WHAT THE VAMPIRINA, SARAH DID ON HER TRAVELS... 10/24/13

Now the vampirina, Sarah was steadfast in her faith and she did not intentionally travel so far, preferring to wander here and there throughout the city and it's environs. Although, she was seen in more distant realms as well. And her night years pale when compared to those of her consort. She has only walked through darkness for perhaps thirty six moons. But the 'responsibility' is very real to her and she dispenses assistance with the pure conviction of a saint.

Many desperate souls have tasted her blood. The sick have been made well. Those with noxious growths gnawing at their flesh recovered and the starving knew satisfaction. The 'Lady' of Philadelphia they call her. But in no way does she ask for it, unlike that previous time when Baylah played 'Our Lady of The Olive Garden' to starch-drugged diners in the parking lot of a noted eatery.

And now she comes back to the town house. Oh they've had scenes like this before. Night-folk always vacillate between the spiritual and the profane. If my voice sounds familiar to you that is natural. I am Johannon, the body servant once charged with the safety of Jonathon also-known-as-Tomas, during the last days of his mortality, though we did not know that then. But my spirit still hovers near him, jostling for position with other disembodied souls desirous of your attention. For word is this will one day soon become a graphic novel, or (if God wills it) a screenplay and you know how 'ghosts' crave fame.

This is how she did it. The Lady Sarah, I mean. This is how she got the blood.... She'd ask for it... venturing into pubs and taverns when the clock struck twelve. She'd sit down, take a out a Bible and put it on the bar. Sometimes she'd read it. Sometimes she wouldn't. And I do not know if the scriptures in question were trinitarian or unitarian. But the response was always the same. Those given to grog are sentimental sorts and cognizant of their sins. Needless to say, these were not gentle places, so the sins were often great. After a time they'd retreat to a booth where she would hear confessions. Sometimes they'd cry, but she'd comfort them and offer salvation. Then one, hopefully the worst, would be her meal and she'd kiss him in the alley til he died. Thus was she nourished. Soon, maybe four or five heartbeats after exsanguination, the empty, human husk ignited into a cold, blue flame (as vampire victims always do) and disappeared. Later, in the privacy of her lair (wherever that was), she'd pierce her fingers with tiny lancets and draw the blood, collecting it in  small, glass vials, originally meant for department store perfume samples and bought wholesale from a supply house in Cincinnati, having discovered such things on the web. Sarah is an up to date life-eater.... The tiny vials were dispensed to troubled mortals, preserving their lives and helping them carry on. That was her purpose. That's what she did.

Soon she'd see Tomas... and his new, ersatz 'Robin.' True, he often saved mortals in a similar manner. They all did. But now he was a superhero too..... 'Boys' and their games....

What would she think of that?... And would they still make love on a hidden bed of rose petals as always?

Shhh.... listen to her footfalls click against the pavement. Vampires walk with such purpose...

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THE ELEPHANT MAN makes the Vampire Known as Tomas Cry ... 10/23/13

I didn't know what to make of that new kid. Does he have family here? Are they looking for him? Is he in contact with them? What does he do? What talent does he have? Look, I've been servicing this blog for almost three years. Yeah, it's me, wilkravitz and I'm actually real concerned about this. We sit out in the small back yard... more like a glorified patio. And in the city it doesn't take much to be glorified. It's dark and it's cold. Not winter time cold, but considering we've had 'summer' til just about a week ago, it's cold. Edith drinks coffee. Even Tomas has a hot toddy. Conrad's back. And that other one... what's his name, 'Larry?' I lose track of them. Wasn't he 'dead' for a while? I don't know. But they're not here. Them two like to browse around an all-night supermarket. Come back with a whole mess a scented candles and a bunch a crap. Check out girls think they're crazy. They don't know they're vampires. Must think they're a couple. I don't know. 

