DER KRAMPUS MANN...... (google it)...... 12/22/13

Sometimes people disappear... and no one takes credit.  It's like a big, old, celestial trolley car goes 'clang-clang-clang' jams on them breaks and snatches them up. Ain't no body. Ain't no chipped finger nail or ripped-out piece a hair. No eyeball. No nothin'. They just gone. 

A lot of times it's night-folks, vampires, who do that. Occasionally a little part of the corpse might 'survive.' ... Might be a baby toe in some grease, or the outer rim of an ear. Looks like that 'very rare' phenomenon known as spontaneous human combustion. But if you been with us a while... you know.... Ain't no such thing as spontaneous human combustion. If there was, why don't we see it all the time? Why ain't dead dogs and cats and pigeons and rats lightin' up too? They got the same chemicals as us and a dead dog can weigh the same as a dead human. That 'combustion' crap just a story cops made up, vampires too, to fool folks. 'Cause Jack Nicholson was right. You CAN'T handle the truth... Well, you can, 'cause you're reading this, but lots a people can't. That's what saves vampires, other 'strange folk' too. They're like aliens and Santa Claus. Either you do, or you don't. OK, OK, OK, maybe aliens a little more real than that, but you know what I mean. Look, government KNOWS aliens are real, even without the evidence, mathematically they have to be. Yet some people feel threatened by that and believe, or pretend to believe otherwise. Just feels better that way. 'Reality' goes on.

Look, who'd believe what went on last night? Some folks might have legends about stuff like that.... scary stories from 'the old country.' But, you know, gorillas and orangutans were legends too, 'fore they found them out.

And I don't even know if it happened on top a the Comcast Building, 'cause they don't got the roof for it. Got like a pyramid, a pinnacle, up there and how people gonna stand on that? They'd all slide down and go splat! Probably went off somewhere else and just said that to fool us. But the thing is, it DID happen on some other tall redoubt out there. Why not? This city full a magic since the beginning... Here's an everyday example all of 'em know about. That Comcast Building do got somethin' funny on top. Got a little, bronze statue of William Penn. Think it's like about eighteen inches tall and just like that big, forty foot, artificial, flagpole sitter they got balancin' hisself on top a City Hall (you know, high above the spot where the gallows used to be). Had an unwritten law around here. No buildin' taller than 'Billy' Penn's hat. From eighteen seventy six to nineteen seventy six that was it. Six hundred feet (includin' the statue)... Plenty a room. But then business people start gettin' 'uppity.' They strart goin' higher. Folks get nervous. Fire start, or team lose they whisper.... 'Billy Penn's Curse... He don't like it... The Lord Protector wants his due.'... Few years back, big building goes up, a 'top ten tallest' in United States... Comcast Building.... You know, '30 Roc' ain't the jewel in the crown. THIS is. This where all the money sits. Little statue sits there too.... right on top... bolted down an' everything.... Billy Penn got a hat... and it the tallest thing around. But we meanderin' a bit. Lemme get back to the weirdness at hand.....

Last night was 'Dark Night,' the longest stretch of blackness in the year.... clear and strangely warm too. Wiccans held 'skraelings.' Godly folk stay inside.... 'Jump in bed and cover up your head, 'cause Santa Claus comes tonight.'..... Well, maybe not Santa Claus, and maybe not tonight, but somebody else does. If you got like a great-grandmother, or better yet a great-great grandmother what came from where folks wear little suede shorts and eat bratwurst an' all, you know.

Der Krampus Mann ist Kommen... a shadowy, rustic, stunted being from the forest.. a Rumpelstiltskin, but for real. Strong, he is. Enduring... When the natives jettisoned Polytheism for what they claim to follow now, he remained. To avoid the terror they bound him to Santa Claus... a runty, little helper who punished wicked children by chopping them up, entombing them alive, or spiriting them to hell. Happy Holidays, y'all. 

