SLY LITTLE GRINS AND EVIL VAMPIRE BITES

I heard them come in. It was late, but there was still a bit of dark time before the dawn. My room, little more than a cubicle, sits right near the stairs. They don't pay much attention to me....thank God. So I just lay there cringing and trembling with each foot step. Baylah was with them. She goes back and forth. Sometimes she stays at the shore. Sometimes she stays at her place in Center City. And occasionally she stays here. I could smell the liquor on them. Papa doesn't drink much, maybe some wine. Jonathon likes his brandy. Can you imagine walking into a bar these days and asking for a brandy. The other girl, Sarah takes a little vodka. But they seemed all  agitated. Must of had a fight in the car on the way home. I waited till the noise stopped. Then I crept out of bed and went over to the heating duct. You could hear all the way down into the sub-basement from there. So I laid down and listened.

I've been down there once or twice...maybe three times. They don't like when we go  down there, so I sneak when they're out. Look, they can smell it. They know when I've been there. Am I taking a chance? Who knows? But they get used to people, normal people I mean. They like having us around. So would they kill me? Well, I hope not. 

Good feed down at the shore. Baylah took two. Just some bums squatting under the boardwalk. Ripped their arms off first. She don't usually do that, but sometimes she plays games. I heard them. They tell the poor bitches in the pit all about what they did. Papa ripped off a mandible. You know, a lower jaw. Then he grabs the tongue in his teeth and tears it out. I think Sarah once even killed a guy like that over in Jerusalem. It's like a tradition in their line. Jonathon only ate one. Cornered her in the parking garage. Some pathetic, skinny, cheap thing running back to her car to get her cigs or like a tampon or somethning. She sees him grin. Ever see that old poster from A Clockwork Orange? Then you know the look, real slick and real sly. He practices in front of a mirror once in a while. Has this stance, the whole thing. Likes the way his hips swivel. Loves those close fitting pants and little leather bootkins. Yeah, he tries to be good, the lying son of a bitch. Makes us tell that story about his old, Spanish, Andalucian, Sephardic family. What a crock of shit that is. Maybe he met somebody like that. Maybe one of his first victims was like that . 

Shit. the laptop's acting up. I don't know what to do with this. It's so  old. And they don't understand. Sarah does. She's new. She's younger. But they won't listen to her. Bsically, she is just a lonely girl Jonathon picked up and ruined for his own pleasure. Human partner would a been all torn up a long time ago. She knows what she is. That's why she tries to do good things like giving little drops of blood to bums and sick people in the hospital and all. Sarah is the most neurotic one of all.

They got a box of salt wated taffy. Papa's shaking it. I can hear. Then he tells the girls in the pit he's gonna play a game Tears off the cellophane. Opens the box. Says he's gonna throw one down. The bitch that don't get it gonns get 'cut.' Jonathon knows the drill. He likes this game. Know what he does? He strips off all his clothes, jumps down in the pit, smiles at the naked, little tricks and takes up his position.

Snap! First saltwater taffy flies down. They spring for it, all grunting and scratching. One of them is the purple nerple queen. That's her thing. So the fat one yelps. Whoops, she loses. Papa yells - Eat it up! eat it up!.....The skinny one rips off the wrapper and shoves it in her pie hole. She starts chewin' and chewin'. You know how gummy that crap can be. And Jonny-boy commences to bite off a little too. Graps the loser, the chubby one one, and takes a tiny nip, right down on the front of her hip. Real close to the bone. Hell, that's got to smart, even on a fat girl like her. She screams. She winces. She cries. Her chin starts to tremble. They play the game a few more times. Baylah throws down a few. Fat one loses a few more times. Jonathon nips at her ass a couple times. Licks up all the rich, red blood, flips her over and gives her what you might call an 'unhappy' ending. She crumples down on the hard packed floor, gasping and all. He makes this real fast move, like he's going to take the other one too. Papa grins. Baylah laughs. Then he, Jonathon I mean, slaps the skinny one around a little, mostly on her boney rump. He don't really want to hurt her. She's a good one. They like the way she runs and jumps. Let her live a little. Give her a chance to 'enjoy' life.

Shit! I got to get back in bed. They're coming up. Oh, God, my heart's pounding. I hate when they're like this. You never know what could happen. Edith puts spells on us to keep us safe, but who the hell knows?

It's over. They wennt upstairs. Sometimes they sleep up there. It's not so hard to block out all the light. Hotels can do it. God I wish I was in a hotel right now. Got to pee sooo bad. But I will not open that door till I'm sure their sleeping. It'll be dawn soon..... I can wait till then..........