Tomas is agitated. He wants to start something new and he's worried Sarah might not like it.  He really wants to be a superhero. Figures a vampire is perfect for that. Already has super powers and the requisite fashion sense. He likes the name too. Truthfully, it's already started. City Paper had an article about 'The Midnight Rambler' and how he saved some dude. (the 'dude' was that new kid). And street hoods don't want to get liquefied like them other thugs did. So now we got 'The Midnight Rambler'... 'M.R.'... and 'The Dark Mister.' Edith blows on her coffee and says she likes 'The Dark Mister' best. We all do.  But I don't know about 'Scratch.' That's what the new kid calls himself.  Wants a be 'Robin.' 

Tomas can't wait to go back out and do cool shit. Got his uniforms all ready. Bought a bunch a black skinny jeans at this Banana Republic store, the big one on Walnut Street. Got a mess of short sleeve and long sleeve t-shirts... just white... only white.... Leather jackets look good though. Bought three of them... black, real trim, nice collar. You know they gotta stand up just right. And I don't have to tell you about the black, leather bootkins?.... 'Bootkins.'.... He likes that word. Think it goes back to his nights in Restoration London. I don't know what the new kid wears. He's got some type of outfit too. I don't know. But in all honesty, let me ask you, what the hell is he supposed to do when Tomas vanquishes low-lifes with his vampire, I mean 'super' powers? What, just stand there like a cheerleader? Oh, that ain't never gonna work. 

And Tomas, also known as Jonathon, is serious. Came to him when he was watching The Elephant Man. Made him cry too. Latched onto the fact that John Merrick, the main character, was only in his twenties. I don't even know if  'character' is the right word, because it's a true story. Michael Jackson had his bones for a while. I don't know who has them now. Hope Tomas don't buy them. Bet someday somebody'll get a hold of Michael Jackson's bones. Maybe Justin Bieber, or Lady GaGa wants 'em? 

But he was crying that night. Tomas, I mean. Sat there watching it all. And this was just a few nights ago, because he ain't been back that long. Said - Look at him, an innocent young man. A child actually who only wants to fit in. Who only wants peace. Look at him...... And then the part where he dies, because he only wants to sleep lying down like a normal person. Couldn't do that because of the size and balance of his head. Had to sleep all propped up. But one night, after attending a small reception that went quite well (upper crust London used him like a toy, like a penny dreadful horror story passed from hand to hand) he did. But he was not like everyone else and so he died. Some said his neck snapped. Some said he suffocated. But he died. And you don't ever want to see a vampire cry like that, 'cause imagine what he's seen in his life.... A thousand years, you know. 

I don't think he's gonna sleep here every morning. Tomas has hidey-holes all over town... museum storage rooms.... hidden attics... basements. And you know about the mole-folks down in the tunnels now. That 'Scratch' kid's gonna sleep here though. Where else is he gonna go? What's Tomas supposed to do, give him twenty bucks after they (really just Tomas) liquefy somebody and say - Here, go get yourself a cab?..... People are gonna start recognizing  him. Cabbies are gonna start saying- Yo, I had Scratch in my cab last night.... That ain't gonna be good. That can't be right. 

So we're sitting here freezing on the back patio. It's a private, little place, cozy with potted plants and all. Tomorrow night's frost will probably kill them. Edith will call a guy and have him put in Chinese Winter Cabbage. Tomas wants it to look nice. Sarah too. We got a little cupboard out here with lap robes. That's just a fancy, back-in-the-day word for thick, plaid, wool blankets. Like what Nucky Thompson covers himself with when he goes for a cold weather rolling chair ride in Boardwalk Empire. Shores actually at it's best on cold, bright, clear winter days. A lot of people don't know that. A lot of people don't know a lot of things....

Even vampires....

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Susan 313 -- Sarah Silverman ..this is what a pilot looks like. COMMENTS?

