This is The End Trailer 2013 Movie - Official [HD]...and we had to fight our vampire, Jonathon, to get him to let us post this ... 6/12/13

Jonathon, our resident vampire leader, didn't want to let us post this clip, because he's a thousand year old 'Rite of Spain' (Sephardic) Jew and he takes his faith very seriously. Doesn't believe in a rapture prior to the resurrection of the dead. But he ain't part of that JUDD APATOW clique and we wanna make points with them, so he gonna have to be a little bit more accommodating. 'Sides, he gonna star in a big part a this post what comin'  next.

So go see this movie, a pixilated, semi-scripted romp through some people's take on 'end times.' We tried to get a Heavenly Representative to weigh in on this, but the little kids on the block were running around outside playing 'kill the monster before he gets on the bus.' (for real...it's a game they play...looks like a junior apocalypse in it's own right... nobody walks down the street while it's gone on.... dogs pee in the kitchen and 
 everything). Think it interfered with the signal, the game, I mean. Or perhaps Heavenly Beings only get involved in disputes over dramas? I do not know. I just do not know...

Now back to our own 'arc' or 'treatment' or whatever it is...

Jonathon is getting real hungry. And as a life-eater he still doesn't know if it's the blood that satisfies, or the actual taking of the life. None of them know. There are vampiric 'lines.' There are chains. Most try to be moral. Some very much so. Jonathon, when he was living in the townhouse, wouldn't let nobody watch Jerry Springer, or even old Married With Children reruns. Edith used to sneak and do it when he wasn't around. Not like he never went whoring with them mole girls down in the tunnels. But I guess 'cause it hidden, it don't count.

Now he thinkin' 'bout killin' a guy.... that tattoo man. Three a them still sittin' under a rustic, little picnic pavilion in a park or a state forest up near Penn State. Still rainin'. Tillie say she gotta go pee. Nobody answer, so she gets up and runs over to where the cement slab ends and the grass (I think it's grass... maybe weeds) starts, drops her pants, squats down and makes water. Gets a little wet from the rain, but she don't care. 

Jonathon whispers - You know what you put those people through? Do you know what it's like to be sealed in your own body under a grotesque, full suit, and not just a 'full suit,' but a full suit 'Spiderman' style with a ski mask, gloves and socks too? Do you know that?....... Guy goes - No, I do not know that. I'm a psycho, OK??.... And then he laughs... Jonathon doesn't like that. He lunges forward and bites off the guy's left earlobe. Blood spurts everywhere. Tillie comes back. She wants to say something, but just looks and sits down. Guy screams - Are you crazy!? Are you crazy!? You said it wouldn't hurt! Look, if you're gonna do it, do it! I don't care. Screw you! I don't care, you bastard, son of a bitch!.(then it dawns on him) You're trapped in your body! You're the one! You're the one!... And he starts laughing like a maniac.... pounding the table and kicking his feet... Stunted, little naked gnome thing that watched Tillie and him at that other place runs out of the woods dancin' and clappin.' Gnomes like a good show. Don't know how he knew they were here, but he knew. Tillie throws a rock at him, but he deftly pivots his fat little hips and gives her the finger.... gives her double fingers. .... Jonathon shoots him an angry look and the chubby grotesque flies up in the air and slams against a tree..... They hear him go 'oof' as he slides down into the wet mud and runs away.

Tattoo guy goes - Whoa!..... Jonathon goes - I have been trying not to kill you. I've been trying to give you a chance..... Tillie sighs. She wants him to die, 'cause a her brother...... But I'm done trying - says the vampire..... Then he
 just sits there. Tillie don't know what's gonna happen. Starts drumming her nails on the table.... Jonathon fakes a lunge. Guy shrieks and flinches. Jonathon smiles. He sniffs and says - You just pee yourself?... But the guy starts to tremble. He manages to whisper - Do it. Do it. Just do it. Do it....... Jonathon says - I'm not gonna do it..... The guy exhales.... Then the vampire goes - They're gonna do it... He snaps his fingers and at least two dozen fat, naked gnome things fly out of the darkness, mouths agape and claws flexed, as they cover the tattoo man in a feeding frenzy of flabby quivering flesh. Piranhas couldn't do as much.

Tillie scrambles away to avoid the splatter. A ripped out eyeball skitters 'cross the table 'fore a hungry, little demon  swoops down to slurp it up.

The victim moans, as he's flensed alive...... Jonathon leads Tillie away.....

