43RD BINGO BOY episode 12/12/12 CONCERT FOR HURRICANE SANDY DAY

BINGO BOY - post 43

Mary heard his voice. She heard him in the background. She heard him say - Who's that?..... What's even worse, she heard Marge try an' shush him. Marge goes - Jesus Christ, what do you want, Mary? It ain't even six-a-clock! Are you crazy?!........ Mary goes - No, come on. Shut up. I'm your friend. Tell me. What the hell are you doin' with Jimmy there?..... Mary rolls her eyes to the others. She don't know what to do, but she's a trooper, so she goes on. She says - Jimmy ain't here. He's in Yugoslavia...... Little Chrissie adds - Not Yugoslavia. In Russia. I mean in Ukraine. Ain't no Jimmy here...... Mary goes - Look, tell her to shut up. I know what's goin' on. 'Too' saw 'im when she took the dog out. We know. We don't know why. But we know. An' why you up so early?........ Marge goes - Baby couldn't sleep. He's teethin. You know how they get....... Just then, the little guy starts laughin' and gurglin' and clappin'. Even does a few 'ahm, ahm, ahm's'..... Mary goes - Don't sound like no teethin' pains to me........ Marge goes - Chrissie rubbed his gums. She put stuff on it.........Mary goes - What, crack cocaine!?..... But they don't answer, so she says - Somethin's gone on. And it's got somethin' to do with that Jew- guy, don't it?....... Jimmy motions for her to hang up. Chrissie does the same.... Marge goes - Ooh, I'll talk to you later. I gotta go pee, God damn it. Lemme alone... And she slams down the receiver. Little Chrissie goes - How much you wanna bet she's gonna be right over there as  soon as it opens?........ Jimmy goes - I gotta get outta here. I gotta get to the bank.... Ricky says - How you got an account? You don't have any records?....... I got a key - says Jimmy. Better than records.......

Fifteen minutes later they're off. Ricky pulls his car around to the house, right up on the sidewalk. Maybe three inches between the passenger side door and the white, marble front steps. Little Chrissie dives in the back. And Jimmy, dressed in a new Kohl's ensemble, rides shotgun. They tear onto I-95. It's still early, so traffic's not too bad, race down to the Ben Franklin Bridge (like the Golden Gate, but baby blue...don't ask) and escape over into New Jersey. That's where the bank is. That's where the safe deposit box is. But it's not a bank. Not a 'bank' bank. It's a credit union. Marty hides money there. You know he only pays taxes on what they show in the 'tax man' books. This is the other stuff. The real stuff. Only thing is, Jimmy got a key too. Marty don't know it...... But here's how he did it. Saw a shiny, new key layin' on the desk. In the backroom, I mean. Marty was playin' with it. But then he had a take a piss. You know how it comes on all of a sudden? That's when Jimmy walked in. He don't know what is was. But he sees a key, so he takes it. You know he's a 'con.' They do shit like that. Five seconds later he makes for the door. Ten minutes later, he got a copy. You can still do that on 'the Avenue.' They still got a few old fashioned hardware stores. And some a the newsstands got key machines too.

Then he strolls back in. Marty's gone crazy. You know he lost somethin'. He's lookin' everywhere. He's tearin' out drawers, lookin' on the floor, dumpin' out the wastebasket.... Jimmy says - What's a matter? What'd you lose?....... Marty goes - Nothin'. Nothin'. A key! A key! A key!..... What kind a key? - goes Jimmy.... And Marty didn't mean to say it, but he blurts it out. He goes - A box. A box! A box key!........ Jimmy makes like he's lookin'. And that bastid's a good actor. Gets down on the floor. Crawls around. Moans and groans. You know he's got arthritis? Hurts his knee. That part was an accident. You should a heard him cursin'. Marty goes - What's a matter? You find it?..... And by this time, Jimmy's had enough, so he palms the original in his pocket, struggles to his feet and shoves it right into Marty's face. Almost took an eye out too.... Here's your key! Here's your fuckin' key, you God damn bastid! - he goes.... Marty grabs it and sits down. You can see how relieved he is..... Only thing, now Jimmy knows 'that box' is THEE BOX.  

