IF YOU SAW THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND on STUMBLEUPON, CHECK US OUT ON TWITTER PG LINKS at @wilkravitz... 5/19/13

Before I start channeling them paranoid.. I mean paranormal goomers (it's me, Mister Never You Mind), jus' know you can always slip into THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND by clickin' on ~> wilkravitz' TWITTER account and seein' our link up on top a that page there... two of 'em in fact, 'cause we fancy.

OK... back to THE NEW JERSEY PINE BARRENS>>>

The three weird, juvenile specimens stare at the decomposin' body in the car. Annie goes  'Ewww' a few times, 'cause vampires is very fast-tittie-iss about such things. Pin Head Mel wants a touch it, 'cause he like to touch everything. That why he doan have to go to school no more.  Horsey Skeezix say - You on any specially prescribed supplements or drugs, 'cause there a little pill bottle layin' right next to that exposed femur over there?..... Disgruntled Dead Writer Guy say - Yo, nightmare Alfalfa ('cause he like a Jersey Devil and all) I a ghost. I doan even drink Kool Aid..... Horsey go - No, I mean when you not a ghost. I mean when you still breevin'..... Ghost go - Why you know so much?..... Horsey go - My people are very wise..... Annie nods. She know it true. So ghost tell 'em how he want a sue or kill a guy he know in New York. Not really 'New York' New York. More like Brooklyn, but they not know that. Say the guy stole his idea and with the help of a camp buddy who got a well connected daddy, toined it into a movin' picture show. Got invited to Sundance. Met Goldie Hawn and Eli Roth, punched a cop and everything.  

Annie say - Get me up to New York City. I kill him for you..... Ghost say - How I goan do that? (gestures toward his moldering leavings) I ain't exactly in no position a drive..... She go - Oh..... But they take him back to the root cellar and introduce him to everybody else. Everybody else say 'hi.' Night-folk ain't scared a no ghost, specially after the one they met. An' wilkravitz and him get along real good. They set in a corner whisperin' and all. Seein' as how it so crowded in that root cellar, ghost shrink hisself down to like G.I. Joe doll size. Not one a them cheap, little ones. Like a velvet-hair size, I mean. That make everybody more comfy. 

You see, ghosts is everywhere. Some spooky places make 'em more noticeable. That why they called 'spooky.' But they ooze out the air like dust in a sunbeam.  Doan mean folks don't go to Heaven. But Heaven ain't no jailhouse. It like a big hotel... like a 'finity sized Fountainbleu Hotel in Miami Beach, Florida. You can sleep there an' swim there an' everything. But they do let you exit the premises to see jai-alai  every once in a while. 

An' that writer ghost fella on shaky ground, 'cause if he do bad while walkin' 'round live folks (some a them live).... he gone be transferred to 'the other side.' Death is eternal, not countin' the physical Resurrection, or them what get re-carnie-ated. But addresses over there ain't. I not supposed to tell you that, but I did.  don't tell nobody, 'kay?

Edith settin' on porch up above wit' Mister Edith. It drizzlin'. She like that. Forest ain't but ten steps away. She see me glide by a few times. Says - Howdy do.... I doan answer, jus' slowly tip my hat an' nod.  Mister Edith drinkin' hard cider. Only reason he not drink more is it make him pee too much. They eatin' Lorna Doones too. Piney folk love they shortbread. 

So goes night in the woods... a strange place where 'worlds' collide.

Lemme go see who layin' in the mud...
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Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: en ... NOBODY DO PARANORMAL LIKE THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND ... 5/18/13

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: en: OK...this is new to us. we HAD to do it this way. PLEASE watch the trailer or click on ~> YOU TUBE STUFF    We gonna polish things up an...We had to set this post up like this, because they said it would help off set the traffic we lost. StumbleUpon banned THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND because I just posted each episode and didn't engage much with the other kids. I didn't know. I thought I was being 'home blogged.' But i'll tell you a little about what happened in the Pines tonight anyway.