Not my regular post, but an almost lost semi-precious gem you might want to see. Probably could be re-worked into a good stage show. Sarah plays a song writer, so even a musical...like THE GOOD-BYE GIRL for our time. Occasional references to woo-woo's and ding-dong's (not the cakes) so be forewarned. Oh, yeah..also a little like that movie where Burt Reynolds and Jill Clayburgh have this thing and Candace Bergen is the song writer.. I gotta take my stuff outta the drier and agonize over blog stats and not having an agent, so please excuse me... OH! If you DO want to read my stuff, click on the link I always have up~>browse.feedreader.com/c/Billy_Kravitz_vampire_wonderland ... or join me on Twitter~>@wilkravitz ...
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SCRATCHY OLD BLACK & WHITE MOVIES WHERE EVERYONE'S DEAD......... 10/22/13

They have these rooms in the tunnels... all kinds of rooms. City was gonna use them for storage, or restrooms for the new subway lines. But the trains never came. For ninety years they been buried there collecting dust and a whole bunch of other sickening crap too. Tomas and his mole-girl sex partners use one for their trysts. Was gonna be a break room, a place for ticket girls and broom-men to eat lunch and take a crap. The old b'rooms are still there. Got a closet filled with antique 'piano rolls.' That means toilet paper. Sinks got old metal dispensers you crank this powdered soap out of. Got cans of old, caked up powdered soap too. And all of it's covered in dust... maybe rat dander too.

Mole-girls dragged in this old mattress. Looks like it came from World War I. You know, that back in the day 'ticking' and all? That's where they lay. But first they do other stuff.  Tomas has this trick where he sublimates right through his clothes. The girls like it. Looks like something Bugs Bunny would do in an old Warner Bros. cartoon. He just stands there and goes WHOOSH!... Then he's fifteen feet out in front of his pants and all, which stand up fluttering and swaying for a few seconds before falling down on the floor. Other times he does it different... just steps steps through the garments like they're made of smoke. That's how he did it tonight. Aura and Silvia start clapping. New, human, 'familiar' kid sits on an old wooden folding chair taking it all in.  They'll let him watch the sponge bath part, but when they get to the other stuff I don't think they'll let him sit there. 

Sponge baths are like a ritual with them. Girls got these basins. White enamel they are. Real old. From one of the storage rooms. Chipped, but not too bad. Sponges look new... natural ones from some day spa down in The Concourse. That's an underground mall. Runs under the mid-town area. Think Kevin Bacon's father designed it back in the early nineteen fifties.  No, really. That's true. He was like a city planner. Like what Robert Moses was to New York, only people actually liked him. Side bar---- Do you know every time they plan a new construction project in Center City, Philadelphia, archaeologists have to 'OK' the area first, because they almost always find buried corpses, bones and artifacts from back in them powdered wig days. Washington Square park was an old cemetery. Didn't move the bodies or nothing. Just landscaped everything real nice so yuppie-dogs could crap all over 'em. Can't do that now though. Dead folks got rights too, you know. But let me get back to the floor show. 

First them girls wet him down real good. One do the front. One do the back. Sometimes they spin 'round and trade places.  Do every little part... all the bits and pieces. Vampire don't say nothin'. But you can tell he like it. Likes the soapy part too. Then they sponge it off with un-soapy water. After that, he do them, one at a time. Aura help him do Silvia. Silvia help him do Aura. Still quiet. No words. Got light, just a little bit, but enough, from two or three fat, creamy candles. Think mole-folk make 'em from dead pigeons. Every once in a while one a them tremble a little bit, 'cause it feel real good. 'Familiar' kid make like he readin' some old, dried up book they got down there. Not a book... a magazine actually..., old black and white National Geographic, from back when the cover just got printin' on it. It got mostly naked ladies doin' folk dances inside. Amazin' how much naked-ladies-doin'-folk-dances pictures they had a take back then. Guess people had a learn all the steps..... Then, when mole-girls all ready for Tomas a start pesterin' them, they shew kid outta there. Make him sit in a tunnel all by himself. But he not really all by himself, 'cause 'Ghost Teeth' Auggie out there too. He a mole-man wit' crazy teeth what glow in the dark, 'cause he drink a whole bottle (used bottles in them days) a radium paint from one a they storerooms. Was gonna use it for the numbers on clock faces, I guess, 'case the 'lectricity leak out. They was always feared 'lectricity gone leak out back in them days. Think it like spaghetti sauce, or somethin'. Auggie got an old, little plastic television. He set with it on his lap. All it get is movies... old black and white movies where all the folks is good an' dead. 'Familiar' kid start watchin'. Think it Gunga Din. Bunch a Englishters fightin' all them screamin' Hindu folks.But one Englishter look right at them. Auggie and the kid, I mean. Just like the screen a window and he can see right through it. Lookin', jus' lookin'. That when the kid see it not connected. He jump a little when it sink in, but not too much, considerin' what his last few days been like.