And three hours later they're waitin' in the cold parking lot  of a little strip mall in Bell Mawr, New Jersey, for the blubbery guard to unlock the door...

Lucky there's a Dunkin Donut's 'cross the way, 'cause that helped kill the time.

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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Elverina - Vampirina, MARIANNE wishes to Make ...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: The Elverina - Vampirina, MARIANNE wishes to Make ...: Things happened very quickly. She sublimated through the exterior wall and into the well decorated salon with a SNAP. Some say it's related ...Allow me to present what is arguably one of the best 'story arcs' in our over 500,000 word saga. Please read this beginning...and then scroll down to taste the rest, as THE ELFERINA-VAMPIRINA known as MARIANNE regales a posh salon of well-healed socialites, who donated ten thousand dollars each for the privilege,with tales from her nativity....

42ND BINGO BOY episode 12/12/12

BINGO BOY - post 42

Nobody in the narrow, little row house near the el tracks slept much that night, except the baby. Jimmy bunked in with Marge, but even they didn't get busy wid it. Talkin', whisperin'. There was a lot of that. Ricky and Little Chrissie too. Four hours later they were downstairs already. Marge made pancakes. She makes good ones. Cuts 'em up into little tiny pieces. The baby loves it.

Little Chrissie says - Should we go into work today? What? What do you think we should do?..... Ricky just picked. He picked at the food. He was thinkin'. Actually, depressed is what he was. Sure he was naive, but he thought Marty would really do it. He could afford it. He had the money. Jimmy knew better. He said - Why he gonna give  you so much when he can get a greasy bastid on the street for ten thousand bucks? An' if it a crack-bastid, for like a hundred bucks?...... Little Chrissie goes - What? You knew this?..... Jimmy just shrugs. Not really shrugs. More like the way he moves his head. But you know what I mean...... Then she goes - Shit, I really thought I was gettin' out a here. Ricky, how much we got?....... He says - From what he gave us and the envelopes and all, I don't know. Forty thousand maybe? I could sell my house. Used a go for one fifty, but it needs work. And with all the crime they got 'round there now, seventy thousand is good...... Little Chrissie goes - Yo, Gram, how much for this place?..... Marge goes - Jesus Christ, don't you ever read the papers? Nothing. You get nothing. Forty nine thousand dollars, maybe. Thirty nine thousand....... Ricky mumbles - And a hundred and fifty thousand ain't gonna buy much of a house. Plus, what are we gonna do to make money once we get there?......... Baby goes - Ahm, ahm,ahm, ahm, ahm... That means he wants a eat. Ricky feeds him...... 

Jimmy takes a mouthful of coffee. If you wanna know the truth, he slurps it. That's how he is. But he analyzes things and he says -  Lucky you didn't kill me..... Ricky nods..... Jimmy says - Somebody, Big Chrissie, or her grandfather starts askin' questions 'bout why I not back yet. How long I 'spossed a stay in Odess'? They keep it up. They keep askin'. Marty gets nervous (points toward Ricky) and then he finger you. He say  you hate him. He say you kill him. Not sure. He don't know for sure. But he think.... And cops take you to jail....

Little Chrissie says - They already were askin' questions like that...... Jimmy goes - But now it OK, 'cause I not dead. And you (points to both this time) are not gonna go to jail....

Only thing is, the phone rings five seconds later. Who the hell calls this early? Sun ain't even up yet. They look at each other. Marge wipes her hands on a dish towel and answers. It's Mary. And she can hear 'Too' mumblin' something in the background.

Mary goes - Look, I saw your lights on... and I just wanna ask you somethin'...