But he has to find another meal...
(more tomorrow)
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PASSING TIME UNDER A PAVILION IN THE WOODS, ONE DAMP, WARM ITCHY NIGHT .... 6/11/13

I want you to know my name is George - said the tattoo man...... Jonathon answered - I know that. I know many things. Do you know the price of saffron in the souks of Al Cadiz, or where to buy a slave in Old Mumbai? Well, I do. And I know what you did to people. Quite the good artist, I must say. A 'gorilla' woman. (points to Tillie) Her brother, the 'rag doll.'..... Not a rag doll - goes George. A scarecrow. A scarecrow. There's symbolism involved. It means something.......

Tillie hugged her knees and rocked back and forth. She wanted to kill him. Had a sharpened, metal ruler in her purse, with a real, keen edge, just like a giant razor. Did it herself with a 'honing' stone. Got the idea from an old Billy Bob Thornton movie. Tested it on her mother's old mink stole. Tore it to shreds. Jonathon knew she had it. Vampires pick up things. Not everything. But a lot. People's brains are like attics to him. Sometimes he finds stuff. Sometimes he don't give a shit. Yeah, justice matters. But vampire justice is a little more sticky and twisted (well, just a little bit) than what the cops and courts dish out. Still, he wants let this one talk, so he says - You got  anything to say?

Tattoo man swallows, thinks for a moment and nods. His face is all clammy. Hair's all damp and greasy. It's the heat. It's the weather. It's the humidity.  Couple lightning bugs switch on and off. Little itchy critters do their own mini-vampire ballet. Tillie shudders. They biting her real good. Then it starts to drizzle. Jonathon says - There's a rustic, little pavilion over there for picnickers. Get up. Let's go. So they do and gather 'round an old, rough picnic table.

Can I talk? Is it all right if I say something? - asks the tattoo man.... Jonathon gestures, as if to say 'go ahead.' Tillie rests her head on her arms, like kids to during 'chill out' time in school.

Guy goes - I know you're probably going to kill me. But, like a part of me thinks if a supernatural 'thing' like you can exist, what else is out there? What comes after? And you know what? I think something does come after....... Tillie says - Yeah, and you're gonna burn, you bastid..... Guy goes - No, I don't think I am. Might feel a lot of pain. I'll know what being all inked up feels like. But they don't burn people and it don't last forever..... 

Jonathon quietly responds - Oh, some people burn. You think those who boiled Renaissance scholars in  tall, thin urns of brimstone and pitch escape the heat themselves? No, they don't. The way I see it, what God says, or whatever representative we deal with, is 'Look what you did. See it and feel it.'.......In that way we expiate our sins. I've fallen off the wagon. Not often. But I have. And when it comes time for me to 'shuffle off to Buffalo' I'll pay the piper too..... (and then he smiled)...

How 'bout the ones who tortured me? What's gonna happen to the producer in Los Angeles who screwed me? What's gonna happen to the agent who knows he did it, but wouldn't say a word, 'cause he don't wanna get kicked out of the club? You know what that feels like? I used to run to the movies at least three times a week. I saw everything. Thought of it like an education. Thought it would improve my writing. Two books. We actually had two books. Graphic novels. Old Prague. Intrigue. Kafkaesque. They were good... And the movies were pretty good too...... Tillie mumbles - I know. I saw 'em...... Guy goes - See? Only we didn't get any credit. No house in Malibu. Not even a summer rental. And the agent dropped me too. I don't think I could walk into a movie place now. I'd throw up. And not 'cause a the roach crap in the pop corn..... Then he just sits there, sniffs a few times and says - James Franco played the guy, the 'Kafka' guy. Only he's not really Kafka, but like Kafka. And they said, the Los Angeles people, I mean, that it's all in the execution. A script means nothing. An idea means nothing. We mean nothing. I mean nothing. You mean nothing.... You know who got the place in Malibu? Somebody's niece. No, no, it was somebody's step-daughter. Yeah, step-daughter. Something like that. It's always something like that. So I started to think, what the hell. Somebody screws me, they're gonna suffer... And Tattoo Man was born. Shame you're gonna kill me, 'cause he'd a made a real good movie....... Then he broke down and cried.

Nobody said a word. I suppose he would a tatted up the bastids in L.A., if he had the money to go back out there. Should a sold the tattoo equipment. But then he wouldn't have that. So it's like a 'catch 22.'

Started to rain a little harder. Cooled things off a bit. Tillie made a toot. Then she said - Excuse me.... Tattoo guy got a fit a laughing.

Tillie goes - You gonna kill him? 