The juvenile weird and wonderful set (I'm talking about Little Bastid Annie, Pin Head Mel and Horsey Skeezix) found their own ghost too. He was a young one, only de-body-ized for like six months. Some guy from North Jersey. Found him sitting on a rock, like a macabre tableau in a fun house. Had a big gash in his chest... right down the middle. Looked like he was takin' a break from getting his heart operated on. Just sat there, with his head cocked to the side. You know. The way dogs sit. Annie didn't know he was a ghost at first. But seeing as how he was so mangled up, there really weren't too many other alternatives.

And it was dark. I don't know where the light came from. But there's always a little bit of silvery shadow bouncing around in them woods. Like magic what got trapped, or life without no body. See a lot a that 'round there.  Annie goes over. She runs her hand through his midsection. She pulls it out, smells her fingers and goes - Ewww. Horsey Skeezix whispers - Dead, right?... The stringy haired, little vampirina nods. Pin Head Mel don't say much. He just sits down on the ground and starts pickin' a scab. He got a lot a scabs, 'cause he ain't careful.  Once he ate a light bulb. Think it's still in him. Mama called the doctor. The doctor said -  Shit, that kid gone wind up dead.... But so far, he ain't wound up that way. 

Annie wants the ghost to talk. She shows him her fangs. She tries to sublimate up off the dirt. Sometimes she's good at that. Sometimes she can fly. But only sometimes. This ain't one a them times, so she crashes back down, butt first on the ground. Pin Head Mel likes that. He laughs. She tells him to go to hell. Horsey Skeezix stands off to the side with a studied equine grace... quite the figure with his faun-like body and folded dragon wings (he prefers 'dragon wings' to bat wings). The young Jersey Devil studies the ghost. Then he says - Look, he's moving his eyes..... Pin Head Mel goes - Yeah, movin'...  Annie waves her arms in front of his face and yells - Hey! Dead bastid! What's wrong with you? Who the hell are you?!.... Horsey Skeezix doesn't like when she talks like that. He and his kind have higher standards.  The young spirit on the rock reaches into his chest and pulls out his heart. It's still shiny. But that's only a ghostly illusion... Then he quietly says - Here, you want it?..... Annie shakes her head 'no.' ..... So he shrugs , wrings it out and puts it back... That's OK - he says. Nobody did..... The little vampirina girl, who knows a bit of paranormal chicanery, says - Your chest really torn up, or is that just like one a them pictures, like a sacred heart a Jesus thing?.... Ghost says - Like that. I think, therefore, I am..... Pin Head Mel says - I think I gotta pee.... Annie (she gettin' real antsy by now, 'cause she wanna find out things) yells - Then get in them bushes and pee, you putrid son of a bitch!.... So he does. Then can hear the water patter on the grass.

Horsey Skeezix  steps in closer and whispers - Why you here?..... The ghost mimics him--- Why'm I here!? Why'm I here!? Because I died here, you dumb, shit..... How? - said Annie..... I don't wanna talk about it - says the ghost. But lemme ask you a question. You, you, vampire girl. You from here, or from outside?..... From outside. From Philly - says Annie..... Yeah, she just a 'shoobie' - says the Pin Head. Who by now was back from his mission..... Ghost seems interested. Says - you ever go to the movies?..... She goes - Yeah, Sarah takes me. Why? You in one?..... But he just smiles, 'cause he had a story what got away from him.... and now it's makin' money for somebody else.....

That's why he drove the way he did. Didn't mean to smash hisself up. But didn't mean not to either. Tells Annie what he wrote. Asks her if she seen it..... She goes - Yeah, 'round Christmas time. Why? But he just sets there cryin'. Sound mighty strange when a ghost cry..... like a tired banshee keening in the night. Then he sniff back all his spirit tears (real to him) and whispers - Wanna go see the car? It's wrecked and all crapped up, but I can show you..... She nods. The others are interested too..... So he gets up. Who knows how long he been sittin' there. And leads them into the thick, sharp brush. You know, ghost don't mind no brambles. But even little vampirinas feel pain. Still, they wanna see what he gonna show 'em, so they go...makin' faces and wincing the whole way...