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41ST BINGO BOY episode 12/11/12

BINGO BOY - post 41

The baby was about to take his first steps. Marge could tell. She remembered when her Chrissie was little. She knows. Jimmy hears her clappin' and laughin'. He starts screamin' - What you doin', old lady? What you doin'?.....She runs to the cellar door in the kitchen and yells down. She says - The baby's gonna walk! He's tryin'! He's tryin'!......... Then she races back to the front room. But Jimmy hollers. He goes - I wanna see! I wanna see!...... Marge don't know what to do. She's lookin' for her cell phone. She wants a take pictures. And Jimmy starts cryin'. It's like he's gone crazy down there. She scoops up the baby, plops him in his playpen, runs down the stairs and goes - Jimmy, are you OK? What's a matter?....... He rubs his eyes and says - I wanna see...... And he looks so pathetic, she lets him out. She gets the key, frees his foot and lets him out. You can only keep somebody locked up so long, you know? Especially if he's your secret honey bunch. So the two of 'em go upstairs, get the baby and teach him to walk. 

Yeah, it's late. He should a been sleepin' upstairs in his crib. But Marge wanted a hear what Marty said. And sometimes the baby won't go to sleep unless she's in the room. So she covered him up real good and let him doze off in the playpen. It is sort a like a port-a-crib, you know. But he opens his eyes during Jay Leno, kicks off the blankets and pulls himself up. Then he starts boppin' up and down, up and down. So that's how it happened. And now his one-time-dominatrix, great grandmother plus the Ukrainian prisoner from the basement are teachin' him to walk. He stands. He falls on his padded, little tushie. He sways from side  to side. The two old (or older) folks are down on the floor encouraging him. Gonna be a cripped up race for the Advil bottle when this is done, I'll tell ya..... Jimmy goes - Da, manchik! Da manchik!....... Marge beams - Come on, big boy! Come on big boy! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!....... 

But then it happens. One a the window shades SNAPS and flies all the way up to the top. Last thing you wanna do in a neighborhood like this is leave a room so open to the street that late at night. So Jimmy, without thinkin', jumps up to pull it down..... And Too-Many-Cookies (already suspicious from all the packages and the commode and all) sees. It's crazy how shit happens. She was takin' Julius Caesar, her little chihuahua for his last turd drop. Walkin' him back and forth in front a the Gypsy's house. She don't like the Gypsies. But now she's runnin' in to call her mama.....

Five minutes later Little Chrissie and Ricky walk in. They don't even notice Jimmy's upstairs now. Marge says - Well?.... Jimmy looks... Baby goes - Da-da, Da-da.... as he opens and closes his little hands real fast in that gimme-gimme move...... Ricky picks him up.... Little Chrissie gives the old folks a thumbs down... Marge exhales.... Jimmy goes - That friggin' bastid........ You know he don't curse around babies, don't ya?......So they all sit there, bathed in the light from the television (think Jimmy Fallon was on) and the little red, porcelain lamp by the sofa.

Too-Many-Cookies is still on the phone talkin' to Mary. That's her mother. And she don't even notice when Julius Caesar takes a big dump all over the brand new living room rug...

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40TH BINGO BOY episode 12/10/12

BINGO BOY - post 40

Somethin' happened at the bingo joint. Marty put somethin' in the pay envelopes. All the kids is lined up in the back room right by the desk. Muscles stands there. The other one, the second 'Muscles' walks back and forth out front. Don't know what he'd do if a whole crew rushed the place. Did that to a bingo hall up by Trenton. Big haul too. Got fifteen thousand dollars from the safe, thirty one hundred dollars from the women (some was men, but you know what I mean) plus a whole lot a little engagement rings. Cops come. People screamin'. One lady show 'em where her head bleedin'. But she got that fallin' in the toilet after. Folks on the 'Avenue' know Marty give whole lot a money to the cops. Like for the widows and orphans and all. Plus he spread 'round lot a 'Jimmy stories.' Nobody wanna mess with a crazy Russian, even if he is a Ukrainian.