Now vampires recognize the spirit world. Most of them retain some form of their mortal faith, but they know other things too. Certain rites must be observed and Winter Solstice is one of them. So they gathered on a roof top, high above the city, to play it out. Tomas was there with his consort, Sarah. Leo and Conrad, the two stepbrother vampires stood close by. Baylah, our Beyonce look-alike, attended with her rich, mortal, financier boyfriend. The elferinos and elferinas watched expectantly from the background. I'm told I can tell you 'Papa' was there. He did not manifest in a physical form, but he was there. Lesser known night-folk, such as Blackie and Minnie were there too. Some vampires brought mortal guests... well liked 'familiars' and all that. And a really very good jazz quintet played Dave Brubeck's 'Take five' in the corner. Tuxedo'ed waiters circulated with little trays of chilled vodkas. I think there were other savories for the mortals, but I'm not sure what they were. A discrete, unnamed vampire or two hovered on the periphery. Just another smart, little soiree during 'The Season,' though one of the guests had yet to arrive....

A mortal, some sort of 'familiar' and his self-conscious wife came over to chat... Hello - he said. Quite a view from up here... The wife grinned and nodded. But she looked right at the mouth. That's a sign. Not used to vampires. Wants to see the teeth. Maybe afraid to see the teeth. Tomas understood. He knew, so he didn't expose them.... Yes - he answered. Obviously, we can see Jersey, over there, quite easily. And off to the west, those far, little twinkling lights in the distance form part of The Main Line.... Then he introduced them to Sarah. She's always gracious. The mortal woman complimented her diamond drop. Sarah responded with niceties about the woman's clutch. Vampires know how to act. Quite a civilized evening. Eleven thirty it was. The 'best' was yet to come.

Winter Solstice is one of the few nights of the year when midnight, twelve o'clock, falls precisely when it should... seven hours from dusk and seven hours from false dawn. And when the huge, illuminated, pale yellow, clock face high atop the tower of City Hall began to strike, they heard him. One or two brave souls looked over the balustrade, but most pulled back. A gnarled, little man, quite stricken in years ascended the facade like a fly. No ropes. No hooks. No aids. Just his fingers. Just his toes. A dense, full, wiry beard covered his body, or at least the front of it. And a similar thatch falling from his head almost did the same to his back. A few pigeons fluttered 'round him. But closer inspection revealed them to be large, bug-eyed moths. Was he visible to others around the city? Who knew? Magic is as magic does. On the twelfth stroke he pulled himself up over the top. Conversation ceased. The jazz group fell silent, except for the drummer who continued to lightly brush one cymbal, providing a troubling pulse to the proceedings. The old man studied the people. Everyone froze under the black, hard, knowing gaze.... He hobbled closer, sniffing as he went. Each inspected intimately... the mouth... the heart... the groin... never touching the person, or the fabric of their dress, but smelling and evaluating just the same. Some chanced a look, taking in the mottled flesh and swollen knuckles. But der krampus mann guards his dignity and suffers not such affronts. One man, a mortal guest, lost his eyes, gouged out by the dirty nails of the strange visitor. Tomas hated this thing. His faith is real. But every year, and he'd be hard pressed to tell you why, he takes part. Sarah and most of the others just closed their eyes and endured, kissed by the fluttering wings of the huge moths.

A waiter dropped a tray. He almost died right then and there. But der krampus just looked. His prey was elsewhere. Three heartbeats later he grabbed the woman before him 'round her waist and hoisted her up over his shoulder. She screamed. Her husband yelled - NO!... But Baylah hugged him close and pulled him back, as the loathsome monster spat out something in a gutteral tongue, jumped up into the midnight sky and sped away, disappearing high among the stars. And all that was left of the woman was her shoes.

No one moved, til the combo started to play. Tomas quietly whispered the prayer for the dead. And Marianne, one of the pubescent vampire 'elferinas' ministered to the trembling, newly blind man with tiny droplets of her blood. Let's hope his eyes grow back.

You think everyone would have streamed out right then and there, but they didn't. All I know is they downed a lot of vodka, even the night-folk. Some sat still on little chairs and stared. There was a lot of that.

And when the other waiter came out with a tray filled with piping hot 'pigs in the blankets.' they disappeared real fast too.

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Woodland String Band Mummers 2012 If you've never seen a Philadelphia New Years Day MUMMERS PARADE, here's a good peek. Ties in to Tomorrow's WINTER SOLSTICE, VAMPIRE TALE

The parade lasts all day. Early morning hours are given to hordes of clowns, female impersonators and what we in Philadelphia call 'king jockeys.' It's an old tradition going back to B.P. (before Penn) times. Swedish and Dutch settlers celebrated the sun's return with outlandish costumes and street to street parades. Everybody got drunk and shot off their muskets, thus for centuries New Year's revelers were called New Year's 'Shooters.' It's only recently they stopped shooting guns off, 'cause what goes up must come down and a few people got their skulls accidentally ventilated. Large scale neighborhood parades date to late colonial times, finally becoming formalized in 1901.