I heard them come in. It was late, but there was still a bit of darktime before the dawn. My room is downn stairs

DANGEROUS LIFE-EATER SECRETS SHARED ON A QUIET SINISTER EVENING

They all went out. Papa took Jonathon and Sarah to the Jersey Shore. I guess they're at Baylah's boyfriend's beach house. She runs back and forth all the time. Her piano bar in Center City, Philadelphia is open and running again. Not that it ever actually closed, but the other people watching over it weren't that good. So now she has this goth girl managing the place. You might remember her. Morticia, the one from a few months ago? I think she even showed up in Jerusalem? Annie's not home either. The elves took her out flying. They like to swoop and dive over the woodland crypts at Laurel Hill Cemetery. It's pretty isolated. True, you can see the place in the distance from the Roosevelt Extention of the expressway. Covers a lot of hills too. But it's far away and looks like a toy set. At night you can't make out anything. The caretaker and his wife (Can't remember if it's the first or second? Johnny-Jump-Up might a chomped on the first one. I'm not sure.) know about them. They knit these cozy, little outfits for the cherubs. If you want to know what the cherubs are, go to http://getfanged.com/ then click on blogs and search for me, Billy Kravitz. I use that site to set things right. And after all this time I have to do it. No more lies. No more saying what they want me to say. Most of the good stuff they talk about is true. Trouble is.. it's not all good stuff. Look, they're vampires. They kill. They torture. Sure they try to put a respectable spin on things. But vampires feel guilt too after all. You should see them when they sit there crying and shaking. I can't go near 'em then. Nobody can, not unless you want to get your heart ripped out. Gives Edith fits when they do that, 'cause she's the one who has to clean it up,only she can't say anything either. She just freezes on her little chair in the inglenook till it's all over. Annie laughs. For a while that scrubby, little 'six' year old, bad-seed, bitch was acting more normal. But that didn't last long. She used to be satisfied killing cock roaches (I mean besides people and all). No, really. Better than Terminex. Only now she's expanded the business to include careless bunnies and stray cats. Calls them her stuffed toy collection. They let her keep them for a few nights until the stink gets real bad. Then they make Edith throw 'em out.

I don't know where the cherubs are. Sometimes they tag along after the elves, but not tonight. Cute little devils they too, real chubby and cuddly. Actually extreemly loving and humane...for vampires. Could be out in the back garden with the two Red Paint guys listening to old legends about the constellations or memorizing ancient spells. Not that the words mean much. From what I hear, they're just a way to focus  power. I like when they flutter into my room and snuggle in with me. We watch TV. It's nice.. The cherubs, I mean. Not that they have wings. That's just how it seems.

Some of the bad stuff is startin' to get out, or at least hints of it. Go back to the beginning of all this. Look at the episodes where Jonathon talks about his transformation and those pathetic, naked girls in the pits and all. He makes it sound like a rare occurance...Yeah, well that's a lie. ....I don't know if I should tell you this, but I'm going to anyway.......We got a pit down in the second sub-basement right now. They don't think any of us humans can hear it. But I can. Edith can too. We hear them. That's why I keep this iPod in my ears all the time. That's why Edith humms those songs. The Red  Paints just take it all in. That's how they are...Very stoic.

You want to know something? I don't even know if that story about Jonathon being descended from a noble, Spanish, Sephardic family is true. He likes it. He picked it up somewhere, so we pretend. Edith thinks he escaped from a Connstantinople slave auction. She gets these feelings and she's usually pretty right.  Papa knows (He brought him over, after all.), but he don't say nothing. Look, he might be a Spanish-Sephardic nobleman... and then again, he might not. Who the hell cares?

Shhhhh, did you hear that? They're screaming. I can hear them all the way down in the pit. A couple days ago, Edith snuck them down a box a Lucky Charms, but that don't last long. They must be hungry by now...... Oh, God, I want to bring  down some food too. But I'm afraid. .... What if they find out? What if the girls tell on me? One of them is getting real weak from the torture. She's gonna break any night now. I know it. But Edith ain't afraid. She don't care. They need her. She's 'pow-wow.' She can see things...future things...distant things..... And you know how superstitious life-eaters are...

You're gonna have to excuse me if you find any typos. But I don't have time to go back and make corrections. Oh, God, this is getting to me. Where the hell are those cherubs?..... I need a cuddle.....(sigh)

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sneak into our world at http://Twitter.com/wilkravitz    and via http://www.getfanged.com/  click on blogs and search for Billy Kravitz   we can use the company....remember, we only pretend that this is fiction.

