Friday, December 7, 2012

38TH BINGO BOY episode 12/7/12

BINGO BOY - post 38

Now the skinny teacher guy's cousin fixed it up. She's a producer for some local TV news program. First thing they did was send in 'plants,' one man and one woman. Just like cops gone under cover. Dressed 'em up in baseball jackets with bar logos on the back and everything. Even spray stink weed juice all over 'em so they reek like the rest a the front step gentry. Woman wears a bridge. They made her leave it at home. Got glasses on too, both of 'em. But these are special glasses. Not the kind they sell in comic books. Not the kind that gives you x-ray vision. Still, almost as good. Got little cameras in 'em. In the frames, I mean. Pick up everything. Got little microphones too. And they sittin'. And they watchin'. And they lookin'. Guy act like a retard when people come over. Bingo joint like retards, 'cause they don't know the numbers.

But it gonna take time. They gotta build up a case. So while they doin' that, lemme show you what gone on back home.

This Jimmy's birthday. He still in a cage, but now he all dressed up. Got new blue jeans. New sweat shirt. New everything. Ricky an' Little Chrissie there too. Marge there. She always there. She holdin' the baby. An' I gotta say... cage look real cozy... like what dorm room would look like if they locked the kids up behind bars. They got streamers. They got balloons. They got cake. They got presents. Everybody wearin' fancy, little, cardboard dunce caps... like what them Spanish goomers made folks wear 'fore they burned 'em all up.

Cake like a loaf cake, so they can pass it through the bars. Marge give it a Jimmy. It got a candle on top. She light it. But she real careful. Little Chrissie grab hold a the baby. Jimmy take it. He look. He wish. He blow out the candle. They all cheer. Baby screech like he real happy. Then he clap and do that ya-ya-ya-ya thing they all like.

Marge go - Is it OK? Is it OK?......... Jimmy nod. Then he pass it back through the bars so she can cut it. He look like he gone cry. But he don't. Marge cut it up. Everybody get a real nice piece on a special HAPPY BIRTHDAY paper plate. Got little plastic sporks and everything. They all ooh and aah over it. Then they eat it. It taste good. Think it like a Betty Croker or Duncan Hines or something. She put in a little more butter. That like a trick. Then Jimmy say - This the first birthday party I ever get..... Only he say it like them Russian-Ukrainian people do...... Now Marge look like she gone cry. Even Little Chrissie got a real funny smile on her face. Ricky make like he busy feedin' the baby. Baby 'llowed a eat cake in this house. An' it crowded down there, wit' them foldin' chairs and all. So Marge scootch over to the side and grab a bag up off the floor. This not plastic. It a real shoppin' bag. I think TARGET make you buy 'em. .... She say - Well, don't forget. We got presents too, you know....... Now Jimmy start a cry. Baby see him cry. Then baby cry. But it all right, 'cause Ricky feed him more cake and that shut him up.

But Jimmy wanna talk. Jimmy wanna say somethin'. He go - I was always a bad guy. I was rotten as a kid. I was always rotten...... For a second it look like somebody gone say somethin'. But they don't. So he jus' keep talkin'....... He go - You know how I was when the Germans came. I am not proud of that. You know how I was later. And I am not proud of that either. But you sit in a cage... a very nice cage....... Marge go - Thank you..... Jimmy nod and say - You sit in a cage and you think. You watch Kelly Rippa. You watch Price Is Right. You watch Lydia Bastianish. You watch Maury. You shit in a bucket........ Marge goes - A commode....... Jimmy says - Excuse me, a commode... And you learn things.......Marge goes - Like what?...... She think he gone say he love her. An' maybe he do. But he ain't gone say it now. Jus' put down his head an' go - Ricky?...... Ricky go - Yeah?....... Jimmy say - You get the books?.....Ricky go - Yeah?........ Jimmy say - Good. Tomorrow we read. Tomorrow you teach me. I not gonna be circumcised. That part I not gonna do. I don't know. Guess I jus' funny that way. But tomorrow, I gonna be Jew...... Marge looks. Little Chrissie stifles a laugh. Baby goes - Joo-joo-joo-joo-joo.......... 

Then they all sit in silence for about a dozen heartbeats, as Jimmy adds - An' when time comes for you to let me out, I want to marry this wonderful woman...... Marge positively beams, as the baby squeals with delight.

Marge goes to the cage. They embrace through the bars. They kiss. She whispers - Does this mean I have to be a Jew too? 'Cause I kind a know all the Catholic stuff by heart...

Jimmy goes - No. Be whatever you want. Be happy. Be happy. Be happy. We all gonna be happy. This a new Jimmy. I a new Jimmy....... Then he catches his breath.........

And Ricky goes - A Hanukah miracle...... as they start to open the presents.....


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