But Jonathon was thinkin', so he didn't answer.

(more tomorrow)
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wander through all we got up at ~> THE WHOLE VAMPIRE WONDERLAND ... leave comments here or at twitter.com/wilkravitz ... thank you and good night from all of us in the pixilated world where the paranormal IS normal.

Man Of Steel - Official Teaser Trailer (2013) [HD] Henry Cavill, Russel ...And JONATHON BEN MACABI (our vampire) has a big scene too.. 6/10/13

Remember, on his home-world Kal-El would not be 'all powerful.' It is the energy from our star and the gravity field of the worlds around it that makes him super. See the film. Coming soon.

What would you do if a trip to another piece of celestial real estate gave you super powers? Got any plans... any costume ideas? COMMENT us, or leave a tweet at twitter.com/wilkravitz .. You know, human strength will be multiplied on low mass planets, like Mars, or the moon (sort of like a planet). Trained weight lifters from Earth will be able to hoist 2,000 lbs.  on our chalky gray sister world. Theoretically, broad jumps of 150 ft. will be possible... at least until our bodies adjust. So according to real science, little Kal-El might have been like Bam-Bam, but big boy, Clark, would be more like Barney. And not the guy from How I Met Your Mother. I'm talking about Fred Flintstone's next door neighbor.

But we're referencing Hollywood.... and that's a  whole other universe.

Now come with me to another part of the forest, as we focus on a vampire hero...

Then they just sat there. The tattoo man was still a little groggy. I forget what he took, or even if he was 'on' anything. But that's not important. He was obviously impaired. Tillie whispered - My God. He looks so pathetic. Let me pinch him. Let me see if that wakes him up.... But Jonathon said - No. He hears us. He knows we're here. He'll come out of it. Perhaps he's just in shock..... Then he lightly slaps his intended 'dinner''s cheeks.... The tattoo man quietly moans. Jonathon leans in and whispers - I know what you did. I know you disfigured those people......... Tillie kicks the 'tat' guy's leg and goes - My brother, you God damned shit.... Jonathon raises his hand and goes - Shhh...... He gives her a 'look' too, so she knows he really means it. 

The tattoo man takes a deep breath, raises his head and opens his eyes. Well, maybe they already were open, but he focuses them, if you know what I mean...... Tillie goes - Show him your teeth! Show him your teeth!..... But another raised finger quiets her.... She whispers - OK.

Tattoo man sniffs and says - How come I can't get up?...... Jonathon makes with a sly, little vampire smile. He likes that look. Does it in front of a mirror sometimes. Shows the teeth real well..... Tattoo man goes - Whoa. You magic, or something?...... Jonathon slowly nods.... Tattoo man goes - Shit.

Then they just sit like that for maybe thirty five heartbeats. Little rabbit hops out of the brush, sees them and freezes.... Tillie goes - Awww..... Jonathon makes a bunch of quiet, little noises with his teeth and his tongue, like what you'd do to call a horse. The little rabbit hops over and snuggles in his lap...... Tattoo man says - Yo, dude, can I pet him?..... Jonathon says - You want to hold him?..... The guy clears his throat and goes - Yeah, I, uh, I, uh, want to hold him..... He's scared. He wants a security blanket.... Jonathon carefully places the warm, tiny bundle in his hands. The potential meal softly hugs the little rabbit up against his chest. He lowers his gaze. It's little head is just under  his chin...... Then he whispers - Are you gonna kill me?..... Jonathon goes - Yeah, most likely I will...... The guy goes - Will it hurt?..... Jonathon shakes his head 'no.' ........ Is it 'cause of what I did? - says the guy. The tattoos and all?....... Tillie gets real agitated. She fishes a picture out of her wallet and shoves it in his face..... What do you think!? You know! You know, you God damn, rotten piece of shit, you! (to Jonathon) Set him on fire! Set him on fire! Don't bite him! Don't bite him! Set him on fire! Do it! Do it! Do it!........... But Jonathon doesn't answer her. He just takes the photo of her mutilated brother out of her hands and puts it back....

Tattoo guy watches everything. Doesn't move much, but his eyes dart all around. It's surprising. Even in the woods late at night, the pupils dilate and people see a lot, especially when they expect to be dead soon. Then he whispers (you could barely hear him) - Now? You gonna do it now?....... Jonathon whispers - Yes........ Guy says - Can I talk first? Can I say something? I want to tell you why......... Tillie goes - Jesus Christ!...... But she sees tears run down the guy's cheeks and doesn't say anything  else....