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JONATHON AND SARAH COME HOME TO SOME AUTUMN VAMPIRE FUN

Sarah is almost all healed. There's not much they can do for her here. I want to go home. She wants to go home. The people at the scientific center understand. They had a video conference with Doctor Franklin. He promised to share some vampire data with them, so everything worked out. I took a chance and called that L.M. guy from CBS. After all, he said he would  be happy to give us a lift when he came over to pick up his cousin. And I got a funny feeling the girl who answered  the phone knew I was a vampire too. What a place. I love L.A. and I've never even been there.

They drove us out to this small, private airport just to the south of Dimona. Beautiful sceenery. Very Santa Fe-ish. The sky still had a bit of illumination. Clouds streaked with dark purple and minute tinges of red. Some vampires can tolerate a near-dusk environment, especially from the back seat of a threehundred thousand dollar Bentley with carefully tinted windows. Sarah ran her eyes over the pages of a thick fall fashion magazine. I leaned back, lost in the lush sounds of Knights In White Satin (of course you know that's a particular favorite of mine). They transfered us into a luxurious, mach 1- capable sky bird. Sure, maybe I could have crossed via whale, but new experiences intrigue me. The crew realized what we were. I think one of the girls was a telepath or demi-witchling or something. She knew all about the Piney People and the Red Paints and all, so what does that tell you? One of the stewards lit a fine aroma candle. We dipped our tongues into a bit of old brandy. A popular, white haired much esteemed actor/comedian returning from some function in Dubai traveled with us. I loved how he played the banjo. Baylah can play the banjo too. Did I ever tell you that? She picked it up sometime during the Johnson Administration. The ANDREW Johnson Administration, I mean. And so we crossed the sea, two vampires plus an assorted menagery from Los Angeles. Oh, and before I forget, our specially darkened sleeping chamber was exceedingly pleasing.

Papa met us at the airport. We rode home in his big, black limo. Edith drove. True, she needs a really thick cushion to see over the wheel, but other than that, her road skills are immpecable. Ah, the glittering Center City, Philadelphia skyline. The NBC Comcast Building (yes, here in Philly and NOT you know where) The lofty City Hall Clock Tower (Big Ben, eat your bangers and mash out!) The classic facade of The Walnut Street Theatre (oldest continuously operating playhouse in the ENTIRE English speaking world) The perfect stomping ground for an urbane, aristocratic fellow like me.. Do I still want to save the world? Of course. But first a little autumn fun. Places to see and people to bite. Bootkins to buy for Saturday night. Look, look, Sarah, didn't I ravish you once in the bushes by that fountain when you were still mortal? ......She blushed.......(sigh) It's so good to be home.............

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continue the dance at http://Twitter.com/wilkravitz   and remember to tell others about us here at http://vampirewonderland.blogspot.com/    AND look for a really great VAMPIRE site at http://www.getfanged.com/  (a cornucopia of vampire material. Look for my 'by Billy Kravitz' blog there too!! ) Don't miss our useful, compelling link list at bottom of 10/3 post. AND PLEASE COMMENT. WE'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOUR LINK TOO!

A VAMPIRE GRANDMOTHER GIVES ADVICE TO A DESCENDANT

Jonathon spent the day in his 'grandmother's' refuge. She had many of them. Sometimes she simply burrowed into the soil, or curled up in long forgotten, Byzantine cryps. This day they slept in an old armory buried deep below a popular wine garden. A few archeologists knew of the site. They knew the Lady Renate too. Her  discreet whispers lead them to many coveted treasures.

So Jonathon followed her down into a long dry (and now mostly ornamental) well. There was a small, metal door at the bottom. They crawled through and came out into a hidden chamber. Most of it went back to the Crusades. Some dated to Hasmonean (Dynasty whose victories gave rise to The Hanukah Story) times. Jean-Michel knew the place. He'd sheltered there too.

The vampire matriarch flicked on a lighter. She was partial to classic Zippos. Fat, yellow, tallow candles rested on discarded brestplates and helmets. She lit a few and sat down on a pile of huge, floor cushions snatched from an Ottoman seraglio almost one hundred years before. Not that Renate was in residence back then. Another life-eater slept there. I don't know who he was. Perhaps the French Chevalier does? Then she motioned for Jonathon to join her. And he carefully arranged himself upon the fine, old silks.