A hundred and forty four heartbeats later it's there, down in a ditch and wrapped around a tree. Slide off one a them fire access roads. He must a got lost. Ghost motions them over. Taps on the window and says - Look..... The three unusual, juvenile specimens press in, peering through the near absolute darkness.... Ghost goes - Don't be scared. That's just me.... And they see the desiccated, mildewed corpse smiling back at them. But it ain't happy. Them what dead a long time always look like that. Pin Head Mel starts to cry. Jersey Devil kid puts his arm around him.... But Annie just looks... And the spirit does too.

I can't tell you more tonight. Dawn comin' up. Maybe forty minutes.. Maybe forty five minutes. I myself am a disembodied spirit too. We been narratin' a lot a these episodes. Some a you know that. An' we lose energy in the light.

So come back tomorrow. I'll still be here.

Nobody do paranormal like THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND. Want more? Hit ~>THIS ... COMMENTS & LINKS (yours) are very welcome. 

en

OK...this is new to us. we HAD to do it this way. PLEASE watch the trailer or click on ~>YOU TUBE STUFF   We gonna polish things up and be a book one day soon. But you can wander the mines right here. 1,000 episodes up now and more will continue appearing nightly. The trailer is...well, the trailer, like at the movies. After you see it...PLEASE SCROLL to the never before seen episode below. We're going for an Eli Roth vibe. Thank you for your support. If you'd like a one or two click route to ALL of our episodes, click on this ~> THIS .. and kindly favor us with a COMMENT... your LINKS will appear with it too. We're trying to get new and modern...BOY are we trying.... OK, now remember...1st the video, then scroll down to the episode (or click on OLDER POST down at the bottom. It was supposed to go up last night, but we accidentally broke a STUMBLEUPON rule and almost died.. No, really. We depend on them for traffic and almost had a heart attack.... I am not kidding. Now, the pixilazted night-folk of Philadelphia... currently in the mysterious Jersey Pines... await....

PERFECT CIRCLE OF HOLLY TREES DEEP IN THE COOL GREEN PINES......... 5/16/13

They took us to this place. It's a real old place. Piney folks didn't do it. Red Paint folks don't say, but they must a done it. Just a little clearing, maybe thirty feet across, edged by a neat circle of sharp leafed holly trees. Each one's about fifteen feet tall. Some 'tree races' (as our hosts call them) don't grow that much. Had to step through these bushes at the bottom. You could tell the place was carefully tended. Edith says it's a talk to the dead place. We had this guy with us, a Red Paint guy. Looked a little like Captain Jean Luc Picard of the star ship Enterprise, but not that much. Red Paint guys show some variation. Women too. They don't all look like famed Olympic skier Peekabo Street. Maybe in the dark they do. But I don't know. 

We sat on old dried up stumps. They made like a smaller circle inside the trees. Red Paint guy don't say nothin'. Just gestures and we all sit down. Little Annie ain't with us. She monkeyin' around somewhere with Pin-Head-Mel  and that little Jersey Devil boy. Remember Mister Tumnus, that faun guy from Narnia? Well, he looks like him, 'cept his naked parts is covered in real short gold-sandy hairs... like velvet. Don't make him look hairy...just velvety, even his face. 'Case you missed a few episodes, head hair all normal and wavy. Runs down his spine like a mane. Never seen him fly, but he do got the bat wings. Daddy Devil flies though. Him I seen.

Nobody say nothin'. We just sit. Conrad whispers that he's bored. Jonathon give him a look and he shut up. He ain't bored. He jus' don't like this, 'cause of originally bein' almost a monk 'fore he got the 'night-fever.' That boy one strange vampire. I tell you that. Me, Edith and the driver guy can't see no ghost yet, 'cause we jus' human beans. Even though Edith, bein' a 'pow-wow' woman does have a certain sensitivity. But she say the rough stump make her ass itch, so she mostly concentratin' on that. 