Then Tomas finishes, Gunga Din dies and they go back home.

Streets is quiet late at night. It like three thirty. Folks is out, but mostly they shuffle 'round like zombies. Nobody pay no mind to vampire and his 'familiar.' Good thing Tomas not shred his clothes when he sublimate through 'em, 'cause sometime he do that.

But not tonight.

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DOWN IN THE DEEP DARK TUNNELS... 10/21/13

First people come down during the Great Depression. Ain't got nowhere else to live, 'cept like a Hoovert0wn down by the dumps. And it get cold inside a cardboard box. Yeah, them boxes was bigger and heavier back in the day, but nights was still pretty chilly and not everybody had a box. 

Got one fella led the way. Beggar-man he was. Worked the subways. I do not know which line. Could a been Market Street. Could a been Broad Street, or the part that go through China Town. Don't think Locust Street was open back then. You see, I am a new 'ghost.' Ain't been dead too long. If you go to my house, they still got box a my shoes down in the cellar. And two pair I still like. Some a them old ghosts forget what it like to have feet. Just fly 'round like that blue Aladdin genii. But that ain't me. 

Beggar-man get a dime. Once or twice a quarter. Mostly he get pennies. Three a them buy you fishcake and glass a soda. So that ain't always bad. Folks come down. Mostly men folk in them days. Maybe women what answer telephones or type up letters. Maybe one what teach rich folk kids to play piano, mush up with some fella like a vice-wife, or something. That about it. 

One night (it winter time) station real crowded. Folks got Christmas shopping. Got bottles a liquor and all kinds a stuff. It like a parade down there. That how tight it is. Santy Claus man ringin' bell. Little bit drunk folk singin' Baby Jesus song. Fat boy cryin' cause mama not buy him no coloring book. Old man fartin'. You know how it get.

Beggar-man go over to lady what got two dead foxes 'round her neck. Got like a coat too, but she got them foxes on top a it. Got black marbles for eyes. Not her, them foxes. Make 'em look like they makin' 'eyes' at folks. Back in the day every old lady gotta have dead foxes, 'cause live ones be scratchin' and bitin' people too much. Worse than cats they is. Beggar-man ask if she give him nickle for a 'Texas Tommy.' That a hot-dog wit' cheese down the inside and bacon on the outside. He put his hand out. Make real sad face.  But fat kid what ain't got no coloring book start wavin' his arms around like he a windmill. Skinny hunchback jump outta way. Push Beggar-man into dead fox lady. She go - Ow! You jab me right in part a my tittie, you big, dumb, nut!.... Cop run over and say - Tittie!? Tittie!? Y'all can't say no 'tittie' in here! People go berserk they hear word like that.... Lady start explainin', but subway train pull in an' beggar-man use that big windy dragon noise to cover up his retreat. Takes hisself deep in a corner, far away, as all that big chunk a humanity squish theyself into them cars 'fore it belch fire an' run off again.

