Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Shhh... Drunk Carnies did It.... 3/3/15

Orangutans are the oldest of the great apes and somewhat separate from the gorillas and chimpanzees and bonobos and humans. Geneticists say we're more closely related to chimps and bonobos than either are to gorillas, which (according to the math) puts us squarely among the great apes. Thus 'MAN' did not evolve from the apes. He never left them. And don't think this violates 'creation.' God merely used what was already on hand. We may be apes, but we're not chimps, or bonobos, or gorillas. We are the finest of the breed, possessed of intricate language and a higher form of reasoning, though in most instances just as violent.

But tonight we speak of our orange haired kin, a bucolic race, quiet and sungular. They munch leaves and grubs, insects and mammals. Don't worry, only the tiny ones and everybody eats them. Well, in the jungle they do. 

Doctor Franklin has one. He calls him Jumba. Not exactly an Indonesian name. But the Doctor is not always politically correct, though he is intelligent and inquisitive. Both the Doctor and the orangutan, I mean. Jumba is seventeen years old and in his prime. He should be somewhere deep within the forests of Sumatra or Borneo seeing to his wives and scaring off interlopers, but he's not. His mother performed in a jungle theme park in Florida. Wore a coconut brassiere and a grass skirt. Never been to Hawaii, but did a real mean hula. Daddy was feral. Escaped from a circus. Hid in a patch of semi-tropical woods south of Orlando. Every once in a while somebody'd see him. They'd yell - Skunk Ape! Skunk Ape!... That's southern for bigfoot. Only he was no skunk ape. Never made no trouble or nothing. Just turned away and disappeared in the brush. Found an old trailer knocked on its side. Probably happened in a hurricane. Fake skunk ape slept in it on cold nights. Found a mattress . Covered himself with blankets, or drapes, or something. What difference did it make? He don't know from home decor. Eats live shrews too. Told you humans were better than them other apes.

One night he sees a compound. Sees a real pretty orangutan woman in it too. Sneaks inside. Solitary apes are good at picking locks. Once he found his way into some pie house. Got drunk on key lime pie. Messed the place up real bad. Ran off with a box of hamantaschen (like triangular, Linzer tortes filled with tart prune filling for Purim time) just before owner comes in. Blamed it on a bunch a drunk carnies wintering near by. Folks blame everything on drunk carnies... even when there ain't no drunk carnies..

So that's how Jamba was born. Drunk carny did it... heh heh heh heh heh...

Franklin got him from a discount orangutan place. Nobody knows too much about his childhood. Them discount joints don't keep fancy records and orangutans don't say nothin'...

Now he's gonna be a  receptacle for some ugly, old entity. He don't wanna leave his place. Got little trees in it... tropical butterflies an' a Coca~cola machine. Just Diet~Coke, 'cause Franklin want him to be healthy an' all.

Even if he is gonna be mostly dead....

I know this is not a typical Vampire Wonderland post... but what is? Just wanted to give Jamba some back story...

Poor Jamba.... He's the nicest great ape of all.

<more next time>


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