Today, the twin jewels in the crown are the STRING BANDS and the FANCY DIVISIONS. They're like New Orleans Mardi Gras crews.  Membership is a familial affair going back generations and the music is based on old minstrel shows. Most string bands and fancy divisions (brass instruments allowed) bring in professional stagers from the legitimate theater. Prizes are awarded (largely token amounts) but bragging rights are the big thing. Each individual member spends thousands of dollars a year.

Until a generation or two ago all parts were filled by men or boys. "Females' were called 'wenches' and non-white participants were practically non existent. Such practices, thankfully, disappeared in the sixties and seventies.

If you're in the city over New Years, hordes of people DO get up early and go 'in town' to see the festivities. Bleacher seats, near judges' stand are available for a price, but most spectators stake out spots along the route (Broad Street/Avenue of The Arts) and dance along with the passing performers. Oh Dem Golden Slippers is the anthem. It's like an 'ethnic' Philadelphia song played at ALL local weddings, every group, every price point. And we all dance the 'Mummers' Strut' (a cake walk)  too. Think Philadelphia tarantella or hora. 

If I didn't already say so, the string bands start appearing about one o'clock, maybe later and continue passed dark. Fancy divisions (even MORE elaborate) perform in an adjacent convention facility. Shows are 12PM and 5PM. 

String bands are a big part of local culture throughout the Philadelphia/South Jersey area and perform at Atlantic City's Miss America Parade too.

Decent food trucks will be scattered along the route and there're plenty of hotels to duck into for pee-pee breaks, restaurants too. 

For more information google The Philadelphia Mummers Museum. A unique event and very much like what you'd find in Europe. If you've been to Belgium or France or Germany, you know.

The hot, fresh, salty, soft pretzels sold along the route are good too.

Oh, and if you want a taste of the macabre (this IS Vampire Wonderland, after all) duck into the Philadelphia City Hall courtyard (exactly like a Flemish castle). Find the brass compass rose inlaid at the center ('X' marks the spot). It's where the public gallows used to be til 1876.... So many ghosts you'll be greasy with ectoplasm. You can't miss it... Right across the street from where they bands perform.

For more google The Philadelphia Convention and Visitors' Bureau.

Our main vampire, Tomas, wanted me to tell you all this, 'cause he's a proud Philadelphian. Vampires tend to be quite attached to their territories. It's true. If you want to learn about a city, ask the vampires.

Good night and may The Season of Miracles be bright for you and yours...... If you want to browse through our more than 1,360 posts, click on this~> I WANT TO BROWSE .... or join us on Twitter via ~>WHERE BILLY SITS ON TWITTER ... your COMMENTS are very welcome too. 

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WINTER SOLSTICE SETTLES OVER THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE ... 12/19/13

They've waited for this event since June twenty first. Indeed, in the past some ticked off nights on special calenders. No one knows who made them. Early examples were etched onto thin, translucent panels fashioned from a mixture of pulverized mother-of-pearl and liquefied Baltic amber. I do not know how the fossilized tree resin becomes fluid. According to passages in La Ciencia Vampirismo, steamy bile from the third stomachs of Hunnish Dragons has something to do with it, which is strange, since most noble (moral, high-minded, religious believer) vampires eschew sing-song spells and toy-like charms. Power is just power and trinkets have little to do with it. But artistry is something else. And vampires do appreciate beauty. 

The old words engraved upon the shimmering, milky surface are filled with gold dust ground from the skull caps of long dead saints. What they used back before the advent of today's organized faiths eludes me. Oh, Tomas believes in saints... with a 'most perfect faith,' as he says. Creed of Israel is big on that and always has been. Into each generation thirty six blameless souls are born and for their sake creation goes on. But the names of these most perfect vessels are known only to God. Even 'the select' don't know.