Then the first one come. No noise. Leaves don't rustle. No nothing. Jus' all of a sudden, whole mess a big, shiny, roachy things come runnin' up from the brush. We could see 'em in the torch light. Run up legs. Run up arms. Dash cross faces. Nibble at ears. Sarah twitch a little, but just a little. Red Paint folks don't do nothin.' ..... Conrad go - Ewww!.... Somebody yell - Shut up!.... But I don't know who it was..... Then we hear laughter... real quiet and tinny like. One by one the roachy things go pfft! and disappear into small, rising tendrils of smoke. Little nebulous  ropes meet in the middle, up above our heads, where they slowly weave together, before cascading down toward the grass and taking the shape of a girl. She laughs some more. Her dress all moldy and torn. First it look like she got her hands clasped behind her back. But then I see she ain't got no arms. They all ripped off.  Look like a chain saw did it, just below her little puffy sleeves. She say somethin' in a language I do not know. Jonathon say it French-Canadian. Say she got snatched off the Boardwalk in Atlantic City back in nineteen fifty six. Her tiny arms, bones now, still buried in the sand under the great, wooden promenade right by Caesar's casino. Nobody ever go back that far. Him what done it hide her body in the Pines. That why she here.  Him what done it put tourniquet 'round her stumps so she don't bleed out. Then he bury her in the dirt. No box. No nothin'. Just dirt. That how come she so friendly wit' the bugs.

Wants us to help her. Wants us to go get her arms back. Say she can't eat no spaghetti without 'em. Say she can't bounce no ball. Walks over. Starts sniffin' everybody settin' down here. Red Paint guy quietly says - Do not move. So we don't. I can see the rot on her almost transparent skin when she comes close. Then she snaps her teeth real fast, like she gonna bite my nose off, but she don't. Plays wit' Sarah's earrings. Jonathon whispers - Can you feel it?... Sarah mouths - Yes..... This continues for quite a while. She plays with the driver guy's hair. Runs her putrid fingers through it. And them ain't nails on the end. Ain't got no finger tips, jus' sharp, little, pointy white bones. Driver guy shudders. Then he laughs. She don't like that.... so she grabs the sides of his head and rips it off. His arms fly up. But what good they gonna do? Ain't got no brain to tell 'em how. Blood spurtin' up jus' like a chocolate fountain at the Golden Corral. We all sit and watch til it all over. Then Conrad go - Hey! Where her arms come from!? .... Red Paint guy say - She got 'em when she need 'em. Some ghosts is liars. Don't you know that?...... Conrad don't say nothin'. French-Canadian spirit girl all gone now. But we still gotta get rid a her leavings. I mean like the head and all. 

Red Paint woman say she gone sew it back on so it look better when we give it to the family. Jonathon say - He ain't got no family..... She say she gonna do it anyway...... Red Paint guy what led us here say - Thus speak the spirits....... Conrad says - Are they gonna say more?

Red Paint guy grin and go - What you think?

And that's it. That's what happened. Like a tourist thing. Like a luau in the Pines. 'Cept nobody cook no pig.

This is wilkravitz, the 'familiar' what blog this. Forgive me all the 'Piney' talk, but I am quite impressionable. Next time you'll see more...

How long we gonna sit here in the dark? I gettin' all itchy. Edith say that's cause a the body and the gnats and all. I go - Oh..... But that don't make it no better. 
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thank you. for more weird and wondrous stuff, click on ~>MORE WEIRD AND WONDROUS STUFF ...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE HADES..you DON'T want to wind...