So they sit there, waiting for him to begin. And if you want to know the truth, Jonathon seems a little sad too...
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THE COLD, NUMB DESPAIR OF A FRUSTRATED BLOGGER ... 6/09/13

How many bloggers are basically frustrated and nervous? How many of us jump from stats to Twitter and back again like fifty times a day expecting something to happen? 

Some well known performer, some 'celebrity' favorites a tweet and we expect nirvana. Maybe they'll visit? Maybe they'll bring friends? Maybe @dickc will give us one of those little blue and white checks? And lit/talent agents won't instantly block us for asking the most innocent (ok, clueless) questions. (sigh) Should a talked up her little yappy dog more. That, I know. Cute dog, but I didn't realize she was that attached to it. Should a made more Manhattan references too... maybe some Crate & Barrel, Williams Sonoma and Pottery Barn mentions. I don't know. I'm angry. 

StumbleUpon dumped me. I can still go on and talk up other people's creations, but not my own. Apparently I already did that too much and used up my lifetime supply. Who knew it was limited?  Thought it was 'all you can eat.' What the hell's the deal with this? They want us to put food on other people's plates and then step back, smile and go - Isn't it good?...... No, no, no ,no, no.... That's Valentine's Day in third grade. That's not real world self-promotion. That's 'I'll vote for you, if you vote for me.... Ewww! The ice cream man's comin'!..... 

And look, EVERYBODY who knows me knows I'm VERY SUPPORTIVE on TWITTER...1) because I really BELIEVE in helping other newcomers and 2) I UNDERSTAND that site. It's easy. It's obvious. It's simple. .... StumbleUpon isn't like that

Let me ask you all a question? How many of you thought you'd have agents by now? How many sort a kind a hoped for say a sit-com development deal, or a screenplay sale, or  a rotor cuff repair?

Eh, I'm tired. Had a whole different blog thing planned for tonight.  Wanted to include a fall film heads-up from You Tube. But I couldn't stream any videos. It just wouldn't work. And I'm sick a that ersatz Scots girl who talks 'seductive' to some guy called Angus on TV.....Please... 'Angus'?

And I bought a take-out pizza tonight and ate the whole thing...well, seven eighths of it. Plus SNL is a rerun. Vince Vaughn is a real good guest, but the writers let him down. And I don't know what I'm saying. 

Seven eighths of a pizza. I'm not lactose intolerant. Actually more like lactose dependent. But can you 'O.D.' on cheese? Can anybody tell me that.

'Cuse me. I zoned out for a minute. But like, how would you know that? (I keep a little piece of adhesive tape over my camera thing.

You think microwaved baked potatoes could double for them smooth, little, black, hot rocks? Not as a side dish, but for like a massage, I mean?

ZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZ

zzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzzZZZzzz

(snort)ZZZzzzZZZzzz

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Billy sawin' wood now. This Mister Never-you-Mind. I one a the disembodied spirits who help narrate this fish fry. He a little bit too 'pixilated' tonight. I tell you 'bout them night-folk tomorrow. Click WOO WOO WOO ... if you wanna catch up on old stuff. Got 700,000 words of it....... Oh, shit. He rollin' on the floor.... got the car 'clicker' in his pocket. the alarm gone off. it after 2AM an' I can't do nothin' 'bout it...

MONDAY IN THE PARK WITH GEORGE.... The 'tat' man makes his case. 6/08/13

Tillie and her vampire friend drove up to a little place outside State College. That's the town where Penn state is. Perfect place. You'd think you dreamed it. College towns in Heaven must look like this. I know you thinkin' 'bout the recent scandal and all and how 'they' punished the school. But that like sayin' Germany can't sell no B.M.W.'s 'cause government did nasty stuff to scared, naked people durin' 'The War.' Though I ain't here to fight that battle. I here to learn you what the vampire did.

Tillie wanna go bowlin'. So he take her to a bowlin' place near Boalsburg. That where the little airport is. Well-fixed fellas keep planes there, little planes like classic cars, only they go sailin' through the sky, 'stead a down a highway. Jonathon say - You wanna go flyin'? I could sublimate us up in the air and we could go somewhere...... But she say 'no,' 'cause she scared a peein' herself. That mean he gotta go rent a car and all. Gets a nice, little Ford Focus. He got all the right papers. 'Familiars' back in Philly see to that. An' you can rent a car at night, so that ain't no problem. Goes 'round the parkin' lot a few times to make sure he know what he doin.' But vampires is sharp an' adaptable, so what do you think?

