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BINGO BOY - post 39
So the next day the place turned into a theology school. Ricky was the teacher and Jimmy the eager student. I don't know how ecclesiastically exact it all was. I think it was all right. Ricky did become bar mitzvah (consecrated in the faith) after all. And he watched a lot a PBS specials on TV. Read some books too. OK, one was just a graphic novel about Daniel in the lions' den and another was a coloring book about Baby Moses. But, you know, them captions had a lot a good information in 'em. Look, what do you think the Book of Proverbs is? Caption, caption, caption, caption. Sermon on the Mount too. Go look. Short and sweet. They knew what they were talkin' about in them days. I used to be in the 'church' business, so I know. Had storefront chapels up and down the avenue. Gave 'em wine. Gave 'em little bit a sponge cake. Sang songs. Told stories. Forgave sins, or told 'em their sins were forgiven. Took donations. Sometimes from back pockets while the donors were unaware. But anonymous givin' is the best kind, right? And my way's even better than that, 'cause not only did they get no credit, they didn't even know they was doin' it.
But one night some guy says to me - Hey, that ain't from no Bible. Benjamin Franklin ain't in no Bible. That stuff's from Poor Richard's Almanac, you God damn son of a bitch........ I go - Oh, is it?......... But he doan wanna discuss it. Just hauls off and goes 'POP.' Shoots me right in the forehead. And I could see it too for a second, in a mirror right over his shoulder. Looked just like a Hindu swami. But after 'bout two heartbeats I got dead real fast.
Now I narrate people's lives. Almost like bein' in a play. I always was an actor...... So, what was I tellin' you?... Oh, yeah. Ricky learnin' Jimmy 'bout religion... Marge knows what's goin' on. But she say she doan need no religion, 'cause she already got enough. She up in the kitchen playin' wit' Little Chrissie's laptop. Found some site she like too, all 'bout some hot, little, frisky ferret. He got the same name as Mark Twain. She on samuelclemons.blogspot.com She readin' all his cute, little stories. She like that little guy. Wanna let him squirm all through her underwear drawer. Ferrets is into that stuff....
Both a the Chrissies (Big and Little) is out lookin' for baby-mama clothes. The Big one startin' a 'show' now and she need them pants wit' the 'lastic in the front real bad. She wanna buy pads too, 'cause pee-pee drops keep sneakin' out and they not apposed to.
Ricky open a few books. They look at a few parts. Jimmy says - So it was Moses who taught us to love our neighbors?........ Ricky goes - Yeah and to feed the hungry and clothe the needy. In the book it says 'the naked,' but I don't think there was a bunch a naked people sittin' around in the wilderness...... Jimmy goes - Yeah, the hot sand would a burnt people's asses....... Ricky says - I guess. But here's the part I like. It says 'Do more for the stranger than for one of your own, for he expects so very much less...... Jimmy goes - That why you didn't kill me?..... Ricky goes - I guess...... He guesses about a lot a things. But when it comes to all that religious stuff, he's mostly right....... Jimmy goes - What else it say?..... Ricky goes - It says a lot. But here's the clincher. Here's the part I really like. He ain't gonna let 'em even HAVE strangers. No strangers. Strangers don't exist....... Jimmy goes - What? They gonna kill 'em?..... Ricky goes - No, they're not gonna kill 'em. It says, and I'm paraphrasing, 'cause some a that Shakespeare crap makes me nervous, ' If you find a bunch a people who don't even deserve the time a day even, think twice, that's what God says, for who the hell do you think you all were before I took you outta Egypt?..... And that always put an end to it.
Then Marge ran down the corner for a take-out pizza and the three a them had a nice lunch.....
What can I tell you?..... The Season of Miracles and all that.
You know how it is.........
Tomorrow we'll see what's doin' at the bingo hall. Them TV reporter spies is learnin' a lot...
______________________________________________
So the next day the place turned into a theology school. Ricky was the teacher and Jimmy the eager student. I don't know how ecclesiastically exact it all was. I think it was all right. Ricky did become bar mitzvah (consecrated in the faith) after all. And he watched a lot a PBS specials on TV. Read some books too. OK, one was just a graphic novel about Daniel in the lions' den and another was a coloring book about Baby Moses. But, you know, them captions had a lot a good information in 'em. Look, what do you think the Book of Proverbs is? Caption, caption, caption, caption. Sermon on the Mount too. Go look. Short and sweet. They knew what they were talkin' about in them days. I used to be in the 'church' business, so I know. Had storefront chapels up and down the avenue. Gave 'em wine. Gave 'em little bit a sponge cake. Sang songs. Told stories. Forgave sins, or told 'em their sins were forgiven. Took donations. Sometimes from back pockets while the donors were unaware. But anonymous givin' is the best kind, right? And my way's even better than that, 'cause not only did they get no credit, they didn't even know they was doin' it.
But one night some guy says to me - Hey, that ain't from no Bible. Benjamin Franklin ain't in no Bible. That stuff's from Poor Richard's Almanac, you God damn son of a bitch........ I go - Oh, is it?......... But he doan wanna discuss it. Just hauls off and goes 'POP.' Shoots me right in the forehead. And I could see it too for a second, in a mirror right over his shoulder. Looked just like a Hindu swami. But after 'bout two heartbeats I got dead real fast.
Now I narrate people's lives. Almost like bein' in a play. I always was an actor...... So, what was I tellin' you?... Oh, yeah. Ricky learnin' Jimmy 'bout religion... Marge knows what's goin' on. But she say she doan need no religion, 'cause she already got enough. She up in the kitchen playin' wit' Little Chrissie's laptop. Found some site she like too, all 'bout some hot, little, frisky ferret. He got the same name as Mark Twain. She on samuelclemons.blogspot.com She readin' all his cute, little stories. She like that little guy. Wanna let him squirm all through her underwear drawer. Ferrets is into that stuff....
Both a the Chrissies (Big and Little) is out lookin' for baby-mama clothes. The Big one startin' a 'show' now and she need them pants wit' the 'lastic in the front real bad. She wanna buy pads too, 'cause pee-pee drops keep sneakin' out and they not apposed to.
Ricky open a few books. They look at a few parts. Jimmy says - So it was Moses who taught us to love our neighbors?........ Ricky goes - Yeah and to feed the hungry and clothe the needy. In the book it says 'the naked,' but I don't think there was a bunch a naked people sittin' around in the wilderness...... Jimmy goes - Yeah, the hot sand would a burnt people's asses....... Ricky says - I guess. But here's the part I like. It says 'Do more for the stranger than for one of your own, for he expects so very much less...... Jimmy goes - That why you didn't kill me?..... Ricky goes - I guess...... He guesses about a lot a things. But when it comes to all that religious stuff, he's mostly right....... Jimmy goes - What else it say?..... Ricky goes - It says a lot. But here's the clincher. Here's the part I really like. He ain't gonna let 'em even HAVE strangers. No strangers. Strangers don't exist....... Jimmy goes - What? They gonna kill 'em?..... Ricky goes - No, they're not gonna kill 'em. It says, and I'm paraphrasing, 'cause some a that Shakespeare crap makes me nervous, ' If you find a bunch a people who don't even deserve the time a day even, think twice, that's what God says, for who the hell do you think you all were before I took you outta Egypt?..... And that always put an end to it.
Then Marge ran down the corner for a take-out pizza and the three a them had a nice lunch.....
What can I tell you?..... The Season of Miracles and all that.
You know how it is.........
Tomorrow we'll see what's doin' at the bingo hall. Them TV reporter spies is learnin' a lot...
______________________________________________
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