Billy Kravitz' vampire wonderland: A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE HADES..you DON'T want to wind...: Before Papa left the Mer-folk, he took Luna to see a certain place, an undersea cave, actually, but somehow filled by a vast bubble of air....Another peek into an 'end of the road' spot 'Papa' (our POWERFUL, though sometimes catatonic, ancient vampire) likes to visit. You don't want to wind up there.... To see what it's like, click on the words A PLACE SO MUCH LIKE HADES up above all this almost red stuff. If you want to wander through more weird tales, click on ~>MORE WEIRD TALES ... Your COMMENTS & LINKS are very important. Thank you. The story arc about our Philadelphia vampires 'relaxing' in the Jersey Pine Barrens resumes late tonight.

THINGS TO COME~~> AN EMISSARY OF THE SAN XING EMPEROR DEMANDS TO SPEAK... 5/15/13

These things must be said. A new era is soon to unfold across the heavens. And so we commandeer this time from your mundane life-eaters, in  order that you may know. 

The time of the San Xing Emperor approaches. The 'Son of Heaven,' known in the TRUE TONGUE as the Tian will rule the orbs from the celestial NEW CAPITAL of Cinnibar, rising up upon the ocher sands of Huoxing (fire star), known to barbarians as Mars.

You who do not speak correctly, would be wise to learn. Keep your Spanish and your English and your Hindi and your French, or whatever jargon you regurgitate amongst yourselves. Save it for your hobbled old ones who feed with knives and forks. We do not want it here. 

But the Sheng Shang (another imperial title) is benevolent. Reeducation Centers are open to all. This you will know, for notifications are pending. And through hard, diligent study, you may (or may not) earn a place among the CLERICAL ORDERS.

A unified Taiyangxi (Sun System), imagine it, best beloveds. The Han Home World, known to us as Diqiu and it's bone-white smaller sister, called Yueliang (Earth & Moon) were but the first. Join us, as we roll across the cosmos, bringing Zhongguo (Chinese) cultivation to bare benighted orbs.

May Taiyang rain warmth and light upon us eternally..

Shhhhh... Earth has never seen the like. Welcome to THE EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB... brought to you by Billy Kravitz, creator of THE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND, THE LITTLE MATCH BOY, EL RANCHO TEXACO, BINGO BOY and the well received story arc known as MARIANNE IN BRITCHES.


Be a part of things to come. He who bears the MANDATE OF HEAVEN commands it...

EMPIRE OF THE JADE ORB

we pull back for a shot of the Imperial Dragon Fleet, gliding in toward the Huoxing (Martian) capital of Cinnibar... and ZOOM IN for a CLOSE SHOT of the Tian (emperor), seen through an opened portal seated amidst the tasteful splendor of a huge, imposing AUDIENCE HALL..., dressed in a trim, gray, Mao meets Dolce & Gabana suit , with a haircut to die for...He stares into the camera with the vertical pupils of a cat.

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thank you. for more of our 700,000 word universe, click ~> MORE ... we greatly value your COMMENTS & LINKS...

DOWN IN THE ROOT CELLAR and other places ... 5/14/13

The floor was smooth pounded dirt. the walls were smooth too, almost like a natural, clay brick. They dug a few shallow troughs and filled them with rose petals, because Jonathon and Sarah supposedly sleep on rose petals. Don't ask me where they got so many this early in the season, but they did. The rest of us, the other vampires, that driver guy and I slept on these, off the shelf, foldable mattresses from TARGET. They were OK. But it's obvious they had a sale on Curious George sheets, 'cause that's what we got. Edith slept in one of the rough, plank 'cabins' with Mister Edith and the rest of the Clampetts. I don't know what kind of linens they had. I don't know where Leo slept either. Maybe he found an abandoned mine shaft in the woods, 'cause they have some from like umpteen hundred years ago. Nobody knows who dug 'em. Edith calls 'em 'the shadow people.' 