What was I speechifyin' about? Oh yeah, that bowlin' place. Got them little 'keep score' tables. Folks scratch 'em up real good. And that hard, seein' they covered wit' formica. School kids must a done it, 'cause they got them metal twirly compass things wit' them sharp, shiny points. Don't see 'em in city schools no more. But they still got 'em up here. Ain't been mutated into weapons yet.

Tillie start readin' all them half-assed etchin's... She go - Bart a gay boy...an' Jackie Mom a 'ho.'..... Then she go- Swastika, swastika, swastika..... Always got a few swastikas, you know.... She go 'Willow Creek,' too.... Jonathon, the vampire, go - What you say?.... She go - Nothin.' Willow Creek. Why?..... He mouth the words 'Willow Creek.' Then he start thinkin.' After like two dozen heartbeats, he go - What Willow Creek?... Tillie say - It just a place, like a park. Why?...... Vampire go - That where he gone be. Tattoo man, I mean. I seen willow trees over a stream, I thought it was, in my dream. But it not a stream. It a creek. You know where it is?..... She nod.... So they finish up they ice tea. He can drink it. Don't like to. But he can. An' play like two real fas' games, 'cause don't want shoe-girl to think they crazy. People start lookin,' 'cause vampires can bowl like maniacs when they want too. So she go - Tee-hee-hee, I think he 'on' somethin'... That make people shake they heads an' look away. Fifteen minutes later, no, more like twenty five, 'cause Tillie gotta pee an' all, they in that Ford Focus listenin' to the computer lady tell 'em where Willow Creek is. Ain't no other cars 'round when they get there, 'cause it late. Well, there is one other car, but you know who drive that one.

She say - Shit, should a brung some plastic trash bags, like for the body an' all.... Jonathon go - Don't need 'em.... She go - Why? What you gonna do, cut him up in little pieces? You make 'em small enough, crows'll do the rest.... But he jus' smile. She doan know 'bout no cold, blue flame an' all, so this gone be quite a show. 

He lead her down a little path. Life-eater eyes good that way. Then he go- Shhh.... 'cause up ahead, sittin' on the ground, leanin' 'gainst a big, old tree, is a man. Eyes is open. You could see 'em shinin' in the dark. But he jus' starin.' Got like a drunk goin.' Doan say nothin' when Jonathon sit down right by him. Doan say nothin' when Tillie kick his leg and go - Yo, shithead, wake up...

But all that gone change. Jonathon lean in real close and whisper - What you name?..... Tattoo man mumble - George.

Couple ravens glide down from the trees an' stand guard back in the deepest shadows. 

Guess they wanna peck the grease when it all over...
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THE TATTOO MAN and THE VAMPIRE

He inhabited a tiny apartment, basically an efficiency... a drab 'motel' room...  a worn, chipped kitchenette and an old, odorous bathroom with noisy, rusty pipes. Even the roaches were depressed and definitely sub-par. And since their numbers were low, he mostly just let them be. I think they suffered from marital problems. 

In the past he was a painter. Primarily a realist with a rich veneer of surrealistic intent. His Rockwellian family dined on  humans, trussed up like turkeys and trimmed with all the fixin's. But 'grandmom' still looked just as proud. 

A gallery owner, with a trendy spot on Pine Street, promised to promote him and for a few months he did. Sold one canvas for eighteen hundred and fifty dollars. Sold two for fourteen hundred each. They were a set, nude ice dancers with the blades screwed deep into their flesh.

But the landlord had a son and a brother in New York, a weatherman on the local news. The son was an artist too (self-styled). And the Manhattan rain reporter had enough notoriety for all of them. So the realist-surrealist was banished to a niche by the toilet and six weeks later, he lost even that.

For nine months he ate store brand peanut butter and dry, cheap bread. Dinner was bubble-gum colored slices of watery ham and perhaps a salty can of soup, paid for by the proceeds of a hastily arranged sale (the family silver) along with twelve or thirteen pints of his own weak tired blood. 

One day, a skinny guy on the next slab, at the blood bank, I mean, told him he was a writer... gothic tales set amid the shadowy byways of Old Prague... an ancient crone with a hollow eye inhabited by a tiny spidery demon... and a plump, red burgher with long sharp, dirty nails. Together they prowled the night, pan searing thigh meat and whispering naughty songs. 

The writer needed an artist... an illustrator to make real the terror and feed the eyes. Thus they produced volumes. Well, in truth, just two.  Flesh Eaters of The Voltava, they were called. For that river is the centerpiece of this most atmospheric of Mittl-Europan municipalities. And in their books it ran dark with old, thick blood. 