And Tomas has one of those panels, an old one made in Ityl or Sarkel at the court of The Khazar King, but don't ask me which one. They had Kagans and Bachs and War Dukes  and Horde Leaders and I can't keep up with that. It's older than he is, though, even counting the mortal years. Took it from a shattered night-fiend in Muscovy, he did. Just a bauble.... a cultural curiosity. No real spiritual meaning. Not to him anyway. It's hidden somewhere in the townhouse. A 'familiar'... an old one... a trusted one, in fact the very one charged with 'growing the fortune (investment counselor) says it's forth forty million. That's what the people at Sotheby's said, but he'll never sell it. 

You know, Australian Aboriginal night-folk mark 'Dark Night' too, but theirs, obviously falls on June  twenty first. The tilt of the planetary axis and all that. And in a way, that celestial event is our only pan-global holy day. Pagan types, among the mortals, I mean... druids... wiccans... Endorian witches ... have their own versions, though Vampire Dark Night is paramount. They all came out for this one, regardless which human creed they retain. Tomorrow night you'll see. And I know this 'blog' or whatever it is they call it has been warping and weaving for more than two years. We could have told you earlier, but we did not. To everything there is a season and patience is its own reward.... do-dah... do-dah.

They have a place. It's outdoors... always outdoors... where they all go... Past wrongs are forgotten... Hatreds denied.  I think in the city it happens on a rooftop. Oh, not a low one... nothing ordinary... High up... Very high up. What's that building? The one with all the lights out front.... The one that commandeered television?... The Comcast Building! That's it! The Comcast Building.... That's the place. That's where they'll be.... All of them... Might even be one or two you've never met before.

A few mortals will be there too. Not in any official capacity. But they're rich and they're curious and they want to be there, so we let them. If he's 'around' I'm sure 'Papa' will go. Might not talk, or interact with anybody, but he'll be there. If no one introduces you to him (and they won't), look for a guy that resembles a thirty two or thirty three year old Richard Gere.... Slightly longer hair though.... Is he powerful?..... Oh, yeah.

But if you're mortal and if you're there, please try to give off as little scent as possible.  I mean natural scent.  I mean YOUR scent.  I mean 'human' scent...

Because on 'Dark Night,' you never know which way this thing is gonna go...

Forgive me if I've rambled. But I died last year at this time... 

And the memory is still quite fresh...

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SOME NIGHT-FOLK LORE FROM LA CIENCIA VAMPIRISMO ... 12/19/13

They all sat in a little room upstairs. I suppose it was meant to be a bedroom or a sleeping cubicle, but for some reason they weren't using it for that. Now it was a snug, cozy study with a thick 'Turkey' rug on the dark wood floor, shelves filled with books, an old library table (not a big one, a small one), wing-chairs covered in a subtle English upholstery and little lamps and pin-up lights which shed a low warm glow on the vampiric souls assembled there.

Tomas, also known as Jonathon, sat at the head. Sarah, Leo, Conrad, Baylah and the elfin types took seats around the room. For a while they were all quiet. Just sitting. Just waiting, as he slipped the ancient tome from an old, velvet cover and reverently put it down on the table.

How old is it? - whispered Sarah..... Well - he said - as far as I know this one comes from Frankish territory, where it belonged to Charlemagne's court vampire. But the contents were copied from even older scrolls and folios. Some go back to the Persians. A few stem from the Great Library of Alexandria and certain pages survived the second Roman defilement of Jerusalem about eighteen hundred and fifty years ago....... Wow - said- Leo. You know what that would get on Ebay?..... But Tomas just gave him a look..... Baylah said - We had books like that in Timbuctu. I never saw them. I was not a vampirina then and females never saw them anyway. One came from Abyssina. Melenik's Journal, they called it. But I don't think it came from him...... Who was he? - said Conrad...... King Solomon's son by way of the Queen of Sheba - whispered Tomas..... Yeah, I saw the movie - said Leo..... That's when Tomas lost it and went - SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Will you just SHUT UP!?....Leo did shut up... for a few heartbeats. Then he goes - That looks like a Harry Potter book, like a Hogwarts prop. Bet they made it in Taiwan..... With that, Tomas picks up the book and holds it out before him, like Moses with The Tablets and Leo's mouth disappears from off his face... No lips.... No slit... No nothing... Just skin, a nose and two real terrified eyes..... You can hear the desperate groans beneath the flesh..... Tomas goes - Please don't make me mad..... Everybody just sits there. No one says a word... Celeste, the quiet elferina starts to cry. Conrad erupts into nervous laughter. Sarah whispers - Do something... Tomas exhales, opens the book to a certain page, holds it up again and says a few words in Old Vahmperigo.... At first, nothing happens. He exhales a second time and holds the book a little higher. Four heartbeats later, Leo's mouth begins to erode..... First a little slit, so small he can barely get the tip of his tongue through. Then it expands, running back toward the natural limits of what used to be his mouth. Finally the lips form. Celeste stops crying. Everybody relaxes, but Leo just sits there, staring at the table top.