Smells nice down there though. Don't know what kind of roots they usually store, but it has a fresh, green, woodsy smell. Gave us a few decks of cards too. Look like throw-aways from the casinos in A.C.. Some of the Pineys go gambling every once in a while. That must be how they get 'em. I taught the vampires how to play Texas Hold 'Em. We used little cut up pieces of the plastic zipper bags the mattresses came in for money. The driver guy had a Swiss Army knife.  Couldn't burn any candles down there, or me and the driver guy, being mortal, would suffocate. But didn't have to, 'cause they had these little battery powered camping lamps, also from Target. You know, with those big batteries like they put in little kid's you-drive-it Camaros and 'four runners'? Also had a red and white plastic bad full of Archer Farms peanut butter crackers. The driver guy had a slight peanut sensitivity, so that meant more for me. There were some cans of soda too and a couple bottles of some kind of no-name vodka for the vampires, 'cause, yeah, they are fastidious when it comes to certain things, but they ain't fussy.  I just wanted you to know a lot goes in to going away with some night-folks. It ain't easy.  Don't ask how self-conscious I was using that pot in the corner. Annie laughed. Kept saying - Lemme see your 'thing.' Lemme see your 'thing.'..... But Sarah made her turn around and shut up. And I put the lid on real tight so they couldn't smell it. You know, human bodily aromas can excite vampires. And even though this crew was all right with me, I didn't want to chance anything. The driver guy took his cue from me. But nobody stared at him 'cept Conrad.

I could hear noise from up above during the day. Not much, but you knew somebody was doing something. Red Paint people have their own language, real basic and monosyllabic. I don't think they need much, 'cause some of their communications are telepathic. And most of them went out hunting, or fishing or plant-pickin' anyway. Left a guard or two behind, 'cause we were there.

Vampires would doze and wake up and doze some more. Annie quietly said - Is this the way it's always gonna be?... Sarah said - What do you mean?..... The little night-child said - It's like a big tether ball game. You all go 'round and 'round and 'round. He (she meant Jonathon) wants a save the world. Then he don't care no more. You love him. Then you don't care no more. Papa goes crazy. Then he ain't crazy. Then he is. And you forget. I knew him when he was 'the shaky hand man.' It's like why do you all have to do anything, when you know you ain't, probably, gonna die?..... Jonathon rolled over to face her and said - It's not like that..... But Annie whispered - Yeah, it is.... Nobody said anything after that and we all drifted off. 

After sundown (still a lot of blue in the sky, but you know how it looks) they got up. Our cabin had a little, old spigot. We could fill a washtub with water and take like a sponge bath. Too cold for anything else. Vampires don't mind cold, not that much anyway. But me and the driver did. Not much in the way of privacy, but ain't like they're regular humans anyway, so that made it OK. They had our luggage lined up against the wall. Lucky I brought a couple sweatshirts. 

Red Paint folk had on more normal clothes now. Not like nudist, or semi-nudist hippies no more. Now they look like the kind a people Hoda and Kathie Lee do make-overs on. Annie ran off to play with Pin-Head-Mel and Horsey Skeezix, the Jersey Devil kid. A micro-cephalic.... a bat-winged faun boy... and a stringy haired, little vampire gal. Who says people can't get along?

I had some kind a fried corn mush and apple juice. The driver guy had the same. Vampires drank something, but I don't know what it was. Then they fried this bacon. I hope it was bacon. Had five, thick slabs, 'cause that stuff was good.

Then we went to the ghost town. They got a few ghost towns in the pines. Some quiet and empty.... Some, not so much.

Look, ain't like this a new thing to you. If you been with us a while, you know 'bout the disembodied spirits. You know 'bout the 'narrators' who come by from time to time. Hello? Mister Never-You-Mind, you remember him? And the kid what died from polio, down the basement in the townhouse?

Ghosts are people too, just dead ones what ain't got no bones..... or meat, or hair, or toenails, or nothin', for that matter. Some ain't so much. Others make your blood run cold. Some folks drop down dead when they see 'em. Then we got more ghosts.

Even if you think you never seen one.... they probably seen you....'Cause nobody got eyes in the back a their head..... Right?

An' sometimes they lean in real close.
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thank you. to see more paranormal episodes, click on ~> MORE PARANORMAL EPISODES ... and your comments & links are very welcome and necessary to us...