Tuesday, May 17, 2016

How People & Witches & Other Beings Snap From Place To Place.. 5/17/16

OK, so last time, PIG BLOOD ANNIE found a portal... Was it THEE portal? Who knows, because if you want to be honest, the omniverse has a lot of portals. You know what they are? They're voids in the space-time matrices. You see, every possible point in creation is occupied by a place-keeper. Place-Keepers can do a multitude of chores. They can resonate with the frequency of any subatomic particle and even tinier (down to what passes for 'infinity') components of subatomic particles.

But sometimes a point goes unoccupied. No one knows why. Is it part of a plan? Are they cosmic escape hatches to be used in the event of titanic disasters? Your guess is as good as anybody's.

Them what uses 'em calls them 'snappers.' Einstein knew about them. That's how his hair got so fancy. So did Ethyl Merman, only her hair just stayed plain... Well we assume she knew about them. She learned anyway, 'cause once during a Wednesday matinee halfway through her run as Mama Rose in Gypsy, she missed her mark and winked out right in the middle of 'Have an eggroll, Mister Goldstone.' Baby June started yellin' - Mama! Mama! What the f#ck happened to our God damned Mama?! (she was supposed to be around ten years old)..... Then the audience starts buzzing. The orchestra starts playing. Kaye Ballard, the understudy, comes on stage suckin' hard boiled egg from her teeth and fixin' her wig.... Baby Jane don't know what to do, so she bark - Mama! Where the hell were you?! ..... Kaye Ballard goes - Where do you think I was?! You know Chinese food always do that to me!..... With that, everybody on stage, the kids, the 'Hollywood Blondes,' Herbie (Mama's boyfriend) ... the boy dancers starts laughin.' Kaye Ballard yells - Cue the music!....and they go right on with the number as if nothing ever happened, but one little Hollywood Blonde girl did peek under the bed just in case Miss Merman was only hidin'.... Four days later the queen of the belters shows up in the back of a honey dipped chicken truck from Quebec City, minus her bridgework and dressed like a lady, lumberjack waitress... She was lucky. She just 'snapped' to a different place in her own dimension... wasn't pregnant with no 'alien' spawn or got permanent duck feet (not just web toes, real duck feet), or a talkin' voo doo, snake husband.

Pig Blood Annie, on the other hand, got sucked into a long standing portal. We know that 'cause the pancake house manager told the cop he hates when that happens, 'cause apparently it happened many times before. He didn't mean to say it, 'cause he know he gotta get that toilet fixed, but it just blurted out.  Long standing portals are more powerful. Everybody knows that. Once read it on the back of a tattooed lady in a hurricane, or had a Castilian matador puppet on the shelf in my bedroom 'splain it to me during the German Measles.

Yeah, Mister Never You Mind ( your disembodied spirit narrator ) know lot a stuff. Creole-Cajun folk always do.

I not never was no man-witch...  an' that ain't no Sloppy Joe... 

But I still had 'the touch.'

Next time we learn where that Pig Blood woman got her ass sent too..... I hope her whole ass got sent to the same place... 'cause that not always a given ....

<more to come>

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1 comment:

  1. Laugh Out Loud Hilarium! (hands over a "jack-in-the-box playing sonata if wound to tight SPOILER ALERT! It will be Warhol/Basquiat "punch and judy" style meets VampireWonderland.blogspot.com

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