Saturday, February 8, 2014

HANDICAPPED VAMPIRE-RU33IAN -OLIGARCH, Grigori Usipov PERKS UP, 'CAUSE A THE OLYMPICS AND ALL... 2/8/14

They wheeled him into where the tv was. Doctor Franklin was in there, a few of the technical guys, Luna, the hot vampire-medical doctor and Tomas. He came back from the shore. Baylah and her rich, mortal boyfriend lost a lot of money at an all night poker tournament and got all bitchy about it. Told him to go to hell, 'cause he drank all the flavored vodka. Vampires can tolerate clear beverages and broths and all. So he went out, sublimated through the wall of some closed liquor store. like a booze and snacks supermarket really, and came back with two big bottles of some orange flavored stuff. Slammed 'em down on the table. Mortal boyfriend gives a look. Baylah goes - What are you doing to my table!? What are you doing to my table!? You dumb son-of-a-bitch! .... Boyfriend goes over and runs his finger over this little, tiny dent, more like a subtle depression in the veneer. Makes a noise. You know, like a little grunt. Baylah goes -  That's a twenty two thousand dollar antique, or it was a twenty two thousand dollar antique....... Tomas goes - (to the boyfriend, not to her) Look, I'll buy you another one.... Boyfriend makes a 'no, you don't have to' gesture. Baylah goes - where you gonna find another one!? Gawd!..... So Tomas says - That's it. I'm out of here.... And right then and there he sublimates through the wall and whooshed all the way back to the city. You know what Baylah and the boyfriend did after that? Fixed themselves up a little and went back to the casino. Played blackjack. Won a few thousand. You know, it's not the money. He's got so much and them vampires don't even know how much they got. It's like a common pot, but more than enough. They just don't like to lose. Look, nobody likes to lose, but most people can at least tolerate it. Baylah and her mortal boyfriend can't even do that. She got issues about being kidnapped away from her mother in Timbuctu. Can't stand not being in control. Most vampires got dramas like that. Learn to live with it, but not her. She's itchin' to start something. You know how snot-nosed kids who get famous real fast act? Well that's her. At least now it is. 

Tomas don't even go back to the townhouse. Heads right to the complex. Walks right in. He knows all them secret entrances. Runs down the steps. Finds a guy. Knows his face. Don't remember his name. Says - Where is everybody?.... Guy goes - In the 'quarters.' They're in the 'quarters' (Doctor Franklin's sumptuous digs) ...... Tomas don't say nothing. Goes WHOOSH, right through the air. Cuts through a few walls along the way. Vampires don't like changin' direction when they sublimating. Hard to maintain momentum that way. Some can't even do it. Places he passed through was mostly empty. One had the Sasquatch pit. Lights were real low, 'cause they were sleepin'. Two Chewbaccas all tangled up in the hay. They keep snorin.' Snore like pigs. Smell like dogs. You know how dogs smell when they real dirty and then get wet on top of it? Like stale, pissy, Doritos. How they put up with that? Maybe in the wild they bathe and groom more? I don't know.

Hears a television in the next room. Goes in. People all sittin' 'round, eatin Lorna Doones. Franklin likes shortbread cookies. They like an old variety. Philly had 'em for hundreds a years. The Doctor looks up and goes - So, the prodigal returns..... Tomas says - Leave me alone. I want a drink..... Franklin gestures. Some kid, like an intern, get him a cold, plastic bottle a diet Sprite.  Vampire can drink most diet sodas, 'cause it ain't got no human food value. Tomas grab it and twist off the cap. Take a swig and goes - Is that all you got!?..... Franklin says - For three months it is. My frequency's off. I'm not vibrating properly. The Grand Armonica picks it up. I need to rest. Sit down, my boy. Relax. 

Olympics are on. They watchin' some little Russian girl makin' like she Alice In Wonderland to Stranger In Paradise. Then some choir sing their national anthem. How come all them European countries got real pretty songs? Sound like they part a Les Miserables, or somethin.' ..... Grigori Usipov, the handicapped temporarily bodyless vampire-Russian-oligarch perked up a bit. Kept saying - What's that? What's that? What's that?..... Luna, who's like snuggled up against him, goes - Can you hear it?.... She taps it out in his hand. They got this simple, homemade version of deaf people talk.... Usipov goes - I don't know. I don't know.... But it seems like he's getting something. Starts humming along to the national anthem. Luna looks at Doctor Franklin. He shrugs . Then thinks of something and goes - Get him some vodka..... Tomas says - I thought you didn't have any?.... But Franklin ignores him and adds - Russian stuff. Get the Russian stuff. No  Polish. No French. Russian, alright?...... Intern kid comes back with an 'old fashioned' glass ( like a heavy, wide short, squat tumbler) filled with vodka. Gives it to Luna, who carefully places it in Usipov's hands. He smells it... inhales the aroma and goes - Da da da da da..... Then he starts drinkin' it like lemonade, which gotta burn a little, 'cause he ain't re-vampireized yet. He still mortal, but downs it like a champ.  You know how them Russians are?... Finishes it and goes - Aaahhhh.

Franklin's pocket starts vibrating. No, not vibrating. More like an almost musical chime. Fishes 'round and pulls out a thick, clear, crystal disc. Looks like he slid it off the central bar of a little not so grand armonica.  Holds it between his thumb and forefinger. Gets up and goes over the Usipov. There goes that noise, only now it's louder. Can't tell if it's higher or lower, but it's different..... Everybody looks. Luna too. Usipov goes - What is it? What's going on?........ Franklin thinks for a moment, then says - You, Tomas, get on his other side, like Luna. Snuggle up to him..... Tomas hesitates...... Franklin goes - You're a thousand year old vampire. What the hell difference does it make to you? Do it. Do it. Do it......... He reluctantly complies. Usipov goes - Who dat!...... 

Franklin's crystal changes tone and vibrates a little stronger. The old patriot says - Make like you're going to sublimate. But don't do it, because that will kill him. Just think about it...

They do..... Franklin goes - Hug him. Hug him real hard..... Usipov giggles at the attention. But he begins to blink his eyes and focus, like he sees something.... Franklin notices. So do the other technicians..... He goes - Take your clothes off. The fabric gets in the way.... Luna immediately complies. She's a real exhibitionist. Most vampires are. Tomas is too. They're vain. They like to be admired. But Tomas also likes to be independent. Sucks his teeth and holds back..... Franklin makes a face. He sighs.  Tomas sighs too.... but begins to shuck down....

Usipov goes - Uh oh... and begins to giggle uncontrollably, as Franklin's crystal disc vibrates ever stronger.

The old scientist whispers - Good, good, good, good, good.

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