Renate gestured toward their surroundings. She said - quite a place, no? They say the noble Saladin himself brought the Lady Beringeria to this very spot...... She chuckled and added - Who knows? It just may be that they cuckolded the Lion-Heart right where you are sitting now?.............You know a lot - Jonathon said.....She simply nodded and whispered - Some of it I want to forget. ...............Then she nestled into the cushions and sighed.........Jonathon examined a nearby dagger...........No one said a word. A few heartbeats later something upset a small collection of broken crockery. Jonathon froze. His fingers tightened 'round the well balanced hilt. ...........Renate exhaled - A rat. Just a rat, my boy. Where are your 'abilities'? You mean you did not smell it?............I, I was not being attentive - he said............That can be fatal - said the 'grandmother.'  How think you I've endured all these ages? ..............I was unnerved by your presence. We have not really talked much face to face like this. - he said...............So what should we speak of? answered Renate. I know. I'll tell you some secrets. Well maybe not secrets, just things unknown to you......

He laid down, turned to face her and listened. Two theives in Ali Baba's cave, protected from their enemies. How classic her features looked in the candle light. She told him of ancient rites of passage. When those just beyond the first hundred years were taken to the coast. There to encounter a great fish, at times a tiburon (shark) or perhaps a giant grouper. The life-eater novice swam out, opening a small cut just over a blood vessel, as they tred water and waited for the sea creature to attack. Then, as instructed, they curled up, allowing themselves  to be swallowed whole, forced down the esophagus and into the cloying, sticky, cold, dark, caustic gut. It was expected they'd endure a whole cycle like that, twentyfour hours. Almost all did, escaping via sublimation and swimming back to shore. Of course the fish were killed. But at least the crabs and gulls ate well. A few lost their minds in there, screaming and thrashing like weak children, forgeting their vampire powers......They weren't missed. Even vampire flesh can be disolved. And from what I hear, sometimes the bones as well......Life tries us all - she said. Jinns, the evil ones I mean, and demons and misguided mortals cringe in every shadow..........Your Sarah will be well soon. And then you plan to go home, right? Not where you were born. I mean where you live.........He whispered - Yes...............Good, good - she said...... It is meant for you to guard that domain. You have heard others say that we are not the Shepherd, but the sheepdog? Yes?...........He nodded.............Then return to your duties and guard your flock. If we all did that, the universe would be a much nicer place. Do you agree, my handsome 'grandson'?.........He just stared down at a ruby sparkling in the mellow light. But she knew that he did...........

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VAMPIRES CAN BE INSECURE TOO, YOU KNOW

Papa is depressed. Not just by what's going on over in Jerusalem. He always thought Jonathon and Sarah were a bit naive. Twentyeight thousand years is a long time. And he's a thinker, don't you know.  Still wrestles with problems from the neolithic period. Did Mother Yaga receive an adequate portion of mammoth haunch? Should he not have culled the evil necromancer of the Fat-Assed-People? Was it just a nervous twitch  (yes, vampires get them too)  that sent the First Speaker over the cliff, or a sly, little intentional shove? Look at him sitting there breathing in that aroma candle. Edith gets them by the carton. You can buy them that way at the Wal-Mart. He's addicted. It's a shame. Sometimes he does sip a little bit of liquor. They can tolerate that. But drink never was his thing. The honey-mead they guzzled at the court of Charlemagne simply nauseated him. And the Romans used to forcefully irrigate the innards of those slaves meant for vampires with skin after skin of new wine. But he never bit any. It just wasn't for him. Used to throw 'em to the eels in the eel ponds (carnivorous, teethy, moray types they were). Couldn't let a gift from the emperor go to waste. Especially if you were a marginal type, like a life-eater.

I guess I caused it, me wilkravitz. I showed him the screen. I showed him our PR number, our Google page ranking. He thought it was high. Not that he bothered with that stuff, but he just assumed. I told you we only pretend that this is fiction. That's why it hurt him. This stuff ie real. They lived it. They remember it. And then to have some digital program give him a value of 1? Well, that's how he saw it.

Aura was here. She's one of the mole people. A pretty girl too. Hardly ever comes up to the surface, but Papa drove into Center City for her. Took her to this nice, little rustic tavern place on Germantown Avenue and everything. Mole people clean up pretty nice. What? You didn't think they had enough fresh water down there? Ain't you never heard of leaky pipes? Put a bucket under a leak. Leave it there a while and you got plenty. Soap too. That old, never used deeper than deep subway system was well stocked. Some of the caved-in restrooms still have toilets that flush. They got store room after store room  filled with blankets and little sterno cans, old spam and everything. Stuffs been there since before the War. I guess they were gonna use the tunnels for bomb shelters or something. And you know what? I don't know if this is the first Aura or the second Aura. I know Johnny-Jump-Up made a ghoul's delight outta somebody down there. Just can't remember who it was.