But when they walk outside after, Little Chrissie say to Ricky - You get one too?..... He go - Yeah.... She say - It's the same place as last time..... Ricky say - Uh huh.... She say - We goin'?..... He just shrug...... Seven minutes later, when they walk in the house, they find Marge in the cage wit' Jimmy. An' they not mushin' up or nothin', just paintin' the walls. He like a pale beige color. Can say 'sand,' but it beige to me. Still got his leg all chained though.... Marge say - You like it? Now the floor looks dumb, though. Think they got some area rugs at Kmart..... Little Chrissie say - Not now, 'gram.' We gotta talk..... Jimmy know when somethin' up, 'cause he a hood and he jus' know.... Looks to Ricky for an explanation. Ricky goes - Marty wants a talk. Wants a meet us after work at that place he likes. Should we go?.... Jimmy say - Go. Hear what he got a say. Then we see. You missed a spot.... But he didn't say that last part to them. That was for Marge.

So they fix themselves up a little bit and ten minutes later they on their way. Are they nervous? Hell, yeah, they nervous. First they park the car. Then they walk inside. You know folks is still eatin' dinner at eleven o'clock. I can't figure that shit out, but people do it. Guess it a Saturday night thing. That when they get paid. Bingo kids, I mean. Ricky say somethin' to the take-you-to-your-seat bastid. And take-you-to-your-seat bastid take 'em to Marty. He in the back at a real quiet table. Got Muscles wit' him too. They eatin' shrimp cocktail. Guess they hungry..... Marty go - Good, sit down. You want some wine?.... He start pourin' from this bottle he got. Little Chrissie watch it go in a her glass... Ricky say - Why he here? (he mean Muscles)... But Muscles just sit there. He ain't nervous, or nothin'..... Marty go - He my helper. You know that. What you care?... Little Chrissie goes - So, Marty, what are you gonna tell us?...... But waiter come over an' Marty go - Later. Eat first. Then we talk.... An' lemme tell you, that one real quiet dinner. Food good, though. Petite, New York strip steak, polenta (that like a new mash potato), some kind a salad. It got a egg in it, but it smell good. Muscles wanna get cake, but Marty give him a look... 

Then Ricky goes - I jus' want it to be over. I want it to be done. I want it to be forgotten..... Little Chrissie goes - We just can't live like this anymore....... Ricky go - Everybody know how many cow you slaughter in there. An' each one give you forty dollar for the privilege. You got a lot a money. We talk 'bout this before. You know... Muscles chuckles... Marty say - Sure, I know...... Ricky say - All right. Good. We want the three hundred thousand dollars. (but he flinches. then he goes) And you know what? We'll split it with you..... Little Chrissie looks, but she doan say nothin'....... An' Ricky say - One time. That's it. One time  and we outta here....... Marty look at Muscles. Muscles look at Marty. They shake they heads. They nod........ An' Marty say - Lemme ask you. You want this money for doin' what?...... Little Chrissie whisper - Be careful. They could be recordin' the whole thing..... But Marty jus' shake his head... An' Ricky go - For helpin' to disolve the partnership you had with Jimmy..... Muscles snorts... Marty go - Jimmy? Jimmy? Who the hell is Jimmy?........ Ricky jus' look.... But Little Chrissie go - Big Chrissie know. She know. Why you not ask her?....... Marty say - That old fart was nothin' to me. I never had a partner. He just hung around for that cheap whore. That's all. Muscles, I ever had a partner?...... Muscles go - Nah....... Ricky look like he gone do somethin'. But Marty go - Please doan get stupid on me, 'cause he (means Muscles) ain't the only 'help' I got 'round here...... Ricky see two beefy guy in tight suit at nex' table, so he doan do nothin'. He jus' sit there...

Then Marty order the cake.......

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39TH BINGO BOY episode 12/9/12

BINGO BOY - post 39

So the next day the place turned into a theology school. Ricky was the teacher and Jimmy the eager student. I don't know how ecclesiastically exact it all was. I think it was all right. Ricky did become bar mitzvah (consecrated in the faith) after all. And he watched a lot a PBS specials on TV. Read some books too. OK, one was just a graphic novel about Daniel in the lions' den and another was a coloring book about Baby Moses. But, you know, them captions had a lot a good information in 'em. Look, what do you think the Book of Proverbs is? Caption, caption, caption, caption. Sermon on the Mount too. Go look. Short and sweet. They knew what they were talkin' about in them days. I used to be in the 'church' business, so I know. Had storefront chapels up and down the avenue. Gave 'em wine. Gave 'em little bit a sponge cake. Sang songs. Told stories. Forgave sins, or told 'em their sins were forgiven. Took donations. Sometimes from back pockets while the donors were unaware. But anonymous givin' is the best kind, right? And my way's even better than that, 'cause not only did they get no credit, they didn't even know they was doin' it. 

