nice ones too). Got real fancy shoppin' joints. Why you think they got all them Cheesecake Factories? An' I talkin' 'bout them restaurants. Even got Jersey Devil too. Not that team. No, not them. I talkin' 'bout them creatures. What, you never seed 'em drivin' back from the shore? You never seed 'em runnin' back and forth, all naked, through the woods? Come on! What'chu doin' in that car? You must be blind. I knowed one by name, kid Jersey Devil. Called him Horsey Skeezix. Used a throw him salt water taffy. He like that......

But lemme get back to Jimmy. Yeah, he feel real bad doin' Marge and Little Chrissie and the baby and Ricky like he do. But two a them was gonna kill 'im. So he figure it right and proper if they shit theyselves a little. Not the baby. He shit hisself a lot anyway. Still, it not like Jimmy wastin' time. He in Margate (Google it). He lookin' at houses. Just a little bit a them got smashed up in the big storm. The rest a them's OK. An' he got money. An' he shoppin'. 

Know how much he find in that second safe deposit box?.... I ain't tellin'. Not now, anyway.

But it a lot......

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THE MIDNIGHT WALKER 12/17/12

No Bingo Boy tonight, just a true recollection of something that happened to me a few winters back. And apparently, others claim the same thing's happened to them too. It ain't up on here. I TWEETED in on TWITTER. TwitLonger lets you do that. Look for it on my page ( @wilkravitz ). It's the one near the top that begins with @joe_hill . If you've had a similar experience, please leave a comment here, or a tweet there. Go to #midnightwalker if you like too. Dark winter nights hide cold, dead things...

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B.E. Scully: Fire Devils

B.E. Scully: Fire Devils: Let it be cleansed, let it be reborn anew.  Let creation come from destruction, as all life must come from death. Let it b...A mesmerizing look into the eyes of compulsion.... plus, if you're a writer, study this post. B.E. Scully has hit on something. The perfect mix of entertainment and enticement ...And the STORY IS REAL GOOD TOO! Then when you're done, wander around our part of the forest. Scroll down for some BINGO BOY......And remember...THIS IS NOT THE POST! You gotta click on this to see the REAL THING.... OK? MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS !!!!

46TH BINGO BOY episode 12/16/12

BINGO BOY - post 45

Almost couldn't post tonight. Hard to find a narrator. you do know it's ghosts what do this? I don't know if 'ghost' is the right word. To me we're all just good, normal people who've lost our physical bodies. We see. We hear. We touch. We do all that stuff.... I don't know HOW we do it without nerve endings. But just because we're dead don't mean we know everything. I saw God drive by once. I think it was God. I waved. He just tapped the horn a little. My friend Tipsky says God looks different to every species. Humans see a human. Them what comes from other places see not-so-humans. But folks here are sad. Them little dumplings what came in from Connecticut didn't help. But what, you think they were the only ones? Tragedy happens like the rain. And it happens because we let it. Folks are good at going 'tisk-tisk-tisk.' I hate them teeth suckers. They went 'tisk-tisk-tisk' about Auschwitz and the Titanic and The Great Hunger and The Armenians. You want me to go on? And I'm just talkin' about the last two centuries.

Little dumplings are settlin' in though. Some wit' grannies and grand-pops. Some with great grannies and  great grand-pops. They mostly don't understand what happened. They just know they're here. And they cry for them what ain't. 'Cause look at it this way... You're 'dead' to them.  Sure we send messages back and forth through dreams or lose circuits or dusty table tops. But it ain't the same.

What, you wanna know my name?  They called me Mister Tibbs.... No they didn't. I just couldn't resist. I'm sorry. That was the last picture I seen before I died. I like movies. Saw Liz Taylor on the street once. Up here, I mean. Looked good too. Was goin' somewhere with Mike Todd. But I knew it was her. I go - Yo, Liz...... She didn't really look my way, but she smiled a little. Tipsky said she looked drunk. What? You don't think we can get drunk?... OK, believe that, if you want. What do I care. We got scotch and slivovitz and beer and shrimp and puddin' cups and everything. Plus, nobody ever gets bloated.... Maybe they do in hell, or what you'd call 'hell,' but not here. I ain't laid a fart in forty years.