So she got sent home early. Cab takes her to a bench outside The Four Seasons Hotel. You know, the one with that life-like statue sitting on it? She goes back in the alley and shimmies down this  old forgotten sewer access thing they got. Guess it's the closest she has to a front door.

Shame they had to give us a 1. Don't they know how that hurts people.....vampires too, even. 

NIGHT TIME TRUTHS SHARED BY HUMANS AND VAMPIRES IN A STRANGE DESERT PLACE OF ALCHEMY

A metalic giant eagle was sent from the western shores of the New World to bring the media lord's cousin back home. It was decided he would be better served by his own physicians. Jonathon was in Sarah's room when they came in. The powerful cousin, the media lord, saw him and went in. He spoke. He said - It'll never work, you know........Jonathon looked up. He understood what the man meant........The one from the cityh of the angels went on ----- They're stubborn. I see that look on your face. I know. I know. I'm one too. We're stubborn. People just don't take hints. You gotta hit 'em over the head. Peace? You think they want peace? Yeah, they want peace. But you know what peace means to us? It means a cessation of violence. No more fighting. And whichever side is ahead, wants it even more. .....................So what are  you saying? - said Jonathon. What would you have us do?.................I don't know. Just do like you always do. Kill those unfit for life. Help the worthy live. Does it  surprize you that I know a line like that? What? You think we don't have vampires, excuse me, life-eaters,( I know you like that term better.) in L.A.?

Jonathon sighed and said - I suppose  you do. L.A. eats up lots of lives. (breaks down) But we just wanted it so God Damned much.

The media lord said - So whoever gets what they want in this world?.........Jonathon sniffed back tears and answered - You did...........The influencial human just nodded. He said - How much longer do you think you're gonna be here?.............I don't know - mumbled Jonathon.I don't know.................Well, when you do know, give me a call. I'll send the plane for you. My team knows how to handlle your kind. And it's gotta be better than riding those whales..................Jonathon smiled - You know about that?....................Sure - said the man from L.A.. Look, the 'magic of Hollywood' isn't just up there on the screen. Do you understand what I mean?.................................Jonathon didn't answer. He wanted his life back. He wanted the little brick townhouse in Philadelphia. He even missed the Old Woman who used to run the place for him.. What ever happened to her? But now he had Sarah. And he loved her. She loved him too. He knew that. The lab team said she was healing. They studied every tiny bit of progress. Even a team from the I.D.F. was there trying to figure how they could bottle this  enchanted ability for wounded soldiers and terror victims. They had dozens of shiny, little, glittering vials tucked away in special vaults. Considering how things work today, they'd probably have a synthetic equivilent in no time. Yet it isn't just the blood. There's more to it than that. And where questions of faith are concerned, Jonathon is a true believer.

So they packed up all the necessary chemicals and supplies, wheeled out the Young cousin and left. Jonathon saw them pass by in the hall. He mouthed a silent fare well. The mogul saluted. And that was it.

He kneeled down next to Sarah. Her face looked cool and calm. She was sleeping. Maybe they could have healed her sooner. He would have given more blood. Renate made an offer. But they decided differently. Doctor Franklin (and remember, he's been studying the vampirina, Luna) didn't want to see her 'hardened' into the vampire form so soon. Sarah's humanity was only a year in the past. She's fresh. She's a newborn. And a little humanity isn't necessarily a bad thing for a vampire to have.  Jonnathon agreed. He left it in their hands. He lifted her hand from off the sheet annd kissed it. Her eyelids (yes, she had them back now) fluttered. Then he tenderly tucked her in and left.

Renate met him out on the road. She spoke as they walked toward the Old City. We can't rush them. The humans, I mean. You know that now. You understand. To me it comes natural. I've lived among them since the beginning. I've tasted their essence for more than fourhundred centuries. If you want to comprehend their history, drink from me................You mean like Papa? - said our 'young' Andalucian.................Yes. That is why he sits quietly, back there in your city of brotherly love. He knows. True, he has his passions. He does the wrong thing at times. But a mother knows her son (she took his hand) and her grandson too...........So what do we do about the evil ones, the jinns and all the others? - he said................We fight them - she whispered.

As they progressed along what was once an old caravan route, an automobile passed them. The  windows were rolled down. A song poured out from the radio, or i Pod, or whatever it was. They recognized it,  The Ressurected John Lennon's new Anthem of Hope. Dylan and Islam contributed parts too. The Children's Holy Land Chorus (something new) sounded sweet in the background).

And Jonathon smiled and he began to whistle, as they trod along the ancient, desert road...

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that line up above is supposed to be sand ripples along a desert horizon. sorry. don't have much of an FX budget. there's not much you can do with popsicle sticks and Elmer's Glue on a computer.

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