But one night some guy says to me - Hey, that ain't from no Bible. Benjamin Franklin ain't in no Bible. That stuff's from Poor Richard's Almanac, you God damn son of a bitch........ I go - Oh, is it?......... But he doan wanna discuss it. Just hauls off and goes 'POP.' Shoots me right in the forehead. And I could see it too for a second, in a mirror right over his shoulder. Looked just like a Hindu swami. But after 'bout two heartbeats I got dead real fast. 

Now I narrate people's lives. Almost like bein' in a play. I always was an actor...... So, what was I tellin' you?... Oh, yeah. Ricky learnin' Jimmy 'bout religion... Marge knows what's goin' on. But she say she doan need no religion, 'cause she already got enough. She up in the kitchen playin' wit' Little Chrissie's laptop. Found some site she like too, all 'bout some hot, little, frisky ferret. He got the same name as Mark Twain. She on samuelclemons.blogspot.com She readin' all his cute, little stories. She like that little guy. Wanna let him squirm all through her underwear drawer. Ferrets is into that stuff....

Both a the Chrissies (Big and Little) is out lookin' for baby-mama clothes. The Big one startin' a 'show' now and she need them pants wit' the 'lastic in the front real bad. She wanna buy pads too, 'cause pee-pee drops keep sneakin' out and they not apposed to.

Ricky open a few books. They look at a few parts. Jimmy says - So it was Moses who taught us to love our neighbors?........ Ricky goes - Yeah and to feed the hungry and clothe the needy. In the book it says 'the naked,' but I don't think there was a bunch a naked people sittin' around in the wilderness...... Jimmy goes - Yeah, the hot sand would a burnt  people's asses....... Ricky says - I guess. But here's the part I like. It says 'Do more for the stranger than for one of your own, for he expects so very much less...... Jimmy goes - That why you didn't kill me?..... Ricky goes - I guess...... He guesses about a lot a things. But when it comes to all that religious stuff, he's mostly right....... Jimmy goes - What else it say?..... Ricky goes - It says a lot. But here's the clincher. Here's the part I really like. He ain't gonna let 'em even HAVE strangers. No strangers. Strangers don't exist....... Jimmy goes - What? They gonna kill 'em?..... Ricky goes - No, they're not gonna kill 'em. It says, and I'm paraphrasing, 'cause some a that Shakespeare crap makes me nervous, ' If you find a bunch a people who don't even deserve the time a day even, think twice, that's what God says, for who the hell do you think you all were before I took you outta Egypt?..... And that always put an end to it.

Then Marge ran down the corner for a take-out pizza and the three a them had a nice lunch.....

What can I tell you?..... The Season of Miracles and all that.

You know how it is.........

Tomorrow we'll see what's doin' at the bingo hall. Them TV reporter spies is learnin' a lot...

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B.E. Scully: Why Mr. Darcy is an Honorary Vampire

B.E. Scully: Why Mr. Darcy is an Honorary Vampire: When John Polidori thrust folklore’s shadowy bloodsucker into the spotlight of 19th century Gothic storytelling, the vampire stirred to li...My stomach hurts tonight and I cannot post an episode, but here's a really cool 'guest' post by a very worthy writer with links to even more good stuff... Plus it's a dose of VAMPIRISMO til our current arc ends and we go back to TOMAS and SARAH and ANNIE and EDITH..... But if you want some more of BINGO BOY, just Google ~~> Bingo Boy by Billy Kravitz and peak in at posts you haven't read yet..... Still think MARIANNE IN BRITCHES by Billy Kravitz is a good bet too. Google that if you like. Either way, you'll like the B.E. Scully piece....... Hasta la proxima...