My name's Louis. That's who I am. An' I died from o-beast-ity. Ate hot dogs and onion rings and Tasty Kakes and fried matzoh and I ain't even Jewish. Don't ask me why. That's all I'm gonna tell you.. I'm Louis. 

But I will tell you a little bit 'bout what's gone on in Marge's house. Everybody real quiet in there. Walkin' around wit' just their socks on. I don't mean they's naked. I just mean no shoes. Sometime they just sits and stares. Got some money. But not enough. Marge makes coffee, maybe open up a can a soup or two. Little Chrissie jus' look at television. Don't watch . Jus' look. Ricky just sit in a old vinyl reclining chair like he Ca-Ca's Mother. That who give it to them, after she stunk it up real good. Marge wipe it down with Lysol, but stink not gone. It jus' hidin'.

Baby still his ole cheerful self, rollin' around in his playpen. Goin' 'uh oh' when he poop a little. He like scrambled egg wit' milk in it. Ricky make him some. Too-Many-Cookies still laid up. I doan know why they call it 'walkin' pneumonia. Should call it 'flat on you ass' pneumonia.

Marge cry when she think about Jimmy. He her last, best hope... even if they had a capture him for her. But now he gone and that studio-apartment-jail-cell in the basement ain't nothin' like it was.

Ain't they told you Jimmy bought a big diamond ring? Well, that was yesterday. Now he got hisself a fancy car , plus a whole lot a other 'spensive shit. Know how much was in that safe deposit box? Three hundred thousand dollar. And that was just the first one, 'cause a little note at the bottom led him to a second......

And Marty don't know a God damned thing...

'Scuse me now. They comin' 'round wit' 'pigs-in-a-blanket.'

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45TH BINGO BOY episode 12/15/12

BINGO BOY - post 45

They sat in the car for a long time. I mean a real long time. Then Little Chrissie said - Come on. Let's go home.  So they pulled out of the strip mall in Bell Mawr and went back. Bridge cost like... I don't know.....Five bucks? Lucky there was a few bills in the console, 'cause Ricky didn't have much on him. Marge is waitin' when they get there. She can tell something's wrong soon as they get out of the car. Ricky look's white. Real chalky. Real pale. And Little Chrissie got her jaw set, like she's thinkin' about something. Like she wants to punch somebody. First thing Marge says is - Where's Jimmy?.... But they don't say nothing. Just walk right by her and plop down.  Siren tears through the street. That happens all the time. Kids call it a 'ghetto ice cream truck.' Ricky says - Better learn to like that..... Marge goes - Why? What do you mean? Come on. What happened? Tell me?..... But she looks plenty nervous too. She knows. Not exactly. But she knows.

Little Chrissie goes - He ditched us. Went in the bank. Got the money. Ran out the back and ditched us....... Marge goes - I don't believe it. I don't believe it...... And she starts shakin'..... Ricky goes - You know what's gonna happen, don't you? That 'Too' from across the streets' gonna tell Marty she saw him...... Little Chrissie goes - That dumb, fat ass, God damn bitch....... Ricky says - And next time Marty goes to the box and sees it's empty (holds index-finger gun to his head) CHOO! You know he got Muscles and the other one now. He's got two a them. Maybe Marty wouldn't do it on his own. But Muscles would, 'cause he wants some a the money for himself. It might not be safe to stay around here....... Little Chrissie goes - So what do we do?....... Ricky looks down and mumbles - I don't know..... Marge starts to cry. Tears start running down her face..... The baby wakes up. They hear him yellin' from his crib. He goes - Out! Out! Out! Uppie! Uppie! Uppie!..... Ricky wants to go get him, but Little Chrissie says - No, I'll go....... Think she just wants to do something.

So that's how they spend the day. They sit. They think. They smoke. Still go out on the front step or in the ally to do that. Ain't lost all their humanity. There is a baby, you know. Mary, Too's mother calls just before WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? She don't like that show. Marge picks it up. Mary goes - What's a matter? What's gone on? Why won't you tell me?..... Marge mouths 'it's Mary' to the others. Little Chrissie says - Ask her where her dumb, bitch daughter is?...... Mary goes - Why don't you tell your tenth grade drop out to shut the hell up?! And tell her my dumb, bitch daughter ain't here..... Marge goes - Where'd she go?..... Mary says - What? You afraid she told Marty? Look, I don't control her. I don't know what she does. But that ain't where she went. Her asthma started actin' up. She had a go to the doctor..... Marge wants the others to hear, so she goes - Oh, she's at the doctor's?..........Ricky gives out with a stage whisper - Thank you, Jesus!..... Little Chrissie snorts. Baby likes that, so he claps and laughs..... Turns out 'Too' gonna be laid up a couple days. Got like a 'walkin' pneumonia.