Tomas puts the book down, turns to another page and continues. I'm paraphrasing - he says, as he studies the ancient script .... Night-folk were called to serve. Every temple. Every chapel. Every prayer house had a guardian. And we were those guardians. Guardian vampires, that's what we were. Gargoyles and other fantastical figures were created to help us. We scared away the gold thieves, protected the faithful and plucked out the wicked from the beard of all mankind. Kings sought our counsel. Priests learned our songs........ Then he stopped reading and said - We have to respect ourselves and value what we are. Not just some nights, but every night. That's how it begins. That's what we are. You saw the power this book has. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, but now you know.

The elferinos and elferinas stared wide-eyed, waiting for more. So did the true vampires. After all, power tastes good and everybody wants a bite.

But Tomas, also known as Jonathon, knew he had to go slow. so he closed the book and slipped it back into the velvet sack. 

Edith came up with a large, gold and diamond, flask-like container of Russo-Baltique. Imagine, over one million, three hundred thousand dollars for a bottle of vodka. But vampire coffers are deep... and some things are worth it. 

They all had a drink, even the elfin-folk. Some had two. And then the night was over...

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THE VAMPIRINA, SARAH, KILLS PEOPLE TOO SOMETIMES ... 12/18/13

Before she left the townhouse, Sarah caught a bit of Jimmy Kimmel and she didn't like when Mark Wahlberg said he doesn't go to late mass, 'cause he sees too many people who try and give him scripts. Said he goes for scripture and not for scripts. But don't he realize some of them people just want the same chance he has? Don't he realize minus an 'in' they gonna die with them stories. Services ain't just about pretty music and feel good talkin'.  Brightening the corner where you are has something to do with it too. And thumbin' through a couple dreams ain't no big thing. Maybe he should go twice a day? Sarah didn't like how he give his kids bee-bee gun too. Don't say nothin' in no Bible 'bout bee-bee gunin' up you kids. I am the disembodied spirit narrator known as Mister Never you Mind and I am pretty sure 'bout that. 

She left after he done his talk-bout-my-movie time. Did save commercial part for the end though. So guess he was a little bit shamed. I jus' tellin' you what she say. Sarah gone kill somebody tonight. Had a vision an' everything. But she know how bad the guy what gone be killed is when she 'wake too.
She know from Masha and Mrs. Hudge. Masha like a cleaning woman. Comes in to help Edith once in a while. Edith a witch, but she can't make no rags dance. Need a old fashioned borned-in Europe-lady for that.

Masha take Mrs Hudge to the doctor. She gotta go there a lot. Masha go wit' her 'cause  Mrs. Hudge got taters in her ears. Don't know technical name for it, but that what she got. Plus her heart all f*cked up too. She get pills for that an' he take her blood every once in a while cause it part a the show. 

But Masha got this thing on her face. Live right on her cheek, next door to her nose. First it pink. Then it red. After that light brown. Later dark brown. Then it cancer. Then she die. An' that doc been lookin' at it for a long time. She sit there right in that room when he bleedin' scratch outta Mrs. Hudge. Got bright lights in there an' everything. He know Masha a poor woman. He know she ain't got no pay-the-doctor policy. He know all that, 'cause she talk all the time. But he jus' keep his mouth shut an' don't say nothin', 'cause ain't no money in his pocket.Could a saved her. Coulda said - Look here, Masha, why you not let clinic doctor take a look at that?.... But he don't. Mrs. Hudge cry when she die. She gettin' bad too.