Then he breathe in an' out real quiet like. Some folk say it scary bein' down there on that platform all alone. Say you see the ghost a all them what been run over by the train. But he don't care 'bout that. They not gone hurt him. He see 'em an' they say - Good evenin'... But mostly he jus' sit there, up 'gainst that tile wall, on a little bench. Got a big, old metal door hard by the corner. It all green, 'cause if the government paint it, it gotta be green. That like a United States law. But this the Depression and folks been stealin' stuff, like the big, metal padlock on the door. Beggar-man open it. He want a warm place to sleep. Still want a Texas Tommy, but that gone have to wait. It dark in there. It real dark... dead dark. But he go inside, strike a match and take hisself down a long flight a stairs (they all government green too), down to where them tunnels be. City gonna one time use 'em for more trains, but they don't need no more trains. So now they just big, old tunnels snakin' every which way in the dark. Got some ghosts shufflin' 'round down there too. But they don't say nothin' to him and he don't say nothin' to them. Curls up 'gainst a wall and sleeps. Next night he come down wit' friends. An' that how the mole-folks is born.

Vampire known as Tomas an' new 'familiar' kid down there now. They come in a different way, climbin' down from that scorpion store, but all roads lead to Rome.

Aura and Silvia waitin'. Got everything all ready. Got they clothes all folded up. Got candles all lit. They don't know 'bout no 'familiar' kid, but that's all right.

The more the merrier...

But that part not told tonight...

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TOMAS, the vampire, SHOWS THE KID HE SAVED ON THE STREET 'THE ROPES'... 10/20/13

I don't have time. Keep up - said the vampire known as Tomas.... and the kid he rescued a few nights ago shoved the empanada into his mouth and hurried off. I can imagine how old a street cart empanada is at twelve thirty on Saturday night. but I'm not sayin' nothin'. Kid's gonna  be a 'familiar,'.... a night-folk 'helper.' Tomas gonna set him up with two 'morning show' deejays he knows.  He gonna be like the Baa-Baa Booey and that is a very respected comedy position. 

Tomas got on his usual outfit. More like a uniform. Got the cool, leather bootkins.. the skinny, black jeans.. white tee shirt... He got the leather jacket, but don't got it on. 'Familiar' kid totin' that. Gonna call him 'Scratch.' Be like Robin, only not with no leotards. Kid ask Tomas what he 'sposed to wear, but don't get no answer.  Vampire in a hurry. He wanna get there and don't wanna sublimate through nothing on account a his hair. Got it just perfect tonight... all lose and wavy and hangin' jus' right. You know how he be with his hair.  Wanna get some ink too. Think he be watchin' too much a The Voice.  But it not gonna make no difference. Vampire skin shed Tattoo after one lunar month anyway.

He got date with Aura and Silvia. They mole gals from them tunnels below the subways. Don't know if they the same Aura and Silvia from before. But that don't make no diff. Mole king always got two gals wit' them names. Used a think they was his daughters. But they not his daughters. They just his Aura and Silvia. That make more sense, seein' how he like to sponge 'em down and all. 

Edith say Sarah comin' back. She get message in front part a her head. Not the outside a her head... the inside, where the brain be. She a mind reader. She a lotta shit. Also make good waffles. Sarah Tomas' vampire wife. Not like Morticia Addams, though. She more casual like. Wear sports brassiere... sneakers... lady fruit a the loom panties. Look like gal from Rocky Horror Show. Janet, I think she be. 

Tomas takin' side street. Don't like when people look at him. Some folk see him do his superhero shit. Take picture. It all over . Now he 'Midnight Rambler.' That his name. Paper cut it down. Call him M.R.... Now he 'the Dark Mister' too.  Don't wanna say, but he like that a little bit better. 

Samson Street, where they is, narrow, little place. Got all kind cozy, weird store there too. Go down steps to get in 'em. Look like that street where Parry Hotter shop . 'Cept if you start wavin' 'round no wand you gone get beat up. But it real quiet now. Folks gettin' drunk somewheres else. Stores all closed up too. 'Cept for one. It The Scorpion Lady. She got ev'ry kind you could want.... black ones... gray ones... big ones... red ones... Some got pretty faces if you look at 'em real close. Not like people pretty. But for bug they is.  She got 'em in little glass boxes... like poisonous jewelry wit' legs. It dark in there, but not real dark. Got tiny, little bedroom lamp all over... on shelf.. on table... on case.. Got ticky-tock clocks... wood floor... silk wall paper. Dark red, I think it is. Tomas say it hide the blood. 