Least that's a little break. 

Marge goes down the basement. She just sits on the folding chair, looking at the little 'studio apartment' jail cell she made. The kids  go upstairs to lie down. Baby's in his playpen throwin' Weebles at the TV screen. Think he's aimin' for Sharon Osbourne. He's gonna hit it one day. I'm tellin' you.

And Jimmy runs off to buy a real, big, fancy diamond ring......

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44TH BINGO BOY episode 12/13/12

BINGO BOY - post 44

Bank guard still don't unlock the door yet. They never open on time. Nine o'clock for them don't come til nine fifteen. Car windows are all fogged up. See, actually they're parked a little ways over from the bank. Jimmy don't want no security camera takin' pictures a the licence. He wipes a little 'hole' in the misty, wet part, so they can see out. Ricky wipes doughnut powder off his mouth and says - How'd you find this place?..... Jimmy shakes his head. He can't believe this. He goes - Jesus Christ! You not know? I thought Jew supposed a be smart!......Little Chrissie goes - Hey, Jimmy, ain't you a Jew now?..... Jimmy goes - But I a smart one! I a smart one. Gimme your phone! Gimme your phone!...... At this point, Ricky don't want no friction, so he contorts his body (gettin' phones out a blue jeans pockets is tough) and hands it over. Right away, Jimmy starts snappin' it apart. Ricky goes - Hey! Hey!..... But Jimmy impatiently swats his hands outta the way. Then he shows him a little circuit thing inside. Shoves it right in his face. Goes - Here! Here! Here! Any dumb, dope with two dollar and a Radio Shack know what to do. You went to college!? I go college too! I go good college! I go big college....... Little Chrissie goes - What, prison-college?..... He grunts and was just about to say something, but then the guard opens the door....... Ricky goes - Oh, God! What do we do!? What do we do!?..... Jimmy goes - You not gone do nothin'. I go inside.Me, just me. I got paper. I got card. I got licence. Not genuine, but it 'real' all right. They not gone stop me. I Marty..... And he shows him. I guess in Odess' they learn you how to do everything.

So the two of 'em watch the Russian exit the car, hitch up his pants, straighten his jacket and march over.... Little Chrissie says - How much you think is in there?..... Ricky goes - I don't know. Saw them stuff a micro-wave with money on Ellen once. Held what, twenty five thousand?...... Little Chrissie says - Yeah, but you don't know what he got in there. Could be a real big one. Some boxes hold like a little end table. Like a box big enough for Ted William's whole head, you know?...... Ricky says - How you know all that?... She goes - Saw it in a James bond movie once..... He goes - Oh.

Now they DO figure it must be some big amount. A hundred thousand. Two hundred thousand. Gotta be. And they sit there, all nervous, not makin' a sound and lookin'. Few people go in. Few people come out. Shoe place next door open up. Five Guys Burger open up. Guess they got like a breakfas' sangwitch, or somethin'. Ricky start shakin' his leg. You know, that thing where the knee bounce up an' down when people get nervous?....... Little Chrissie go - Will you stop that? The whole car vibratin'!..... Then Ricky go - Look! Look! Look! He's comin'! He's comin'!...... But it not him, jus' an ole bastid what look like him. Then she go pee in the Dunkin Donut. Then he go pee in the Dunkin Donut. ...They sit some more. They curse. They sit. They hope. They pray..... But no Jimmy.