Sarah gone get that doctor. She gone fix him. An' she know what in his head,'cause she good at that e.s.p.. Live close by too. Got a house what been wrote up in a magazine. Got a wife what a doctor too, but she a nice one. Don't double book or nothin'. Take what pay-the-doctor policy give her. Don't ask for more. Don't take no less, but don't take no more.

Sarah slip in the back garden. They got one jus' like vampires do.. Fella come an' fix it up. Got Chinese Cabbage in it now, 'cause it winter.  Dog what they got shit itself out there an' he keep it company. Sometime he pick it up. Sometime he leave it for the garden fella. 'I pay him money. Let him grab some shit.' That what he say... the doctor, I mean.

They got a little shed fill a patio furniture an' citronella candles. She hide in there. Sublimate right through the wall. Doc say - What you doin', dog? Shit already!.... But dog don't wanna', 'cause  it know a vampire in the house. An' Sarah don't wanna make no big thing outta this. She jus' wanna kill him. So she open the door and step out. Got her puffy down jacket on, 'cause this ain't nothin' fancy.

He got a whiny, high pitched voice an' he go - Excuse me! Can I help you!? Can I help you!? Who are you? How you get in here!?..... Dog look like it know somethin' unusual gonna happen. 'Cause, you know, dog like a see things. An' when Sarah go over an' bite his neck, pooch hide under chair and peek out.  Don't try to save him, though.  'Sides, it the wife dog anyway. Twenty one heartbeat later he dead. An' 'fore he spontaneously combust into blue flame an' disappear, she snap off his gold Rolex. Wanna give it to Masha's grandson. 

When she leave, dog run out an lick up the grease. Fire don't burn everythin'. Wife never find him. Nobody find him. Jus' another mystery in a old (though thoroughly renovated ) house, on a cobbled street in Philadelphia.

Took his ring for Mrs. Hudge too..... Best thing he ever done for her...

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NOW WE'RE A BIGGER AND EVEN MORE NEUROTIC VAMPIRE FAMILY..... 12/17/13

No disembodied spirit narrator tonight. It's just me, wilkravitz. I started typing my name that way years ago when they made me start this, but by now you know I'm 'Billy.' OK, no more 'wilkravitz.' I'll say 'Billy.' They're fighting. They're all fighting. Conrad wants to be a comedy writer. Jonathon, or Tomas, or whatever you want to call him almost had a stroke. He goes - You stupid, stupid, stupid son of ah beech.....You know how his accent comes out when he gets mad. Three hundred and thirty years in this country and still sounds like Ricky Ricardo. No, not Ricky Ricardo. Like that swordsman guy Mandy Patinkin played in The Princess Bride. Similar haircut too, only shaped better. 

Conrad sent jokes into Jimmy Fallon. They got a format. there's a way they package them. He googled it. I didn't type it up for him. Maybe Leo did. I don't know. They were jokes about The Sound of Music. Conrad loves The Sound of Music. Von Trapp Family versus Jackson Family on Family Feud. More like a bit. More like a sketch than jokes. Fallon's the host. Von Trapp kids all like eighty three years old. Still got them little sailor suits.  Jacksons all got Jerri Curls. Von  Trapps keep callin' Fallon ' Fraulein Maria, 'cause they're senile. Every time they give a bad answer they start shaking and goin' - You're not gonna call Hitler are you?... I don't know what the Jacksons said. Never saw those pages. 