Vampire and the kid hop down steps and knock on door. Scorpion Lady say 'hi' and let 'em in. She listnin' a somethin' on her 'pooter. It like a lap top 'pooter. She watch real good songs and funny stuff on it. I do hoo-doo and get site outta her head if you wanna know. It ~> dstevencohen.com ... You can go there now if you like, 'cause I think them sites never close. Think some a the funny stuff got Jimmy Fallon. Ev'body know 'bout Jimmy Fallon. Specially vampires what stay up late. 

Scorpion Lady say - Where you goin'?.... Tomas say - Why you ask?.... Then he smile, cause he know she know..... She say - Who that?..... Vampire go - He my new 'familiar.' I gone show him the ropes...... Then he go - Yo, lady, open the door..... She unlock two, old, heavy, wood door back in a corner. Look like a cupboard, but it ain't. Like a elevator shaft it is. Big an' dark. But it ain't got no elevator, just two, old, thick, hemp ropes hangin' all the way down in the dark..... Tomas stand over by the edge and motion inside. Then he say - Behold!.... Kid go - Behold what?.... Tomas say - Behold them. They the ropes.... Then he give kid drop a his blood to make him stronger an' they grab on. Climb all the way down. Go like a hundred and fifty feet... Down pas' subway. Down pas' other shit. Got like human bones wedged in a niche. But I not know what they from.

Mole-folk live at the bottom. Got a tunnel down there but it dark. It real dark. Only light come from rat eyes. You know how they shine orange an' all? But long way down come a yellow glow, like from a can a Sterno or somethin'.

Dark Mister an' Scratch (that they new names)  creep toward it....

But that for tomorrow night...

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The Vampire Tomas and The Witchy-Woman Edith Talk Over Spirits... 10/19/13

I came back with Tomas, a wind sprite from the forest primeval, a place you know as 'Adirondacks.' The witchy-woman identified as 'Edith' knows my brethren from the trees she calls 'The Jersey Pines.' Ask me not my name. I know it not. Perhaps I have one. Some entity or other may have conferred it, but the lilt and rhythm of it is lost to me. 

I vibrate within the mineral and metallic confines of this communicative device you call 'computer.' Such clever beings you are, publicly eschewing magic, yet trapping it in cunning wrappers such as this.

They sit together, Tomas, the vampire and the witchy-woman. She takes comfort from a toddy. He savors the pungent smoke from a candle. 'Autumn spice' I'm told it's called. The witchy-woman trades for them at a place known as 'Yankee Candle.' They occupy (the two of them) high, stool-like seats in the kitchen, though the space so defined is far grander than any such place I have ever tasted. Granite and murdered tree floors and such as that. It's dark. The vast, 'hot' (dense with souls) city sleeps. Dawn comes, but not yet. He tells her things and she listens. Witchy-folk, being inquisitive by nature, love new things.

A 'ghost' or more accurately body-free spirit from the basement listens too. They know of his existence, yet not of his presence at this time. The disembodied soul is very quiet and discreet. 

Tomas tells her how alive the world is... how every part of it resonates with sprites, such as myself and other things too. Some think on a human level. Some far beyond. She says she knows. He nods. Witchy-folk are like that. He tells her of isolated Red Paint settlements far to the north in the mountains fleshy beings call 'Laurentians.'  She says she knows that too, for some Red Paints dwelt where she's from in the 'Pines.'

And the kid he rescued two nights ago is with them too, sitting off to the side at a table, trying to levitate a yellow, plastic, banana shaped refrigerator magnet. See, I learn fast. But it's easy to learn vibrating around in a magical tool such as this.

Shhh, the 'angry birds' and pornographic vixens inhabiting this place ready for battle. This wood sprite wants to watch...

Magic has returned to the vast assemblage you call Philadelphia. Not that it ever really left. But with the arrival of Tomas (also known as Jonathon) the cupboards and hidey-holes are open again. Such an infinite number of entities. It's like a veritable zoo to me.

Adieu, the vixens call...
(more next time)

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