Ricky say - I'm gone in..... Little Chrissie go - Me too...... So they jump out the car and trot over. He go first. She go second. You know how them red-light, green-light door work?... Place real quiet. Folks wait in line. Folks gettin' money. He see the sign for the safe deposit boxes. Got a real angry faced girl, dressed like a cop, sittin' on a foldin' chair outside. Door open. You can see the whole thing. You can see all them boxes. Real bright. Lots a lights. Nice rugs. Guess they doan want no valuable glass shit crashin' down on the floor. Mus' be like a insurance thing, or somethin'.... But no Jimmy..... Little Chrissie look at angry-face girl. Angry-face girl look at her. She see this before. Family always fight over shit. It always a race. Rich bastid get there first. Poor bastid get there second. That how it go. Halloween cop girl say - Can I help you?...... Little Chrissie go - You see my Uncle Marty? We 'opposed a meet him here...... Almost cop girl go - That his name over there?..... An' she hold up a list, on a little clipboard...... Little Chrissie look. Ricky look. She say - Yeah, that him. Where he go?....... Look like the niece and nephew gone have a hearty-tack.... Almost cop girl point down little hall way. She say - He go down there..... So them two go down too..... That when they see the backdoor. 

Run out lookin' and lookin', like Jimmy playin' peek-a-boo, or somethin'. Like he gone jump out from a hedge and go - BOO!.... But thing is, he not playin' peek-a-boo. He not playin' any game at all.

Little Chrissie start a cry.... Ricky do too, but he wipe it away real fas'.

Almost cop girl look out a window. She laughin' an' laughin'. She like when this shit happen....

Poor little baby. That who I feel sorry for. I hate bein' the ghost narrator what gotta tell this part. But tonight my 'up' so what I gonna do?.....

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43RD BINGO BOY episode 12/12/12 CONCERT FOR HURRICANE SANDY DAY

BINGO BOY - post 43

Mary heard his voice. She heard him in the background. She heard him say - Who's that?..... What's even worse, she heard Marge try an' shush him. Marge goes - Jesus Christ, what do you want, Mary? It ain't even six-a-clock! Are you crazy?!........ Mary goes - No, come on. Shut up. I'm your friend. Tell me. What the hell are you doin' with Jimmy there?..... Mary rolls her eyes to the others. She don't know what to do, but she's a trooper, so she goes on. She says - Jimmy ain't here. He's in Yugoslavia...... Little Chrissie adds - Not Yugoslavia. In Russia. I mean in Ukraine. Ain't no Jimmy here...... Mary goes - Look, tell her to shut up. I know what's goin' on. 'Too' saw 'im when she took the dog out. We know. We don't know why. But we know. An' why you up so early?........ Marge goes - Baby couldn't sleep. He's teethin. You know how they get....... Just then, the little guy starts laughin' and gurglin' and clappin'. Even does a few 'ahm, ahm, ahm's'..... Mary goes - Don't sound like no teethin' pains to me........ Marge goes - Chrissie rubbed his gums. She put stuff on it.........Mary goes - What, crack cocaine!?..... But they don't answer, so she says - Somethin's gone on. And it's got somethin' to do with that Jew- guy, don't it?....... Jimmy motions for her to hang up. Chrissie does the same.... Marge goes - Ooh, I'll talk to you later. I gotta go pee, God damn it. Lemme alone... And she slams down the receiver. Little Chrissie goes - How much you wanna bet she's gonna be right over there as  soon as it opens?........ Jimmy goes - I gotta get outta here. I gotta get to the bank.... Ricky says - How you got an account? You don't have any records?....... I got a key - says Jimmy. Better than records.......

Fifteen minutes later they're off. Ricky pulls his car around to the house, right up on the sidewalk. Maybe three inches between the passenger side door and the white, marble front steps. Little Chrissie dives in the back. And Jimmy, dressed in a new Kohl's ensemble, rides shotgun. They tear onto I-95. It's still early, so traffic's not too bad, race down to the Ben Franklin Bridge (like the Golden Gate, but baby blue...don't ask) and escape over into New Jersey. That's where the bank is. That's where the safe deposit box is. But it's not a bank. Not a 'bank' bank. It's a credit union. Marty hides money there. You know he only pays taxes on what they show in the 'tax man' books. This is the other stuff. The real stuff. Only thing is, Jimmy got a key too. Marty don't know it...... But here's how he did it. Saw a shiny, new key layin' on the desk. In the backroom, I mean. Marty was playin' with it. But then he had a take a piss. You know how it comes on all of a sudden? That's when Jimmy walked in. He don't know what is was. But he sees a key, so he takes it. You know he's a 'con.' They do shit like that. Five seconds later he makes for the door. Ten minutes later, he got a copy. You can still do that on 'the Avenue.' They still got a few old fashioned hardware stores. And some a the newsstands got key machines too.