Though something drove him mad, the illustrator, I mean. And he began to draw on people. Profits from the books enabled him to do so in a most clinical and sterile manner, but the outcome was loathsome just the same. 

I cannot tell you how it happened tonight. It's late and my lap-top has the jitters. I think it's possessed. So best let it rest. The vampire hasn't entered yet. But he'll appear next time.

Tonight he dances in the woods.... with sylvan nymphs and giggling moonbeams. Tillie thinks it all quite rare. But Jonathon (the vampire) wants her to have the experience... so she does.

Please come back tomorrow night for more.

Hasta la proxima... Su amigos del Mundo Vampirido...
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The Internship Rapid Fire EXCLUSIVE Vince Vaughn Interview (2013) - Movi... HOT MOVIE TRAILERS produced this winner...SEE It and then...visit our part of the forest.

Whew! Every time they let me add copy UNDER these stellar clips I get SO HAPPY! Not too digitally savvy and usually wind up with the clip down at the bottom, but not tonight. Hope you enjoy this fast, smart interview and pass it on to your people. Everybody in 'the industry' really likes Vince Vaughn. Fans like him too. Watch and see why. He's genuine and it shows. 

And now let me take you to the place where the paranormal IS normal... Bienvenido al MUNDO VAMPIRIDO...

Tillie has a brother. He mostly stays in the house. Actually, he almost always stays in the house. Sometimes he'll come out and sit on the back porch, but only when it's real late and real dark. They bought him these binoculars and he likes to look at the moon... and sometimes Mars... and sometimes Jupiter. 

Daytime people can't see him, because when they do, they want to throw up and run away.... even little kids. 

Once he accidentally crossed a guy in some bar. Just a regular local place. You know, with knotty pine walls... little cozy booths  and squeaky, round bar stools. He don't even know what he said or did. It just happened. But when he left, the guy smashed him over the head with one of those red plaid, old thermos bottles they been sellin' for the last seventy years. Think it was filled with Dinty Moore beef stew. 

Next thing he knows, the brother, I mean, he wakes up in a cramped, but clean, surgical space wearing a 'full suit' body tattoo.... even his face. Oh, the guy don't want to kill him. He knows tattooing can potentially destroy sweat glands, so he works little bare spots into the design every few centimeters or so to let out all the perspiration. Now he's Raggedy Andy. Had red hair to begin with... a very authentic touch, what with the black stitched mouth and all. Got the blue over-alls... the bright checked shirt. Look like he wearin' an anatomically correct body suit with a clearly visible denim weave. Tattoo guy was good. Nobody knows who he was. Nobody knows where he went. But everybody knows what he did. Dumped Tillie's brother out on the road.... Just like that.... No skivvies... No straw hat... No bandanna.... No nothin', 'cept for a little phrase on a white handkerchief hangin' out his left, back pocket. If you look close, it says 'If I only had a brain.'

Sure only five or six people actually seen him, but they ran around tellin' all the rest. Want to make him a scarecrow in the Halloween corn maze. Tried it one time, but the site operator said he put folks off their feed and nobody bought any hot apple cider and pumpkin pie.

So now he sits in the house yellin' answers at the TV screen during JEOPARDY and that 'Vanna Gonna Turn the Letter' game. Not much of a life if it weren't for the Orville Redenbacker Popcorn and store brand ricotta cheese they bring him from a market out on the highway.

Tillie wanna get the guy what done it. Ouija board say he tat up five other folks too. Not close by, but like within a seventy five mile radius. Made one fat lady into a gorilla woman. Turned a preacher to a gargoyle. Don't know what he did to the rest of 'em. Ouija board wouldn't say. It basically a very lazy Ouija board, if you ask me. 

She didn't wanna tell Jonathon 'bout it 'cause family like to make like it never happen. They eat with him. Couple times they go to drive-in movie with him. They use to it. But she know how sad it make him. He try growin' a beard. But it red and that only make him look like a pervert albino in some nasty lookin', form fitting Jethro Bodine get -up. An' even then, he still got them red, disc, button eyes and all.

But now her vampire boyfriend know. Oh, he did have vision 'bout some evil painter guy he gotta kill, but now he know what he been paintin'. And if that Ouija board get its fat ass out that old box and go to work, maybe they know where he live too. Central Pennsylvania got a whole mess a real pretty, little towns

An' one gone play host to a vampire...
(come back tomorrow night an' we tell you some more...)
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