Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Sarah crashed through the doors. Almost sublimated through some skinny little thing in a white lab coat. Vampires kill that way. Rips up the meat. Shatters the bones. Tissue rains down on the floor like a chunky flesh smoothie. When it happens outside the rats like it. Shoved a bunch a scientific assholes out of her way. Grabbed Luna by the shoulders, spun her 'round and yelled - Get your bony claws off him, you blood sucking, quack doctor, vampire bitch!!

Luna jumped back. Everybody froze. Tomas II was still out of it, all blue and cold and shivering with tubes snaking out of him. Think he had a catheter in too. And I have to admit, that dead-actor-vampire-replacement body looked just like him. Sarah looked down and cried. She reached out to touch him. Luna said - Don't.... She hesitated. No one made a sound. Then she whispered - He's not a vampire anymore? Oh, God, look at him... Luna sneered, tossed her hair back and said - Not yet, anyway..... as she ran her tongue across her sharp, white teeth. ...... Sarah said - You leave him alone. Get out of here! Tomas, wake up! Tomas! Tomas!..... A few of the lesser functionaries snickered...... Luna said - Listen, you road company, nineteen eighties Susan Sarandon ( to others) Look at her. Only vampire in creation can't buy herself a good brassiere......( Uh, oh, that hurt ) You want him to live? Then get the hell out of my way, you 'goody-two-fangs-you....... as she shoved her aside..... Sarah momentarily acquiesced out of concern for her partially resurrected consort. She stood there in a daze, as Luna bit her lip and leaned over the exposed and vulnerable 'patient.' A rich, red, jewel-like orb prepared to drop from her sensual mouth, right into the slightly opened lips of the just barely breathing former vampire..... And then he twitched. Sarah saw that. At the last instant her hand shot out, caught the drop, closed 'round it and in a smooth arc came up to smash the quack-doctor-vampire-bitch (or whatever she was) right in her cold, hard, Elizabeth Hurley face. Blood spewed from the ruined nose. Vampirinas heal, but still that has got to be a serious provocation. Luna froze, eyes burning. Then she 'pulsed,' blasting the clothes right off her body. Sarah did the same. It's like a vampire reflex. She couldn't help it. They circled like panthers, leaning in, down low, each waiting for an opportunity. Everyone fell back. A few ran out. Somebody said 'Get Doctor Franklin.' But once they got started, what could he do? The Bureau did have vampire tranquilizing darts, however they were under lock and key. Filling the vials, arming the pistols... that would take time. 

Whoa! Luna just went berserk, shrieking and screaming like a manic baboon. Drew first blood too. Bit Sarah right on the shoulder. Blood ran down like sergeant's stripes. Sarah lunged, grabbed Luna's arm, brought the hand up to her mouth and tore the thumb right out from the roots. Vampirina red ran everywhere, as they fell to the floor, twisting breasts, scratching nether parts and generally creating all kinds of naked-vampire-cat-fight mayhem. Can't be too graphic 'cause vampire children read our stuff too, you know.

Some researcher said - We ought to document this... and proceeded to record every thrust and parry on his phone. Vampire fights are a rare thing and this one would be a valuable addition to the archives. 

Sarah, crazed like a rabid demon, crashed down on Luna's shoulders, pinning her to the floor, as she pummeled her already ruined face like a delirious Honolulu granny making poi.

But Luna arched her back, whipped her legs up off the floor and locked her feet 'round Sarah's neck, squeezing and squeezing and squeezing til the vampire-doctor's face was two shades north of eggplant.

Then every piece of glass in the place began to shatter. Pulses, I guess. They rolled across the shards. Like mud wrestling, it was. 'Cept it looked more like Bertoli Spaghetti Sauce wrestling due to the consistency of vampire blood once it leaves the body.
 Tomas was covered in it. And you know some found its way passed his tongue. Luna's? Sarah's? Who knew. Not enough to make him vampire. Not nearly enough for that, but enough to fortify him. Enough to save him. He shot up. Jumped off the gurney, ripped out the tubes, even (gulp) the catheter and screamed for them to stop. But you know Tomas. When he gets nervous, he motor-mouths in Spanish. 'Sides, they were too worked up, all hot and sweaty. Train can't stop on no dime, you know. Them two top paramours of his could a killed him in his weakened, mortal state.

Finally, some guy from 'creature control' runs in. Darts 'em both right in the ass. Eye lids flutter. Legs go limp. Sprawl all over the floor, flopping 'round like fish. Lady parts all exposed. You KNOW they got that on video.

Six heartbeats later, Franklin (with his wispy hair flying in the wind) tools in on that electric scooter thing he has, eyes the carnage and goes -  Jesus Christ! Clean this shit the hell up!

And just like that it was over.

'Least Tomas was OK.

But out on the streets, let me tell you, it wasn't over... and out on the streets it wasn't OK....

<please know if you read this prior to 11:55PM on 7/10/14 you read my immediate, eyewitness reportage, which was a teensy bit rough...went back and cleaned it up a little...can't help it...sometimes I just get SO excited!>.... <went back at 12:38PM and cleaned up some more>...And you think on Fallon when Jimmy and Dana played that 'impressions' game, they were purposely supplied with choices each could do? Wheels were just props, just devices. No way they could fail... Look, it's HOT and that's what I saw... 8^)


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John L. Harmon said...

You had me at cat fight.

Billy Kravitz said...

thanks. when vampires really get going, one sublimates through the other and if the other is in a weakened state that usually finishes it...and in literature, how come it's always 'vixens' who cat-fight when vixens are female fox and thus canines?... Guess they don't wanna say bitch-fight.

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