Then he strolls back in. Marty's gone crazy. You know he lost somethin'. He's lookin' everywhere. He's tearin' out drawers, lookin' on the floor, dumpin' out the wastebasket.... Jimmy says - What's a matter? What'd you lose?....... Marty goes - Nothin'. Nothin'. A key! A key! A key!..... What kind a key? - goes Jimmy.... And Marty didn't mean to say it, but he blurts it out. He goes - A box. A box! A box key!........ Jimmy makes like he's lookin'. And that bastid's a good actor. Gets down on the floor. Crawls around. Moans and groans. You know he's got arthritis? Hurts his knee. That part was an accident. You should a heard him cursin'. Marty goes - What's a matter? You find it?..... And by this time, Jimmy's had enough, so he palms the original in his pocket, struggles to his feet and shoves it right into Marty's face. Almost took an eye out too.... Here's your key! Here's your fuckin' key, you God damn bastid! - he goes.... Marty grabs it and sits down. You can see how relieved he is..... Only thing, now Jimmy knows 'that box' is THEE BOX.  

And three hours later they're waitin' in the cold parking lot  of a little strip mall in Bell Mawr, New Jersey, for the blubbery guard to unlock the door...

Lucky there's a Dunkin Donut's 'cross the way, 'cause that helped kill the time.

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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Elverina - Vampirina, MARIANNE wishes to Make ...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Elverina - Vampirina, MARIANNE wishes to Make ...: Things happened very quickly. She sublimated through the exterior wall and into the well decorated salon with a SNAP. Some say it's related ...Allow me to present what is arguably one of the best 'story arcs' in our over 500,000 word saga. Please read this beginning...and then scroll down to taste the rest, as THE ELFERINA-VAMPIRINA known as MARIANNE regales a posh salon of well-healed socialites, who donated ten thousand dollars each for the privilege,with tales from her nativity....

42ND BINGO BOY episode 12/12/12

BINGO BOY - post 42

Nobody in the narrow, little row house near the el tracks slept much that night, except the baby. Jimmy bunked in with Marge, but even they didn't get busy wid it. Talkin', whisperin'. There was a lot of that. Ricky and Little Chrissie too. Four hours later they were downstairs already. Marge made pancakes. She makes good ones. Cuts 'em up into little tiny pieces. The baby loves it.

Little Chrissie says - Should we go into work today? What? What do you think we should do?..... Ricky just picked. He picked at the food. He was thinkin'. Actually, depressed is what he was. Sure he was naive, but he thought Marty would really do it. He could afford it. He had the money. Jimmy knew better. He said - Why he gonna give  you so much when he can get a greasy bastid on the street for ten thousand bucks? An' if it a crack-bastid, for like a hundred bucks?...... Little Chrissie goes - What? You knew this?..... Jimmy just shrugs. Not really shrugs. More like the way he moves his head. But you know what I mean...... Then she goes - Shit, I really thought I was gettin' out a here. Ricky, how much we got?....... He says - From what he gave us and the envelopes and all, I don't know. Forty thousand maybe? I could sell my house. Used a go for one fifty, but it needs work. And with all the crime they got 'round there now, seventy thousand is good...... Little Chrissie goes - Yo, Gram, how much for this place?..... Marge goes - Jesus Christ, don't you ever read the papers? Nothing. You get nothing. Forty nine thousand dollars, maybe. Thirty nine thousand....... Ricky mumbles - And a hundred and fifty thousand ain't gonna buy much of a house. Plus, what are we gonna do to make money once we get there?......... Baby goes - Ahm, ahm,ahm, ahm, ahm... That means he wants a eat. Ricky feeds him...... 

Jimmy takes a mouthful of coffee. If you wanna know the truth, he slurps it. That's how he is. But he analyzes things and he says -  Lucky you didn't kill me..... Ricky nods..... Jimmy says - Somebody, Big Chrissie, or her grandfather starts askin' questions 'bout why I not back yet. How long I 'spossed a stay in Odess'? They keep it up. They keep askin'. Marty gets nervous (points toward Ricky) and then he finger you. He say  you hate him. He say you kill him. Not sure. He don't know for sure. But he think.... And cops take you to jail....