But some woman emailed him. Asked for more material. He arranged to meet her too. A dinner meeting in New York. Figured he'd rent a windowless panel van, or something and ride up in the back. Tomas goes - You stupid! stupid! son of a beech! What if she hire you!? What if she give you a job?! How you gonna make a pee pee? How you gonna take a urine test!? You think about THAT, you dumb bastard!? How you gonna go to work? Go! Go! They raise a window shade, you go 'poof.' You die. That'll be it... Leo starts clapping. Conrad bangs his fist on the table. Baylah was there and she says - Look, Conrad, if you want to do a set, come to the piano bar. I'll fix it up..... He sniffs and goes - Really??... Tomas rattles off something in Old Vahmperigo. Sounds a lot like Catalan. Like that kind a Spanish. Like Spanish mixed with French. Then he goes - I'm not feeling well. I'm light headed... and he storms out. Grabs his leather jacket and storms out. ... Everybody looks. The elferinos and elferinas don't know what to say, being new here and all. Baylah sighs. Conrad whines. Edith says - He ain't gone no where, 'cause he ain't got them 'bootkins' on. What, he's gonna walk around in socks all night? (gestures out toward the street) They don't know he's a vampire? They're gonna know he's crazy?..... Then she looks at Conrad and goes - Conrad, you got 'buyer's remorse.'  I'm not a life-eater. I'm not a vampire, but I know, 'cause I listen and I hear a lot and I'm smart..... Leo goes - Yeah, and you're a witch too.... Edith says - Alright, I'm a witch too, but that's not what this is about..... Nobody says anything. Conrad starts rocking back and forth like he's on the continuum. Look, this is a common thing. Vampires get that way. New ones, I mean. They see things. The Holidays come around. They hear music. They smell something. You know how important 'smell' is to them? And they remember. They remember 'before.' They remember the daylight. 'Daylight fever' it's called. And he's got it. Baylah knows. Tomas knows too. Look, he gets crazy. You know that. Conrad 'll go with Baylah. He'll do some comedy. The stuff he sent to Jimmy Fallon isn't all he has. OK, he'll have to read it out of a black and white composition book, but that could be like his 'thing.' Let him get it out of his system. Maybe he'll be the world's first openly night-folk comic? Carson Daly'd have him. Can you imagine what Chelsea Handler and Andy Cohen would do with him? They tried to tell humanity about all that vampire crap before. I mean 'all' of humanity. Not just a few 'familiars' and some cops who run interference, but everybody.

I wish Sarah was here, but she went out. Had to buy underwear for the elferinos and elferinas. They didn't have any. Didn't know about it. Three hundred years and no tightie-whities. Can you imagine? Sounds like a novel . It's Christmas time. A lot a vampires shop now. Stores stay open. They never close.  And it's winter.

Everybody looks dead...

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THE VAMPIRE KNOWN AS TOMAS HAS 'FAMILIARS' ALL OVER TOWN... 12/15/13

Initially they slept at a hotel. Tomas has connections all over town, so it wasn't too hard to arrange. The two elferinos and two elferinas were given suites in a rather posh boutique establishment overlooking The Old State House, known to out of towners as 'Independence Hall.'  Roland smiled. He said he remembered the venerable edifice from earlier nights. It was cheek by jowl with bookshops, bakeries, chandlers,oyster houses, tailor shops and counting houses back then. Much grander now, what with green swards and charming, brick pathed grounds. The others recalled those nights too, but kept silent, considering their loss and all. 

Management knew just what to do. This wasn't the first time night-folk stopped there. Four months ago a rather rock and roll British comedian and his Quebecois, former model, vampirina girlfriend took a suite on the fourth floor where they drank ice filled tumblers of Grey Goose all day. These four should be easy. The rooms all have room darkening shades and not just shades, draperies too. 'Housekeeping' is quite discrete. They can even put cots in the bathrooms if the 'guests' are afraid to sleep so close to windows. You can serve a catered diner in the granite and marble en suites they have at that place.

Contractors were brought into the townhouse, where they altered the lower level, constructing four, snug, walnut paneled sleeping chambers. Like bed-sits on a train they were. Each one fitted with wall mounted, flat screen (is it still necessary to say that?) televisions and wifi. Vampires might hide from the sun, but they don't always sleep.

Sarah said - Let me chose the linens..... Tomas didn't care. He assumed she'd do that. Or maybe Baylah, or Edith, or somebody. So she joined the Christmas throng one evening and went to Macy's, where she found eight hundred count Egyptian in an ivory shade well suited to the walnut veneers. I think she bought pillows of all types and duvets, but I'm just a disembodied spirit narrator and not particularly well versed in the decorative arts.

The elferinos and elferinas were quiet when they moved in. Unlike the hotel, this was for the long haul. Besides, they still missed the caretaker's wife and on their first night back went to visit her grave, right next to the resting place of her little one. The shrubs and trees were bare now, but the setting was still quite nice.

Afterwards they took little drinks from passersby on South Street. Their type can move so rapidly people hardly notice the bites. .Mortals are rarely drained to death. Elferinos and elferinas are not like that.

And so the night world moves on. Marianne and Roland and Celeste and Albion were 'home' now. Though they would have to learn how to come and go from the house without drawing undo attention.

For some mortal neighbors can be real rats....

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