Jonathon hooked up with Tillie right after dusk. She got Monday's off, so they met back a the library and walked through the fields. He brought food from a WaWa convenience store just outta town. Mostly swiss cheese, grapes and apple juice. Kid behind the counter looked at him funny. But that's because he spent the day in an abandoned gas station. It had like a little interior storage room with an old fashioned slip bolt on the inside a the door. Maybe they was gonna make a second toilet out of it? Who knows? Made him smell a little greasy. He don't like that. Vampires are fussy. So he sublimated through the wall of a local Dickies store and breezed out with a pack a briefs and an orange jump suit. 'Coveralls' I guess you'd call it. Vampires can cloud folks minds when they want to. People see (sort of) a big, old life-eater tote a Kenmore mini-fridge right out a Sears store and all they know is 'damn, my groin itch something awful' or 'who prettier, Wilma or Betty?'.... It a talent most of 'em got since the beginning. Jonathon use to make folks piss theyself, 'cause it look like a big gorilla comin' to bus' them up.... He get the idea from the Three Stooges. You see, every few year he like to change things up. Now they think a alien comin'. But it a friendly alien, so that make it all right.
Tillie say he look sexy. He say she look sexy too, in her tight jeans and 'wife beater' and all. She say - Thank you. It a brand new wife beater, so it still real white. He give her the food an' she eat it. He doan have none, jus' some a the juice, 'cause he a vampire. But she doan care, 'cause she like cheese an' this way there more for her.
Then he take her into the woods. Got like a little cabin, used to be a information booth with a Coke machine for them what was hikin' The Appalachian Trail. Doan know where 'Trail Walkers' get Cokes now these days. Maybe they give 'em Mellow Yellow? I do not know.
It real dark an' private. Few spider webs. Got like a vole or two. Vampire doan mind, but waitress-what-off-from-work say - Ewww! My ass gone get all bit up! So Jonathon do this thing where energy go BOOM! right out his body like a force field and chase all them critters away. Some little, naked gnome thing peek out from 'round the counter, but he doan mean nothin'. Jus' wanna watch, so vampire let him stay. Pine Barrens ain't only place what got strange bein's in 'em. Every dark place got 'em. Humans jus' doan like a think it.
They play rolly-poly slap-slap on top a old wood picnic table. She do get couple splinters, but he take 'em out wit' his teeth an' she like that part. He nip a little bit a her ass blood an' she like that even better. Then they mush up real close on top a they clothes an' he ask her lot a questions. Wanna find who he got kill aroun' there. Jonathon do have his 'visions,' but this new territory an' it can be confusin'.
She want him a kill her landlord. Say it all right, 'cause that like a tradition. But he say - No.... Then she go - How 'bout my boss?... He say - Why?... She go - 'Cause he a pig.... He say - That ain't no reason. Mos' folks is pigs.... She think for a minute and go - Yeah, that is true...... After that they drink another bottle a apple juice. Then she go pee. Then they talk some more. She say - Do stuff to me. I gettin' bored.... So he wash her all up like a mama cat do her babies.... Gnome behind the counter start a giggle. But Jonathon bang on the top of it and he run away.
He do stuff to her a long time. Then she do stuff to him...... She wanna tell him who he gotta kill, but she don't. Somethin' holdin' her back and he know it. So he spank her butt real hard... boff cheeks. Then he make her pull on them jeans an' wife-beater.'... He get dressed too.
They walk back to her place, but don't say a word. Town all quiet an' dark an' all. Couple traffic lights blink 'yellah-yellah-yellah-yellah-yellah.'.... She go inside an' lock the door. He go back to that room in the gas station.
Can't hardly wait til nex' night, 'cause he gotta kill somebody real bad. Jonnathon jus' hope it the right one......
if you want more vampire and paranormal tales, click on ~> Shhh, What was that? .... And I hope you liked the classic, Cab Calloway, MINNIE THE MOOCHER number we opened with. Say it got symbolic meaning for night-folk. But he was a seminal force in American popular music and you should know about him anyway...
I am the old, disembodied spirit narrator, the creole gentleman from New Orleans, Mister Never You Mind... but most a you already know me.