Little Chrissie says - They already were askin' questions like that...... Jimmy goes - But now it OK, 'cause I not dead. And you (points to both this time) are not gonna go to jail....

Only thing is, the phone rings five seconds later. Who the hell calls this early? Sun ain't even up yet. They look at each other. Marge wipes her hands on a dish towel and answers. It's Mary. And she can hear 'Too' mumblin' something in the background.

Mary goes - Look, I saw your lights on... and I just wanna ask you somethin'...

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41ST BINGO BOY episode 12/11/12

BINGO BOY - post 41

The baby was about to take his first steps. Marge could tell. She remembered when her Chrissie was little. She knows. Jimmy hears her clappin' and laughin'. He starts screamin' - What you doin', old lady? What you doin'?.....She runs to the cellar door in the kitchen and yells down. She says - The baby's gonna walk! He's tryin'! He's tryin'!......... Then she races back to the front room. But Jimmy hollers. He goes - I wanna see! I wanna see!...... Marge don't know what to do. She's lookin' for her cell phone. She wants a take pictures. And Jimmy starts cryin'. It's like he's gone crazy down there. She scoops up the baby, plops him in his playpen, runs down the stairs and goes - Jimmy, are you OK? What's a matter?....... He rubs his eyes and says - I wanna see...... And he looks so pathetic, she lets him out. She gets the key, frees his foot and lets him out. You can only keep somebody locked up so long, you know? Especially if he's your secret honey bunch. So the two of 'em go upstairs, get the baby and teach him to walk. 

Yeah, it's late. He should a been sleepin' upstairs in his crib. But Marge wanted a hear what Marty said. And sometimes the baby won't go to sleep unless she's in the room. So she covered him up real good and let him doze off in the playpen. It is sort a like a port-a-crib, you know. But he opens his eyes during Jay Leno, kicks off the blankets and pulls himself up. Then he starts boppin' up and down, up and down. So that's how it happened. And now his one-time-dominatrix, great grandmother plus the Ukrainian prisoner from the basement are teachin' him to walk. He stands. He falls on his padded, little tushie. He sways from side  to side. The two old (or older) folks are down on the floor encouraging him. Gonna be a cripped up race for the Advil bottle when this is done, I'll tell ya..... Jimmy goes - Da, manchik! Da manchik!....... Marge beams - Come on, big boy! Come on big boy! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!....... 

But then it happens. One a the window shades SNAPS and flies all the way up to the top. Last thing you wanna do in a neighborhood like this is leave a room so open to the street that late at night. So Jimmy, without thinkin', jumps up to pull it down..... And Too-Many-Cookies (already suspicious from all the packages and the commode and all) sees. It's crazy how shit happens. She was takin' Julius Caesar, her little chihuahua for his last turd drop. Walkin' him back and forth in front a the Gypsy's house. She don't like the Gypsies. But now she's runnin' in to call her mama.....

Five minutes later Little Chrissie and Ricky walk in. They don't even notice Jimmy's upstairs now. Marge says - Well?.... Jimmy looks... Baby goes - Da-da, Da-da.... as he opens and closes his little hands real fast in that gimme-gimme move...... Ricky picks him up.... Little Chrissie gives the old folks a thumbs down... Marge exhales.... Jimmy goes - That friggin' bastid........ You know he don't curse around babies, don't ya?......So they all sit there, bathed in the light from the television (think Jimmy Fallon was on) and the little red, porcelain lamp by the sofa.

Too-Many-Cookies is still on the phone talkin' to Mary. That's her mother. And she don't even notice when Julius Caesar takes a big dump all over the brand new living room rug...

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40TH BINGO BOY episode 12/10/12

BINGO BOY - post 40

Somethin' happened at the bingo joint. Marty put somethin' in the pay envelopes. All the kids is lined up in the back room right by the desk. Muscles stands there. The other one, the second 'Muscles' walks back and forth out front. Don't know what he'd do if a whole crew rushed the place. Did that to a bingo hall up by Trenton. Big haul too. Got fifteen thousand dollars from the safe, thirty one hundred dollars from the women (some was men, but you know what I mean) plus a whole lot a little engagement rings. Cops come. People screamin'. One lady show 'em where her head bleedin'. But she got that fallin' in the toilet after. Folks on the 'Avenue' know Marty give whole lot a money to the cops. Like for the widows and orphans and all. Plus he spread 'round lot a 'Jimmy stories.' Nobody wanna mess with a crazy Russian, even if he is a Ukrainian.

But when they walk outside after, Little Chrissie say to Ricky - You get one too?..... He go - Yeah.... She say - It's the same place as last time..... Ricky say - Uh huh.... She say - We goin'?..... He just shrug...... Seven minutes later, when they walk in the house, they find Marge in the cage wit' Jimmy. An' they not mushin' up or nothin', just paintin' the walls. He like a pale beige color. Can say 'sand,' but it beige to me. Still got his leg all chained though.... Marge say - You like it? Now the floor looks dumb, though. Think they got some area rugs at Kmart..... Little Chrissie say - Not now, 'gram.' We gotta talk..... Jimmy know when somethin' up, 'cause he a hood and he jus' know.... Looks to Ricky for an explanation. Ricky goes - Marty wants a talk. Wants a meet us after work at that place he likes. Should we go?.... Jimmy say - Go. Hear what he got a say. Then we see. You missed a spot.... But he didn't say that last part to them. That was for Marge.

So they fix themselves up a little bit and ten minutes later they on their way. Are they nervous? Hell, yeah, they nervous. First they park the car. Then they walk inside. You know folks is still eatin' dinner at eleven o'clock. I can't figure that shit out, but people do it. Guess it a Saturday night thing. That when they get paid. Bingo kids, I mean. Ricky say somethin' to the take-you-to-your-seat bastid. And take-you-to-your-seat bastid take 'em to Marty. He in the back at a real quiet table. Got Muscles wit' him too. They eatin' shrimp cocktail. Guess they hungry..... Marty go - Good, sit down. You want some wine?.... He start pourin' from this bottle he got. Little Chrissie watch it go in a her glass... Ricky say - Why he here? (he mean Muscles)... But Muscles just sit there. He ain't nervous, or nothin'..... Marty go - He my helper. You know that. What you care?... Little Chrissie goes - So, Marty, what are you gonna tell us?...... But waiter come over an' Marty go - Later. Eat first. Then we talk.... An' lemme tell you, that one real quiet dinner. Food good, though. Petite, New York strip steak, polenta (that like a new mash potato), some kind a salad. It got a egg in it, but it smell good. Muscles wanna get cake, but Marty give him a look... 

Then Ricky goes - I jus' want it to be over. I want it to be done. I want it to be forgotten..... Little Chrissie goes - We just can't live like this anymore....... Ricky go - Everybody know how many cow you slaughter in there. An' each one give you forty dollar for the privilege. You got a lot a money. We talk 'bout this before. You know... Muscles chuckles... Marty say - Sure, I know...... Ricky say - All right. Good. We want the three hundred thousand dollars. (but he flinches. then he goes) And you know what? We'll split it with you..... Little Chrissie looks, but she doan say nothin'....... An' Ricky say - One time. That's it. One time  and we outta here....... Marty look at Muscles. Muscles look at Marty. They shake they heads. They nod........ An' Marty say - Lemme ask you. You want this money for doin' what?...... Little Chrissie whisper - Be careful. They could be recordin' the whole thing..... But Marty jus' shake his head... An' Ricky go - For helpin' to disolve the partnership you had with Jimmy..... Muscles snorts... Marty go - Jimmy? Jimmy? Who the hell is Jimmy?........ Ricky jus' look.... But Little Chrissie go - Big Chrissie know. She know. Why you not ask her?....... Marty say - That old fart was nothin' to me. I never had a partner. He just hung around for that cheap whore. That's all. Muscles, I ever had a partner?...... Muscles go - Nah....... Ricky look like he gone do somethin'. But Marty go - Please doan get stupid on me, 'cause he (means Muscles) ain't the only 'help' I got 'round here...... Ricky see two beefy guy in tight suit at nex' table, so he doan do nothin'. He jus' sit there...

Then Marty order the cake.......

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